4 Yip/Tuck (17 page)

We’d met because Diana volunteered at the Laguna Beach Animal Rescue League, and I did, too. We were in the throes of planning the annual “Fur Ball” which was a “cough-up some cash” black-tie affair for the ARL. Diana had chaired the event for the past few years, and somehow this year I’d been roped into being her co-chair.

Being a co-chair with Diana meant there really wasn’t much heavy lifting involved because she had it down to a fine science. She and I had spent a day last week calling corporate sponsors and setting up the advertising, which in most cases Diana’d been able to get comped. It was near impossible to tell this woman no.

Since I was in the area, I decided to drop off the final ad copy I’d picked up the day before from the graphic designer. I thought it had turned out great.

The picture was a handsome Doberman in a tux waltzing with a classy Siamese in a ball gown under a title that said: “Fur Ball—Cough Up Some Cash for the Laguna Beach ARL” and then gave all the details of the event. It was a picture the graphic designer had manipulated via magic software, you understand. I can assure you no animals were embarrassed in the making of this ad.

I was sure Diana would love it but still this was her big event and so I wanted to run it by her.

I rang the doorbell and her housekeeper answered the door.

“Hello, Bella. Is Diana here?” I asked.

“No, I am sorry. She is not in at the moment. Can I give her a message?” The dark-haired beauty raised her soft musical voice to be heard over the cacophony of barking in the background.

Diana often took the more difficult rescue cases and at times had up to a dozen dogs in the house. Canine chaos.

“Bella, honey, I don’t know how you do it.” I patted her arm. “Would you give her this, please?” I handed over the ad copy.

Bella took the folder and promised to see that Diana got it.

“Tell her I’ll give her a call tomorrow.”

Back in my car, I waved at the Ruby Point guard, and then left the gated community. I turned in the direction of Main Beach. Heading down Broadway, I made a quick stop at Whole Foods, and then pointed myself toward home.

My home is an eclectic blend of styles. It’s nothing like my mama’s house, which is always ready for a feature spread in
House Beautiful
. My house is hardly ever ready for its close-up. Not because I hadn’t been raised right but because I basically didn’t care about fancy things. It was clean, it was comfortable, it was mine.

I walked in and kicked off my shoes.

Dogbert, my rescue mixed-breed mutt, bounded across the room to greet me. He’s part Spaniel, part Terrier, and parts unknown. He’s the most adorable mutt alive.

Always faithful, always thrilled to see me. He is the love of my life.

I sat on the floor for some serious puppy hugs and flipped on the TV.

I have an incredible view of the Pacific out my patio doors and an open floor plan that takes full advantage of it. I’d paid a pretty price for my gorgeous view but I’d never regretted it.

Promising a long walk later, I gave Dog a final tummy rub and got to my feet. The television in my family room is visible from my kitchen, allowing me to monitor what’s happening in the world as I prepare dinner. I use the term “prepare dinner” loosely.

I unpacked the organic mayonnaise I’d just purchased and opened a can of tuna. Sad, I know. Here I am within view of the ocean. You’d think I could get some fresh fish.

I was soon swarmed by Thelma and Louise, my two cats. I dumped half the tuna into a bowl and set it on the floor. Dogbert hurried over but was too late.

“None left for you, boy.” I smiled at his resigned sigh. Upstaged by the felines again.

National news shifted to local news and I listened for an update on the weather as I stirred some fresh cilantro and mayo into what was left of the tuna.

“Police are on the scene of what officers are calling an ‘unexplained death’ in the upscale gated community of Ruby Point.”

That got my attention.

Not just Diana and Kevin but practically all of the residents of Ruby Point are clients or acquaintances of mine.

A female reporter, in a long-sleeved business suit that was much too warm for Southern California, and a hairdo that was much too big for this decade, gave the live report.

“The body was found this afternoon and police are at this time going door to door speaking to residents. Officers have not yet identified the individual, but the investigation centers around the house you see behind me.”

I tried to see the home behind Big-Hair but couldn’t quite make out the property. The homes in Ruby Point are all so different and individual that if I could get a glimpse I might recognized it, but I just couldn’t see enough to tell.

The pounding on my door startled me. “Well, for cryin’ in a bucket! I’m coming and by the way I have a doorbell.” I stomped to the door and yanked it open.

The doorway was filled with the poster boy for
People’s
Sexiest Man Alive. I’m not often speechless, but short of asking if Christmas had come early, I was at a loss for words.

“Carolina Lamont?” His voice had a deep serious-as-a-heart-attack timbre.

“Yes.”

“Detective Judd Malone.”

Uh-oh. I was pretty sure this was about my earlier break-in. I wouldn’t put it past Mel to call the police. But for the Laguna PD to send a detective? Really?

“Do you have identification?” I asked.

He hadn’t offered a badge or an ID and though I didn’t truly think serial killers looked like Brad Pitt’s brother and stalked pet therapists, you just can’t be too careful.

He reached inside his jacket pocket and handed me a card.

Apparently business cards had replaced badges.

“May I come in?” He spoke awfully proper for a tough guy detective but, hey, I’m from Texas so it always seems to me that folks are puttin’ on airs.

I opened the door a bit further and he shouldered past me.

Judd Malone smacked of attitude. He wore black jeans, a black leather jacket and a chip on his shoulder. He scanned the room, his baby blues taking in my overstuffed couch, easy chairs and crowded bookshelves. Thelma and Louise, perched in the windowsill, replete with tuna, each opened an eye and then, unimpressed, went back to their beauty sleep. Dogbert climbed from his doggie bed, trotted over for a sniff, but then also dismissed Malone and went back to his nap.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Some southern hospitality is automatic. Even when you have an unannounced guest. Even a guest who might arrest you. “Coffee, coke, iced tea?”

He shook his head and continued his scan.

“Well, then. What can I help you with, Detective Judd Malone?”

“I understand you visited Kevin Blackstone today?”

Okay, maybe not about the brooch. “Yes, I did. What about Kevin?”

I had a really bad feeling about this.

“Kevin Blackstone is dead.”

(Please continue reading for pet treat recipes and more about Sparkle Abby)

(Served by Mel & Darby at their Yappy Hour event)

You’ll need the following ingredients:

2 carrots, grated

2 ripe bananas, mashed

1 egg

3 cups water

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

2 tablespoons honey

4 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon nutmeg

1 teaspoon cinnamon

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Line a cupcake tin with festive dog-themed cupcakes papers.

Blend water, carrots, egg, vanilla and honey in a big bowl. Then add the mashed bananas.

In another bowl, blend the flour, baking powder, nutmeg and cinnamon.

Add the flour mix to the first (carrot/egg) mixture and blend them together thoroughly.

Spoon the mixture into the cupcake papers.

Bake the pupcakes for 30 minutes. Times can vary depending on your oven so it’s a good idea to test the pupcakes by inserting a toothpick in the middle. If it comes out clean, your pupcakes are done.

Frosting is optional, but if you want to add frosting here’s a quick idea.

2 tablespoons plain yogurt

2 tablespoons honey

1 package (6 oz.) cream cheese

Mix the ingredients together until smooth, frost the cooled pupcakes, and serve.

This recipe uses shredded chicken (don’t tell Walter) but you can use beef or fish, if your cat prefers it.

You’ll need the following ingredients:

1-1/2 cups of cooked chicken, shredded into small pieces

1 cup of whole wheat flour

1/2 cup of chicken broth

1/3 cup of cornmeal

1 teaspoon of margarine, softened

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees

Mix the chicken, margarine, and chicken broth in a bowl. Then add the cornmeal and flour.

Knead the dough into a ball and roll it out to about 1/4 inch in thickness.

Cut into one inch pieces and place on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake for 20 minutes and let cool.

This recipe makes 18-24 cookies.

Remember, these treats contain no preservatives and so unlike commercial treats, you need to make sure to store them with that in mind.

Caro recommends refrigerating unused portions and labeling them with the date they were made.

We knew we were out of our league after a marathon night of
RuPaul’s Drag Race
. Let’s be honest here, what do two gals from Iowa know about drag queens? The Internet is an amazing tool, with a plethora of information at our fingertips, but every writer knows the best research is what you learn in person. We did our best to represent the drag queen community with humor and respect, and we hope that shows.

Jason W, thank you for explaining drag terminology, loaning us books we’d have never found on our own, and encouraging (okay, dragging,) us to visit Des Moines’ very own drag show at The Garden. It was a night we’ll never forget, and we have the photos to prove it. We hope we captured the fun we experienced that night.

To the ladies at The Garden who performed the night of our visit, thank you for a fabulous show. We sang, cheered, danced and handed over a few dollar bills. You were the muse for our “ladies.”

A big
Thank you
to our critique group, who were more than willing to brainstorm drag queen names, some of which will never be spoken again.

Karen M, thank you for sharing your zany Grandma Maxine stories. May your Maxine live forever in Betty.

Thank you to the amazing team at Bell Bridge Books, who continues to support and encourage us, even when we come up with crazy ideas like Pampered Pet Bingo. We love working with you!

As always, to our families,
Thank you
will never be enough. We love you.

And lastly, to our readers. You humble us with your enthusiasm for more Caro and Mel stories. It’s because of you that we get to do what we love. Thank you. We love hearing from you and we love your pet stories. Keep them coming!

—Mary Lee and Anita, aka Sparkle Abbey

www.SparkleAbbey.com