8 Gone is the Witch (10 page)

“
I tell ya,” said Carlos, wiping the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. “That wasn’t half bad. I think I can feel a buzz kicking in already.”

“Me too
,” said Tony. “A couple more of those and a body might not mind it here so much.”

Tiny
smiled, “That’s the idea. What do you think keeps me in business?”

I lifted my empty glass.
“You know, I think I taste something strangely familiar in that concoction. What’s it?”

“
Just three ingredients. Fermented bat phlegm, moth balls and gunji water.”

“Bat phlegm!
Of course. I knew it!”

“Mothballs?” Carlos made a face
as if coughing up a sour grape. “Aren’t mothballs poisonous when consume?”

“They’re not that kind of moth
balls.”

“Oh. OH! That’s gross!
”

“
Sure, but you have to admit, it’s good.”

I could see Carlos thinking about it, weighing what he knew before drinking the elixir with what he knew after. “
The man has a point,” he admitted. “It was good.”

“You want another?”

“I don’t know. I might want a drink of that punjab thing you mentioned, earlier.”

The barkeep laughed.
“Punjab ain’t a drink. It’s a euphoriant paste derived from fermented brobble.”

“What’s
a brobble?”

“
It’s a plant that grows in treklapod excrement.”

“
What do you do, spread the paste over your skin or something?”

Tiny shook his head
. “Not quite. The only way to serve punjab is in suppositories.”

“You
stick it up your ass?”

“Ye
ah, but don’t worry, there’s no extra charge for administration.”

Ursula said, “
Methinks I shall pass.”

“
Me, too,” I said.

Tony and Carlos
likewise waved off even the remote possibility of entertaining the offer. Tiny, who seemed to think we’d be back to reconsider, simply shrugged. “Suit yourselves. Okay, it’s time to pay up now.”

“I got it,” said
Carlos. He pulled his wallet out from under his robe, removed a twenty and slapped it on the bar. “Keep the change, my good man.”

I looked at him queerly. “Where was that?”

“Where was what?”

“Your wallet. I know you’re not wearing pants.”

“They were in my shorts. I stashed it there when those thugs stole my clothes.”

“What else you got down there?”

“What do you mean?”

“
You got your car keys in there, too?”

“
Maybe. You want to look for yourself?”

“Pah-leeease.”

“Well, since you asked nicely.”

“No! I mean spare me.”

“Hey,” said the barkeep, pointing at the money as if someone had left a pile of dog shit on his bar. “What the hell is that?”

Carlos
said, “I’m paying the tab. What, it’s not enough?”

“I don’t take paper money here. Where do you think you are?”

“Well, apparently we ain’t in Kansas.”

Tiny slammed the heel of his fist down hard on the bar. “
That’ll be eight difermium pellets. Two per drink. NOW!”

“Eight what?”

“That’s okay. I got it,” I said.

Tony and Carlos
watched curiously, as I pulled eight pellets from my pocket and spilled them out on the bar. “Here you go. Eight difermium pellets. Oh, and ahm...” I pulled the last one from my pocket and tossed it into the pile. “A little tip for you.”

Tony
pointed to the peculiar crystals. “Where’d you get those?”

I shook my head.
“That’s not important.”

He turned to
Ursula. “Where did she get those?”

“From the merchants what giv
ith us their robes.”

“
You stole money from those street vendors?”

“Stole?” I
dismissed the serious sound of the accusation with a wave. “Stole carries such a negative connotation. Besides, can you consider it stealing if they gave it to us willingly?”

“It wasn’t willin
gly if you used a whisper box.”

“And it isn’t stealing if there’s no law against it.”

“No law? Lilith, stealing is stealing wherever you are. It’s not right.”

“Nothing is right in this place. This isn’t earth. Here it’s every man for himself.”

“And woman,” said Ursula.

“And barkeep
!”

We turned
and found Tiny standing behind the bar, cradling a twenty-inch machete to his barrel chest. “Now who’s paying for the glasses?”

I shot him
a classic bite me look. “What do you mean? You asked for eight difermium pellets; I gave you eight difermium pellets. Plus a tip.”

“That was for the drinks.”

“That’s all we ordered?”

“I need four more for the glasses.”

“What glasses?”

“The four you drank
out of. There’s a rental fee on them. One difermium pellet each.”

“Are you
nuts?”

Carlos kicked his barstool out from under his butt and
drew his bolo. “He’s trying to scam us.”

The two patrons
sitting at the bar several seats away kicked their stools out, drew their swords and began circling behind us. Tony stood, directed Ursula and me between him and Carlos and trained his bayonet on the two patrons. Fearing things were spiraling out of control; I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I stepped out
onto the floor, pointed at two of the empty tables and then snapped my fingers. Both tables and their chairs went flying. They tumbled across the room, taking out the two men with swords and an old lady that just looked suspicious.

I turned to Tiny, who had
tried making himself small behind the bar. I balled my fist up, shook it at him and threw an energy sphere past him so hard it smashed the wall mirror into a million pieces. Carlos, Tony and Ursula ducked into a crouch to avoid the flying pieces of glass.

Oh, but
I wasn’t done yet. I could feel the intense energy in the room feeding my powers and I just had to use it up. I set my sights on an old player piano tucked under the stairs. With a point and a flip, I slid the piano across the room and wedged it in the opening between the swinging doors.

Overhead, a
trample of footsteps stampeded across the ceiling. Tony called out to warn me. A rush of men had started downstairs, spurred into action by the commotion in the bar. Some had clubs. Most had knives. All had blood in their eyes. I pointed to the staircase, and with a clap of my hands, set it ablaze in a massive wall of fire.

To say I was having fun would
have been an understatement, and though I wanted to stay and play longer, I worried about Ursula and the others. It was time to finish the place off. I flicked my fingers at the table lanterns, tipping them over and igniting a half-dozen little fires around the room in a mini blitzkrieg.

“Lilith!” Tony shouted.
The three had retreated through a doorway behind the bar. I caught up with them in the storeroom where Carlos was throwing his shoulder into the back door, trying to bust it open. It wouldn’t budge.

“Why don’t we go out the window?” I
suggested.

Tony
glanced past his shoulder at me, “What window?”

“There.”
I pointed at the wall, but where there once was a window, I now saw only a paper poster of a scenic valley. “Son-of-a…. That was a window, Tony. I saw it.”

Carlos yelled, “I need a crowbar!”

Behind us, men were screaming. Some were on fire. Others jumped from the second floor balcony onto broken tables and chairs below. Tony shouted for Ursula to shut the door between the storeroom and bar. She did, sliding a latch-pin lock into place just as a wall of bodies came crashing into it.

“Look!” I
yelled, pointing. “It’s there again!”

As
soon as I said it, though, it was gone. Tony grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. “Lilith. We don’t have time for this. Can’t you do something magick to get us out of here?”

“I don’t know.
” I tried flicking spent energy at the door as if shooing away flies. “Something’s different in here. I have no powers.”

“
Try!”

“
I am trying, Tony! Nothing’s happening!”

“Try harder!”

I told Carlos to stand back. When he did, I clenched my fist, shook it hard and pitched a big fat ball of dead air at the back door.”

Carlos said, “
That didn’t do it.”

I gave him a look usually reserved for the truly dense. “Smooth observation,
Einstein.”

Tony said, “Lilith, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I’m just not feeling it.”

“Can you fire up a zip ball?”

I put my hand out and tried making
one. Once again, some inexplicable force zapped my energy dry. “It’s no use. Maybe I can––”

Ursula
let out a panicked scream and ran across the room into Carlos’ arms. The men on the other side of the door had hacked through with machetes. One of them punched a hole in the panel and stuck his hand through to unlatch the lock. Tony came down hard with his bayonet and severed the hand at the wrist.

“We have to
barricade the door!” he yelled. “Carlos, help me find something to––”

“Look!” I
shouted.

“What?”

“Shit! It’s gone again. I’m telling you, Tony. Every time I turn around, that damn poster turns into a window, but for just a second.”

“
A second isn’t long enough to get us out of here.”

Ursula point
ed at the poster. “Be that your window, sister?”

“Yes
, but I’m telling you, I’m not crazy. The damn thing keeps changing. I swear.”

“Aye, `tis every inch the chameleon
. Let us see what thou wilt then, shall we?”

“What do you mean?”

“Methinks it is time the mask doth fall from its clever guise,” she said, ripping the poster from the wall and exposing a three-by-three foot hole.

“Unbelievable
,” I said. “How did you know?”

Carlos
pointed out the window. “Look. That’s the same view as out front.”

“
He’s right,” said Tony. “Across the street. That’s the alley where you gave us the robes.”

“`Tis true,
thy words. In the gutter, be that your hood, Master Carlos?”

“It sure is.”

“Those bastards,” I said. “It’s a trap.”

We
spun about at the sound of splintering wood and fund an axe head embedded in the door. Ursula grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward the window. “Traps work best when sprung on the naïve, not on the witting.” She gave me a not so gentle push. “`Tis best thou get thee gone and quick.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice
. I slithered out the window on my belly and landed on my head. Ursula tumbled out behind me, breaking her fall on the small of my back.

Carlos and Tony followed, landing on their feet. They helped us up
and led us off in a sprint. We disappeared through the back alley and faded into the shadows.

Chapter Six

For three blocks, w
e kept it up, laughing and tripping over ourselves as we ran. We stopped at the edge of town, collapsing on the banks of a narrow river where the water glowed neon red and smelled faintly of skunk and fish.

Tony reached out to pat me on the knee. He was out of breath, but
still very much excited. “Lilith, that was amazing. I didn’t know you could move furniture around the room with a wave of your hand.”

“
And the fire,” said Carlos. “How’d you do that?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It just happened. I felt this rush of energy, and the next thing I kn
ew it’s like bam! I’m Harryfuckinpotter without the wand.”

“You’ve never done that before?”

“Hell no. Not like that. I mean, sure I’ve moved small objects around here and there. What witch hasn’t? But this…. It must be the paraphysics factor. I told you this place was off the hook.”

“
You didn’t have that factor back in the store room when we needed it,” said Tony. “You couldn’t even spin a simple zip ball.”