The Other Side of Envy: The Ghost Bird Series: #8 (The Academy) (21 page)

“No problem,” he said and quietly put my phone in his pocket before he resumed his sketching.

I breathed out slowly and tucked his phone into my bra, mostly out of habit. I promised myself I’d only use it for emergencies and wouldn’t pry.

Still, I was on edge. What if Lily wrote back while Gabriel had my phone? “How long do we have to do this?” I asked.

“Just until we figure out how he seems to know which one of us has you and where,” Kota said. He glanced once over at Gabriel and then seemed to dismiss the exchange. “As for tonight, perhaps Silas and...”

“I’ll go,” Gabriel said, without turning around.

“You shouldn’t, if you’re holding onto her phone,” Kota said. “That’s the point.”

“Oh,” Gabriel said. He looked up, turning those crystal eyes on me, looking confused.

I gritted my teeth, sympathizing. I hadn’t realized that would be the case.

In my heart, I wanted to change it. Somehow, I needed to talk to Gabriel, I knew. The sooner the better. With the way he was looking at me, it was like he thought I’d planned this so he couldn’t spend the night in the hotel room with me.

But I didn’t want to risk changing phones again, and specifically asking Luke and not Kota or Silas or the others, and everyone asking why.

I needed to explain to Gabriel why I trusted him with my phone. I’d have to wait until I could text him sometime in or between classes. I couldn’t do it here.

Kota and North talked the plan, but nothing was conclusive by the time the bell rang. They said they’d reconvene at lunch to figure it out.

I walked with my head down through the hallways, moving through homeroom without much thought. We sat in our usual seats. North had his head down. Luke played with his hair. I watched as he aimlessly twisted a thin lock of hair, winding it so tight that it curled up on itself. When he released it, it made a tiny loop and hung there.

My mind was on the cell phone in my bra. I wanted to use it, to explain to Gabriel what had gone on, but Mr. Ferguson was monitoring us and he had a keen eye for cell phones. I didn’t want to get caught, and get it confiscated.

Homeroom ended and Luke and North walked with me to class. They stood so close. While Luke I trusted, I wasn’t sure North would approve of using Gabriel’s cell phone or of what I had to say.

Luke and I hurried into class. Ms. Johnson stood at the door and handed us essay questions. She told the class to remain quiet, as the questions would probably take the entire class time. Ms. Johnson and Fate seemed to be working together to not allow me the luxury of a single text message.

I settled in, hoping Gabriel would show up and I could at least monitor how he was. Maybe he hadn’t had a chance to look at my cell phone either.

When the bell rang and Gabriel wasn’t in his seat, tension built up in my chest. The room was quiet. I fiddled with my pen. Kota was in front of me. I longed to reach out to him. Silently, I was asking him to tell me what was going on. Gabriel wasn’t here. Where was he? Did he hate me now after all this?

I thought about asking to be excused to the bathroom, but I couldn’t do that without Kota making a fuss about me going alone when it was unlikely other girls would be around in the bathrooms. He’d want to escort me and we couldn’t do that. Could I maybe between classes?

Maybe it wasn’t worth trying to be in the group together if Gabriel’s heart was broken about it. Misery settled in, making it difficult to do my schoolwork. I couldn’t get Gabriel off my mind. He might be too upset to come in. He skipped class, something we all avoided doing unless it was necessary. There was a possibility he was doing something Mr. Blackbourne told him to do, or breaking up a fight, but I wasn’t totally convinced about it.

I had to wait the entire class period. Just before the bell rang, Ms. Johnson gave us a few minutes to pack up. Kota finally turned, making it okay to talk.

“Where’s Gabriel?” I asked in a rush, a little more high-strung sounding than I’d intended.

His eyebrows shifted on his head. “He’s walking around the school. He has Silas following him. They’re just seeing if anyone will follow your cell phone signal, especially being out of class like that.”

My heart lifted, relieved Gabriel might not be upset after all.

I took out Gabriel’s cell phone just as the bell rang. I followed Luke out. Kota moved on to his next class, but Luke stayed behind so North could catch up and walk me to class.

I had a minute to send a text to Gabriel. His phone was set up differently and I lost a few seconds looking for his text messaging.

There was a message open in his text message window. I didn’t want to invade his privacy, so I quickly moved it over so I could start a new message.

I couldn’t help noticing it was to a number he hadn’t plugged the name of into yet.

And the message contained a lot of “she” throughout.

I wanted to read it, but I didn’t have time, so I typed a message to Gabriel quickly.

Sang: I’m sorry about the cell phone mix up. Kota wanted my phone, and he doesn’t know about Lily and I’d started texting to her.

Sang: I wasn’t sure if he’d understand. I didn’t know it meant you and I couldn’t stick by each other. Thanks for taking it.

Sang: I knew I could trust you. What were you drawing this morning?

I was going to keep it like that, but a sudden compulsion drove me to do something more. He needed to know I cared. That my smiles for Victor didn’t diminish how I felt about him.

Sang: I miss you.

I stood still, but my insides shook as I sent the message. I blinked back the emotion touching my eyes and swallowed.

“What are you doing?” Luke asked. He’d been quietly watching the other students walking by, staying arm to arm with me.

I stowed the cellphone in my pocket, holding onto it so I could feel any vibration for a message coming in. “Saying hello to Gabriel.” I looked at him, at his warm brown eyes and that pleasant smile. “Did he seem upset to you this morning?”

“He was drawing,” he said. He scratched his temple. He still had a couple of loops in his hair. “That usually means he’s thinking. Used to mean he was thinking about his dead mom when he got really focused like that.”

“So he was upset?” I asked, worried now that maybe my message might aggravate him more than soothe.

He shrugged. “He just gets into moods sometimes. His drawing...it’s like your journal. Sometimes you write in it on how you feel, just to get it out there.”

“Do you think it’s about Lily? About what they said?”

He sighed, turned to me. Being so close, he was brushing his hand against mine, unable to hold onto it just in case other students were paying attention. It was difficult being so close and yet unable to do something we’d gotten used to. “To be honest, I’m not sure about what they said.”

My eyes widened.

“It’s not me,” he said. He put his hand over his heart. “I swear. I told you. I want to keep you.”

I smiled at that. “But?”

“I mean, if Gabriel’s reacting this way, how do you think Kota will take it? Or Nathan?” His eyes lowered and then his attention drifted. He watched students walking by. “It’s not exactly what I pictured, either.”

I didn’t know what I was imagining before, but it wasn’t like how Lily had described it. Now, after talking with Lily about the life she had, I realized I’d been living in a fog before. I hadn’t thought of the future. I’d only desired to feel included in the group. Now I realized the price of actually making that happen.

I tried to picture couple teams. What if I paired up with...who? Luke? Could I choose one? And then what? The others would continue on their team. Two different teams. Maybe we’d work together? What about when they found girlfriends?

To test myself, I tried to picture Kota with another girl, taking her out to something like a football game.

I couldn’t do it. The thought of it burned through me. I couldn’t bring myself to continue.

That had to be how the others felt, or I assumed. The strange part was, I’d been holding hands with one of them, while the other stood nearby and observed. They hugged me openly in front of the others. Why did it burn me to think of them doing something similar with another girl? Selfishness? Yes. Probably.

I wanted to ask Luke how he was okay with it, but then North arrived. Luke waved and took off ahead of us, leaving North and I to walk to class.

I was quiet, absorbed in my own thoughts as we moved.

“What’s wrong?” North asked once we got to the stairwell.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Is it the car for Gabriel’s birthday?” he asked. “Or are you just tired from being up all night?”

“I...I haven’t had a chance to ask him...” I looked up at North. Maybe I should work on Gabriel’s birthday present; if he was surprised by a nice gift, maybe it would pull him out of his quiet mood. “Do you think if I can find out before the end of the school day, that you and I can at least go look for one he likes?”

“I don’t know if he wants us to buy it for him,” he said. He wore a dark shirt under his faux school jacket, along with the gray pants. It suited him, of course, but it wasn’t exactly going with the traditional look Gabriel had designed to play the part of prep school students. “He may want to buy it himself.”

“What if someone else buys it ahead of time?” I asked.

His lips dipped down. “It’d be a lesson on life. You can try hard your best, for example, to buy a car you want, but it may not be around later. Sometimes you end up looking at alternatives. You get the next best thing.”

Still, it’d be a shame if Gabriel had some idea about a car he wanted, and for one reason or another, couldn’t buy it. His first car should be the one he really wants. “What if...what if we...or someone in the Academy bought it?” I asked. “Could they hang onto it until Gabriel gets the money together?”

North focused on the path in front of us. “He can’t know, though. If you can find out, we can at least make sure we get it. It won’t be much of a birthday gift, though. We’ll have to think of something else, too.”

I touched my brow briefly, considering how much we had to do, and that we were standing outside of geometry class. Class was in the way.

North reached out, capturing my chin between his fingers, drawing my attention to him. “That’s not all you’re thinking about.”

I shook my head, moving against his fingers. I needed to know what he knew about Lily and how he felt. But I couldn’t talk about it here. I didn’t want him dragging me off to somewhere else, either, when it wasn’t a true emergency. “Will you be the one taking me after school?”

“Probably,” he said. “But I can make sure I am, if you need me to.”

I nodded slowly. “Yes,” I said, “if it isn’t too much trouble.” I wasn’t sure who else might join us, but I hoped I’d get a chance to talk with him alone.

His dark eyes questioned me, silently demanding I tell him if something was wrong. I didn’t say anything and eventually, slowly, he released me and tugged my arm to pull me into class. “I hate school,” he said.

Ditto.

During class, the teacher lectured. I drew lines in my notebook, unable to focus.

The cell phone burned in my pocket. My senses were aware, and occasionally feeling phantom vibrations. Wishful thinking, maybe.

Suddenly, it vibrated and I nearly jumped in my chair. Was it Gabriel?

I used North’s broad body as my cover. I tucked Gabriel’s phone between my textbook and my notebook and turned it on.

There was a message, but it wasn’t from Gabriel. I didn’t want to pry, but just in case it was an emergency of some sort, I checked it out.

It was from the unnamed number. I didn’t want to read, but I did anyway. I couldn’t help it.

Unknown: Don’t give up. I know you feel down now. Give yourself a break. Call me when you aren’t busy.

Time stopped. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. I read the message again. I checked in with the teacher, making sure I wasn’t noticed. A few other students fiddled quietly with cell phones, so at least I wasn’t the only one.

Compelled to find out more, I scrolled back on the messages, reading a few that had been sent to that same unknown number.

Gabriel: This isn’t going to work. She could have anyone she wanted. The Academy won’t approve. The others won’t understand.

Gabriel: I like the plan. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really my only chance with her. There’s no way she’d go with me instead of the others. It’s the only way she’d stay with me. But only if she’d agree to it.

Gabriel: It’s impossible.

Gabriel: I hate this.

My face tightened and I fought tears. My jaw clenched. I definitely couldn’t focus now. There was no way I could do schoolwork today. I needed to talk to Gabriel. I imagined whoever the number belonged to was one of Lily’s guys who had swapped numbers, just like Lily had with me.

I checked the time on the messages. It was early this morning, after he’d left Victor’s house alone but before school started. He was feeling down then. He’d been waiting for a response, too.

I put the cell phone away. Gabriel hadn’t responded to me yet. I tried to tell myself there was a logical reason, that he was busy. My heart told me he was ignoring me. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, swallowing more and staring off, not caring about geometry and school.

I hate this.

It killed me to think of him struggling. Gabriel thought it was impossible. He was wrong about how I felt about him.

Or was he?

It wasn’t like I was able to choose between them. It was selfish, somehow.

But the reality was, I could dream about Lily’s situation for myself, but the others may never go along with that plan. They may never be okay with it. At some point, I might have to make a choice, and pick one. Or I might need to leave them to save their family from splitting up.

I hunched down in my seat, dreading that day.

THE IMPOSSIBLE PLAN