365 Ways to Live Happy (26 page)

Do your creative juices start to flow the instant you see something new and immediately have an idea for making it even more functional or efficient? Do you enjoy pondering the way things work? Do you like exercising your brain about innovative ways of doing things? You may have that creative spark that all inventors share. Just tinkering around with your product idea, making drawings or notes, and even naming it can bring you happiness. Improve upon an existing product or develop a totally new one. Find a niche in the marketplace, something that is needed but doesn't yet exist. That is the way thousands of products came to be produced. The right invention could take you from Main Street to Easy Street.

You've heard the old adage that knowledge is power. Of course, the converse of that would state that lack of knowledge is weakness. Why do you think high-ranking political candidates hire advisors to research strengths and weaknesses of their adversaries? Politicians understand that to win elections they have to know what's bad and good about their opponents as well as how to spin that information to sway public opinion before people cast their ballots. That strategy that works so well in the political process and in the business world can work for you. List everything you know about your adversary's strengths and weaknesses. Add to the information you don't know by doing more research. You'll feel happier and more empowered when you know your opponent as well as a close family member.

What if you owned a vintage dress shop four doors from another second-hand dress store that just opened? Would you sit down and meet with the new owner if the knowledge you gained from the meeting helped you better compete? It might be a good idea. Suggest having coffee as a way to open dialogue between you. Use the time to see where ideologies between the two of you dovetail or depart. Actively listen and repeat what you think your adversary just said. You may discover discrepancies between what was actually said and what you thought was stated. See if you can find common ground. Is there a way you might team up to bring more business into both stores? Find win-win scenarios that might serve you both well.

What if a top competitor could become an ally, perhaps even a partner, if you could just deal with the issues that keep you apart? Unless you seek to know and understand your competitors' issues, you won't have a clue about how to narrow the gap in your opposing viewpoints. What if you desire to acquire a company that is competing with yours for market share and that company doesn't want to be acquired? You must find out why the company doesn't wish to be acquired, how long it could hold out, and if it is looking at partnerships with other companies. If you do manage the acquisition, getting all the issues on the table and dealing with them can pave the way for a smoother, happier transition.

When you are faced with having to negotiate a dispute, it's a good idea to first thoroughly understand your adversary's position. Sun Tzu stated in his book from the sixth century
B.C.
,
The Art of War
, that when you know both yourself and your enemy then victory will not stand in doubt. Invite your adversary to tell you about his point of view. Then articulate your understanding of what he has told you. Ask him for suggestions on how to resolve the dispute. You then will be in the optimal position for offering your own ideas and, hopefully, come to some resolution with the other party.

Perhaps you have gotten nowhere in your debate with a colleague, business rival, or relative. Sometimes all you can do is tell the other person that you understand her position but that you respectfully disagree. Still, try to find one or more items or ideas on which you can agree and use those as points of departure for a discussion. When you are engaged, express your point of view in language that is neither inflammatory nor confrontational. Try to keep your voice calm and focus on the topic, rather than on the person's character, values, or ethics. Ultimately, you may simply agree to continue the dialogue and agree to disagree.

You have already learned that humor can lift your mood, shift your mental or physical fatigue, strengthen your immune system, and provide resilience, but here's another great thing about humor: You can use it to diffuse hostility. When you use self-deprecating humor or poke fun at yourself, you can get relief in tense or hostile situations. Your sense of humor and laughter literally channels your fear of hostility and potential aggression into a lighter, less fearful state of mind.

People like to hear themselves talk, and they like to talk about themselves the most. In an adversarial situation, you can use a person's self-infatuation to your advantage. The language they use will be peppered with their favorite words or expressions. Listen closely enough to catch them. If you remain reasonable and calm, you will be in a better position to respond rationally, using their words to phrase your argument, than if you allow yourself to get all worked up emotionally. Using facts and logic, you win arguments by proving someone wrong, not by proving yourself right.

If you don't already know some anger management techniques, try three or more of the following the next time you must deal with someone's hostility. Breathe deeply. Try to understand your adversary's point of view. Avoid a knee-jerk reaction or allowing anger to overshadow rational thoughts. Know your triggers or hot buttons and change your actions or direction as soon as you recognize a trigger. Assertively communicate what you feel in response to what's being said or what's going on in your environment. Lower or eliminate expectations. Anger can be triggered when an expectation isn't met. Remove yourself from the situation. Accept and forgive, if you can, because anger turned into resentment hurts you more than it does the person who offended you.

You've been fighting for weeks and resolution does not appear to be on the horizon. Consider the following: money is tight, your wife got laid off from her job, and both of your children need braces. You refuse to make the sacrifice your wife wants, that is, give up your San Francisco Giant season tickets. She says you can still go to some of the games, but forget sitting in that luxury box. It's time for you to figure out some contingency possibilities. You could sell your motorcycle that is just sitting in the garage, or find another way to free up the money needed for the braces and to make up the difference between your wife's unemployment check and what her salary used to be. Chances are, when you bring some alternative options to the table, rational negotiations between you can be resumed.