Talent For Trouble (16 page)

“I know you were under their control, and for that, I am sorry. But, even within the collective, I have seen instances of free will being expressed. I believe the masters allow it when it is for the good of the collective. Everyone on Plectar remembers you, Jana. You were the voice and the face of the collective during that time. And you were also acting independent of their orders on several memorable occasions, to save lives that they would have sacrificed. We all knew it. And we all knew you would face punishment for what you did to save our people. After the second sun was destroyed, you were recalled, and nobody saw you for months. When you returned to duty, it was clear your memories had been altered. Plectaran agents were watching you from within your army, looking for ways to help you. Plectarans remember.”

He squeezed her hands and then stepped back, releasing her. The moment was tense, but she had to be honest.

“I wish I did,” she finally said, giving in to the gallows humor that seemed to be her new companion since being freed of the collective.

Zane smiled sadly. “It’s all right, milady. We will remember for you, until you reassemble your past—if you are ever able to deal with it all.” Zane reached into his pocket and pulled out a data crystal. “This is for you.” He handed her the small crystal, much to her surprise. “It is everything the Plectaran underground has on your past history, including detailed reports from within the army that you led.”

“But how?” Darak asked, clearly surprised by the turn of events.

Zane grinned at him. “Not every soldier in the collective’s massive army is Talented. Most are conscripted from worlds under the collective’s rule. Plectar, in particular, is known for its warriors. Many are taken into the collective’s army each season. In fact, they are also part of the Tithe. All Talents and as many warriors who want adventure in the stars. They try to watch out for the Plectarian Talents who get sucked into the collective, but it’s mostly a lost cause.”

“I had no idea,” Darak admitted. “But it makes a lot of sense. I’m glad to know that at least one planet that is subject to the collective tries to look out for its people.”

“They try,” Zane agreed. “But it’s not often they can do much for the Talented children who have been taken in the Tithe.” Zane shook his head. “The one small comfort they can offer the families is to give them occasional updates on where their children are and what they’re doing. The warriors keep up a sophisticated network through which information flows back to Plectar about their missing citizens. And they’ve been doing it for many years.”

“And you’re plugged in to this network?” Darak asked.

“Not completely. I was raised here. I’m only half-Plectaran, though I have made contacts there through my mother’s family. In this instance, they reached out to me.” Zane pulled another data crystal out of his pocket and handed it to Darak. “This is why you were summoned here. It is a dossier on the man we believe ordered the attack on Liata. His name is Kol, and he is a native of Liata who left to join the collective of his own free will.”

Jana cursed. She had been fighting memories of a blue man for most of her recovery, but had comforted herself with the thought that no Liatan—for they were the only blue-skinned race in the stars—would ever be part of the collective on such a high level. It seemed she had been wrong. Her memories started to coalesce around the blue man, and she had a sudden, horrific knowledge of who and what he was.

“He is not merely another member of the collective,” she spat. “He is one of the masters. He is part of the Voice.”

Zane looked at her with compassion in his violet eyes. “He tested at Mage Master before he left Liata many years ago. It was thought that he would probably rank as high as Vizier some day with his level of raw Talent.”

“It makes sense. The collective would probably have the strongest minds on top of the power structure,” Darak reasoned.

But Jana was beyond reason. “He is evil,” she whispered, remembering Kol’s leering blue face above her…as he raped her. Repeatedly. Many times. Over several years.

It all came back to her in a rush, and she staggered. Darak and Zane both reached out to steady her, but she flinched at their touch.

One didn’t have to be empathic to realize Jana was hurting. As it was Darak’s empathy flared to life as she became more and more distressed. The way she’d rejected his touch hurt him, but her feelings were more important, right now.

Darak looked at Zane accusingly.

“I’m sorry,” Zane said. “I’d heard she may have worked for him, but nobody knew for sure. Kol is very secretive. It’s hard to observe him, even for the most highly placed of the Plectaran spies.”

“I think I understand,” Darak said as comprehension dawned. If Kol was one of the masters who had worked closely with Jana, he was most likely one who had brutalized her, as well. “Is there anything else?” he asked Zane impatiently.

“All the data you need is on the crystal.” Zane stepped back.

“Good.” Darak moved closer to Jana, signaling the ship. “We’re leaving now.”

“We will meet again, StarLord. Plectarans remember.” Zane stepped back, into the shadows, fading away as the
Circe
responded, bringing them home.

CHAPTER NINE

Jana felt the worry coming from Darak as they translocated back to the ship. Through her own pain, she reached out to him, taking his hand.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered when the bridge of the
Circe
reappeared around them.

“None of this is your fault,” Darak replied, his gaze holding hers. He took her other hand, much as Zane had done. “You know that, right? You’re not to blame for what was done to you without your permission. Or what the collective made you do against your will.”

He’d been telling her essentially the same thing for weeks, as had everyone on Geneth Mar who had helped with her recovery, but she still didn’t quite believe it. How could she absolve herself of blame when she saw the evidence of what she had ordered done to Liata right there on the viewscreen?

She looked past Darak’s shoulder, noting the scars on the surface of Liata that were visible from orbit. She could never forgive herself for that. Nor for the innocent lives lost due to her actions.

“I killed so many here,” she whispered brokenly, unable to pull her eyes away from the scarred planet below them.

“And you saved everyone in the Plectar solar system. You heard what Zane said. They think you’re a hero, and that you acted on your own initiative to save many the collective would have sacrificed. The woman brave enough to stand up to the collective may not be perfect, but she is brave. Jana, you’re still that woman, whether or not you remember every little thing you’ve done in your past. What matters most is the future. What you do from here on out is the important thing. But you don’t have to face the future alone.”

Darak moved closer, obscuring her view of the planet below. He stepped right up to her, not quite touching, definitely within the bounds of her personal space. She was forced to meet his gaze.

“I’m with you now, Jana. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Not ever again. Not if I can help it. You don’t have to face this alone.”

She looked deep into his eyes for a long moment, slowly becoming aware that the rest of the bridge crew was watching them intently. She looked past Darak, to meet the strong gazes of Seta, Agnor, Kirt and Whelan and even Trini, who were all on the bridge for some reason. They nodded at her one by one, silently backing up Darak’s words.

The show of unity almost brought her to tears. The
Circe’s
crew didn’t know her well, but they seemed to trust the judgment of their leader. If Darak was with her, they all were. Just like that. No questions asked.

Jana had the vague recollection of having that kind of loyalty directed at her once. Her memory was in tatters—probably altered with intent by Kol or one of the other masters—but she remembered certain faces. Soldiers. Humans with no discernible Talent. Warriors who had been part of her crew.

They hadn’t followed her orders simply out of duty. She had the distinct impression that, after a while, they had followed her for her own sake. The way the
Circe’s
crew followed Darak.

Maybe her past wasn’t all horror and torture and death. Maybe…just maybe…Darak was right. Maybe the old Jana hadn’t been completely bad. Maybe she had done whatever she could—within the tight confines of the collective’s control—to do good things once in a while, along with the bad.

The thought gave her hope.

She consciously straightened her spine.

“I don’t know if I can ever be Jana Star Killer again. I don’t remember her. But I’ll try to be better than I was before. With all of you to help me, I don’t see how I can fail at that.”

Darak’s smile was one of pride mixed with relief. He opened his arms and took her into a hug that warmed her from within. She still felt shaky, but for the first time since waking from her decades-long nightmare, she felt a real sense of hope for the future.

Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as the past. Maybe
she
wouldn’t be as bad as she had once been.

* * *

The data crystals from Zane contained a wealth of information. Jana found she could only handle reading small amounts about her past at a time. Most of it, she didn’t remember. And a lot of it, she didn’t think she wanted to remember.

But she knew she had to face her demons—and her past as part of the collective was the biggest of them—before she could move on. It was slow going, though. The data crystal was filled to capacity, with many detailed reports about Jana Star Killer’s actions and activities.

She started with the earliest data and worked her way through it, but she knew it would take time to come to terms with each new discovery. So far, she had read the rather sketchy facts about her initial capture and subsequent forced joining with the collective.

Her early years within the collective were unremarkable, though she started her rise through the ranks after finding success as a platoon leader. It seemed that the un-Talented human troops were routinely assigned a Talented leader who was connected to the collective, so that they could be deployed at the will of the Voice without delay.

It was considered an entry-level position, but after losing most of her platoon during her first real battle, something appeared to have changed within Jana. The Plectaran spies speculated that, even though she was under the collective’s control, Jana had found a way to follow their orders in creative ways that led to better outcomes for her platoon, and much less loss of life among her troopers.

That was when the Plectaran soldiers started watching her apparently. There were detailed reports from Plectaran warriors who had served under her command from that point on, as she rose in rank and stature within the army of the collective.

Darak hadn’t shared what had been on his crystal, yet, but he’d been closeted in his room with it almost since the moment they’d come back. After he’d calmed her down, they’d shared a meal together, and then, he’d suggested they both get a look at the crystals they’d been given. He’d cautioned her that she should ask for help if she needed it, but also impressed on her that he trusted her to know how much she could handle.

That was a big thing…his trust. His faith in her ability to judge what was best when she didn’t even trust herself. If he believed in her, maybe she should believe in herself? It was worth a try. She always had the safety net of being able to call him if she felt the least bit of stress. He was right next door, and she knew he would drop everything and come to her if she needed him.

She hadn’t had that kind of faith in someone since her parents. Only her family had ever really been there for her. Until the collective had come calling, of course. They’d killed her parents and torn her away from the only home she had ever known, thrusting her into the middle of a nightmare.

But it was over now. Or it would be as soon as she figured out how to get past the trauma and get on with her life. Darak was her lifeline. He was there for her. As her parents had been. As Jeri had been. Because…

Because he cared for her?

Jana dismissed the thought. Thinking about such things only confused her. She hadn’t had a normal teenage experience. She didn’t understand how things happened between male and female. She understood the mechanics, of course, and had learned to enjoy all the things that Darak had shown her, but the emotional part remained elusive. Did he care for her? Did she care for him?

She thought so. Heck, she thought she might even love him. But would he welcome that love? Or did their physical joining mean nothing to him? Merely another experience in a long line of them. She didn’t know, and she didn’t know if she dared discover the truth.

Which made her a little cranky. And which was also why she limited her exposure to his lovemaking. It was clear he would have welcomed her in his bed all night, every night, but she couldn’t bring herself to make a commitment like that without knowing where she stood. And she didn’t know how to find that out without looking like a complete and utter fool.

She had read the reports up to the point where she had been given command of her first starship when her stomach growled. Looking at the chronometer, she realized she been at this much too long without a break. She shut down the viewer, leaving the crystal so she could pick up where she’d left off upon her return. Stretching, she walked to her hatch, lowering the reflective field as she left.

It was then she heard the slight increase in volume in the back of her mind. The murmuring of the collective was growing louder. Panic shot through her for a moment before she realized it was still just murmuring. It held no power over her. It didn’t even seem to realize she could hear it. It had been the same since she had begun her recovery. It just grew a little louder as they traveled through space, getting closer to areas under collective rule.

So, if the murmuring was getting louder…