Three Loving Words (19 page)

I stared into Enzo’s eyes, which were just above mine; they were alight, the muscle in his neck was pulsing, and I could feel the effect this little game had on him.  I suddenly felt my breath turn shallow and I swallowed hard, my eyes not leaving his.  If you looked up sexual tension in the dictionary, that right there would be the real-life definition.  Right under it would be a warning label that read, “Caution, being in the vicinity of Enzo may lead to spontaneous combustion if said sexual tension is not taken care of immediately.”  Apparently, Enzo read the warning as well because the next thing I knew, his lips were bruising mine while his body moved to cover me completely.

“Are you sore?” he asked against my lips.

“Yes, but I want you,” I whispered as I dug my hands into his hair and pushed my hips up to grind against his.  I didn’t know where that confidence had come from, but I liked it.  And that was all the encouragement he needed.

“We’ll go slow,” he told me as he proceeded to torture me with slow, precise movements that built to the most incredible climax I had ever experienced.  My earlier mimicking tone laughed at me as I gave Enzo the real-life description of what I heard.  “Oh Enzo” was no longer a club I had joined; it was an official part of my vocabulary, and I loved it.

After Enzo had rested himself half on me, his body spent like mine, I felt vibrations to my very core at his quiet laughter.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Looks like I won the bet.” His teasing smile lit up his face as he looked at me.

“What bet?”

“That you’d come to me.” He smiled wider if that was possible.  I would have taken offense, thinking that was all this was about, but his tone told me he was amused not smug.

“Technically, you came to me.  This is my room, after all.” I smiled back.

“Semantics.” He chuckled.  “I won the bet.” He continued to laugh before turning serious.  “And thank God for that.”  His whispered words sent a shiver through my body.  I was fast becoming addicted to Enzo, and that scared me.  I wanted this, I wanted Enzo, but I didn’t think of the consequences.  Enzo never said he wanted more.  To him, this could have been just a great day, another conquest with some additional benefits.  I wouldn’t ask because I didn’t want the answer.  I had a feeling I knew what it was.

Enzo flipped over and pulled me back into the crook of his neck before turning the TV back on, and just like that, I forgot my worries and just enjoyed the rest of the day.

*****

The following week was … interesting.  We spent every night together, not that it was difficult considering we lived together.  We didn’t go on any dates or attempt to really get to know each other like couples did, but we did spend time together … a lot of time together … in the bedroom.  It was as if someone had turned off the hate switch, dimmed the civil lights, and blasted the volume of the happy stereo. And I was making up for lost time, and what better way than with my husband.  I liked my husband.  It had felt weird saying that even in my head.  I tried it out a few times out loud and that was even stranger.  Usually, you liked your boyfriend, lusted over your fiancé, and loved your husband.  We obviously skipped a few steps.  I had gotten so used to hating him, or at the very least liking him in the recesses of my mind, that I couldn’t fathom liking him out loud.  Let’s not forget that other little L word that kept trying to push its way out of my mouth, too.  Yep, I had to keep a lid on that.

We didn’t spend all our time in the bedroom, either.  We ate together, watched TV together, even talked to each other about our days.  I’d be honest and say that was the closest to a relationship that I ever had even in such a short time and I’d be lying if I weren’t completely content in my little bubble.  I desperately wanted to know what Enzo thought of our time together, but I was afraid of the answer.  To him, I was probably a very convenient fuck buddy.  I wasn’t even upset with Enzo, and he still managed to make me cuss, even if it was in my mind.

I didn’t want to know what he did when we weren’t together during the day because I was sure I’d be crushed.  So I just took what he gave and lived in my very own fantasy happily ever after, at least for that week.

We were lying in bed on Sunday evening, my eyes slowly closing when Enzo asked, “Why are we always in your room?”

“Why not?” I responded playfully.

“I want you in my bed,” he announced so authoritatively that I almost caved, stood up, and walked over to his room.

“Me and everyone else,” I mumbled as my brain started working again.

“What?”

“That bed,” I said with disdain, “has seen more action than a Schwarzenegger film.”

“Did you really just say Schwarzenegger film?  What year is this?  Nineteen-eighty?”  He laughed, and I couldn’t help but chuckle, too.

“Okay, okay, enough laughing at me.  You get the point.”

“No actually, I don’t,” he told me, but I had a feeling he really did understand where I was getting at.

“What’s the difference between this bed and yours?”

“There’s something different about having you in my bed, and I want that.”

“Well, I’m sorry Enzo, but I’m not getting in that bed.”  The mood turned a little sour at that moment, and I was bound and determined not to let anything affect my moment of perfection.  “But I can think of a few things we can do in this bed.”  Apparently, so did Enzo.

The following day, I had left work early so I could figure out my financial aid situation for graduate school.  I needed to see if I could somehow continue using the scholarship I’d had as an undergrad.  Business school was only two years, but it wasn’t cheap.  My job had promised me an analyst position once I finished, but my current role wasn’t going to help pay for tuition.

After an hour-long wait in line at the financial aid office, I got the shock of my life.  I gave the clerk my personal information so she could look up my account and then proceeded to ask her several questions.  “Can you tell me please how much money is left in my scholarship account?  Also, I was wondering if I can use any of the leftover funds toward my graduate degree.  And lastly, can you tell me how I can apply for the same scholarship as a graduate student?  And if I can’t, are there are any other scholarships that are comparable to this one?”

“You didn’t have a scholarship dear,” the older lady informed me.

“But I got the paperwork in the mail and it said my tuition was paid in full.  Please don’t tell me I owe anything.”  I was on the verge of tears.  There was no way I could afford three and a half years of college tuition and then figure out how to pay for graduate school on top of that.

“Your tuition was paid in full,” she told me as if I was crazy.  Maybe I was.  I couldn’t understand anything going on.

“I don’t get it.”

“You don’t have any outstanding charges for your undergraduate account.  That was paid for while you were still a student here.”

“Okay, that makes sense.”  Sort of.  That was the case, but I was still confused as to why she had said there was no scholarship.

“And the funds for next semester have already cleared.”

“So my scholarship just continued?  How did they know?  You guys send some kind of continuation of schooling paperwork?”

“My dear, I don’t know what scholarship you are referring to, but we received a wire transfer every semester.”

“Can you see where it came from?”

“Sure,” she said as she flipped her computer monitor around for me to see my account information.  “It always comes from the same account.  It’s right here,” she pointed to the name and then read it out loud as I mouthed it.  “Enzo Faust.”

“But I got a letter in the mail!” I cried out.

“I’m sure you did.  We always send out letters when payment is received.”

“No, you don’t understand.  This said my account had been settled.”

“That’s right.”

“But I thought it was a scholarship!”

“I don’t know what to tell you, but you are paid up through the next semester.  You don’t have to worry about tuition for the next few months, at least.”

I walked out of there a zombie.  Enzo had paid for my tuition.  Enzo had paid for my tuition and never told me.  Enzo had paid for my tuition, never told me, and didn’t expect anything in return all these years.

I was completely dumbfounded.  That had been the sweetest thing he could have ever done for me.  I had tasted the tears before I realized I was crying.  Enzo made sure I lived part of my dream, no questions asked, no thank-you required, not even any acknowledgment.

“I thought he hated me,” I told Nora after I called her and explained everything.  When I told her about our first night together, she had literally screamed at the top of her lungs.  I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

“I told you he didn’t.  I tried to tell you he was a good guy and was into you.”

“But he hated me.  Yet he did this.  I don’t get it.”

“That’s not all he did,” she mumbled.

“Huh?”

“I promised I’d never tell you, but you have to know that Enzo made sure to take care of you in his own way this entire time.”

“Spill it, Nora,” I demanded.

“How do you really think I was able to get you your car?”

“Your friend owed you a favor, right?”

“Oh, P.  Come on. What kind of favor would warrant a guy giving my little sis a car? It was Enzo’s idea because he knew you wouldn’t take his money or a car from him, but he wanted you to have something safer.”

“But … but …”  I couldn’t find the words.  I had been driving home but had to pull over because my tears were making my vision blurry.  The asshole wasn’t an asshole after all.  I mean he was – with his words, his attitude – but not with the things that truly mattered.  He had been there for me all along, and I didn’t even know it.  No wonder I felt safe around him even if I thought I should have been scared.

“Oh God, Nora, I think I love him.”  It was the first time I had said the words out loud and as appalled as I was by them, I knew I meant them.

“That’s great, P!” she exclaimed.  “You love your husband!  How weird is that, huh?  But the world is righting itself.  Better late than never.”

I cut off her rambling.  “That’s not great, Nora!  I’m just someone for him to sleep with. For all I know, he’s off banging some bimbo right now.  I can’t love him.  This is horrible!”

“He’s not, Paige.  You don’t see the way he looks at you when you’re not paying attention.”

“I totally misjudged him.  I should apologize.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”             

“But I can’t love him.”

“You keep telling yourself that.”

“I will!” I retorted at her snort.

“Go apologize to your hubby.” Nora laughed.

I had managed to stifle my tears by the time I made it home. The minute I walked in and saw Enzo sitting on the couch in all his gorgeous glory, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched TV, his hair lightly tousled and his shirt riding up on the side and exposing his abs, I lost it.  I had spent all of our marriage hating him because I never gave him a chance to explain things to me. Rational thoughts were trying to break free, to tell me things might have been just as bad had I heard him out and I had every right to hate him.  But I had not only forgiven him a while ago, but I also loved him.

My sobs must have caught his attention because the next thing I knew, he was right in front of me. “Oh my God, Paige, what’s wrong?”

His genuine concern had me bawling even harder.

“I’m so sorry,” I started, but my words were muffled.

“Shh, calm down, Paige.  Whatever it is, it’s okay.” Enzo tried to soothe me, even pulling me into a hug, but I pulled away.

“It’s not okay!  I misjudged you.  I didn’t hear you out; I didn’t let you speak.  And all this time, we’ve been at each other’s throats and we didn’t have to be.  I was so mean to you, and you’ve been there for me this entire time and I didn’t even know it.  All this time wasted …” I trailed off as I choked up.  “All this time wasted hating you, and you were so good to me.  How can you ever forgive me?  I was such a bitch, Enzo!  You didn’t deserve it.  I’m so sorry.  Please forgive me.”

“Paige, Paige, slow down,” he cut me off.  “What’s going on?  You have to calm down and speak slower so I can understand what you’re saying.”

I took a deep breath and attempted to slow down my racing heart.  It worked for about two seconds, but the minute I started to speak again, I just hoped Enzo could understand me through my tears.  “I found out about the tuition money and about the car.  You took care of me and helped me fulfill some of my dreams without me even knowing. That’s the best part, Enzo.  You did it knowing I might never find out.  It was completely selfless and that means the world to me.  You didn’t expect acknowledgment at all. You just did it because you could.  Don’t you see, Enzo?  You were there for me this entire time and I was nothing but a bitch to you.  I wasted four years of our lives because I didn’t let you get a word in.  Can you ever forgive me?”

“Paige, there’s nothing to forgive,” he told me as he kissed the tears running down my cheeks.  If I didn’t love him before, he was sure making it hard not to now.  “You were never a bitch, and even if you were, I deserved it.  We’ve both made some mistakes, but they’ve led us here, and that’s all that matters now.  I quite like it here,” he added with a teasing smile as he pulled me back in for a hug.