2 States The Story Of My Marriage (4 page)

cracked an A-minus!’

I didn’t react. We walked back towards our dorms.

‘You cannot score more than me in economics, I don’t believe this,’ she said.

‘You are a mechanical engineer. I am a university gold medalist in the subject.’

‘Show the medal to Prof Chatterjee,’ I said in a serious tone.

‘Hey, you OK?’

I kept quiet.

‘Anyway, I owe you a treat. Your numerical saved me. Are you hungry?’

I nodded. People who live in hostels are always hungry.

‘Let’s go to Rambhai,’ she said.

‘You are not coming to Rambhai like this,’ I said.

‘Like what?’

‘Like in these shorts,’ I said.

‘Excuse me. Is it a Delhi thing or a Punjabi thing? Controlling what women

wear?’

‘It is a common sense thing. It is outside campus. People stare,’ I said.

DX @ www.desibbrg.com

‘Enough people stare within campus. I’m fine, let’s go,’ she said and walked

towards the campus gates.

‘I don’t need a treat. It’s fine,’ I said, turning in the opposite direction towards
my dorm.

‘Are you serious? You are not coming?’ she called from behind.

I shook my head.

‘Up to you.’

I ignored her and continued to walk.

‘Are you going to come for the study session tonight?’

I shrugged to signify ‘whatever’.

‘Any dress code for me?’ she said.

‘You are not my girlfriend. Wear whatever. What do I care?’ I said.

We didn’t talk about the afternoon episode when I came to her room in the

evening. She had changed into black track pants and an oversized full-sleeve

black T-shirt. She was covered up enough to go for a walk in Afghanistan. I kind

of missed her shorts, but I had brought it upon myself. I opened the marketing

case that we had to prepare for the next day.

‘Nirdosh – nicotine-free-cigarettes,’ I read out the title.

‘Who the fuck wants that? I feel like a real smoke,’ she said. I gave her a dirty
look.

‘What? Am I not allowed to use the F words? Or is it that I expressed a desire

to smoke?’

‘What are you trying to prove?’

DX @ www.desibbrg.com

‘Nothing. I want you to consider the possibility that women are intelligent

human beings. And intelligent people don’t like to be told what to wear or do,

especially when they are adults. Does that make any sense to you?’

‘Don’t be over-smart,’ I said.

‘Don’t patronize me,’ she said.

‘There are other ways to attract attention than by wearing less clothes,’ I said.

‘I didn’t do it to attract attention. I wear shorts because I like to wear shorts.’

‘Can we study?’ I opened the case again.

We kept quiet for half an hour and immersed ourselves in our books.

‘I wasn’t trying to attract attention,’ she said again, looking up from her books.

‘It doesn’t matter to me,’ I said.

‘Are you jealous?’

‘Are you kidding me?’ I slammed my book shut.

‘No, just checking. Let’s study.’ She turned back to her books, a smile on her

face.

I threw the pillow at her. She laughed and slammed it on my head. I realised

this was the first contact sport I had played with her apart from shaking hands.

DX @ www.desibbrg.com

5

We studied together every day for the next month. Even though I pretended to be

fine with the ‘just friends’ thing, it was killing me. Every time I looked up from my
books, I saw her face. Every time I saw her, I wanted to grab her face and kiss her.

The only way I could focus was by imagining that Prof Chatterjee was in our

room.

Even outside the study sessions, it wasn’t easy. Every time I saw a guy talk to
her or laugh with her, a hot flush started from my stomach and reached my face.

Sometimes, she would tell me how funny some guy in section A was or how cute

some guy in section B was and I wanted to go with a machine gun and shoot the

respective guys in sections A and B.

‘What? They should go full on with the advertising campaign, right?’ she

referred to the marketing case.

I had been staring at her lips, researching ways of kissing her. ‘Huh? Yes, I

agree with you,’ I said.

‘Your mind is elsewhere. What are you thinking of right now?’ she snapped her

fingers.

‘Nothing, sorry, I was thinking how…..how insightful you are in marketing.’

‘Thank you,’ she smiled, believing me. ‘Yes, I like this subject. I think I will be
good at a marketing job. So I will go with this recommendation tomorrow.’

We finished the case at midnight. I stood up to leave.

‘Tea?’ she said, suggesting we go to Rambhai.

‘No. I can’t fall asleep then,’ I said.

‘Maggi? I will make it in the pantry upstairs.’

‘No, I’d better go,’

She came to the door with me. ‘You are so serious these days. What do you

keep thinking about? Grades?’

‘I can’t study with you any longer,’ I blurted out.

DX @ www.desibbrg.com

‘What?’ she said surprised.

‘We’ve figured out a rhythm for ourselves. We don’t need to study together

anymore.’

‘Yeah, but we like to study together, at least I do….What’s up? Did I do

anything wrong?’

‘It’s not you. It’s me,’ I said.

‘Don’t do an “it’s not you, it’s me” on me,’ Ananya screamed.

Her loud voice woke up a girl in the next room who switched on her light.

‘We are not dating, OK? Stop behaving like we are having a break-up,’ I

whispered. ‘And go to sleep. There’s a quiz tomorrow.’

I didn’t speak to her in the class the next day. She came up to me twice, once to

return my pen that I had left in her room and another time during the mid-morning

break to ask me if I wanted to go for tea. Once you start liking someone, their

mere presence evokes a warm feeling in you. I fought the feeling before it took

control of me.

‘I’d rather read up for the next class. You go have tea,’ I said.

She didn’t insist as she left the room. She had worn a long maroon skirt and a
light brown top. I wish she’d turn back and look at me. But she didn’t. she joined

her dorm-mates and went out for tea.

I dodged her for the next five days. I came late to class and left first so there
was no time for greetings.

‘You are not talking to her?’ the Mohit right next to me asked while the other

four craned their necks to listen. Even Kanyashree paused from her frantic note-

taking and turned her profile ten-degrees towards me.

‘You seem quite concerned?’ I said and everyone promptly backed off.

DX @ www.desibbrg.com

6

Ananya knocked at my door at nine in the night. I had just sat down to study after

dinner. Girls rarely visited boys’ dorms. She had come to my room only once

before. It had excited my dorm-mates into an impromptu Frisbee match set to

loud music in the dorm corridor.

‘She reminds me of Bhagyashree,’ one of the boys had screamed outside our

room. Even I couldn’t resist a smile. He went on to play a song from Maine Pyar

Kiya that urged a pigeon to play postman.

‘That’s it. We are never studying at your dorm again,’ she had fumed as she

packed her books. She opened the door to eight boys playing Frisbee in the

corridor.

‘For the record, I Hate Bhagyashree,’ she had said and stormed off.

But here she was again. And the firmness in her step meant my dorm-mates

didn’t act like Neanderthals and had disappeared into their rooms.

I opened the door. She stood there, wearing the blue and white salwar kameez

that she wore the first time I saw her. When you are in campus, you can figure out

a pattern in people’s clothes. Her blue salwar kameez repeated itself every three

weeks.

She had brought two Frootis with her. ‘Can I come in? Can I distract the

scholar for ten minutes from his studies?’

Unlike her room, there was no aesthetic appeal to mine. I had left the red

bricks bare, and they looked like prison walls. My originally white bed-sheet had

turned grey after being washed in acid in the IIT hostels. My desk only had books,

unlike Ananya’s who always had cut flowers from campus lawns or arty incense

holders or other objects that men never put on their shopping lists.

‘Wait,’ is aid. I turned around to do a quick scan. No, there was no underwear

or smelly socks or porn magazines or old razor blades in sight. I held the door

open.

‘Mugging away?’ she asked as she sat on the bed.

‘No choice.’ I pulled back my study chair.

DX @ www.desibbrg.com

‘Your grades will improve as you don’t study with me anymore.’

‘It’s nothing like that,’ I said.

‘Then, what is the matter? What is this childish behavior? Like you don’t even

acknowledge me in class.’

I looked away from her.

‘Eye contact please.’

I looked at her. I had missed her so much I wanted to lock my room and never

let her go.

‘I can’t,’ I said.

‘Can’t what?’

‘I can’t be just friends. I’m sure some guys can be friends with girls. I can’t. Not
with you.’

‘What?’ She sat up straight.

‘I know you are out of my league and I don’t deserve you and whatever so

spare me all that and….’

‘What are you talking about?’ she sounded confused.

‘Forget it. Thanks for the Frooti,’ I said. I took a long, gurgling sip to finish the
drink. I slammed the tetrapack on the table like a retro Hindi film hero who takes

the last sip of his VAT69. Yes, leave me alone as I drown my suffering in mango

juice, I thought.

‘Hey.’ She touched my shoulder.

‘Don’t put your hand on my shoulder,’ I said as her touch sent tingles down

the back of my neck.

‘OK, peace.’ She moved her hand away. ‘But this is sort of not fair. We had a

deal.’

‘Screw the deal,’ I said as I crumpled the Frooti carton and threw it in my

dustbin.

We exchanged glances, silent for a minute.

‘What do you want?’ she asked.

DX @ www.desibbrg.com

‘I want us to be a couple,’ I said. ‘And this is not a proposal. I am not Mr.

Fourteen.’

She stared at me. I stared back, to show I was unfazed. ‘If this isn’t a proposal,
what is it?’

‘You have come to my room. You asked me what I want. It’s different.’

‘But you want us to be a couple.’ Her voice was still defiant.

I nodded.

‘We used to practically be a couple, studying together, going to the STD booth

together, having meals in the mess together.’

‘All that stuff you can do with anyone,’ I said.

‘You aren’t making any sense,’ she said.

‘OK, I will explain it,’ I said and stood up. ‘I will explain it so it makes sense. To
sit and study with you is an exercise in double self-control. First I have to force

myself to pay attention to these boring cases. Second, I have to avoid looking at

your face as much as possible because when I look at your face, all I want to do

is kiss you. But we have this stupid just-friends deal and you are all cool about it
and so that leaves me whipping my mind to study nicotine-free cigarettes and not

think about your lips and the little mole that is there below the lower one.’

‘You noticed that mole? It’s tiny.’ She touched it.

‘It may be tiny, but it at least has a fifty percent market share in terms of my
mind-space. But hey, I am just a friend. I don’t get the mole. I only get the full

stops.’

She laughed.

‘I am not being funny. You girls don’t know what it is like to be a guy.’

‘Those lips talk a lot. Yours I mean,’ she said.

I froze. Ms Swaminathan didn’t as she came close to me. In a second, her

Frooti-laced lips were on mine. We kissed for three seconds.

‘And now, before I realize the stupidity of what I have done, I am out of here,’

she said and opened the door. I was too dumbstruck to move.

DX @ www.desibbrg.com

Four boys from my dorm removed their ears from the door as Ananya pushed

the door open.

‘We were just locating our Frisbee,’ one of the four boys said.

‘It won’t be in this room. This boy only likes to study,; she said and walked out
of my dorm.

I didn’t move an inch for five minutes. The remaining three minutes were spent

realizing that the hottest girl in the campus had kissed me. I didn’t know what I’d