01. Chasing Nikki (14 page)

I smiled
when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, knowing it was Nikki calling to tell me
goodnight.  “Hey sexy,” I answered.

She
laughed.  “I hope you checked to make sure it was me before you replied.”

“Nah, I know
lots of sexy people.  Figured it had to be one of you,” I teased.

“Oh, so you
have lots of girls calling you late at night.  Is that what you’re saying?”

“No, I’m
saying Brett is sexy too and needs to hear it once in a while.”

She snorted,
and I chuckled.  “That’s such an attractive sound.  Do it again.”

“Not a
chance,” she replied, and I could still hear the humor in her voice.

“I wish I
could see your face right now.  We should download a video chat app,” I
suggested.

“My cell
isn’t as fancy as yours, remember?  Only the bare necessities for me.”

“Man, it’s
like you live in the dark ages, Nikki.  How do you make it without playing
video games on your phone?  I’d probably go crazy on all my sports trips
without something to do to pass the time.”

“Girls
aren’t like that.  We actually
talk
to each other on trips.”

“Don’t you
mean you
gossip
?” I goaded.

“Yeah, that
too,” she agreed with a slight giggle.

I flopped
over onto my stomach and propped up on my elbows, waving my feet in the air
behind me.  “So tell me some great gossip,” I said in my best feminine sounding
voice.  “I’m dying to hear everything you’ve been talking to people about.”

“You’re an
idiot.”

I could
almost see the eye roll she was giving me right now, but she was laughing, and
that’s all I cared about.  I loved the sound of it.

“I might be
an idiot, but I’m your idiot.”

“Are you?”
she asked, suddenly serious.

“One hundred
percent,” I replied in the same tone.  There was a pause between us as the
words I was saying sunk in.  I spoke up before she could analyze it too much
farther. “I want to take you out on Sunday around noon.  Are you up for that?”

“Sure.  Let
me ask my mom if it’s okay.”

I waited for
a few moments before she spoke again.  “She wants to know what we have
planned.”

“Can’t tell
you that.  It’s a secret. If she really wants to know, then have her text me.”

“Oh, so
you’ll tell her but not me?”

“Yep. 
That’s how the secret thing works.”

She
disappeared for a minute again.  “She says I can go if I help her get the house
cleaned after I get back from working at the hospital.”

“Awesome. 
I’ll see you there tomorrow then.”

“Great.” 

“Night,
sexy.”

She laughed
again.  “Night, stud muffin.”  She hung up before I could reply.

“Having fun
there?” My mom’s voice came from the doorway.

I turned to
look at her and smiled. “I am, actually.  Don’t freak out when I say this, but
I think I’m starting to like living here.”

She walked
in and came to sit next to me.  “And if there wasn’t a girl involved, would you
feel the same way?”

I thought
about it for a second.  “I think so.  I’ve made a few really cool friends, and
from what everyone keeps telling me, the football team seems to have a pretty
good program.  I’m kind of looking forward to it.”

“What about
that jerk you got in the fight with?  Is he still bothering you?”

“I’ve barely
seen Jeremy since that day.  Guess he took my warning to stay away seriously.”

“I hope so,
but I would watch your back anyway.  You never know what will happen with
someone like that.”

“True.” The
conversation dwindled off for a moment, and I wondered when mom and I had grown
so far apart that it became difficult to talk to one another.  I didn’t like
it.

“How’s work
going for you?” I asked in an attempt to keep things flowing.

“Wonderful,
actually.  I sold a house, so I’ll be getting a nice commission from that. 
I’ve also met some great people.” She glanced away from me nervously.

“What kind
of people?” I replied, feeling suspicious as I stared at her.  I suddenly
noticed she looked very dressed up, and she had this kind of glow about her.

“Well,
there’s this nice girl named Sarah who works at the office.  She introduced me
to her brother last week.”

She’d met a
man.  I felt a little sick.

“He’s so
sweet,” she continued on.  “His name is Greg Stanton, and he’s a local
contractor here in the area.  He asked me out on a date for tomorrow night.”

And there
was the bomb I’d been waiting for.

 “What did
you say?”

“I told him
yes.” She looked straight at me.  “I hope that’s okay with you.”

I couldn’t
help the sigh that escaped as I rolled back onto my pillow.  “I don’t know how
I feel about it, Mom.  I mean it’s your life, and you should probably do what
makes you happy, but I’m not gonna lie. It’s weird to think of you dating
someone who isn’t Dad.”

She laid her
palm on my leg.  “It’s strange for me as well, Chase.  I miss your dad a lot,
but I’ve been really lonely.  I know he hasn’t even been dead for a year yet,
so I understand if it feels too soon for you.”

“It’s been
almost eight months.  Seven months and thirteen days to be exact.  If you want
me to get really technical, I can probably give you the hours and minutes too.”

My mom burst
into tears, burying her face in her hands, and I felt like a heel.  I sat up
and wrapped my arms around her, letting her cry against my shoulder.  She was
sobbing uncontrollably, more than I’d ever seen her do since the day we found
out he died.

“Mom.  Mom,
I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you so badly.” I hugged her tighter.

“I know you
didn’t.” She hiccupped.  “It just kills me to see how badly this has destroyed
your life.  I’ve felt totally helpless with no idea of how to reach you.  Your
dad was the one who always knew you best.  He’s the one I went to for advice
when it came to you, and then he wasn’t there.  I feel like I let you down
somehow.  I didn’t help you cope the way I should’ve, and so you turned to
something else to try to find a way out.  I’m certainly not going to be up for
any parent of the year awards anytime soon.”

“Is that
what you think, Mom?” I said, moving so she would look at me.  “You didn’t do
anything to make me this way.  You were the stable thing in my life—the only
person who was always there.”

 I felt a
wave of emotions roll over me, and I rapidly took a breath, trying to push them
away before I continued. 

“I didn’t
know how to talk about him without … without feeling like this.” I gestured
between the two of us.  “There came a point where all I was doing was blinking
back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm me.  I couldn’t take it
anymore.  I didn’t want to feel it, so I chose the one thing I thought could
help me forget—even if it was just for a small while.”

She nodded,
showing she understood what I was saying and pulled a handkerchief out of her
pocket, dabbing it at her eyes. 

“Grandpa
told me he found evidence you’re still smoking pot.”

I
sighed—surprised it had taken this many days to bring up this conversation
since I’d returned home.  But things had been a little strained, so maybe she’d
just been biding her time.

 “I have
once since we moved here, and I’d had a particularly rough day.” I held up my
hand to stop her when she opened her mouth.  “I know.  That’s not an excuse. 
What I did was wrong, but I wanted to do it—so I did.”

She reached
out to rest her hand on my knee.  “Sometimes we have learn to be bigger than
what we want, son.”

“Easier said
than done, Mom.” I moved away, reclining against my headboard.

“Are you
going to keep using then?” she asked me point blank.

I shrugged. 
“Grandpa made it pretty clear if I ever did, and he found out about it, he
would kick me out.”

“That
doesn’t sound like much of a commitment to me.” She frowned.

“Well, I
know Nikki doesn’t like it.  She works for a drug abuse therapist.”

“You need to
quit because you want to, Chase, not because of someone else’s opinion.  Do you
want to stop?”

I picked at
an imaginary dust speck on my bedspread.  “I want to stop hurting.”

“That’s what
got you into this mess.”

“I don’t
know what else I can give you right now, Mom.  I’m trying, okay?  I’m excited
about things I haven’t even thought about in the last several months.  I look
forward to different things every day.  I even wake up happy sometimes.  Am I
healing?  Maybe.  Only time will tell, but I’m trying.  That’s all I’ve got at
the moment.”

“Then that’s
enough for me.  Just keep thinking like that.” She hugged me, and I slipped my
arms around her.  She gave a quick kiss on my cheek before she stood.  “I love
you.  Don’t forget that.”

“Love you
too,” I said as she walked to the door.  “Hey, Mom!” I called after her when
she stepped into the hallway.

“Yes?” She
reappeared with a questioning look on her face.

“This Greg
guy … is he coming here to pick you up?”

She nodded.

“Where’s he
taking you?”

She smiled and
crossed her arms.  “Out to dinner.  Why?”

“What time
will you be home?”

She cocked
an eyebrow.  “Don’t you even think about beginning to check up on me, young
man.”

“Someone’s
got to do it.  It might as well be me.  I need to make sure Greg knows who he’s
dealing with.  No one messes with my mom.”

Laughter
bubbled up from inside her.  “Put your swag away, Mr. Macho.  I know how to
handle myself without a little peon like you flitting about trying to ruffle
everyone’s feathers.” She turned and walked away.

“That won’t
stop me!” I shouted, chuckling as I started to get ready for bed.

“It better!”
she hollered back, surprising me.

I would
definitely be here to check out this Greg fellow when he showed up tomorrow. 
She could count on that.

Chapter Thirteen

“You’re
late.  You missed most of the group and left me to staple massive amounts of
packets by myself.” Nikki stood with her hands on her hips, glaring over me
with disdain.  “And you’re absolutely filthy!  What happened to you?”

“I hit some
debris someone lost in the middle of the road.  The rain was coming down so
hard I didn’t see it in time, and it punctured one of my tires.  I’ve been
putting the spare on and rolling around in all this lovely country mud you
people keep up here.” 

I went into
the bathroom and pulled a bunch of paper towels out of the dispenser and
started wiping my face and arms down.  I was drenched.

“You need to
get something dry on.  Why don’t you just go home?  I’ll explain what’s going
on to Maggie.”

“I always
carry spare clothes around with me,” I replied, nodding toward the backpack I’d
tossed on the floor next to me.

She gave me
a puzzled look.  “You do?”

“While I’d
love to tell you it’s because I’m such a great Boy Scout, it’s actually the
product of waking up after vomit-inducing alcohol and drug binges,” I
explained.

Her eyes
went wide. 

“Give me a
minute, and I’ll get changed—unless you want to help me get out of these wet
things,” I added, lifting an eyebrow in suggestion.

“Shhh.”
Nikki blushed as she glanced around.  “Someone will hear you.”

I shrugged. 
“So, who cares?”

 “I do. 
They’ll think we’re … that we’re ….”

“That we’re
what?” I laughed, prodding her on.  “Doing
it
?  Weren’t you the one who
was begging me to stick around the other day?”

She gasped
and shut the door much too loudly, closing me into the small space by myself. 
I couldn’t help the grin that stayed on my lips.  She was so fun to tease.

I quickly
changed, and did the best I could to dry rub my hair into some semblance of
order, before I joined her. 

“That looks
much more comfortable.” She shoved a stack of stapled papers in my arms.  “Go
pass these to the group that’s out there, while I set up some of the packets
for next week.”

“Yes,
ma’am.” I loved it when she was bossy.

I followed
her instructions, slipping quietly into the room and waiting for Maggie to give
me the okay to start passing to everyone in attendance.

“Thank you,
Chase,” Maggie said when I was done.

“No
problem.” I headed back into where Nikki was working.

“I was
wondering if you’d like to sit in on the group sometime?” Nikki asked, peeking
over at me.

I came to a
halt, her comment catching me completely off guard, and she hurried to continue
on.

“You don’t
have to talk if you don’t want to.  You can just listen to the others
experiences and what they’re doing to get past their addiction problems.”

Moving to
the table, I picked up the first few papers and began stapling them together. 
“I’m not addicted to anything.”  I knew I sounded short with her, but I
couldn’t help it.

“I’m not
saying you are.  I know you’ve used recently, though, and it’s caused problems
for you at home.  I thought maybe you could learn some mental techniques—things
to help talk yourself through situations when the urge comes up.”  She sighed
heavily.  “I’m sorry.  This isn’t coming out right.  I know it’s none of my
business.  I was trying to offer support—if you needed it.”

I didn’t
answer, and to her credit, she didn’t push the issue any farther.  We worked
together in silence for quite a while, until we had most of the work done for
the next week.

She went to
the water cooler and got a drink, sipping it while she watched me finish up the
rest of the papers. 

“I got
plastered one night after my dad died,” she said suddenly, capturing my
attention.  “I found the key to my parent’s liquor cabinet, and I took out
three big bottles.  I don’t even remember what they were now.   I wasn’t old
enough to drive anywhere, so I went to this little meadow behind our house.  I
didn’t even like the taste of it, but people always talk about how great it is,
so I figured it had to get better, right? I forced myself to drink it—guzzling
until I was so sick I started vomiting everywhere.  It was awful, and I felt
worse afterward than I did before.  I made up my mind I was never going to do
anything like that again.” She stopped and stared at me.  “I just want you to
know, even though my experience is different than yours, I get where you’re
coming from.”