47 Destinies: Finding Grace (10 page)

As he drew his head back, Grace moved in closer.  She took the back of her hand and moved it along his cheek.  Her sea green eyes focused intently on him.  She searched his eyes as if peering into his soul.

“I want you to kiss me, Todd Harcourt.  Please.  I can’t wait any longer,” Grace pleaded with Todd. 

She truly could not hold on one minute longer.  Grace needed to feel the pleasure she knew he could give her.  She had seen the way he had been looking at her all day.  She could tell that he was holding back as a respectful gentleman, but she didn’t care about that right now.  She wanted more than mere friendship.

Todd immediately obliged her straightforward request.  He had been resisting the urge all day.  He was more than ready to take her up on her offer.  He took his arm and drew her even closer to his side.  She was so near that he could smell the delicate scent of her perfume.  He put a fingertip under her chin to guide her lips to meet his.  He slowly bent forward and pressed his lips firmly upon hers.  His tongue moved to find hers in an explosive dance.  He wanted so badly to be gentle, but the fire within him was out of control.  He had dreamed about this moment.  It was far better than he had fantasized.

Grace was completely swept away.  She let every inhibition go and allowed herself to simply feel.  Her eyes were closed and her soul soared through the clouds, high up into the air and back down again.  She ran her hands through his hair, yearning for even more.  Desire pumped through every cell in her body.  Her forwardness even surprised her.  She had never been this aggressive before.  Being caught up in the moment made her feel alive and then in the next moment, even more alive.  Her heart pounded and her breath was racing.  There was energy between them that refused to be contained.

“Mmmm,” Grace murmured throwing her arms around Todd and pulling him back in for another wet kiss.  They stood together lost in the intensity of the moment.  It had been a long time since either of them had experienced desire this intense.

“Look what I found and it is so soft,” Todd said as he pulled a blanket from his backpack and laid it on the ground over a small patch of grass.  They were the only two out by the river except for the occasional rafting boat or kayak which floated by.  The water was deep blue with sprinkles of white churning water by the rapids.  River rocks abounded and spanned the spectrum of color from white to black. 

“Please,” Todd said as he motioned for Grace to sit down next to him on the blanket.  She responded with a smile and sat beside him.  She placed her head on his chest as they both stared out at the river.  The sun had gone down behind one of the many large hills.  Its golden hue rested upon each oak tree leaf and provided the warmest back glow.  The patches of light which shone through the trees left spotlights of brightness in the grass.  Squirrels roamed the trees, hopping from branch to branch in concert with the sounds of the rolling river.  Birds dove in and out of the branches, calling out to one another in their own melodies.

Todd took Grace’s hand in his and began to play with her long fingers.  They were so perfectly shaped and manicured.  His were rough as sand paper in comparison.  The contrast was exhilarating.

“Grace, do you think you will ever be able to love again?”  Todd asked with concern in his voice.

Grace remained quiet for a very long time.  It was a question she pondered ever since Derek had died.  For the first few years, she never thought it would be possible to love again.  She couldn’t imagine finding a man like Derek ever again.  But her short time with Todd opened her heart to a truth that she hadn’t realized before.  While it was true that she would never find another Derek, she no longer needed that to happen. 

Grace had changed.  She was not the same person as when Derek was alive.  She had been through so much by surviving his death and that experience changed her.  In some ways she was weaker, but in many ways she was even stronger.  Derek’s death forced her to become independent, which was something completely new to her.  She had grown up dependent on her father and then after a few short years, she married Derek and became dependent on him.  After his death, she had to find her own strength.  It was a new realization for Grace.  She had made it through a terribly dark place in her life, yet the reality was that she made it.  She had done it on her own. For the first time in her life, Grace was really proud of herself.

Grace sat with Todd’s question as he played with the curls in her hair.  Was she capable of loving someone again?  The more she pondered the question a new question arose in her mind.  Was she capable of not loving again?  Do we ever really choose to love, or do we simply love, she wondered.

Todd allowed Grace the time to put together her thoughts.  Her answer was very important to him.  He could feel his emotions all tied up and he wanted to cautiously move forward.  He wasn’t willing to risk falling in love with another woman who would eventually walk away.  If Grace’s heart was permanently closed, there was nothing he would be able to do to open it.  It had to be her choice to love again.

Grace sat up and put her lips softly upon Todd’s.  She then placed a trail of small kisses over his right ear and whispered, “Yes, I am open to love.”

It was the answer he wanted to hear. Todd grasped her by the shoulders and laid her on the blanket.  He maneuvered his body on top of hers.  He was careful not to put his full weight upon her.  Her body was delicate like a porcelain doll.  He pressed his lips upon hers and kissed her over and over.  Grace touched the slight stubble on his face and yearned for more caressing.  She could feel the hardness in his pants and it did not frighten her.  His hand reached up her shirt as he began to unhook her bra.  She wanted him to touch her everywhere. 

Suddenly, Todd sat up.  “I am sorry, Grace.  I have been very disrespectful,” Todd said, now standing.  He needed physical distance from her.

“Todd, it’s okay.  I wanted it too,” Grace said as she rose to put her arms around him.

“No, I told you that I would take it slow and here I am acting like an out of control teenager.”  Todd gathered the blanket and folded it into his backpack.  “We need to head back so we can eat dinner.”  Todd had put up a wall.

Grace was surprised by her distress regarding their quick departure.  Had she disappointed him?  She truly relished Todd’s kisses and tantalizing touch.  It had felt like an eternity since a man had touched her that way.  Her body craved the attention.  She had forgotten how good it felt. 

“Todd, please wait.  There is something you should know,” Grace said reaching out to him.  “I…I don’t know what I’m doing,” Grace stammered.

Todd placed the backpack on the ground and moved back closer to Grace.  “I don’t understand.”

Grace twisted her hands behind her back.  “I’ve only been with Derek.”

It took a moment for it to sink in.  “You’ve never been with another man?”  Todd couldn’t believe it.  She was the most beautiful woman he had even seen and she had only been intimate with one man her entire life. 

“No.  Derek and I waited until our wedding night,” Grace disclosed.  She felt a little foolish telling him, but she needed him to know.

“Now I feel even worse,” Todd said, turning his back on Grace to face the river.

Grace grabbed his hand before he could leave.  “You are misunderstanding me.  Please don’t go.  I wanted you to know so you wouldn’t be disappointed if I don’t know what I am doing when you touch me.  I want you to touch me,” Grace said as she placed Todd’s hand over her heart.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to worry about a thing.  Your kiss is intoxicating,” Todd said, so touched by her actual innocence.

“Really?”

“Yes, really!  Thank you for sharing that part of you with me, Grace.  It makes me admire you even more than I did before.  It is nothing for you to be ashamed of.  It is something that you should admire about yourself.  It means that you saved yourself for the right person.  I promise you that I will respect that about you.  I won’t let anything get out of control,” Todd said, wondering how in the world he was going to keep that promise. 

“Thank you, Todd.  I knew I could trust you.  Please don’t tell anyone.  I find it embarrassing to admit this at my age.”

“I don’t share any intimate details with anyone.  Your secret is safe with me,” Todd said, still concerned about his promise.  The bulge in his pants would be a huge issue to overcome.  Even a jump into the cold river water was not going to quench the desire which was building deep inside.

“Let’s hike back to the car and drive over to the restaurant.  I made reservations for 7:00pm.  We have plenty of time to make it there. It is about 15 minutes from here,” Todd announced.

“Perfect.  All that kissing has worked up my appetite,” Grace giggled.  She put her hand in Todd’s and they walked back up to the car.

Todd drove them one mile past the Coloma Valley into the small town of Lotus.  Small was a generous word.  The only buildings in the town were the fire department, a general store which closed many years prior, an old one room school house, a rafting store and a restaurant called Café Mahjaic.

“I have eaten here once before when I was passing through the area.  The food is delicious and ‘made with love’,” Todd said, accenting the word love.

“The brick building looks old.  It must have been built back during the Gold Rush.  I imagine it has been several different things over the years,” Grace surmised as she looked around the area.  “I wonder the age of the house in the back.  It looks like it is now an inn.  Too bad we can’t stay the night,” Grace playfully said, pulling on Todd’s hand.

“There is no way I would be able to keep my promise if we were staying the night in the same room.  It is going to be difficult enough just sitting next to you.  Do you have any idea how attractive you are?  You smell like a mixture of fresh flowers with a hint of vanilla.”

“You are remarkably romantic, Todd,” Grace said with her silky Georgia voice.

“I have a feeling I am going to regret that promise.  In fact, I already do.  Let’s go inside,” Todd suggested.

Todd led Grace into the restaurant.  They were taken to a corner table facing the window.  The restaurant was contained in one large room.  The distressed floor was made of old tongue and groove sugar pine wood.  The walls were old schoolhouse red brick.  Nine to ten small bell-like lights hung down from the expansive ceiling.  Each table wore a fancy white cloth, was adorned with a fresh flower and held a small candle.  The setting burst forth with the essence of classic romance.  Grace couldn’t remember the last time her heart was this full of happiness.

Grace opened the menu and was pleasantly surprised by the variety of tempting choices.  She wanted to sample each item, but knew that wouldn’t be possible.  She was happy to see the fixed menu which enabled her to order an appetizer, soup/salad, entrée and dessert.  She ordered the Saganaki cheese, ‘moody soup’ which was a Greek chicken rice soup, Niman Ranch coulette steak and the chocolate decadence cake.  Todd ordered the grilled prawns, Mahjaic salad, fresh wild salmon and the West Coast cheesecake.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” the waiter asked after taking their order. 

“Do you carry any local varieties?” Todd asked, aware of a few wineries in the area.

“We have a full-bodied Cabernet from David Girard Vineyards, which is on the other side of Coloma.”

“I would like a glass.  Grace?”

“Please,” Grace said, impressed with Todd’s interest in tasting the local variety.  The man was a dream.

After the waiter brought the wine, Todd made a toast.  “I have thoroughly enjoyed our time together.  I would like to make a toast to getting to know each other better.”

“I second that!”

The waiter came back over to the table.  “Is this a special occasion?  Perhaps a birthday or wedding anniversary?” he asked, noticing Grace’s wedding ring.

“No.  We are just passing through,” Todd answered quickly in an attempt to avoid Grace any embarrassment.

“Wonderful.  Enjoy your meal,” the waiter replied.

Grace looked down at her left hand.  Her ring shone brightly in the soft lighting.

“Does it bother you that I still wear my wedding ring?” Grace asked, realizing what it implied.

Todd reached over and grabbed both of her hands.  “Your marriage is a large part of you and not something I would ever want to replace.  I am glad Derek brought you so much joy.  I wish I had the same experience in my marriage.  Unfortunately, I was not as lucky.  You should wear your ring until you don’t want to wear it. And, no one can decide that, except you.”  Todd squeezed both of her hands.

Grace stared at Todd and tilted her head to the side.  She was genuinely touched by his thoughtfulness.  “I don’t know what to say.  You are very understanding.  Thank you,” Grace said.

“I know. What can I say?” Todd replied in jest.  “If I could date myself, I would!”

“I wouldn’t blame you, but right now how about I take on that duty?”

“So, you want to go on another date with me?”  Todd said rubbing his thumb across her wrist.  He wanted more days like this.

“I sure do,” Grace admitted.

Grace and Todd continued their discussion while each scrumptious portion of their dinner arrived.  Grace devoured the cheese and stuffed herself full of the fresh made bread.  It all tasted delightful.  The wine gently eased Grace into a relaxed state and loosened her tongue even more.  Todd liked watching her face flush a pink hue around her cheeks as the meal progressed.