92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (18 page)

“Art prices?” you ask.

“Yes,” she explains. “For example, in the 1980s the art world was very market-driven. Prices went sky-high because some investors and status seekers paid exorbitant amounts. We feel that kind of took art away from the masses.”

Wow, now you’re really armed with some good insider art talk!

See You at the Big One!

While you’re at it, don’t forget to grill your informant for special insider greetings to use when you’re with their gang. For example, actresses cringe if they hear “good luck” before a show, but they smile at well-wishers who say “Break a leg!”

“Break a leg,” however, is not appropriate for runners before a marathon. That’s the last thought they want to have! The only thing they want to break is their personal record. Try “Have a personal best!”

Firefighters who work on shift seldom see each other except, of course, at the biggest blazes. Thus the firefighters’ greeting “See ya at the big one!”

Once, driving in a sleepy town you’d have to work at getting lost in, I succeeded. I was hopelessly turned around. Happily, I spotted the firehouse and a couple of bored firefighters lounging out front.

“Excuse me, can you tell me the way back to Route 50?” I called out the window. I could tell from their attitude they thought I was an idiot. Nevertheless, they lethargically pointed me in the right direction. As I drove off, I called out, “Thanks guys, see ya at the big one!” In the rearview mirror I saw huge smiles break out on their faces as they stood up in unison and waved good-bye. The disoriented dizzy blond driving off had won their respect with their insider salute.

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How to Secretly Learn

About Their Lives

Let’s say your paper carrier has just hurled the newspaper from his bike to your front door. You pour a cup of coffee and get comfortable to catch up on what’s happening in the world. Your world, that is. Do you flip first to the international news? The fashion section? The sports page? The entertainment section? Maybe the comics?

Whichever section you usually flip to first, tomorrow DON’T. Turn to any other section, preferably one you hardly ever read. Why? Because it will familiarize you with other worlds so that you can soon discuss anything with anybody, no matter how little you have in common.

How about the real estate section? Yawn. Maybe you don’t find real estate especially engrossing. However, sooner or later you’re going to find yourself with a group of people who are discussing properties, deals, and today’s market. Scanning the real estate section just once every few weeks will keep you au courant with their conversation.

The advertising column? Maybe you think the world would be a far, far better place without Madison Avenue. But your bottom line won’t be better off if you can’t hold your own discussing matters with the marketing maven you’ve just contracted to adver
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tise your company’s widgets. Just a few peeks at the advertising news section and you’ll soon be chatting about campaigns and creative people, and doing print or TV. Instead of saying
words
, you’ll be saying
copy
. Instead of the
agency
, you’ll be bandying about real insider terms like the
shop
.

Using outsider words is one of the biggest giveaways that you are not in the know. On the ship, if a passenger asked any of my staff, “How long have you been working on the boat?” they’d squelch a groan. Cruise staffers proudly worked on a ship, and the word
boat
revealed the passenger as a real landlubber. The right word can perform conversational miracles. In the receiving line, whenever passengers asked our laconic captain,

“When did you first become a master?” or “What was your first command?” he would hold up the entire line of people snaking around the ballroom waiting to shake his hand. Captain Cafiero would enthusiastically recount his naval history to the savvy inquirer who might have just learned the words
master
or
com-
mand
last week in the newspaper shipping notices. (If the passenger had simply said, “How long have you been a captain?” or

“What was your first boat?” he or she would have gotten the captain’s usual Italian gentleman’s version of the bum’s rush.) Soon you’ll become addicted to the high that establishing rapport with so many people gives you. All it takes is reading different sections of the newspaper.
Pump Their Pulp for Even More Fuel

Then, when you crave a bigger hit of insider lingo, start reading trade journals. Those are the closed-circulation magazines that go to members of various industries. Ask your friends in different jobs to lend you one so you’ll have even more fuel for the conversational fire. All industries have one or two. You’ll see big glossy rags with names like
Automotive News
,
Restaurant Business
,
Pool and Spa
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News
,
Trucking Industry
, and even
Hogs Today
for people in the pig business. (Excuse me, they call themselves “swine practitioners.”

Hey, you never know when, to make your next big sale, it will help to speak pig.) Any one issue will give you a sample of their lingo and inform you of the hottest issues in that field.

When it comes to people’s hobbies and interests, browse through magazines on running, working out, bicycling, skiing, swimming, and surfing. Large magazine stores carry biker rags, boxer rags, bowler rags, even bull-riding rags. You’ll find thousands of special-interest magazines published every month.

Several years ago, I got hooked on buying a different one each week. It paid off quickly when a potential consulting client invited me to dinner at her home. She had a beautiful garden and, thanks to
Flower and Garden Magazine
, I could throw out insider terms like
ornamentals
,
annuals
, and
perennials
. I could even keep up when the discussion turned to the advantages of growing from seeds or bulbs.

Because I was so fluent in “flower,” she invited me to take a longer walk with her to see her private back gardens. As we
Technique #41

Re ad Their Rags

Is your next big client a golfer, runner, swimmer, surfer, or skier? Are you attending a social function filled with accountants or Zen Buddhists—or anything in between?

There are untold thousands of monthly magazines

serving every imaginable interest. You can dish up more information than you’ll ever need to sound like an

insider with anyone just by reading the rags that serve their racket. (Have you read your latest copy of

Zoonooz
yet?)

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strolled, I gradually changed the subject from chrysanthemums to the consulting work I could do for her company. Who was leading whom down the garden path?

Is the world getting smaller, or are we getting bigger? Today’s Renaissance man or woman is comfortable and confident anywhere. The next technique helps you be an insider wherever you find yourself on the planet, and it saves you from fulfilling the world’s fantasy of “the ugly American.”

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How to Talk When

You’re in Other

Countries

Say you’re traveling abroad on business and you want to be a

“global insider.” What’s the first thing on your to-do list? Get a passport and a phrase book, right? After all, who wants to wander around Rome not knowing how to ask for a restroom? Or be thirsty in Kuala Lumpur not knowing how to ask for a soda? However, there’s something most of us forget to pack, often with dire consequences—a book on international customs.

A friend of mine, a fellow speaker named Geraldine, was excited about her first speech in Japan. To be comfy on her long flight to Tokyo, she donned her favorite designer jeans and a casual jacket. Fourteen hours and 6,737 miles later, four impeccably dressed Japanese gentlemen greeted her at Narita Airport. Smiling and bowing low, they handed her their business cards. With her carry-on bag in one hand, Geri took their cards with the other. She thanked them, glanced briefly at the cards, and packed them safely into her back pocket. She then pulled one of her business cards out of her purse and, sensitive to the fact that they might have difficulty pronouncing Geraldine, wrote her nickname “Geri”

above her printed name. The gentlemen hovered over her card, turning it over to examine it a few times, before one of them put it in his briefcase.

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When the five of them arrived at the hotel, they invited Geri for tea in the lobby. While sipping tea, the gentlemen presented her with a small gift which she eagerly opened. One of Geri’s most charming qualities is her instinctive warmth and effusiveness. She was thrilled with the gift and, in typical Geri style, she squealed,

“Oh, it’s beautiful!” as she gave each of the gentlemen a little hug. At this point, the four Japanese gentlemen stood up in unison like four frowning Siamese twins and, bowing only very slightly, mumbled “Sayonara” and promptly left. Poor Geri was flabbergasted. What did she do wrong?

Everything! First, the jeans. Even if you’re coming off a bicycle in Asia, you do not meet clients casually dressed. The second mistake was Geri’s vulgar handling of their business cards. In Asia, the business card is one of the most important protocol tools. It is always presented and accepted reverently with both hands. (Except in Moslem Asia where the left hand is considered unclean.)

Geri then put their cards away much too quickly. In Asia, people use business cards as a conversation starter. You chat about each other’s cards and work and do not put theirs away until they gently and respectfully place yours in safekeeping. Shoving it into her back jeans pocket was the ultimate disrespect.

Geri didn’t discover her fourth gaffe until she returned home. One of her colleagues Bill, a seasoned business traveler, analyzed the fiasco for her. Bill told her the reason the gentlemen had turned Geraldine’s card over and over when she gave it to them at the airport was to find her name, title, and company printed in Japanese on the other side. The flip side of Geri’s card was, of course, blank. Then, fifth horror of horrors, Geri should not have written on the card. Cards in Asia are not exactly sacred, but one should never deface them with messy handwriting.

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of her clients. Why? Because in a land where saving face is critical, it would be embarrassing to discover the gift they gave was not as nice as the one they received. (Yikes, Geri hadn’t even given them a gift!) Gaffe number seven.

Geri’s little squeal when receiving the gift was also a boo-boo. In Asia, the lower the tone of voice, the higher the rank. The final flub was, of course, giving the gentlemen a thank-you hug. Hugging, highly revered in certain parts of the world is, in Japan, absolutely unacceptable with a new client. Needless to say, Geri has not been invited back to Japan. However, she does have a gig coming up in El Salvador. This time she’s smart. She’s studying up on the customs there. Happily, she’s finding she can hug to her heart’s content. However she shouldn’t use her (or anybody else’s) first name. Oh, and she must not introduce herself as an “American.” After all, Salvadorans are Americans, too!

The differences ’round the world go on and on. Whenever I travel, I have to hit myself over the head and realize I’m not in the anything-goes ol’ USA. I love to travel in jeans, I’m an incurable hugger, and I can’t wait to see what’s in a gift box anybody gives me. However, whenever I plan to leave Uncle Sam’s shores, I check on foreign customs to see how much of myself I can be.

Technique #42

Cle ar “Customs”

Before putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on

dos and taboos around the world. Before you shake

hands, give a gift, make gestures, or even compliment

anyone’s possessions, check it out. Your gaffe could gum up your entire gig.

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There are some excellent books on international customs. You’ll find the names of a few in the notes.17–19

Don’t be like another hapless colleague of mine who almost blew a big business deal with a Brazilian. Just before signing the contract, he gave the OK sign with his thumb and forefinger. Little did he know he was telling his new business partner to go have intercourse with himself. You never know until it’s too late. Now we come to where being an insider shows immediate,

tangible, and calculable rewards. And where being an outsider really hurts—right in your pocket or purse.

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How to Talk Them into

Getting the “Insider’s

Price” (on Practically

Anything You Buy)

Never underestimate human ingenuity when it comes to getting what you want. Many people expand the adage, “All’s fair in love and war” to “All is fair in love, war, and buying what I want.” To get a table at a posh restaurant on a busy night, using a celebrity name is an old ploy. My favorite maître d’ told me he gets a lot of Robert De Niros phoning in a reservation. When their party of six or eight arrives, he hears, “I’m so sorry, Rob wasn’t feeling well this evening.”