Without You Here (30 page)
Authors: Carter Ashby
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Women's Fiction, #Contemporary Women, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Romantic Comedy, #Contemporary Fiction, #Humor
I laughed and took the bear, staring down at it through a blur of tears. "How come you think we're having a girl?"
"No reason. I just know we are."
"We probably shouldn't make any major decorating commitments until we're sure."
"Oh, I'm sure." He smiled at me as though he had some secret insight into my womb. But then his expression changed. Sobered.
"Listen, Ettie," he said, squeezing my hands. "Some things I gotta say. It's important to me that you know that I love you. No matter what. I love your body, too. You have the most incredible breasts and I would really like it if you would just never wear clothes."
I laughed again, but he was still serious.
"But bodies change. And I don't want you ever to worry about that. This pregnancy...it's going to change you. Change your body. And maybe you won't like the changes you see. But know that I will love every change in your body. Every scar. Every stretch mark. They'll be beautiful to me because they represent sacrifices you're making for our family. And if, God forbid, you ever have to go through anything like...like Amberlee did...I'll love your body all the way. She never stopped being beautiful to me. I gazed on her with...with awe every time I looked at her. She was so strong and she was mine. I was proud of her and I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world."
I blinked tears away.
He gave a gentle smile. "And I feel that way about you, now. So I need you to do something for me."
"Anything," I said.
He smiled again. "I need you to believe me when I tell you you're beautiful. I need you to let me love you with everything I have. It's all I have to give and if you reject it because you're not happy with yourself, that's just not fair. To either of us. So promise me, okay? Promise you'll take what I have to give and be happy with it."
I smiled through the tears pouring silently down my cheeks. It was a promise I could make confidently, and all the more so because I knew he was so afraid of being broken again. My heart ached for the pain he'd endured. I knew he still loved and thought the world of his first wife, but I was heartbroken for him and all she'd put him through. I was heartbroken for her and all she'd missed out on because she couldn't find a way to be happy with what she had. And to my view, she had a whole hell of a lot.
"I promise," I said.
He studied me for a long moment. Then he cupped my face and swiped my tears away with his thumbs. "Good," he said. "Now tell me what our wedding plans are?"
EPILOGUE
8 months later
The worry would always be there, for Wyatt. Being in a hospital, even for such a joyous occasion, brought waves of nervous tension upon him. The doctor they'd chosen was the same who'd delivered Blake. Twenty-two years older, but still friendly and gentle. Ettie loved him, which was all that mattered. Because right now she was in about as vulnerable a position as a person could be in.
Wyatt pushed his worries aside and focused on the moment. On her. She was breathing hard and doing her best to crush every bone in his hand. "I changed my mind!" she panted. "I want a c-section. Please Dr. Mueller, give me a c-section."
The doctor opened his mouth to answer, but then the contraction passed and Ettie fell back, a smile blooming on her face. "I can't wait to see our baby. This isn't so bad, really. I can do this." Her eyes were locked on Wyatt and he smiled gently down at her. He brushed her hair off her forehead and placed an ice chip on her tongue. He knew full well in another minute, she'd be back to begging for surgery.
Liza was on the other side of the bed holding Ettie's other hand. She'd become a mother to Ettie, who didn't have the kind of relationship with her own mother that would have given her any comfort in this time. Besides, they'd talked to her mom and she'd said she didn't want to come.
Wyatt's family, on the other hand, was out in the waiting room. Lauren would come in, sometimes, but she'd turned out to be very squeamish about seeing her friend in pain. No doubt she would have stepped up if Ettie'd needed her, but she had plenty of support as it was.
Wyatt felt the pressure on his hand increase. She was squeezing again. Her breathing quickened. "It's too soon for another one!" she cried in a panic. "Why are they coming so close? When will they stop? I can't do this. Want...drugs...now...." She dissolved into moans and pantings, sweat beading on her forehead.
And then she fell back with a smile. "Can you believe we're going to be parents? You and me? Isn't this wonderful?"
He grinned and shook his head. His little, schizophrenic wife.
"I love you, Wyatt. When we get out of here I'm going to give you the best blow job of your life!"
A contraction hit, even sooner than the last one and she let out a short, sharp cry that made Wyatt jump. He touched her shoulder and she shouted, "Get your fucking hands off me, you bastard, you have no idea what I'm going through!" And then proceeded with uneven breathing and moaning.
Wyatt fell back onto his stool with a frustrated laugh. God only knew what he looked like. His hair was a wreck, he hadn't shaved in two days. They'd been in the hospital for twelve hours now. He hadn't slept much all week. But deep down he was supported by this sense of rightness in his world. Everything about this was right. Being here with Ettie waiting for their child...it was perfect.
The contraction ended and this wash of euphoria lit her eyes. "I think...I think they're done. I think it's over. I really feel like it's over." She sat her head up and looked at the doctor. "Can you get the baby out now?"
The doctor checked her. Wyatt turned his head. He couldn't stand seeing anyone else touching her, even like this. But he did his best not to let it show. He smiled at his wife. She looked so oblivious. "Sweet girl," he said. "You know it's not over, right?"
"Then how come the contractions have stopped?" Then she laughed like he was the crazy one.
"Fully dilated and effaced," Dr. Mueller said. He stood and gave Ettie a look of compassion. "Now on the next contraction, you're ready to push, okay?"
Her smile slowly faded. She blinked away all of her cheerful, silly, oblivious innocence. Her eyes changed, then. Became resolute and a little bit grim. She pressed her lips together and nodded. Then she turned those eyes to Wyatt and he saw how afraid she was. He took her hand and stood. He kissed her. "I love you. You're doing an amazing job."
She nodded and kept nodding while he gave her the best pep talk he could, even knowing it wasn't going to count for shit when that next contraction hit. She looked so young. And he'd done this to her, all because he'd been too self-absorbed to remember a condom...how many times? He couldn't remember. He knew they'd used protection some of the time, but they'd done it a lot that weekend.
"Where'd you go?" she asked.
He'd stopped talking and gone off on a daydream. "Went back to last spring in the back of my pickup truck."
She groaned. "No offense, but if I'd known I'd have this pain as thanks, I'd've told you to fuck off."
"I'm gonna kiss you before you start cursing my name again."
She tilted her lips up to him. As he was kissing her, he felt her body tense. Her hand squeezed his. He pulled back. She squirmed a little to get comfortable and looked at the doctor. "I push now?"
"You should start feeling the urge. We'll watch and let you know when the contraction is--“
"Fuck!" she shouted and then squeezed her eyes shut. Then she went silent, her face scrunched up and turning redder by the second. Wyatt held his breath with her, he couldn't help it. And when she gasped and fell back, he relaxed too. She panted for a few seconds, took another deep breath, and pushed with the contraction. It went like that for a half an hour. She didn't say a word the whole time. She let out an occasional sob, or asked for an ice chip...but overall she was very quiet.
And then came a push when she cried out in pain. She looked up at Wyatt, all wild, fearful eyes.
"I see the head," said Dr. Mueller. He took Ettie's hand and guided it between her legs. She felt the baby's head and gasped. Then she took hold of Wyatt's hand and pushed again, with renewed determination.
"Head's out. One more good push, Ettie, and you're all done."
She nodded, but was already on it. Wyatt alternated watching her face and the baby. They'd had ultrasounds, but the baby had never been turned right. So they had to wait to find out whether they were having a boy or a girl. With a long cry of pain and triumph, Ettie gave one last push. She fell back, laughing and crying. Dr. Mueller held the baby up. "A beautiful baby girl."
She wasn't wailing, but she was making noises, clearly unhappy with this sudden change of environment. Wyatt cut the cord and Dr. Mueller wrapped her up and handed her to Wyatt. He wanted to hold that baby more than anything, but he nodded to Ettie. "Let her go first."
Ettie held out her arms and beamed down at her daughter. Tears streamed silently down her face. "Oh, Wyatt," she gasped, though she had eyes only for their daughter. Then she looked up at him. "I told you you should have let me buy that pink stroller at that yard sale last week."
He snorted. "I don't like princesses. Pink camo...that's as girly as I'm willing to go. Ain't that right," he said to his daughter. "You're gonna be a gorgeous little darlin' who knows how to hunt, fish, and kick ass." He touched her little cheek. She wasn't making any noise, but she was squirming around and trying to get her eyes opened.
"What's her name?" Liza asked.
"We're giving her your middle name and Lauren's middle name," Ettie said. "So Grace Marie. What do you think?"
Liza teared up. "I think it's wonderful. Thank you for the honor."
Wyatt leaned over Ettie and the baby to kiss his mom on the cheek. "Now go out and tell everyone about our girl, here," Wyatt said.
Liza left, giddily hurrying out to the waiting area. The doctor took Grace to get her cleaned up at a station just across the room so that they could watch. Ettie watched their every move. Wyatt watched her. When she finally relaxed back into the pillow, he said, "Thank you, Ettie."
She smiled up at him. "Thank you, Wyatt. That was an amazing experience. Epidural next time, though, yeah?"
He laughed. "Anything you want."
"I'm so happy I could just burst."
He sat on the edge of the bed and just gazed at her, touching her face and hair. There were worries nagging at him. They hovered at the back of his consciousness begging him to give them notice.
What if something happens to the baby? What if something happens to Ettie? What if something happens to me?
But he pushed back at them, willing them to be silent. Ettie wasn't Amberlee. Whatever came at them, they would handle together.
She must have read his mind because for a moment, she took his hand. "This moment is enough."
He nodded. "Yeah. This moment is everything."
The doctor handed Grace back to Ettie. She pressed the baby to her bare breast and watched as she turned her little head and latched on. Ettie let out a squeak of surprise and looked up at Wyatt, full of awe and uncertainty. He gave her a reassuring smile and put one hand on Ettie's head, the other on Grace's. And then his family burst into the room, swarming them with love and congratulations and Wyatt gave himself up to joy.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carter Ashby is a hardworking housewife and homeschool mother by day, and a romance reader and writer by night. She lives in rural Missouri with her husband, three children, and two dogs.
Visit her anytime at:
http://carterashby.com
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