The Willow Tree: A Novel (34 page)

Good luck charm. Is African—smiling—mojo.

Bobby looked at Moishe, grinning, then chuckled, Gauddamn, a muthafuckin mojo. Well alright. Damn….

Moishe grinned, feeling a warmth flowing through him. Bobbys eyes were sparkling and Moishe could see, as well as feel, Bobbys gratitude and affection, as well as his amazement and surprise. He watched as Bobby put it around his neck and looked down trying to see it on his throat. He got up and went to the mirror and stood in front of it for many minutes posing with his mojo, from time to time turning around and showing it to Moishe, Man, this be cool…check it out bro, it be cool…continuing to look at it in the mirror until he suddenly turned and rejoined Moishe on the floor by the tree, I bes be givin you yours Mush—handing him the present, his eyes filled with the deepest love, Moishe melting into Bobbys expression, the gift wrapping feeling warm and almost alive—It dont be much bro, but I think youll be diggin it. Moishe unwrapped the gift slowly, smiling, savoring every minute of opening a gift from someone who is all excited, waiting for you to open the gift, someone who is watching your face, your eyes, to see your reaction, to see how your heart responds to what they think is a little gift, nothing much, but is always their heart wrapped in pretty paper—Damn Mush, you be unwrappin forever. Lucky thing it not be alive, it be long dead. Ya, ya—chuckling and tearing the paper off and tossing it aside and holding up a picture, framed, of a scene of a lake with trees in the background, ducks on the water, birds flying through the sky and low over the water, and a willow tree in the foreground. Moishe held it at arms length and stared, his heart pounding—I be knowin how you like the tree bro so I figured you be needin one down here—Bobby grinning anxiously, trying to get Moishe to say something, Moishe stunned in silence not only by the gesture of love, the simple fact that Bobby knew how he felt about the tree and probably looked hard for a picture like this, but the thing that Moishe stared at was not the tree but the birds flying in the air, something you never saw in the camps…none of them. Birds never flew over the camps…

Well bro, whatchya think? staring anxiously at Moishe, worried that he made a mistake, Moishe suddenly grinning and smiling warmly and looking at Bobby with open and simple love, Its so beautiful gift—shaking his head, unable to stop a few tears from rolling from his eyes—Im loving it so much Bobby, its—again shaking his head and shrugging, unable to speak, but his expression letting Bobby know that he loved the gift and Bobby beamed and squeezed Moishes shoulders, I be hopin you be diggin it bro—and Moishe could see how much it meant to Bobby to have given him a gift he liked, something truly meaningful, Bobbys entire expression telling the story—Ya…ya, is something special—looking at Bobby for a moment, both silent, then Moishe gave Bobby the last gift, Something I thought youre needing. Bobby held the gift for a moment, smiling, looking at Moishe, then gently started opening the wrapping and took out a brown, cashmere scarf and held it in his hands, rubbing his fingertips up and down, looking at Moishe with total amazement, Man, this be smooth. Ya, is cashmere. Is very warm too. Catchmere. Damn—putting the scarf around his neck and pulling it back and forth for a moment, then wrapping it around a second time—Damn, I aint never be feelin anythin like this Mush—Moishe beaming and almost jiggling up and down with happiness—This be the softest thing…rubbing it against his cheek and shaking his head….Damn—holding up his hand and Moishe slapping it, then continued to sit for a few minutes, Moishe looking at his picture, then the walls thinking of where he wanted to hang it, and Bobby keeping the scarf around his neck and looking at his mojo, eventually putting it back around his neck. He looked at Moishe, Where you be puttin that? Moishe shrugged, Maybe on that wall so Im seeing it from my chair. Thats cool. Moishe nodded his head, Ya, seems like good idea. He banged a nail in the wall and hung the picture and sat in his chair and looked at it for a moment, smiling, Ya…ya….Bobby stood behind the chair and looked, Hey, check it out. That be a cool spot bro. They stayed like that for a few minutes, then Moishe stood, So—turning and once more looking at Bobby, both smiling happily—Merry Christmas Bobby. Right on Mush, Merry Christmas. Moishe tentatively reached out and squeezed Bobbys shoulders, and after a moment Bobby did the same to Moishe and they stood there for a moment, then Moishe said, So…time to pick up the paper, ya?—laughing and picking up the wrapping paper, from time to time looking at the tree…Bobby starting to put his familys gifts in shopping bags, I—bes be gettin to see Jesse, damn if they aint gonna be pissin in they pants they be seein all this sheeit—laughing and shaking his head as he carefully put them in the bags. He got dressed, putting the scarf on last and wrapping it around him twice, Check it out Mush, lookin sharp, eh? Is very nice—shaking his head—Ya…is looking very nice. Bobby stared at Moishe for a moment…then picked up the bags, Seeya later bro.

Moishe walked through the apartment for a few minutes, checking in with every room, feeling like a celebration, still thinking of Bobby wearing his scarf, and ended up sitting in his chair looking at the picture.

Bobby bounced through the barren lots, not really noticing the abandoned and gutted crumbling car bodies, not wondering who might be in them or in the buildings or shadows. He kept rubbin his chin against the scarf and feeling so cool, so mellow, feeling himself walking higher and higher on the balls of his feet, wondering just how high he could stretch himself, the bags of presents feeling weightless in his hands. He could feel his nose getting colder by the seconds, yet he felt warm and comfortable, and even sort of liked his nose feeling cold because it made the rest of him feel even warmer. He walked fast enough to keep himself warm, feeling as if he was going to a party…no, he felt as if he was a party, yeah, like he was a party happening right now, and he couldnt wait to see Jesse and give him the presents and see his eyes roll back in his head like they did when he was surprised and excited. Bobby chuckled as he thought of Jesses reactions to the bags of presents and walked faster, becoming increasingly anxious to see him. He unconsciously stopped turning corners at the last minute and doubling back on himself, but took the shortest most direct route. He still more or less looked around, but felt safe and there seemed to be a special kind of feeling in the air so he just walked rapidly through the streets not studying every shadow and doorway, that somehow the feeling in the air, and within him, made it impossible for anything to happen, that everyone must feel the way he did and just wanted to have a good time, and the car lights looked like Christmas lights, and even the cabbies seemed to be laid back, at least for cabbies. The street lights made him think of the Christmas tree they had and all the sparkling lights that blinked off and on, and the ornaments and all the decorations, and he seemed to feel even warmer thinking about it, or maybe it was just that his nose was getting colder, but no difference, he was feeling good thinking about that tree and how so many things were reminding him about it, even the lights in windows, and neon lights in stores, and what the hell that be fine and he suddenly had to swerve from his path as a drunk wrapped himself around a lamppost and started puking, slowly sliding down with each eruption until he was on his knees hanging from the lamppost moaning and mumbling as vomit continued to trickle from his nose and mouth. Bobby swung wide to avoid him and hustled past, fast, shaking his head for a second but leaving the drunk in the past and switching his thoughts back to the tree and Jesse and wishing he could show him their tree, and the moms too and everyone, but might be some other time, but it sure be cool havin a tree like that, sort of makes things different somehow, it do something but it be real cool to have a mess of presents for everyone, that be the thing that be makin it feel good…yeah, an makin him feel all warm inside, well what the fuck, even that poor sucka hangin from the lamppost be feelin fine…for a while, and Bobby chuckled out loud again and shook his head, still not able to understand how drinkin that wine make you feel good enough to end up hang from a lamppost and pukin your guts out…damn, seem like a fucked up way to be happy, and he shrugged and continued walking and bouncing and looking forward to seeing Jesses face when he saw the bags of gifts.

The streets were more and more crowded and people were knocking into each other as they rushed along, eyes lowered trying to get as deep as possible into their clothes, wanting to feel the warmth of Christmas Eve even though the wind was telling them they were freezing and there was no way they were going to survive the weather but they kept moving and knocking into each other hoping theyd get to where they were going soon and be able to relax in a warm room. Bobby didnt even notice the people bumping him, barely hearing their mumbled apologies, if anything at all was even said, and turned the last corner and continued down the east side of the street, noticing Jesse waiting on the inside of the door of the diner, and went into a doorway halfway down the block. Jesse waited a couple of minutes, checking everyone out who was walking along the street, then joined his brother.

Hey bro, whats happenin?

I be cool Jes—smiling and grabbing Jesses hand and rocking it back and forth, holding it much longer than usual.

Hey, doan be yankin the muthafucka off bro.

Bobby was grinning widely, Sorry Jess, guess I be excited, eh?

You aint on somethin are ya? You be lookin cranked bro.

Naw—shaking his head and laughing—Just diggin the scene.

Yeah, I see you got bags. They all for us?

Right on Jess. Theys marked what for who.

Damn—shaking his head in wonder and hefting the bags in his hands—That be a lots a shit bro. Where you gettin all this?

The store, where you think?

Jesse shrugged, still looking at the bags of gifts, Doan know. Jus aint seen nothin like that.

Come from the other side a town bro—tapping him on the shoulder—I think yuall be digginem.

Spects so….Jesse slowly raised his eyes and looked at Bobby, You aint be sellin no drugs is you?

Hey dude, comeon.

Then where you be gettin the braid for this?

I got me a gig bro, hey man, I aint fuckin with you.

Jesse looked at Bobby for a moment, then shrugged, Spects you cool bro.

Sheeit, aint everybody dealinjess.

Seems so bro, just about. But you sure doan look like you is…looking too good.

Well, not this dude. Anyway, how you be?

I be cool bro. The moms got your card on the dresser in her room.

Yeah?

She dont know I see it but she be lookin at it every onct in a while.

Hey, that be cool. You be gettin mine too?

Yeah, we all gotsem. It be real cool gettin Christmas card in the mail, you dig what I be sayin.

Hey…why ya think I sendem?

Jesse looked at Bobby, shaking his head, frowning, I doan know whats happenin bro. How come you be sendin cards an buyin all these presents and stuff?

Bobby shrugged, I doan know Jess. Frien mine say to do it. I be workin for im.

You livin with this dude?

Yeah. Real fine pad man, far out, righteous

You be comin home soon?

Shrugging, Dont know Jess. Got somethin to straighten out with Raul.

I hear he be one nervous dude—giggling—Say he always lookin over his shoulder.

Should be, muthafucka. But he aint about seein me.

Jesse suddenly straightened and stretched as tall as possible, looking with pride at Bobby, Right on bro. You be whippin his ass afore he know what be happenin.

I be doin more than whippin his ass—the smile suddenly gone, Bobbys eyes clouding over, He be gettin his haid smashed like a muthafuckin melon bro….He be gettin what he give Maria.

The sudden change in Bobbys appearance and voice startled Jesse, actually scaring him for a moment, then he once more stood tall with pride, Right on bro—giving Bobby a high five.

Bobby continued to stare at the wall for a moment, then blinked his eyes and looked at Jesse, You bes be gettin these gifs over home.

Right on, bro—picking up the bags.

An you be goin right home, you dig?

Whach you thinkin I be doin this weather, cruisin aroun the streets—smiling up at Bobby.

Bobby smiled back and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

You be cool, bro.

Bobby continued smiling at Jesse and raised his right fist. He continued to watch Jesses back as he walked rapidly down the street until he was out of sight.

Bobbys mother waited until the youngins were asleep, then sat in the middle of her bed and surrounded herself with the presents, touching each one, gently sliding her fingertips along the ribbons, watching the itty bitty points of light dance around the pretty paper with all those pretty pictures…and she started gently bouncing on the bed feeling like she was clapping her hands and knowing her face was smiling, Oh Lord was it ever smiling so much it be gigglin, she sure nough could hear her face gigglin and see her toes wigglin…wiggle, wiggle, wiggle…and she bounced a really big bounce and laughed out loud then quickly put her hands over her mouth and sat absolutely still for a second, just a teeny weeny second, but her face still smiled and giggled and she jus about ready to go dancin acrost the floor an jus wait till she tell Tillie what her Bobby done gave themall for Christmas…yeah, her Bobby sure enough be a good boy an she remember when he was just a youngin taking the tit and he would snuggle into her with his ittybitty hands and feet all curled up and then he just be working his pretty little head into her neck, right here, and rubbing his face all warm and soft into her cheek and she/d hold him and rock him and he would be all quiet and just sort of gurgle and sometimes his little body would jerk and he would wiggle around like a pussy cat and nuzzle into her even more and she would hum to him, never havin a singing voice which sometimes made her feel a sadness, it seemed like everybody be able to sing but her, least ways black peoples, but she/d hum and he would sort of coo like he was dreaming of something fine…so fine…and she would drift into some nice peaceful feeling almost like she not be having feelings, least ways what she called feelings, something so nice and soft like maybe they both be having the same dream…and sometimes she/d watch him crawl around the floor, going a few feet then stopping and looking up at her and smiling that big silly grin a his, then crawlin some more and she/d laugh and damn if she didnt clap her hands and when he got to where she be she/d pick him up an be huggin him almost to death an hed be laughing that baby laugh, but then squirmed out of her arms so he could be doing some more crawlin and he always be just like a pussy cat crawlin aroun everything, looking under everything, but then they Gauddamn roaches be crawlin around with him and she/d have to pick him up and hed cry and try to get back on the floor like he wanted to play with them ugly little things, but it was the muthafuckin rats that just ruined everything, looking at her Bobby from the corner and she knew they be thinking how theyd like to bite him and rip him apart, and she scream at the evil muthafuckas and chase them away from her Bobby with a broom, and then hed start crying and screaming til she almost be hittin him with the broom, and she had to stand guard over her boy an try to keep him off the floor, but he all the time wantin to be crawlin aroun, and when she pick him up an putim in his crib hed scream until she screamed, and she/d hang over his crib screaming at him to shut up and he screamed louder and she screamed louder and she knew those nasty muthafuckin rats were always waiting and then Jesse come along some time later then Sissy then Billy and how she goin to keep them rats away and all day they be screaming and she be screaming and she saw Tillies youngun after a rat done bit out half its cheek and she be wantin to strangle them damn kids to shutem up and little Bobby on the tit and nuzzlin in her neck was not even a memory but what could she be doin…what could she be doin with no man aroun to keep things straight, just her an the screaming kids and those Gauddamn rats an some fool be tellin her to pray to Jesus an she be tellin him to have Jesus come an take care of the rats an slammed the door in his nigga face, but whats a body to do…but he was a cute little baby, the first born, very first, and she nothin but a kid her ownself, but she be taking good care of him, and they be doin jus fine…for a while…yeah, they be doin jus fine…but I sure do worry about my boy bein out on those streets an what happen to him even if he be livin with some ol man who be fine. Jesse say Bobby come home soons he gets things straighten with the boys what hurt his gurl frien, Oh Lord my boy not be needin any more trouble, but aint no reason he be wantin to come back here, but he a good boy, my boy, a real fine boy an his eyes be lookin just like they did when he was just a itty bitty baby and he be havin the same grin…he be changin…he be Bobby, but he be different, but that same itty bitty baby grin be on his face an he be lovin his momma, yeah, he be lovin his momma…he be a good boy my Bobby…he not be havin a mean bone in his body…no, aint no meanness in my boy…no way, no meanness an Bobby be lovin her, she knew that, the muthafuckin rats caint be doin nothin to stop that, no way…her Bobby be lovin his momma…seems like anyways….