Uncle John’s Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader (46 page)

• The first and the fourth cantons—the two closest to the flagpole—are known as the
hoist
. The second and third cantons—the ones that flap freely in the wind—are called the
fly
.

AMERICAN FLAG FACTS

Here’s a trick question: If the 50 stars on the American flag represent the 50 states in the union, which star represents
your
state? Answer: none of them. Collectively, the stars do represent the fifty states, but no star represents any particular state.

Another question: If a 51st state enters the union, can you still fly your old 50-star flag? Yes. If the United States ever does get a 51st state, the president will order a new American flag to be designed, one with 51 stars instead of 50. But the new flags will be phased in gradually; even on federal buildings, the 50-star flags will continue to fly until they’re too worn for public display.

You may think that all American flags are exactly the same, but they’re not. Flags that are meant to be displayed indoors often have extra decorative elements. For example:

• Gold cords, ending in gold tassels, may hang from the top of the
flagstaff
or flagpole.

Nick Nolte was originally considered for the role of Han Solo in
Star Wars
.

• The flag may have a gold fringe running along its outer edges.

• The flagstaff may be topped with a
finial
, or ornament, shaped like a spearhead, an eagle, or some other three-dimensional figure.

FLAG DESIGNER

In January 1959, an executive order from President Dwight Eisenhower resulted in a flag redesign. After Alaska became the 49th state, the stars had to be rearranged into seven rows of seven stars each. When Hawaii became the 50th state later that year, Eisenhower ordered the stars to be rearranged again—in nine rows staggered horizontally and 11 staggered vertically.

But who came up with the staggered design? A 17-year-old high school student from Ohio named Robert Heft. When statehood for Alaska and Hawaii were being discussed in 1958, Robert’s teacher asked his students to redesign the flag. He got a B–; the teacher said his design lacked creativity. Robert thought he deserved better, so he sent his flag to his U.S. representative… and Congress approved it, making his school project the new, official American flag.

MYTH UNDERSTOOD

The proper way to dispose of worn or tattered flags is by burning them in a dignified fashion. This tradition is often misunderstood to mean that if a national flag touches the ground for even a moment, it has been desecrated and must be disposed of by burning. This is untrue: A flag should not be dropped or allowed to touch the ground, but if it happens, it’s not the end of the world (or the flag): Just pick it up, and if it’s dirty, clean it. Tattered flags may be mended and restored to good condition.

YOUR SCHWENKEL IS SHOWING

Picture an American flag. Now picture the topmost stripe, the red one, extending out beyond the rest of the flag to almost twice its length, as if a red streamer has been tied to it. That streamer, and the shape it gives to the flag, are known as
schwenkels
. (Seriously.)

Schwenkels aren’t seen very often these days, but during the Middle Ages knights of low rank carried them as their personal flags. How could you tell when a knight had been promoted to the rank of
knight-banneret
? His flag had its schwenkel cut off (not as painful as it sounds), after which the flag was known as a
banner
.

How about you? A 1,200-pound horse eats about seven times its own weight a year.

UNCLE JOHN’S PAGE OF LISTS

Some random bits from the BRI’s bottomless files
.

Top 10 States for Deer/Car Accidents

1.
Pennsylvania

2.
Michigan

3.
Illinois

4.
Ohio

5.
Georgia

6.
Minnesota

7.
Virginia

8.
Indiana

9.
Texas

10.
Wisconsin

5 Requirements in Dick Cheney’s Hotel Room

1.
All lights on

2.
Decaf coffee (brewed in advance)

3.
Diet Sprite (4 cans)

4.
Temperature set to 68°F

5.
TV tuned to FOX News

World’s 5 Healthiest Foods (according to
Health.com
)

1.
Olive oil

2.
Soy

3.
Yogurt

4.
Lentils

5.
Kimchee

6 Parts of the Circulatory System

1.
Heart

2.
Arteries

3.
Arterioles (small arteries)

4.
Capillaries

5.
Veins

6.
Venules (small veins)

3 Little Pigs

1.
Fifer (straw house)

2.
Fiddler (wood house)

3.
Practical (brick house)

The 4 Seasons

1.
Frankie Valli

2.
Tommy DeVito

3.
Bob Gaudio

4.
Nick Massi

7 Real Computer Programming Languages

1.
Toadskin

2.
Nietzsche

3.
Beatnik

4.
OWL

5.
Bullfrog

6.
Spaghetti

7.
Argh!

5 Sports Nicknames Made Up by ESPN’s Chris Berman

1.
René “La Kook” Arocha

2.
Rick “See Ya Later” Aguilera

3.
Jim “Hey” Abbott

4.
Chuck “New Kid On” Knoblauch

5.
Mike “Enough” Aldretti

4 H’s in the 4-H Club

1.
Head

2.
Heart

3.
Hands

4.
Health

5 Childless U.S. Presidents

1.
George Washington

2.
James Buchanan

3.
Andrew Jackson

4.
James Polk

5.
James Madison

3 Events in an Ironman Triathlon

1.
2.4-mile swim

2.
112-mile bike race

3.
26.2-mile run

Nicole Kidman has
lepidopterophobia
…a morbid fear of butterflies.

WORD ORIGINS

Ever wonder where certain words come from? Here are the interesting stories behind some of them
.

H
AGGARD
Meaning:
Appearing tired or worn out
Origin:
“When the Normans conquered England in 1066, they brought with them their own style of falconry. The Old French word
falcon
referred only to female hawks, while the male was called a
tercel
(that’s where Toyota got it). A wild bird trapped for falconry was called a
haggard
. These haggards were often uncontrollable and difficult to train, and soon haggard was being used to describe unruly, intractable people, and, eventually, the gaunt appearance of an exhausted person.” (From
Once Upon a Word
, by Rob Kyff
)

HUBRIS

Meaning:
Arrogance

Origin:
“In its original Greek sense (the Greek form is
hybris
) it indicated insolence towards the gods, an unwise attitude that would inevitably be followed by one’s comeuppance (or
nemesis
). If used to describe someone’s current attitudes or behavior, the speaker is looking forward to saying ‘I told you so.’” (From
Faux Pas?
, by Philip Gooden)

PASTRAMI

Meaning:
A cured or smoked, seasoned deli meat

Origin:
“Pastrami has a Romanian-Roman history. In Bucharest it’s
pastrama
, from a verb meaning ‘to preserve.’ Pastrami is a kind of prepared beef, most often taken from a shoulder cut, highly seasoned and smoked to preserve it.” (From
A Pleasure in Words
, by Eugene T. Maleska)

PAPARAZZI

Meaning:
Photographers who follow celebrities

Origin:
“From a character in the 1960 Federico Fellini film,
La Dolce Vita
, a photographer named Signor Paparazzo. When Fellini was growing up, one of his classmates was a boy who was always squirming and talking fast. A teacher gave him the nickname
Paparazzo
, an Italian dialect word for a mosquito-like insect that is always buzzing around in the air. When Fellini was writing
La Dolce Vita
, he gave his classmate’s nickname to his fictitious photographer, a character who constantly flitted around the rich and famous. Before long the real-life photographers who follow celebrities everywhere began to be known as
paparazzi
, the plural of paparazzo.” (From
Inventing English
, by Dale Corey)

Aretha Franklin’s voice has been designated a natural resource by the state of Michigan.

SCAVENGER

Meaning:
A person or animal who collects junk or waste

Origin:
“In the 14th century, many English towns levied a tax called a
scavage
on goods sold by nonresident merchants in order to give local merchants an advantage. The
scavegers
(the ‘n’ was added later) of London were officers charged with the collection of the scavage. The responsibility for keeping the streets clean later fell on their shoulders, as well. When the scavengers’ original purpose was forgotten, they remained simple street cleaners. Now anyone who collects junk is a scavenger.” (From
The Merriam-Webster Book of Word Histories
)

SCHLEMIEL

Meaning:
A fool

Origin:
“The name comes from one Shelumiel (Numbers 2:12), leader of the tribe of Simeon. Of all the Hebrew captains of his day, he was the only one regularly unsuccessful in battle. The tradition was revived in 1814 by Adelbert von Chamisso, who wrote
Peter Schlemihl’s Wonderful Story
, about a man who gives up his shadow to a stranger (the devil) in return for the never-empty purse of Fortunatus (a hero of European legend). The word became a synonym for a person who agreed to a silly bargain.” (From
O Thou Improper, Thou Uncommon Noun
, by Willard Espy)

*        *        *

“Desserts remain for a moment or two in your mouth, and for the rest of your life on your hips.”

—
Peg Bracken

It
is
unusual: Tom Jones was on Charles Manson’s hit list.

AUDIO TREASURES

Uncle John loves old-time radio shows. Here are some of his favorites. (For a background on the Golden Age of Radio, turn to
page 77
.)

D
RAGNET (NBC, 1949–57)
If you like to watch
CSI
or any other police “procedural” show, you have Jack Webb—
Dragnet
’s Sergeant Joe Friday—to thank for it. Webb came up with the idea for
Dragnet
after playing a forensic scientist in the 1948 movie
He Walked by Night
. Other cops-and-robbers radio shows were mostly flights of fancy, but Webb, the creator and producer of the show as well as its star, was a stickler for authenticity. He rode along with police officers on patrol and sat in on classes at the police academy, soaking up details that he put to good use in his show. Even the ring of the telephones and the number of footsteps between offices were exactly as they were at LAPD headquarters.

Things to Listen For:
Controversial subject matter.
Dragnet
was the first police show to tackle taboo topics, such as sex crimes, drug abuse, and the deaths of children. The grim storyline of the 1949 Christmas episode: An eight-year-old boy is shot and killed by the .22 rifle his friend got for Christmas. Gritty realism and attention to detail helped make
Dragnet
one of the most popular and long-lasting police dramas on radio. It has influenced nearly every police show—on radio and TV—since.

Note:
Good writing is one of the things that makes
Dragnet
so much fun to listen to;
bad
writing is what gives another Jack Webb radio detective show,
Pat Novak for Hire
(ABC, 1946–47), its appeal. The endless stream of cheesy similes (“When Feldman hit me I went down like the price of winter wheat,” and, “She was kind of pretty, except you could see somebody had used her badly, like a dictionary in a stupid family”) pile up like cars on the freeway at rush hour.

MY FAVORITE HUSBAND (CBS, 1948–51)

If you’re a fan of
I Love Lucy
, give
My Favorite Husband
a listen. Lucille Ball stars as Liz Cooper, the screwy wife of George Cooper, played by Richard Denning. The show was so successful that CBS decided to move it to television in 1951. Lucy agreed on one condition: her real-life husband, Cuban bandleader Desi Arnaz, was to play her husband.