50 Ways to Hex Your Lover (21 page)

“Did you purchase any new equipment in the past couple of months?” Jazz asked, glancing at the flat panel computer monitor
on the counter.

“We updated the computers a year ago. The police took them, but they were returned with the files.” Mindy was the one to reply.

Keeping her senses wide open, Jazz knew there was something wrong. But at the moment, she couldn’t put her finger on it.

The sense increased when she passed by Dweezil’s office. She turned around and stepped inside.

Oh yes. Someone had laid down a curse on him and it was a doozey. All she had to do was find out just where.

She remained silent on it for now. She didn’t want Dweezil adding his own crazy vibes to the mix.

Something was wrong. There was something here that truly didn’t belong.

Jazz trailed her fingers across the top of Dweezil’s desk, bypassing pens and a small clock fashioned in the shape of a woman’s
breast. She wrinkled her nose at the latter.

She sensed the negative energy was nearby—a strong beacon for trouble.

Jazz turned around and faced the shelves housing Dweezil’s beloved erotica collection. She hated looking at the pieces, but
she was positive what she was looking for was hidden within the assortment of jade penises surrounding a silver dildo.

She walked slowly towards the case and studied each piece.

“Hide in plain sight,” she whispered, picking the crystal dildo up by the corners of the small velvet cloth it sat on. She
was certain it had been deliberately placed to one side as an afterthought so it wouldn’t be easily noticed.

She carefully carried it over to the desk and set it down. “A new acquisition?”

“Yeah, pretty, huh?” He stood in the doorway beaming with pride at his latest treasure.

“Not exactly the description I’d use. Where did you find it?” Jazz bent over, peering closely into the crystal until she found
what she was looking for.

“eBay. I heard that some caliph in Ancient Turkey had these crystal dildos made for his harem favorites. Supposed to be shaped
just like his cock. I had to pay a lot for it, but it was worth it. Got it about a month ago.”

“I guess you can find anything you want there. I didn’t see this piece the last time I was in here.” She continued examining
the tiny dark speck that barely showed within the clear crystal. She doubted the flaw had been in the crystal when the dildo
was first fashioned.

“Didn’t unpack it until a few days ago. Before that it was in the storeroom.” Dweezil paused. “Is that the problem?”

Jazz continued to stare at the tiny black speck that seemed to pulsate in tune with her heartbeat.

“Someone arranged for you to buy this, because there is definitely a curse embedded in the crystal. I would say it’s the kind
that invites trouble to your doorstep. And you’ve sure had your share of trouble lately.”

“I got a business to run here. I don’t need any fuckin’ trouble,” Dweezil growled. “Just get the curse out of it.”

She straightened up, already anticipating trouble. “I can’t just take the curse out of the crystal, D, like you would take
a splinter out of a finger. The only way it can be properly eliminated is for the crystal to be destroyed.”

“Destroyed? You mean break it? It’s a fuckin’ antique! There were three made and this is the only one left! It’s not like
I can go down to The Love Den and buy another one there.” He paced the office. “You just have to take the curse out. That’s
your job.”

She made sure her hands were still shielded as she carefully moved her palms over the crystal. The last thing she wanted to
do was actually touch it, even with her hands shielded. Major eeuuww factor there.

“If you want the trouble to be gone, the crystal has to go too. Where’s a hammer?” She looked around.

Dweezil held up his hands. “You can’t break it!”

Mindy wandered in and stood in the doorway. “It’s really expensive, Jazz.”

“Take your pick, Dweezil. Disgusting dildo in a million pieces or even more trouble coming to your door?” she asked. “Next
time around, the cops might close you down permanently.”

Dweezil stared at the crystal. Greed warred with lust for his treasure. He dropped into a chair and covered his face with
his hands.

Jazz heaved a sigh. “Fine.” She went back into the storeroom and rummaged around until she came out with a hammer.

Mindy shifted uneasily in her spot.

“Is that a good idea?” she asked. “I mean, couldn’t breaking it make things worse?”

“Breaking it releases the negative energy, yes,” Jazz replied, laying the hammer down by the crystal. “But I’m going to bless
the hammer first to diffuse the negative energy.”

“I can’t watch,” Dweezil moaned, keeping his hands over his eyes, while Mindy watched with bright-eyed fascination.

“Light overcomes dark. Take away what lies beneath, because I say so, damn it!” Jazz murmured, turning her head just as she
brought the hammer down hard enough to break the crystal. Instead of shattering, the crystal broke into chunks and a whoosh
of air smelling like rotten eggs escaped.

The moment the smell dissipated in the air a booming sound shook the building hard enough that the windows shattered and a
security alarm sent out its piercing sound.

All three ran to the front where they saw heavy smoke and pieces of metal flying through the air in the spot where Jazz had
parked. Dwarves swarmed out of the garage, running around the parking lot with fire extinguishers in hand to put out the tiny
fires scattered throughout the lot. Mindy ran to the back and silenced the alarm.

Jazz’s mouth dropped in shock just before she felt all the air leave her lungs. Her ears still rang from the shrieking alarm,
but it was the sight before her that left her stunned.

“My car! That was my car!” she wheezed, gripping the doorjamb. She staggered backward and grabbed hold of Dweezil’s shirtfront
in a grip that tore the fabric. “Your crystal blew up my car!” She shook him like a rag doll.

“Hey! Watch the threads!” He tried to free himself, but she wasn’t letting go. “’Sides, how can you blame the crystal? Maybe
you had a gas leak or somethin’. And look at my office! It’s a mess! With my luck, insurance won’t pay for it!”

Jazz shook him so hard his teeth clacked together. Considering they were an even darker yellow than usual, it wasn’t a pretty
sight.

“That shouldn’t have happened! There should have been no backlash, especially on me! It was
your
crystal!” She looked back outside at the smoke that was still as dense as when the explosion first happened. Her hands dropped
and she realized she couldn’t breathe. She clutched her throat and looked wildly around. For what, she didn’t know.

Mindy took her arm and steered her quickly toward a chair. “Here.” She snatched up a sheet of paper, turned it into a cone
and pressed it over Jazz’s nose and mouth. “Breathe into this.”

“My car is gone! Irma’s gone! So’s my fifty thousand in cash!” Okay, probably should have listed Irma first, but I did think
of her before I thought of the money! And she is already dead, unlike my car.

Jazz closed her eyes and breathed in and out until she felt the buzzing leave her ears and she no longer felt dizzy. Even
then, she felt so nauseous she feared she was going to be sick. She pushed the paper cone away and lowered her head to her
knees.

She loved that car. Loved how the snazzy little roadster made her feel as she drove it around. And while Irma was a complete
pain in the ass, she was also sort of comforting in a weird, nagging kind of way.

Irma, who only wanted a pet to keep her company and a new dress because her asshole husband had bought an ugly funeral outfit
she was stuck in for eternity. Irma, who constantly told her she drove too fast or complained she never took her any place
special. Egads! When had she come to develop a fondness for the recalcitrant ghost? When had she started thinking about her
as a friend?

What would Jazz do without Irma?

“Hey, wait a minute.” Dweezil plucked at her shoulder. “Look.” He pointed out the window.

Jazz turned her head, wincing at the sight of all the smoke that was now slowly thinning. A familiar outline appeared first,
and then as the smoke cleared even more, she saw her car, smudged a bit but intact. Irma sat in the passenger seat, coughing
and waving at the smoke.

“What happened?” she called out.

Jazz pushed herself out of the chair. Broken glass crunched under her boots as she headed for the doorway and strode outside.

Irma waved her handbag in front of her face. “I told you this was a dangerous place!” she groused. “A body can’t sit quietly
without something happening. Police swarming all over. Getting blown up.”

Jazz realized she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life. She was rushing over there with the express purpose of
hugging Irma and telling her she was glad she was all right.

She braked so hard, she skidded back on her heels. She was so not ready for a change in their relationship.

She took several deep breaths and centered herself. “Just tell me the money survived too.”

“Money? All you care about is the money? I could have died out here!” Irma yelled, her rouge standing out on her cheeks.

“Not an option since you’re already dead!” She turned away to hide her smile even as she muttered, “I will never be able to
get rid of that woman.”

Oh yeah, things were back to normal.

Almost.

Because now a few things were clicking into place and Jazz intended to get some answers.

She returned to the office, ignored Dweezil’s ear-splitting howls about the destroyed reception area, his precious crystal
dildo, chunks of asphalt now missing from the parking lot, and that was just the beginning.

Instead, Jazz focused on Mindy.

The blonde elf took one step back.

“Do not move,” Jazz ordered, advancing on her like a witchy freight train.

“What good luck! Your car doesn’t look harmed,” Mindy chirped, but Jazz’s hand slicing through the air stopped any more conversation.
The elf stood still, her hands clasped lightly in front of her, looking so damn sweet and innocent Jazz seriously thought
about dumping mud all over her Barbie-blonde hair. She imagined lots of dark gooey smelly mud that would be impossible for
the always immaculate Mindy to wash off.

“Mindy, where did you get the crystal?”

Her Dresden blue eyes didn’t veer from Jazz’s face. “Dweezil got it.”

Jazz kept her gaze on Mindy the way she’d watch a cobra. “Dweezil got that piece because you originally found it and set up
the eBay auction in such a way he’d make sure to win it. Embedding a curse in a crystal is a complicated process and smacks
of Miranda. Is that who you hired to do it?”

Dweezil paused in his stomping around. “This was some kind of set-up?” Even with the shattered windows and door and smell
of smoke and dust, the area was flooded with the smell of burnt almond. “Is that right, Mindy? Did you do this?”

“She just wants to blame someone else since she broke the crystal and it hurt her car.”

“One more lie and I will turn your nose into something that will make Pinocchio look like a Pug,” Jazz threatened. Steam practically
poured from her ears. “You used magick to bring humans in where they do not belong. You used magick to destroy a dwelling.”

“It’s a business!”

“A dwelling,” she repeated. “Yes, humans know about us, but we still
do not
draw unwanted attention to our kind.We do not use magick against each other and we do not
blow up my fucking car!
”

Mindy winced at the level of Jazz’s voice that in her fury could have shattered what glass was left intact. To an elf’s delicate
hearing, it was like an earsplitting screech. Jazz didn’t care.

“Why did you do it, Mindy?” Jazz asked. She put up a hand to stop Dweezil, who looked ready to pounce on the elf.

“Why shouldn’t I?” She tipped her chin up, but her sweet baby-doll looks couldn’t carry off any form of menace. “Dweezil’s
a disgusting creature who doesn’t deserve to run this business. My family said if I could find the right business I could
have it. Well,” she propped her hands on her hips, “this is it. I could run it a lot more successfully than he can. All he
does is spend the profits on disgusting things like that crystal!”

“You fuckin’ bi—.” Dweezil stopped just in time to avoid Jazz’s ire aimed at himwhen she was doing such an excellent job with
Mindy. “The office is ruined!” He stared at the now destroyed computer that was covered in glass fragments, papers flying
everywhere and the dwarves still swarming the parking lot to stamp out tiny fires that popped up in the asphalt. “And my beautiful
crystal! How could it get worse?”

Jazz cocked her head to one side. The piercing sound of sirens rent the air and it could only mean one thing.

“It just did.”

Two hours later, Jazz decided her new best friend, Detective Larkin, would have preferred if she were anywhere but there.

The blinding colors on his tie resembled a
Rorschach
test and prompted Jazz to slip on her sunglasses.