The Scientist and the Supermodel (7 page)

Chapter Seven

Jake sat at his desk, staring at the computer screen, a miserable lump of human. Nothing was okay. Every way he looked, he’d made a mess of things. It was three days since he’d left Roan standing in his living room, looking like Jake had kicked him in the stomach. Oh, he hadn’t said anything. He’d kissed Jake good-bye and told him he’d be tied up with a multiday photo shoot, but Jake figured Roan thought he was a shit who was using him. The real kicker was that it might be true.

How did he feel about this whole thing? Thinking was required here, not being dragged around by his gonads. He had fucked a man. That was the truth. He had loved it, also the truth. But what did that mean, for crap’s sake? He kept coming back to this place. Was he gay? Roan said no, and he should know. If he wasn’t gay, why couldn’t he get it up for a woman these days, although God knew he’d fucked plenty of females in the past and enjoyed it? He dropped his head in his hands. He had never loved having sex with a woman as much as he’d enjoyed fucking Roan, so he was back to square one.

“Hey, Jake.”

Man, he was unconscious. Em had walked right up to his desk, and he hadn’t even noticed. He glanced around the lab, where three of his colleagues were staring at their own computers.

He smiled up into those perceptive chocolate eyes. “Hi.”

“I’ve got to leave for that meeting with the executive committee. I’ll be a couple hours.” Must be an important meeting. She’d even combed her hair. The usually messy auburn ponytail looked positively smooth.

“Oh yeah, right.”

She frowned. “Are you okay?”

He tried to look devil-may-care. “Sure, fine.”

“Bullshit, Jake. You haven’t been acting like yourself since sometime in the middle of the conference in LA. What’s going on?”

Again he glanced around, but nobody seemed to be listening. Em was too observant and knew him too well, so he dropped the facade. “Just some kind of early-life crisis. I’m trying to sort through some things in my head, and it’s burning up some energy. Sorry if I’ve been half an employee lately.”

“Crap, Jake, at your worst, you double the output of most humans, and I haven’t seen you at your worst since the last holiday party.” He winced, and she laughed. Then she ruffled his hair. Amazingly, he was so distraught over Roan, he barely shivered when she touched him. “I’m just worried about you, Jake. There’s nothing wrong with the family, is there?”

Em loved his family. “No, they’re great. It’s just me; my head isn’t on straight right now.”

“Aside from driving you to drink and never allowing you any sleep, is the job okay?”

“Shit, yeah, Em. I love the work; you know that.”

“And you’d tell me if you were having a work problem.”

“Absolutely.”

“So it’s personal.” It wasn’t a question. “I’d ask ‘who is she,’ but I guess it’s none of my business.” She waited a little expectantly, but when he didn’t say anything, she went on. “I don’t want to pry, but if you need someone to talk to, you know I’m here.”

That was so not going to happen. “Thanks, Em. Really, I’ll try to get my ass in gear.”

She shook her head. “That’s not what I meant.” She made a quick glance at her watch. “Crap, I’ve got to go. Just remember what I said.” She ran over to tell her assistant, pretty Mary something, then ran for the glass doors.

Jake called, “Thanks, Em,” as she hurried out into the hall.

There she went, the woman of his dreams. Would sex with her be as good as with Roan? His heart said yes, but his cock said sex with the green-eyed model was gonna be hard to top.

He stared at the screen. It was bad that his personal turmoil was showing, but he wasn’t sure what to do. Obviously he wasn’t succeeding in his attempts to act normal, but of course, things were not normal. The idea of talking to somebody about it all appealed to him—as long as it wasn’t Emmaline!

A grin split his face, and he grabbed his cell phone.

“Hi, big brother,” came the immediate reply.

“Hi, runt, how ya doin’?”

“Cool. So to what do I owe the honor? You’re usually way too busy to chat with the likes of me.”

Jake got the appropriate stab of guilt. “Actually, I need to talk to somebody, and I thought of you.”

“Ah.” There was a hint of gloating in his voice. “And am I to assume you wish me to counsel you in an area of my expertise?”

“Yeah,” Jake said tentatively.

“Got it! You want to discuss soccer!”

“Okay, give it up, asshole. Do you want to talk to me or not?”

“Ah, testy, testy. I’m assuming you’re not somewhere you can talk.”

Jake looked around at the activity in the lab. “Right.”

“I’ve got an idea.” Jake thought he could hear Caleb’s shit-eating grin. “In fact, it’s a plan. I’m gonna text you an address. It’s a bar where you can see how the other half—well actually more like ten percent—lives, up close and personal. I’ll meet you there.”

Jake felt his face get hot. “Cal, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

“You gotta learn sometime, big bro.”

“Trust me, I’ve learned plenty.”

“Oh no. This I gotta hear. Meet you tonight at nine. See ya.” And he rang off.

Jake tried to breathe.
I will not panic. I will not panic. I will not panic.

* * *

At nine p.m., Jake walked through a strip mall into to an undistinguished-looking club called the Blue Flamingo. Funny, a few weeks ago he probably wouldn’t have thought much about going into a gay bar, but now it made him sweat. It was too confronting.

Inside the door, Jake peered into the candlelit gloom for Caleb. There was a long bar, a bunch of booths and tables and—yikes—a dance floor. It was clearly still early for full operation, and there were just a few men sitting at the bar and a number at tables, most often in groups rather than couples. There were even a few women in the place, and Jake realized that if he hadn’t “known,” he wouldn’t guess just from looking that this was a place that catered to gay men.

“Hey, big brother.” Caleb appeared out of the darkness and waved Jake toward him. “Over here.”

Jake followed Cal to a booth toward the back of the club. When he scooted in, he realized that from here he could see everything but still had a feeling of privacy.

“I’ve got a pitcher of beer coming.” Jake gave Cal an arch look. “Okay. I know. Three months till I’m twenty-one. I’ll drink Coke. So what do you want to talk about?”

Jake swiped his hand through his hair, took off his wire rims, and laid them on the table. “You know, now that I’m here, I haven’t got any idea where to start.”

Caleb looked eager. “Then let me. When I saw you last, I think you were deciding whether or not to call Roan fucking Black and tell him you wanted to see him. The very idea that a person I know would even have the opportunity to make such a decision blows my mind, but I guess that’s not pertinent. So, did you call the most beautiful man in the world, or did you decide you were just too straight for him? Hmmm?” Cal leaned on his hand and gave Jake fluttery eyes.

“I called him.”

“No shit?”

“And I went to see him.”

Louder. “No shit!”

“And I spent the next twelve hours fucking him into the mattress in every way he could teach me. Was there something else you wanted to know?” Jake smiled, a little embarrassed and a little smug.

For a second, Caleb stared at Jake with his mouth hanging open—literally. Then he threw back his head, and at the top of his lungs, he crowed, “Holy shit!”

“Shhhh.” Jake looked around wildly.

A good-looking young waiter in a tight T-shirt came to the table. “Everything okay, Cal?”

“Oh yeah. Just my brother changing my vision of what is achievable in this life. Hal, this is my big brother, Jake.”

The waiter stuck out his hand, and Jake shook it. Then the guy put a pitcher and glasses on the table. “Yeah, I see the resemblance. Gorgeousness clearly runs in your family.”

Jake could feel himself blushing. Had he ever been aware of a guy flirting with him before? Maybe he was giving off a different vibe?

Cal intervened. “Yeah, he’s the prettiest. Sad to tell you he’s also taken.”

Jake punched his arm, which was a bit like pounding a rock.

Caleb gave a mock howl of pain. The waiter looked disappointed but leaned over to add, “Well you better tell that to Joe Jack over there. He’s been seriously eyeing your boy here since he walked in.”

Cal glanced over toward the bar. Jake tried not to look but couldn’t resist casting a glance at a tall, great-looking alpha male sitting facing them with his back leaning against the bar. The guy had very short-cropped fair hair, and his muscles had muscles, but he still came off as lean—and hungry, to quote Shakespeare. He tipped a beer bottle toward them, licked the wet top lovingly, and then took a drink.

Man, Jake had thought he was blushing before! He quickly looked away but could hear the guy laughing even over the piped-in music.

Caleb continued his appraisal. “No way. Joe Jack is a top, and so is Jake. They’d kill each other.”

The waiter chuckled. “Looks like he’d be up for the fight.” He headed toward a new table of patrons.

Cal turned back to Jake. “So, you had sex with the man, and I gather you liked it.”

“Physically, I loved it; emotionally, I’m not handling it so well.”

“So how does a guy who gets to fuck Roan Black have any problems?”

“Cal, be serious. I’ve spent my whole life with women. I don’t think I’m gay, but I go off my head at the thought of this man.”

Cal leaned in and suppressed the grin on his face. “Jake, ask some of the guys in this room if they’ve ever been with a woman, or even a lot of women, and they’ll say yes. Hell, I’ve been with women. A couple I really enjoyed. Sexuality isn’t quite as cut-and-dried as you want to make it.”

Jake shook his head. “Thank you, Dr. Kinsey.”

“Hell, it’s true. In a lot of cultures, sex between two men was commonplace, accepted, even though the men were married and had kids. It’s just that our society condemns it.”

“Yeah, I know all that. It just feels different when it’s me we’re talking about.”

“So you either have to accept that you want to be with this man and have it be okay with you, or you gotta walk away. You can’t beat yourself up over something you’re doing; it’s a sure path to a lot of unhappiness. Listen to the voice of experience. I kept fighting my attraction to men ’cause I wanted to be like Dad. I finally had to make peace with myself or go crazy.”

“Cal, you
are
like Dad…strong and brave. You just happen to like guys.”

The blue eyes looked a little misty. “Thanks, Jake.”

Jake wiped at his glasses. “The worst thing, Cal, is I hurt Roan. Disappointed him.” It was almost a whisper.

A big hand patted his arm. “Don’t worry; you’ll get better at it.”

“No, runt, I don’t mean the sex. That was spectacular. It was like, I don’t know, heaven or something.” Jake could feel his heart and his balls contract when he said it. Yeah, heaven was right. “No, I just freaked out. He asked to meet Emmaline.”

“Shit, he knows about her?”

“Yeah, I told him. And just as I was leaving to come home so I could work the next day, he asked to meet her.”

Caleb was quiet for a while. “It was a test.”

“I know, and I failed it.”

“You said he couldn’t meet her?”

“Jesus, Cal, I don’t even know how I feel about being with a guy. I can’t deal with how other people feel about it yet, especially not Emmaline.”

“Y’know, he was definitely testing you, but they say Roan Black is a pretty smart guy. He knows this is new to you. I’ll bet he doesn’t expect you to be completely comfortable with your relationship. He just wishes you were.”

“I wish I was too.” Jake swiped a hand through the tangled mane he called hair. “I feel like I’m being torn in half.”

“Hey beautiful, wanna dance?”

The voice was so out of left field, Jake was disoriented for a minute. He finally looked up into the face of the handsome alpha male the waiter had called—yeah—Joe Jack.

Jake mumbled, “No, thanks.”

“Hey, Joe Jack.” Cal extended his big paw and did a quick fist bump with the man. “This is my brother, Jake.”

“Hi, Jake. Why don’t you dance with me?”

“Joe Jack, Jake here is kinda new to the life, so I doubt he’s ever danced with a guy. Plus, he’s taken.”

The alpha stuck a thumb in his Levi’s pocket, pulling the waistband down suggestively. “New and taken? Man, somebody must have been a good salesman.”

Cal grinned mischievously. “Yeah, the best, actually, but I think it would be good for him to get some dance experience. What d’ya say, Jake?”

“Leave me alone, runt.” Jake hunched his shoulders farther.

His brother leaned in and whispered, “I’m not trying to embarrass you, Jake. But it might help you scope out your feelings, y’know?”

The kid had a point. How would it feel to be touched by a guy who wasn’t Roan? Would Jake be turned on? This Joe Jack was a great-looking guy, but not the pretty man/woman look of Roan. This was all guy. Would it be disgusting to be in his arms?

“Okay.”

Both Joe Jack and Cal spoke at the same time. “What?”

“I’ll dance.” Jake scooted out of the booth and walked straight out on the small dance floor, leaving Joe Jack back beside Caleb. The club had gotten pretty crowded while Jake and Cal had talked, and now there were several male couples pressed together dancing. Shit. How did Jake feel about this?

He felt a hand on his shoulder. The big guy turned Jake around and gave him a softer smile than Jake would have thought was in his repertoire. “Do you know how to dance?” Jake nodded. “Would you like to lead? It might make it easier.”

“Okay.” Jake tried to smile as he fumbled around, figuring out how to take a guy as big as Joe Jack into his arms. The man was about six feet, so Jake had a couple inches on him, but the guy probably had twenty-five pounds more solid muscle, so holding him close felt downright strange.

But Joe Jack was sensitive. “Feel weird?”

“Very.”

“Your lover’s probably smaller than me.”

“Taller but more slender, and I’ve never danced with him.”