59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot (16 page)

This time the woman with the highly variable breasts was asked to stand at the side of a busy road and try to thumb a ride. Meanwhile, two researchers sat in a car on the opposite side of the road and secretly counted the number of male and female drivers who drove by and the number who stopped to offer the woman a ride. After a hundred cars had passed, the experimental hitchhiker added or removed latex to alter the size of her breasts. The results from 426 women drivers revealed that bust size had no impact on whether they stopped, with around 9 percent pulling up regardless of whether they had been presented with an A, B, or C cup. In stark contrast, the pattern from 774 male drivers was completely different. Of the men, 15 percent stopped to pick up the women without latex inserts, compared to 18 percent when she transformed into a B cup and 24 percent when confronted with a C cup. The researchers concluded that in the male mind, breast size looms large even when men are not in an overtly sexual setting.

Another aspect of Guéguen’s work has examined the power of touch.
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A large number of studies has shown that touching someone on the upper arm for just a second or two can have a surprisingly significant effect on how much help they then provide. In one experiment American researchers approached people in the street and asked them for a dime. A brief touch
on the upper arm increased the likelihood of getting the money by 20 percent. Similar work has shown that the same subtle touch also significantly increases the likelihood that people will sign petitions, leave a tip for waitstaff, participate in a supermarket taste test (which then, in turn, increases the chances that they will buy the product), drink more in a bar, and become involved in charity work. Could it, however, also dramatically increase the chances of success in courtship?

To find out, Guéguen arranged for a twenty-year-old man to approach 120 women in a nightclub during a three-week period. The approaches were carefully controlled to ensure consistency across all 120 women. Each took place when slow songs were being played and involved the man walking up to a woman and saying, “Hello. My name’s Antoine. Do you want to dance?” Half of the time the request was accompanied by a light touch on the top of the woman’s arm, and the other half of the time the young man kept his hands to himself. If the woman declined, the man said, “Too bad, maybe another time?” and moved nine or ten feet away, then tried his luck with another woman. If the woman accepted, the man explained that she had just taken part in an experiment and handed her a sheet containing additional details about the study. Who says romance is dead?

In a second study by Guéguen, one of three male researchers approached women in the street and attempted to obtain their telephone numbers. Apparently all three of the men had to be good-looking, because according to the report describing the work, “pre-test evaluation showed that it was difficult to obtain the phone number from young women in the street” (“Honestly, it’s part of a scientific experiment, officer”). The men approached a total of 240 women, told them that they were really pretty, suggested going for a drink later in the day,
and asked for their telephone number. As before, half of the time the men touched the women lightly on the arm as they delivered their chat-up line. The men were then instructed to wait ten seconds, smile, and gaze at the woman. If the woman declined the kind offer, she was allowed to walk away. If she accepted, the researcher quickly explained that the whole thing had been an experiment, handed her an information sheet, and delivered one final scripted line: “Thanks for your participation, and I’m sorry that I have taken up your time. Perhaps we could meet another time. Bye.”

The results from both experiments were impressive. In the nightclub, women accepted the offer of a dance 43 percent of the time when not being touched on the arm and 65 percent after even the briefest of touches. In the street, the research team obtained telephone numbers from 10 percent of women with no physical contact and almost 20 percent when touching. In both cases a brief touch dramatically increased success.

Why is a touch so effective when flirting? Many psychologists believe that the answer has to do with sex and status. A large body of research supports the not especially surprising fact that women find high-status men more attractive than their low-status counterparts. From an evolutionary perspective, those men represent ideal mates because they are able to provide for the couple and any potential offspring in times of need. But how do women decide on the status of a stranger within a few moments of meeting him?

The answer, in part, is touch. There is considerable evidence that a gentle touch is perceived as a sign of high status.
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For example, ask people to look at photographs of one person touching another, and they consistently rate the “toucher” as far more dominant than the “touchee.” This is especially true of that all-important male-to-female touch on the upper arm.
Most women don’t consciously register the touch, but unconsciously it makes them think more highly of their potential beau.

Women frequently accuse men of being shallow and too easily influenced by a pair of large breasts. Guéguen’s adventures with hitchhiking and latex certainly suggest that this is the case. However, his work in the psychology of female seduction shows that women’s romantic decision making can also be swayed by physical factors, providing they signal high status. Perhaps the real message is that deep down we are all a tad more shallow than we might like to admit.

IN 59 SECONDS

If you want to get someone to help you out, try the briefest of touches on the upper arm. The same behavior also increases the likelihood that one person will find another person attractive, providing that the touch is short, confined to the upper arm, and delivered at the same time as a compliment or request. Do be careful, however, because it is easy to get this terribly wrong. Touching is a strong social signal, and even a few inches can make all the difference between the recipient inviting you in for coffee or calling the police.

IN 59 SECONDS

More than thirty years of psychological research has revealed that most people adopt one of several very different “loving” styles in their romantic relationships. This style does not tend to change throughout a person’s life, and it plays a key role in determining their relationships. Some researchers believe that these styles are determined by people’s relationship with their primary caregiver during childhood,
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and others argue that it is all about brain functioning.
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Regardless, the following questionnaire will give you an insight into how you score on the three main loving styles.
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Take a few moments to read the nine statements that follow, and assign each of them a rating to indicate the degree to which they describe you. Some of the statements refer to a specific relationship, while others refer to your general beliefs. Whenever possible, answer the questions with your current partner in mind or, if you are not in a relationship, answer with your most recent partner in mind. If you have not been in a relationship, answer in a way that is consistent with how you believe you would think and behave. Don’t spend too long thinking about each statement—and answer honestly.

Assign each item a rating between 1 (“strongly disagree”) and 5 (“strongly agree”).

Scoring

This type of questionnaire measures the three main kinds of loving styles. Based on concepts first proposed by the famous Greek philosopher Plato, these are commonly referred to by psychologists as Eros (Greek for “desire”), Ludus (“game playing”), and Storge (“affection”). To calculate your score for each style, add your scores together for the following statements.

Statements 1, 2, and 3 = Eros

Statements 4, 5, and 6 = Storge

Statements 7, 8, and 9 = Ludus

The highest of the three scores indicates your main loving style.

Eros:
These lovers have very strong ideas about the type of physical and psychological characteristics that they desire in a partner. When they encounter a match, they frequently experience love at first sight and, all being well, engage in an emotionally intense relationship. Such relationships tend to survive for a few years but often falter as the love of their life changes over time and no longer matches their strict criteria. When this happens, the passionate Eros lover again sets off in search of the perfect soul mate. Extroverted and giving, passionate lovers feel secure in their relationships and are willing to be emotionally close to others. They tend to become infatuated during the initial stages of any relationship, and while in the grip of passionate love would not dream of infidelity.

Storge:
These lovers value trust over lust. Instead of having a perfect partner in mind, they slowly develop a network of friends in the hope that affection will transform into deep commitment and love. Once committed, they are intensely loyal and supportive, and tend to form only one or two long-term romantic relationship(s) throughout their life. Highly altruistic and trusting, they have often been brought up in a large family and feel comfortable with the idea of depending on others for support.

Ludus:
These lovers have no ideal type in mind but are instead happy to play the field. They strive for novelty and thrills, are uncomfortable with commitment, and quickly move from one short-term relationship to another. Summed up by the expression “They like the face they face,” roving lovers enjoy the thrill of the chase and display little in the way of loyalty or commitment. More neurotic and self-conscious than most, they have little sympathy for the feelings of others. They are risk takers whose loving style is often driven by a fear of being abandoned by a partner—a situation that they avoid by not getting too close to anyone.

THE SCIENCE OF SPEED DATING

Speed dating is not complicated. During the course of an evening you meet a series of complete strangers face-to-face. Each encounter lasts just a few minutes, during which you have to decide whether you ever want to see your “date” again. Apparently invented in the late 1990s by an American rabbi as a way to help Jewish singles find partners, the idea rapidly spread from one community to another, and now it represents one of the most popular ways of meeting potential soul mates. But what is the best way of using these vital few moments (three minutes or less) to impress a possible love of your life? Subtly mention your Ferrari? Bare your soul and hope for the best? According to the latest research into the mysteries of attraction, it’s more about pizza toppings, mirroring, avoiding spread betting, and modesty.

A few years ago I teamed up with fellow psychologists James Houran and Caroline Watt to examine the best chat-up lines when speed dating.
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We assembled fifty single men and fifty single women, randomly paired them, and asked the pairs to spend three minutes chatting. We then told everyone to make quick notes about the lines they had used to impress
one another, rate their potential beau for attractiveness, and then try again with another person. To uncover the best chat-up lines, we compared the conversations of participants rated as very desirable by their dates with those seen as especially undesirable.

Those who obtained few dates from the evening tended to employ old standards like “Do you come here often?” or struggled to impress with comments like “I have a Ph.D. in computing.” Those more skilled in seduction encouraged their dates to talk about themselves in a fun and offbeat way, with the top-rated male’s best line being “If you were on a hit show, who would you be?” while the top-rated female asked, “If you were a pizza topping, what would you be?” These types of lines are successful because at a speed-dating event people frequently feel that they are trapped in Groundhog Day, having the same conversation again and again. Getting people to open up and talk about themselves in a creative, funny, and unusual way promotes a sense of closeness and attraction.