A 1980s Childhood

To Rachel, Amelia and Isabel

With thanks to all those who have kindly supported me with feedback, memories and advice, as well as enduring months of me waffling on about eighties trivia. Special thanks to the following people who have kindly given permission for me to use their photos to illustrate this book: Bill Bertram, Sharon Emerson, Rebecca Güreci, Ian Falconer, Darian Hildebrand, Jim Lane, Alan Light, Grant Mitchell, Helge Øverås, Thomas Uhlemann, Christos Vittoratos, Franny Wentzel, David Wright,
www.allaboutapple.com
, along with Wikimedia/Wikipedia users: Charles01, Evan-Amos, Hubersparge, Lifetouch, MartinLing, OSX, Schlaier, Squelle and ThePassenger.

All other photographs are from my own personal collection and were taken by either me or my dad, David Johnson. Thanks to my two brothers Alan and Martin for letting me share these potentially embarrassing photos with the whole world! Thanks also to the community of nostalgia fans at
www.DoYouRemember.co.uk
who helped with my research and a big thanks to my friend Rebecca Güreci, for proofreading, encouraging me and providing a source of inspiration for the chapter on eighties fashion.

Special thanks to Kirsty Spence for providing editorial.

While every reasonable care has been taken to avoid any copyright infringements, should any valid issues arise then I will look to correct them in subsequent editions.

Usually, the introduction to a book like this would include some kind of preamble giving an overview of the political and socio-economic developments of the 1980s, perhaps comparing how radically different the decade was from the seventies and summarising how the eighties came to influence life in the nineties and beyond. There may also be some sort of tedious discussion regarding the state of foreign affairs, industry, commerce and finance, along with some dates and figures presented in a neat chart. There may even be a pie chart or a Venn diagram.

But this is not that sort of book. There are no pie charts to be found here, and definitely no Venn diagrams. If you want hard facts, analysis and political commentary then you’ve bought the wrong book. If you want a light-hearted stroll down memory lane filled with frivolous comments and juvenile banter, rejoice! This is the book you’ve been looking for.

This is a book about the 1980s the way I saw it when I was there, busy being a kid. It’s a collection of the things I remember best about the eighties through the eyes of a child who was 3 years old when the decade began and 13 years old when it ended; a child who laughed at the Spitting Image puppets because they had funny faces, not because I understood the political satire. Within these pages you’ll be transported back to a time when shell suits were cool, Dave Lee Travis was the hairy face of Radio One and
Agadoo
was number two in the charts; a time when the must-have Christmas present was a Big Trak or a Rubik’s Cube, and a time when white dog poos littered the streets like confetti.

This book is an unashamedly biased collection of the things that I remember, the way I remember them and, because there’s nowhere near enough space for me to catalogue
everything
from the eighties, I’ve selected the things that I found most memorable or meant something special to me.

Now I like to think that I had a fairly normal childhood, except for that whole third nipple thing, and so I suspect that my recollections of childhood in the eighties are going to be pretty similar to those of most other people who grew up in that era. If you’re a child of the eighties yourself, you’re probably going to remember most of the same stuff as me and will be doing a lot of nodding, grinning and cringing as you read through some of the memories that we share. If you were an adult in the eighties, well, chances are you’ll still remember the same stuff, but you might not be able to identify as easily with wearing He-Man picture pyjamas or trying to play the theme tune to
The Flumps
on your school recorder. Of course, if you weren’t even born in the eighties, then you’re about to learn just how many cool things you missed out on.

I suppose it might be useful if I share a little bit of background about who I am and where I came from before we get on with things. My name is Michael Johnson and I was born in 1977 at Bournemouth Hospital in Dorset. I was the second of three noisy and excitable blonde-haired little boys and, along with our mum and dad, three cats and a dog, we all lived happily together in a bungalow in a quiet residential area just outside the market town of Wimborne Minster.

Given that I was only 3 years old in January 1980, I’m a bit too young to have any interesting memories of the seventies (unless you consider my memory of doing a poo on the floor behind the sofa as interesting), but rather conveniently for the purposes of writing a book about the eighties, my memory started to function pretty well from 1980 onwards. In fact, I have one of those memories that is great at storing useless trivia from the past and, for some reason, I can more easily remember the registration plate of my dad’s Datsun Bluebird from twenty-five years ago than I can remember what I was doing this time yesterday.

This bizarre memory for nostalgic trivia came in very handy in 2004 when I launched a retro website called
www.DoYouRemember.co.uk
which attempted to catalogue pretty much everything I could remember from the eighties into a series of neatly arranged articles. In fact, I got so carried away with the project that I decided to include everything I remembered from the nineties as well, and also began researching the seventies for good measure. Well, to cut a long story short, the website became hugely popular and I found myself filling my brain with even more eighties trivia and am now a kind of virtual museum curator of a glorious online museum of eighties antiquities.

Me eating a Wall’s Funny Feet ice cream in the garden at home in 1986.
(Author’s Collection)

I am also the married father of two little girls who tolerate my passion for eighties pop culture and who occasionally join me in watching reruns of
Back to the Future
or old episodes of
Fraggle Rock
on YouTube, never mocking me when I wear my
A-Team
t-shirt and always ignoring me when I tell them that the music today isn’t a patch on the music of the eighties.

So anyway, that’s enough about me; time for some eighties big hair and legwarmers as we dive headlong into the embarrassing world of eighties fashion. Enjoy!

At the stroke of midnight on 31 December 1979, millions of people joyously celebrated the end of the 1970s and the arrival of the 1980s. At the precise moment Big Ben tolled for midnight, every man around the world ripped off his flared trousers and his platform shoes, slipped on a pair of grey, flecked trousers, a pastel-coloured pair of espadrilles and rolled up the sleeves of his beige jacket. Meanwhile, the womenfolk used a variety of household objects to improvise shoulder pads in their tops and then cut the fingers off their lace gloves before stepping into some pink legwarmers.

The only people who didn’t take part in this synchronised global fashion shift were the Chinese, whose new year didn’t start until a few weeks later, and the French, who are always a few years behind.

Sadly, it would take a few months before the mullets and big hair would appear and in the first quarter of the year the hairdressing industry nearly collapsed as the entire nation started growing their hair long. The industry was only saved by a sudden and unprecedented demand for hairspray.

Well OK, I’ve exaggerated that slightly, but there really was an explosion in the pace of fashion shifts in the early eighties, largely driven by the ever-increasing influence of pop culture. Music and movies had certainly had an impact on the fashion trends of previous decades, but it wasn’t until the eighties that it really gathered momentum to the point where virtually all fashion trends were now inspired by pop stars, TV shows or movies.