1001 Ways to Make Money If You Dare (81 page)

500 TRADEMARK A BUZZWORD.
Donald Trump actually had the balls to file a trademark request for the phrase “You're fired.” So if you notice a term that's annoying enough to become this year's “That's hot,” file an application. You could end up cashing in anytime someone uses your brilliant buzzword, though some people may have a few choice words for you.

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501 BUY GOLD AND RESELL IT.
Gold is at the highest price in years, and websites like
USGoldBuyers.com
are willing to pay top dollar for it. Some people are wary of mailing their gold to a faceless website, so consider buying gold from others and reselling it for profit. Start with people you know (“But Mom, you never wear your wedding ring!”) and encourage your first customers to tell their friends. Be sure to check out the
Consumer Reports
assessment of the site you are going to mail the gold to, or the hustler may become the hustled.

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502 START A DUMPING SERVICE.
Telling your significant other that he or she is not so significant is a sucky task at best. Why not take on this messy chore for others? Sure, you'll end up consoling heartbroken men and women, but they don't have your number to drunk dial you in the middle of the night.

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503 LAUNCH A GROVELING EXPERIENCE.
Everybody screws up now and again. But winning back someone's trust can be an annoying and time-consuming process. Particularly heartless people can hire you to do it for them! You'll be delivering a lot of flowers and probably get slapped now and again, but perhaps if one of the unforgiving souls is upset enough, you could get her number and use your newfound cash to take her on a date.

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504 START A DATING SERVICE FOR DORKS.
Even dorks need to get laid. Create an online dating site that hooks up like-minded nerds. Give them further incentive to join your site by hosting sessions to help them approach the opposite sex. Advertise online on popular graphic novel fan sites, science fiction chat rooms, and the websites for bad emo bands.

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505 HIRE OUT AS A RELATIONSHIP ASSISTANT.
Guys need as much help as they can get when it comes to keeping up with the women in their lives. Why not become the George to your friend's Jerry and help stay on top of him meeting his girlfriend's (or wife's) needs? You can keep her schedule straight for him, send flowers and chocolates on special occasions, and remember all those “little things” he always forgets. Just don't get found out — it could be the end of you both.

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