A Baby and a Betrothal (11 page)

“Hold up, Little Mermaid.” Noah grabbed her around the waist. “Don't dive in quite yet. This isn't the swimming lesson I had in mind.”

Katie frowned. “Then why are we here?”

He killed the engine. “I want you to have a chance to get used to the water.”

“I'd like to get this over with and get the heck off the water.”

“Do you know anything about Hidden Valley?”

“It's big and black and terrifies me?”

He swiveled her chair until she faced him. “The Hidden Valley dam was one of the first to be built in this area, back in the early 1940s, under the Roosevelt administration. There's a hydroelectric power plant at the base of the dam that, along with some of the other facilities in the area, provides electricity for almost fifty thousand homes. So it's more than just a recreation area.”

“Why do you know so much?”

He shrugged. “Colorado history interests me, especially how the areas that are surrounded by national forest were developed. People think of it as just another body of water, but there's more to it than that.”

“My dad used to come up here after a big storm, when the water was choppy, to swim. It was the closest he could get to conditions in the ocean when he was training for the Ironman.”

“But a ton colder.”

“He liked that,” she answered. “Thought it made him stronger. Wanted it to make me stronger.”

“Is this where you had the bad experience?”

“No. My freak-out was in Lake Dillon. It was the summer they decided I was getting too fat and needed to train for a junior triathlon. I was twelve, and I'd developed early, you know?”

His eyes stayed on her face. “I can imagine,” he said gently.

“My mom always had a boyish figure, ninety pounds soaking wet. I was a mutant Amazon compared to her and my dad.” She tried to smile. “It's not good when the preteen daughter wears a bigger jeans size than her father.”

“You're a woman,” Noah argued. “You're supposed to have curves.”

“The only curves my dad approved of were muscles. I didn't have those.” She shrugged. “They were helping organize the event, and I'd been swimming and running and biking all summer long. I wanted to make them proud. But I'd only trained at the high school pool. I didn't realize how different open water would be. There were so many kids, all of them more prepared and in shape than me. When the race bell sounded, my group ran for the water. But as soon as I dived in, I freaked out. I had goggles but couldn't see in front of me. Other kids were swimming into me, over me. I kept going. I could hear my dad shouting from the shore and I wanted to finish. But the farther I swam, the more fear took over. I tried to stand and catch my breath, but I was out too far and I couldn't touch. Then the next wave of swimmers came and there were too many kids around me. I couldn't keep going.”

She looked into the black water and the scene came back to her again. Panic rose in her chest at the memories of trying to lift her head and being knocked to the side. Taking in big gulps of water that left her choking and struggling to tread water. She realized she was almost hyperventilating when Noah placed his hands on her knees. “Breathe, sweetheart,” he whispered. “I promise I'm going to take care of you today.”

“I had to signal for the rescue dinghy. They hauled me onto it—it took two men to lift me out of the water. I threw up into the bottom of the boat. It felt like everyone was disappointed. I had to watch the rest of the swimmers before they brought me to shore.” She shook her head. “My dad couldn't look at me. He was a world-class athlete and his daughter couldn't even swim a quarter mile.”

“You panicked. It happens. Adrenaline can sometimes have a strange effect.”

“My dad got the opportunity to help establish the training center in California shortly after school started in the fall.” She picked at the skin on one of her fingers. “Mom suggested it would be better for me to stay with Gram.”

“I thought you chose to stay in Crimson.”

Katie saw the confusion on his face. Of course that was what he thought; it was the way she'd told the story. “It was less embarrassing than saying my parents had ditched me here. Of course, Gram was wonderful. I loved living with her.” She leaned over toward the edge of the boat and dipped her fingers in the cool water. It was translucent in her hands, the shallow puddle in her palm as clear as if it had come from a faucet. Not scary at all.

“I remember you visited your parents during the summer and over winter break each year.”

Katie shrugged. “At first it was awkward. We all knew the reason they left me behind, but no one wanted to talk about it. Then I started baking for them—energy bars to use at the training center. My dad really got into it—he's fascinated with the perfect fuel for the body. It's the one thing that still keeps me connected to them.”

Noah looked toward the mountains. “Katie, you don't—”

“I'm not going to let one incident from my childhood define me. That day in the water was a turning point for me, and not in a good way. I need to move past it, as silly as it might seem.”

“It doesn't seem silly.” Noah's voice was gruff. “Let's go swimming.”

Chapter Eleven

S
he humbled him with her bravery.

Noah turned off the motor as the boat drifted toward the small inlet near the cliffs on the western side of the reservoir. As they neared the bank, he tugged his T-shirt over his head and jumped into the water, his shoes squishing in the sandy bottom. He pulled the boat close to a fallen tree and tied the rope to one of the dead branches.

“You can stand here.”

Katie stared at him for a moment before her brows shot down over her eyes. “This was a terrible idea. I can't get in the water with you looking like that...” She flicked her fingers at him. “And I look like a sausage.” She smoothed her hands over the black material, and not for the first time, Noah wished he was touching her.

“You're the cutest sausage I've ever seen.”

She snorted in response, making him grin. “I feel ridiculous.” She stood, arms crossed over her chest. “It's stupid to be afraid of getting in water that's only as high as my knees.”

“Don't say that. Nothing about you is stupid.” He leaned down, splashed some of the cold lake water onto his chest and arms. He was overheated, and not only because of the warming temperature and sun beating down. Katie had weathered so much rejection from her parents, but she kept moving forward. He never would have guessed the full truth of why she'd lived with her grandma, and it made him feel like even more of a failure as a friend.

He couldn't imagine being deserted by his parents—because that would have never happened in his family. Noah was the one who'd separated himself during his father's illness, pulling away by degrees when the pain of staying became too intense.

Katie thought he had no fear, but that was far from the truth. He was afraid of everything that made him feel. He'd tried to insulate himself from the pain of possibly losing someone else he cared about. The fact that she trusted him gave him hope that he could change, that it wasn't too late. For either of them.

“You're stalling.” He motioned her forward. “Get in the water.”

She squeezed shut her eyes for a second. “I'm stalling,” she admitted and inched closer to the port side of the boat. Flipping one leg over, she balanced on the ledge. Her knuckles turned white as she clenched the metal edge.

“It's shallow. You're safe.” He wanted her to believe him, and not just in this moment. He may have failed in lots of areas, but he was determined to keep her safe. Not many people took Noah seriously and with good reason. Sure, he was good at his job and had plenty of responsibility with the Forest Service, but in none of his relationships with coworkers, friends or his family did people trust him with anything deeply emotional. Katie had, and it went a long way to fill some of the emptiness inside him.

He had lost time to make up for with her. Beginning now. He walked through the water and stopped at the side of the boat. His first impulse was to tease or splash her—something to lighten the mood and break through her nerves. But this was serious, and he wanted to respect that.

“Take my hand,” he told her instead. “I've got you.”

A knot of tension loosened in his chest when she placed her fingers in his. She hopped down, landing in the water with a splash.

“It's cold,” she said, sucking in a breath.

“You'll get used to it.”

She was gripping his fingers so tight he could see the tips turning bright pink. Katie holding him like a lifeline was the best sensation he'd had in ages.

“What now?” she asked, her body stiff.

“We walk out a little farther. Only as deep as you can handle.”

“I'm such a wimp,” she said with a groan.

“You're doing this, Katie. That makes you a badass.”

She smiled. “I've never once been described as a bad anything.”

“Stick with me,” he assured her and was rewarded with a soft laugh.

A moment later the water was at her waist. She stopped and closed her eyes. He could almost see her steeling herself on the inside, fighting whatever demons were left over from that long-ago fear. The cold water lapped at his hips. A benefit, he thought, since the vulnerability in her expression was having the inconvenient reaction of turning him on. He had to get a hold on himself where Katie was concerned.

Slowly he let go of her hand. Her eyes snapped open as he backed away.

“Where are you going? You can't leave me.”

“Come with me,” he said, sliding his fingers through the ripples on the reservoir's surface. He moved deeper into the water.

She gave her head a short shake.

“You can do this,” he told her, sinking under the water. Damn, it really was cold. He resurfaced, pushed the water from his face and grinned when he saw she'd stepped out far enough for the waves to brush the underside of her breasts. Too bad the wet suit covered them up so efficiently. He leaned back and gave several hard kicks until he was out far enough not to touch the bottom.

“Swim, Katie,” he called to her.

She glanced behind her at the grassy shoreline then put her arms out straight and dived forward. As soon as her face hit the water, she reared up, sputtering and coughing, wet hair draped forward over her eyes and cheeks. She swiped at it, looking both scared and angry, making his heart lurch.

“I'll come back in,” he said loud enough to be heard over her panting breath. “We'll start slower.”

“No.” She held up a hand. “Give me a minute.” She slicked her hair away from her face. Droplets of water glistened on the tips of her eyelashes. He couldn't tell if they were lake water or tears but continued to tread water and wait.

“You don't have to put your head in.”

“Yes, I do.”

Her lips were moving, as if she was giving herself a silent lecture. Then she pushed off again, slower this time. He eased out a little farther as she swam for him. He shouldn't have been surprised that once she started her form was perfect. If she'd been taught to swim by her father, he would have made sure of that. Within a few strokes she was next to him.

She lifted her face out of the water and looked around. “I did it,” she whispered. Her teeth were chattering but she grinned. “I sw-swam.”

“Just like the Little Mermaid,” he agreed, taking her hand and pulling her into him. Her arms wrapped around his neck as her legs went around his waist. Again he was grateful for the cold water. “How are you doing?”

“Freaking out. But in a good way this time.” She hugged him then gently kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Noah.”

He forced himself not to shift his head and take her mouth with his, not to take advantage of their position and her emotions. He was her friend today and grateful for the chance to support her. With an effort of will almost beyond him, he pushed her away. “Race you back to shore.”

She splashed water in his face at the same time she yelled, “Go!”

He laughed, wiped his eyes then followed her through the water.

* * *

“I want to swim more,” Katie told Noah an hour later.

“You've got to get in the boat, honey.” Noah leaned over the front of the boat to where she was treading water in a different, deeper inlet. “Your lips are blue.”

Katie pressed her fingers to her mouth and realized she couldn't feel her lips. She swam to the back and put her foot onto the step that hung from the edge, hoisting herself out of the water. Noah had taken her to several different parts of the park so she could gain confidence swimming in new areas. She'd stripped out of the wet suit for this last dip, since she wouldn't have it to cover her on the Fourth of July. There was too much adrenaline charging through her to be embarrassed by Noah seeing her in a bathing suit.

He took her arm to steady her as she stepped on the boat then cursed. “Your skin is like ice. Hell, you're probably halfway to hypothermia. I should have never let you stay in the water so long.”

“I'm fi-ne,” she told him, but her teeth were chattering so hard it was difficult to speak.

“You need to dry off.” He wrapped a towel around her shoulders and she sank into one of the captain's chairs. Katie didn't care that she was freezing. She'd done it. She'd conquered her fear of the water. It felt like the first step toward something new and exciting in her life.

“Tha-at was so-o fu-un.”

“Stop trying to talk.” Noah picked up another towel to dry her hair. “You're shaking so hard you'll chip a tooth.”

He covered her head with the towel, scrubbing it over her hair. His touch felt so good all Katie could think was the old advice of reheating someone with hypothermia by skin-to-skin contact. Just the thought of pressing herself to the broad expanse of Noah's chest warmed her a few degrees. She giggled, the sound coming out more like a hiccup with her teeth still chattering.

“What's so funny?” Noah used the edge of the towel to smooth the hair away from her face.

She shook her head, but couldn't seem to stop grinning. “I'm happy.”

He dropped to his knees in front of her. “I'm proud of you, Katie. I'd like to think your dad would be proud, too, but he's an insensitive jerk.”

She arched one eyebrow.

“And I'm learning not to be,” he added. He leaned closer, his mouth almost brushing hers as the boat dipped and swayed on the water. “Which is why I'm not going to kiss you now,” he whispered.

“You're not?” She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed.

Disappointed
, her body cried. She expected her brain to register relief, but it shut off as she stared into Noah's familiar blue eyes.

He gave a small shake of his head. “I want you,” he said softly. “You know I do. But you have to choose. I can't make any promises, and my track record isn't the greatest.”

She gave an involuntary snort and he smiled. “Right.” He traced one finger along the seam of her lips. She must have defrosted, because his touch made her whole body tingle. “You've got your new plan for life, and I don't fit into that. I'm going to try to do the right thing and respect that.”

No
, she wanted to shout.
Kiss me. Be with me.
But she didn't say those things. Swimming was one thing, but taking an emotional risk was a different level of courage. One she didn't yet possess.

“I brought lunch,” she said, trying not to sound as lame as she felt.

Something passed through Noah's gaze, but he pulled away and stood. “Are you warming up?”

Not as much as she'd like. But with the towel wrapped around her shoulders, she nodded and pulled the insulated tote bag from under the dash. Taking out two sandwiches wrapped in wax paper, she handed one to Noah. “Chicken salad,” she told him.

“My favorite. What are you having?”

“Same thing—it was easier to make two. I also have fruit, chips and homemade lemonade.”

She glanced at him when he didn't move. He stood in the center of the boat staring at the wrapped sandwich resting in his hand.

“What's wrong?”

He glanced at her, his brows furrowed. “Chicken salad is my favorite, but you don't like it.”

“That's not true.” She pulled out the bag of potato chips from the tote. “Exactly.”

He shook his head, sank down on the seat across from her. “Is this your grandma's recipe?”

“Of course.” She pretended to search the bottom of the tote. “I know I packed forks for the fruit.”

“Then you definitely don't like it. I remember from when she made it in high school.”

“I don't
dislike
it. Why are you making a big deal over the sandwich?”

“Because you're starting a new life.” He tugged the tote bag out of her grasp. “Or so you tell me. You've got to start making what you want a priority, even if it's in your choice of sandwich fillings.” He placed the bag on the floor and, before she could stop him, grabbed her sandwich out of her hand. “And I bet...” He unwrapped the wax paper. “I knew it. You used the heels.”

Katie felt more exposed than if she was prancing around in a string bikini. “Who cares? We don't use them at the bakery. Why waste food?”

He lifted one corner of his sandwich. “Then why not use them on mine, too? I'm not picky.”

“Because...” She grabbed the chip bag, tore it open with such force that a few chips flew out and landed in her lap. She stared at them, hating the embarrassment coursing through her. “It's habit. I use the ends of the bread for myself. Maybe I like the ends.”

“No one likes the ends.” Noah picked up the chips scattered across her thighs, his fingers golden against her paler skin. “You think I don't notice things, and most of the time you're right. But we've been friends for over ten years, Bug. I know how you put the needs of everyone around you in front of your own.”

“You make it sound like a bad thing,” she muttered, brushing her palms across her legs. Her stomach rolled, as if she was eleven years old again and her mother had caught her taking extra cookies from the jar on her grandma's counter.

Noah sighed, caught her hands in his and held them until her gaze lifted to his. “It's not, but I want to make sure you make yourself a priority.” His smile was tender. “You may not think I can take care of you, but the guy you choose should put you first. You're perfect the way you are.”

She wanted to believe those words were true. But she'd had a lifetime of the people around her proving they weren't. She hadn't been enough for her own parents. And as much love as Gram had given her, Katie had never been sure if it was unconditional. From the moment her mom and dad left her in Crimson, she'd made herself indispensable, working after school, weekends and summer vacation in the bakery. She'd learned the art of baking and made herself a valuable part of the business. Of course she loved it. But what if she hadn't? What if she'd rebelled or turned her back on her grandmother's legacy? What if she didn't help whenever someone needed her now? If she wasn't giving them her best, would people leave her behind just like her parents had?