A Beautiful Dark (18 page)

“I came up here every day over the summer,” I said.

He was silent.

“It’s a good place to think. When I’m not skiing, this is where I feel the most at peace.”

We just sat there. After a second or two, I rested my head against his shoulder and breathed deep. He smelled like grass and pine needles. Our breath intertwined in the cold air.

“I know,” Asher said quietly.

It took me a moment to figure out what he was saying.

“You know what?” When he didn’t respond, my heart beat faster. “You know this is where I feel the most at peace?”

He nodded slowly.

“How do you know that?” I asked, sitting up.

Asher sighed, as if he’d been avoiding this. “When we met? That wasn’t the first time I’d seen you.”

“Then what
was
?” I stared at him. “Enough with the cloak and dagger—just tell me.”

“Before that.”

“Like how far before that?”

“Pretty far.”

“Like what, a year?”

He was silent.

“What, two years?” Nothing. “Three?”

“Long enough to know you pretty well.” He coughed and cleared his throat awkwardly. “It was, um, part of the assignment. That’s how we knew when to make ourselves known to you. When your eyes flashed that first time, things were about to start.”

When my eyes flashed.
I tried to remember something my father used to tell me when I was little. Holding me up to the bathroom mirror each night before I went to bed. Something I couldn’t quite retrieve, some memory I couldn’t reach . . . we were staring at my eyes. . . .

“Wow,” I whispered. I didn’t know whether to feel scared or protected . . . or a little of both. “Have you . . . seen things? I mean, what do you know about me?”

“Everything, Skye.”

“I seriously doubt that,” I said, getting ruffled.

“Try me.”

“Fine.” I shoved him. “Okay. What’s my favorite lunch?”

“Turkey sandwich and an apple,” he said, buffing his nails on his shirt and mock-yawning.

“Too easy,” I said. “You could have seen that this month. What about favorite color?”

“Obvious.” He snorted. “Sky blue. Has been since kindergarten.”

“Lucky guess. You just said that because of my name. Favorite book?”

“
Persuasion
, by Jane Austen—though you’d never admit it to anyone. You secretly think it’s romantic that they have all these feelings for each other that they can’t express.”

I looked out at the constellations. “You lie,” I said.

“No way, it’s true. You did your seventh grade end-of-year presentation on how it was bullshit, but anyone really watching you knew you loved that book.” He shifted his position and added, “It’s why you stayed with Jordan for so long, even though you knew he cheated on you. You were hoping he still loved you.”

I hadn’t told Asher about my evil ex-boyfriend.

Slowly I turned to face him. He was still looking off into the distance, squinting like the light from the moon hurt his eyes. In that moment, I almost let myself think he was kind of beautiful.

“What else do you know?”

“I know you haven’t dated anybody since him.”

“Yeah,” I said. “So?”

“I know you haven’t let yourself
like
anybody since him.”

I fiddled at a stray yarn on one of my gloves.

“You don’t know a thing about me,” I said, looking away. “Not really.”

“I know a lot more about you than you know.” He looked out past the moon again. “During the day, you get this look. It’s like no matter how much fun you’re having or who you’re talking to, there’s still something haunting you. Ever since the day I first saw you. But when you sleep,
this
”—he touched his index finger to the little worry crease between my eyebrows—“goes away.”

He let his hand fall away, the back of his fingers trailing down my cheek. Goose bumps pricked along my neck and arms.

I swallowed, trying to keep it together.

“You watch me when I sleep?”

“Once or twice.” He smiled. “I don’t exactly make a habit of it. It’s a weird feeling, being in someone’s room when they don’t know you’re there.”

“No kidding! How would you like it if I spied on you?”

“You’d have to find me first.”

I punched his arm—hard. He didn’t even flinch. “Don’t ever come into my room uninvited again.”

“I was watching over you.”

“Yeah, well, do it from somewhere else.” And I thought of something else. “Does Devin come into my room?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen him there.”

“Does he know that you’ve been watching me? It seems like you have an unfair advantage.”

He looked away. “I’m sure Devin has other things he should be more concerned about.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Like Raven.”

He whipped around. In a second, his eyes had grown cold, sharp.

“How do you know about her?” he asked.

Was he not supposed to know?

“Is she
here
?” he said.

“What? No, no. I just heard, I mean, from Devin—”

“Don’t lie to me, Skye, I swear to god—”

“Isn’t that a little blasphemous?”

“Dammit, Skye, can you be serious for like two seconds?”

“Oh,
you’re
one to talk! You’re going to tell
me
to be serious? I don’t think you’ve stopped cracking jokes at my expense since you’ve been here! Oh, wait, no, I’m sorry, since I
knew
you were here!”

“I’m only doing it to protect you! Do you think this is easy for me? To lurk in the shadows and watch like some poor creep and not be able to do a damn thing about it? To not help you? Warn you?”

“Well, you’re sure making up for lost time with your party tricks and your snow caves and your fire. God, you’re infuriating. You come here with this insane news and then you let me go on a
ski trip
? You let me eat lunch in the—in the
cafeteria
? While you flirt with other girls as if you hadn’t just shattered my entire life?”

“Do you know why I joke all the time?” He stood up as if he’d been wound up and sprung. His eyes glinted in the moonlight. “Do you know why I’ve been keeping things all light and devil-may-care? Because if you knew—if you
really
knew what was happening—inside of you, within the Order, within the Rebellion, if you knew what the angels are saying, what’s
waiting
for you, you would be sobbing, Skye. You would be paralyzed with fear.
That’s
why I tease you. I’m doing it for you. Because if I didn’t, you wouldn’t make it. You wouldn’t last another week.”

I stood up, too, brushing snow off my jeans and pulling my hat down tighter over my ears. “Well, how lucky for you,” I said. “I’m about two seconds away from crying anyway.”

Asher shoved his hands in his pockets. “Shit,” I heard him mutter.

I folded my arms across my chest and glared at him.

“I have to go,” he said. “Raven is dangerous. If she’s here, something bad is up.”

“Go,” I said. “I’m going to bed.”

Asher turned and started walking toward the ladder. When he got there, he turned around. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“You were mad that I was flirting with other girls?”

“Go!” I yelled.

Chapter 22

W
ednesday morning, I walked into homeroom with blinders on, determined not to meet anyone’s gaze. After last night, the last thing I wanted was to be confronted by Devin or Asher. Actually, I didn’t want to be confronted by either of them at all that day.

Busy scribbling in her notebook, Cassie barely glanced up as I took my seat. I was kind of grateful, because I knew she’d notice the dark circles beneath my eyes. I felt terrible. Bleary-eyed. I’d barely slept.

I kept replaying my fight with Asher over in my head
.
What did Raven being here mean? I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something he wasn’t telling me. Something they both weren’t telling me.

Throughout the morning I managed to outmaneuver them. If one of them was walking down the hall, I ducked into the bathroom. If I saw either of them approaching me, I whipped around and pretended to be deep in conversation with whoever was nearest. Instead of going to the cafeteria for lunch, I went to the library and settled at a table in a back corner.

I had intended to catch up on some studying. Instead I grabbed a book on angels from the shelves and flipped through the pages. The past two nights, I’d done extensive research on the internet, but it hadn’t proved very helpful. As Devin had said, a lot of myths and stories were associated with angels. How could I even begin to identify what was truth and fiction?

I knew I could go to the source—Devin or Asher—but I couldn’t help but feel that they each had an agenda. They were on opposite sides and I was caught in the middle.

I jerked back as Devin dropped into the chair across from me.

“You’re avoiding us again,” he said, his voice low. Not because he was respectful of library rules but because he didn’t want anyone to hear us, I figured. Although with his hang-up about rules—who knew?

“You’re paranoid,” I whispered, turning another page.

“You won’t find what you need to know in there.”

“You don’t know what I need.”

“I know you need to concentrate on accepting and controlling your powers.”

“Right now, the only power I’m interested in is the one that will make you leave me alone. By the way, our appointment at three fifteen? Forget it. I have ski practice.”

“Your destiny is more important.”

Folding my arms on the table, I leaned forward. “Do the Gifted see me on that roof today?”

His cheeks turned red, and he looked uncomfortable.

“They don’t, do they?”

He glanced around as though everyone around us was eavesdropping. His voice was even lower, more secretive when he spoke. “There’s a lot about you they don’t know. You’re an enigma. It’s . . . troubling.”

Taking pity on him, I reached across and placed my hand on his. He laced our fingers together and then stared at them as though he’d never before seen intertwined fingers.

“I’m sorry, Devin. I just need some time. A couple of days.”

He lifted his gaze to mine, and I could see the earnestness in the deep blue. “You’d be happy with the Order.”

“Are you happy?”

“Not when I’m here. There’s too much . . .”

“Chaos,” I filled in for him, my mouth twitching.

His eyes sparkled. “Yes.”

His fingers tightened around mine. “You know, you
are
special, Skye.”

“Because of who my parents are.”

“No, because of who you are. You’re smart and funny and determined. You’re like no one I’ve ever met before.”

I smiled. “Back at you.”

“Meet us today on the roof.”

“I can’t. Not today.”

I almost caved in when I saw the look of disappointment on his face. “I made a commitment to the team,” I tried to explain. “It’s a responsibility. Just like yours to the Order.”

“But all this”—he threw his hand out in a gesture that encompassed everything—“is pointless if you come back to the Order with me.”

“Even if I have the powers, I don’t know that I can leave this behind. It’s my world.”

“You can’t stay here.”

The bell rang then, saving me from having to answer him. “Gotta get to class,” I said as I gathered up my things. “Tell Asher that you’re both off the hook. No angel training this afternoon.”

Before he could protest—because I knew he would—I was heading for the door.

I didn’t go to ski practice. I just went home. After my experience with the avalanche, I was afraid of what might happen once my competitive edge took over. I thought I should probably quit the ski team. I didn’t want anyone getting hurt because I couldn’t control whatever it was I was supposed to control.

Friday night, I slept fitfully. I’d had a tense dinner with Aunt Jo, trying to put off telling her my decision, and another internet search turned up nothing.

I woke with a start. The room was pitch-black, and the house was silent; it was the middle of the night. I turned over beneath my warm comforter, about to fall back asleep—when I realized that my nose and cheeks were cold.

My eyes flew open. I caught a sharp, earthy fragrance. A shadow fell across a patch of moonlight coming through the window, and I scrambled back until I hit the headboard.

“Damn it, Asher, I told you not to come into my room anymore.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’ll be angry when you find out why I came by.”

“Yeah, and why’s that?” I demanded.

“Freedom. Get dressed and bundle up. Meet me outside.”

He went out the window. I closed and locked it behind him, not that it would do any good if he wanted in. I guessed his powers included the ability to manipulate locks. I was tempted just to go back to bed. Instead I changed into jeans and a soft sweater, wool socks, and snowboots.

I crept down the stairs and through the dark house. The last thing I wanted to do was wake Aunt Jo. I threw on my parka and slipped outside. Asher was waiting at the edge of the trees. He was straddling a snowmobile.

“Thought you might enjoy feeling the wind rushing around you,” he said as I approached.

“If I wanted that, I could ski.”

“Yeah, but you can’t hold on to me when you’re skiing.”

True. And I missed skiing so much. “I don’t know.”

“Come on, Skye. I know the past few days have been overwhelming. I also know that you didn’t go to ski practice today.”

I felt a spark of anger surge through me. “Ellie told you.”

“No. I went to watch you practice.”

I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my parka and studied the moonlight glistening over the snow. “I wanted to go. I really, really did. But I was afraid.” I lifted my gaze to his, and knew he understood. “What if I cause another avalanche? What if someone is hurt or killed?” I couldn’t risk it. Not unless I figured out how to control myself, or discovered I had the ability to heal. But even then . . . It was too scary to think of the damage I could cause.