The McClane Apocalypse Book Three (62 page)

"Leave where? What are you talking about?"
Reagan asks.

Her sister has not removed any of her
outerwear. She has not used the side entrance where the mudroom is
located and is now dripping wet snow off of her boots onto the
hardwood floor.

"Are you going on a run for supplies or
something? I'll go, too," Reagan further questions.

"I'm going to the Johnson's farm. I'll be
staying there from now on," John says coldly and turns to
leave.

"John!" Sue gasps. "You can't go over
there."

"Sorry, Sue," her beloved brother-in-law
replies.

"What?" Reagan says unfathomably. "Wait a
minute. What are you talking about?"

"It's for the best," John states simply.

"What's that supposed to mean? Best for
whom?" Reagan demands.

John doesn't stop but keeps going until he's
all the way out the front door. The entire family assembles on the
grand front porch as John walks determinedly toward the truck where
he fastens Jacob into a car seat and shuts the door. Sue notices
the small animal cage in the bed of the truck. One of the nanny
goats is inside of it. He then tosses the two bags in the back all
the while Reagan is getting louder and louder and more demanding in
his ear while he mostly ignores her or answers too quietly to be
heard by the rest of the family.

"Why are you going? I don't understand. Are
you just going over there for the day or the night? Are you working
on something over there? I can go and help," she asks again.

Her sister's scratchy voice is etched with
apprehension.

She's pretty sure her young sister is the
only one who doesn't understand because Sue sure as hell does. John
finally turns to Reagan, mostly because she is yanking at his
jacket and arm or anything she can to gain his attention.

"I'm leaving, Reagan. I'm going to live over
there. I'm not coming back. I can't live here another day," he
tells her with slightly more force this time. "I can't do this
anymore!"

"Do what? Don't leave. Stop! Just stop,
John! You can't take Jacob from me! We're supposed to be raising
him together, remember?" her sister pleads.

Sue is fairly certain that it's sinking in
for Reagan now. She, too, is starting to realize that this isn't
just a trip. She has ahold of John's arm again, and he yanks it
forcefully from her, although she tries to cling on. Reagan
stumbles back a step.

"Reagan, stop!" John says more loudly.
"Don't try to hold onto me. I don't want to hurt you."

"Then stop!"

"No, I'm done. This is done. I just can't do
it anymore."

"What are you talking about? I don't
understand. Can't do what anymore?"

"Do this!" John shouts and points between
them and back again. "I can't do this! It's not fair to me. And
it's not fair to Jacob, either. He needs to be raised by someone
who loves him and can show him how to love in return, Reagan!"

Sue is momentarily afraid for Reagan. John
is furious and frustrated which can be dangerous in some men. Also,
she's never heard John raise his voice, ever. All the times those
two have gone at it around the farm it was mostly Reagan raising
her voice while John remained passive, subdued and in control at
all times. He is clearly losing his calm demeanor.

"I do care about Jacob. You can't just take
him, damn it!" Reagan shouts as her wrath builds.

John paces back and forth a few steps and
pulls at his hair in frustration. He growls loudly then holds his
hands at either side of Reagan's head without touching her anywhere
else as if he's afraid he'll hurt her. John releases her just as
abruptly.

"You don't care about anything or anyone!
You've got a great big hole in the middle of your heart, Reagan!
It's the place where most people have love and compassion. But
you've got nothing there. You've got nothing to give someone, and I
can't take it anymore. I've been patient. God knows I've been
patient. I thought you'd come around, but I see now that you aren't
going to. You know I love you! God, I've told you a hundred times,
but I'm not just going to be sex for you. I want more! Jesus! This
is so messed up," John says with exasperation and snatches back his
arm that Reagan keeps tugging at.

Sue is worried how their grandparents will
take the news that Reagan and John have been sexually active
because she knows how against premarital sex they both are.
Unfortunately, she's too engrossed to turn away for even a second
to gauge their reactions. She certainly hadn't known of their
apparent sex life. Of course, they sleep on the third floor of the
house and when they were together around the rest of the family
there hadn't been any clues that anything was going on. Sue can't
imagine that Reagan is ok with him touching her long enough to have
sex, but, then again, she seems very different around John than she
is with the rest of them.

"What are you talking about? What do you
want from me? I'm sleeping with you for God's sake!" Reagan retorts
angrily.

"I want the one thing you won't give me,
Reagan. Good grief. This is what women say to men who use them for
sex. It's not supposed to be the other way around!" John
expounds.

Sue frowns sadly as John laughs aloud. It is
humorless and acidic as he jams his large fists onto his hips.
She's never heard him like this before. His normal, happy-go-lucky
personality is gone.

Reagan tries a different approach, "You
can't go there! It's not safe, John. It's not safe for Jacob,
either. You have to stay here…"

"We'll be fine. Jacob deserves more. Someday
he's going to realize that you aren't able to give him the love he
needs. Reagan, I deserve more, too. I'm not going to stop you from
seeing him. You can come and see him anytime you want. The road's
safe now. We knocked down the barriers. You know that. But I can't
keep living here hoping that you'll change, that you'll somehow
miraculously grow a heart. I can't take it because I love you too
much, and it's killing me."

Grams stirs beside Sue. Her hands fret.

"Herb, do something!" her grandmother cries
out in a panic.

Grandpa simply lays a hand to her shoulder
to calm her. Sue wishes that he'd do something, too. But she knows
this isn't their affair to stick their noses into. It's bad enough
that they are all eavesdropping the whole intensely personal
scene.

"Easy, Maryanne. We can't get involved in
this," he says softly.

"But he's going to leave if we don't do
something," Grams says with frustration.

"Let them be, Mary," Grandpa argues. "If he
feels like he has to leave, then there's nothing we can do. This is
between the two of them."

Everyone's attention is drawn back to the
fighting couple as Reagan is becoming more desperate.

"Don't go, please. Don't go," Reagan nearly
begs.

Her sister presses her hands to the front of
John's coat. He snatches them and they do an awkward tug of war
until he finally grabs her by the face and plants a terribly rough,
seductive kiss on her mouth nearly bending her over backwards. It
goes on for an uncomfortable amount of time.

"Good-bye," he says when he lifts his
head.

This must piss Reagan off because she smacks
John across his cheek. Hard. In the quiet valley of the farm, the
crack is loud and clear, but John does and says nothing about it.
However, Sue does notice his jaw flex in anger. She also hears
Grams's sharp intake of breath. Finally, he raises his eyes to
Reagan's again and nods with finality.

"Fine, go!" she screams. "I hate you! I
fucking hate you! I hope you
never
come back!"

John ignores her, so she kicks the driver's
side door after he shuts it. John salutes the men on the porch with
a sad grimace and a half wave and turns the truck around. He pulls
away but not before Reagan picks up a small stone and throws it at
the truck, hitting the tailgate.

When her sister turns, she stops, stunned
that everyone has overheard their whole interaction. Reagan was
apparently not aware that everyone had followed and basically spied
on them. She is not crying, though. Her face is furious, not sad.
Sue's crying. So is Hannie and Grams. But Reagan is so hard that
she can't cry over the fact that the man she loves, who loves her
in return has just left her. She merely fast walks and then sprints
for the barn area.

"Oh, what do we do?" Hannie asks with
anxiety. "He has to come back, Kelly. He just has to. What do we
do?"

"There's nothing we can do, my love. Come
on, Hannah. Let me take you inside. It's too cold out here for you,
baby," Kelly proclaims.

The huge man ushers her delicate sister
gently inside where she will be warmer. They'd all been taught not
to coddle and baby Hannah growing up, even though it was hard not
to. But someone needs to give Kelly the same lecture. She seriously
doubts he'd listen. His love for her sister is so powerful, so
all-consuming, and Hannah just takes it in stride like Kelly was
brought to this farm just for her and she's never once questioned
it. And if he'd been protective of her before the attack from the
visitors, then he is about a thousand times more so now. His young
brother is becoming increasingly protective of the farm and
everyone on it, as well. Cory will be a force to reckon with some
day, and he watches over Sam and Em like it's his sole
responsibility on this earth to keep them safe and secure.

"Will he come back?" Sue asks Derek, who
looks like he knew this was coming.

"No, he's not comin' back," he tells her and
wraps an arm around her shoulders.

"Did you know about this, Herb?" Grams says
with a touch of accusation.

She loves John. Heck, everybody loves John.
John is just that kind of person. It is impossible not to like him.
Everybody, that is, except for the one person he wishes most to be
loved by.

"He talked with us a few days ago," Grandpa
answers her.

Her grandfather looks toward the drive like
he wishes he could bring John back. Finally, he takes Grams by the
hand and leads her inside, as well.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sue asks Derek
when they are alone.

"He made us promise not to tell any of the
women. He wanted her to stop him and I thought she would, but John
said she wouldn't. He was quite sure she wouldn't. That's the
problem, Sue. She's so cold inside. He wasn't going to put up with
it forever. He's been patient with her, Sue. He was becoming
miserable just being around her. Guess he knows her better than I
do," Derek says with a hint of anger.

She knows her husband's anger is aimed at
Reagan for running his brother off. But as much as Sue knows this,
she also knows that Derek won't hold it against Reagan. She's a
mess and none of them know how to help her.

"The Johnson's is completely abandoned.
There's no heat, no water…"

"He and Kelly have been going over there a
little each day for the past couple of weeks. It's ready. He's got
food and heat and water. He said he'll come back every two weeks
for provisions and to help out around here. But he just couldn't be
around her anymore. It's just too hard on him, Sue," Derek explains
patiently.

Sue feels fresh tears forming. Her husband
hugs her close for which Sue is glad for the offered support.

Derek adds, "Come on. There's nothing we can
do. Let's go inside, honey."

They break apart, but not far apart and go
inside with the remaining members of the family minus Reagan who
has gone off, probably on horseback. Her sister has gone off to be
alone because being around the family won't heal her heart, nor,
unfortunately, will it open her heart to love.

And true to his word, John returns two weeks
later, but Reagan goes to the barn and won't even look at him or
Jacob. Her sister's already hardened heart has turned to solid
granite against John. She doesn't speak of him, nor does she like
it if anyone else does and usually leaves the room if John or Jacob
is brought up in conversation. The family dynamic has also changed
but not for the better. The mood is usually heavier, less fun and
lighthearted as when John is around. He is the biggest cut-up of
the group and was always cracking a joke, being silly, engaging the
kids in mischief and all in all just lightening the negativity.
Grandpa has been spending even longer amounts of time in his office
by himself, and Reagan is usually nowhere to be found most days
until the evening meal where she speaks to nobody. Whether she
knows it or not, her sister is suffering from severe
depression.

As John leaves with Jacob and their box of
provisions, Sue looks out the front window and watches with great
sadness as her brother-in-law departs their farm again. He'd only
stayed for a one hour visit. Hannah had tried to convince him to
stay longer to which he'd inquired as to the whereabouts of Reagan.
Nobody could bring themselves to answer him. He'd hung his head
with disappointment, and the hardness had returned to his eyes
almost instantly. Then he'd gone back to making brief small-talk
before departing.

"… I'm telling you that I'm sick!" Reagan's
muffled voice comes from Grandpa's study.

She's back to being bitter, angry, resentful
and doesn't like anyone to touch her overly long again. Yesterday,
Cory said that he saw her sitting in the loft of the hog barn
staring at that damn black Volkswagen for a long period of
time.

"Darling, I've checked you again and again…"
Grandpa says, trying to appease her.

"But I've got chest pains. I can't breathe.
My stomach is sick all the time. I can't eat. I'm not sleeping. Am
I having panic attacks? I've read that some of these symptoms are
inclusive of post traumatic…"

"Reagan, enough! Honey, you could probably
diagnose and cure most any sickness or disease this world has to
throw at us, but this is the one thing that medical science doesn't
have the answer for," Grandpa tries to tell her as patiently as
possible.