Solid Steel (Unseen Enemy Book 6) (19 page)

Chapter Nineteen

Her e-mail came six weeks later. It contained no information about where she was, no warm fuzzies, not even his name. Just a date, a time, a flight number.

Luke was at the airport two hours early, jittery from nerves and caffeine and lack of sleep. He paced the floor incessantly and watched the arrivals board like a fucking hawk. When he saw that the flight from L.A. had landed safely, he almost high-fived the first person who wandered past.

It took another ninety minutes for her to emerge through the sliding doors in to the arrivals hall, dragging a large suitcase behind her. Luke stood back, just for a few seconds, and took her in fully. Seeing Selena was like drinking a long, cool glass of water after trekking through the desert for a week. She refreshed him, she soothed him. She restored his soul.

She looked around now, an expectant, hopeful look on her gorgeous face. That look was fading, though, and he realized that she thought that he hadn’t shown.

He almost ran at her, eager to relieve her fears. He was never going to let this woman down again, not
ever
. Assuming she gave him the chance to be with her – that part was still way up for debate, he’d bet. He’d do anything she asked of him, including ripping out his own damn heart and offering it up to her on a platter.

Selena saw a large man charging through the crowd at her and she glanced up. Her first look at Luke in almost two months knocked the wind out of her body, completely and totally.

He looked hard and worn down… and damned if it didn’t look hot on him. The dark stubble on his cheeks and chin gave him a dangerous, rugged edge and brought those blue eyes out like crazy. It looked like he’d lost some weight, and he looked tired. He looked like every single thing she’d ever wanted or dreamt about. He looked like the only thing outside of her family and work colleagues that she’d ever really love.

He skidded to a halt in front of her, longing to take her in his arms, but sure that she’d never allow it. So instead he peered down at her, shifting a bit and opening and closing his hand, wondering what the fuck to say. He’d only thought about this moment a thousand times a day ever since he’d received her e-mail the week before… and now that the moment was here, he was at a loss.

Selena stared right back at him, feeling incredibly nervous. This was a man that she’d made love with, a man who’d seen her naked and vulnerable… and right now, he felt like a total stranger. She wondered at that, wondered what had changed so much about him, and then it hit her: Luke looked wary, unsure, even a bit shy. He looked like he had no idea what to do right now, like he thought she’d turn and run, and it tugged on her heart to see him this way.

This was Luke as she’d never known him… and
she’d
made him look this way by leaving him. She’d hurt him badly, she saw that now, and she was surprised that she could do that. She didn’t think she had the power to do that to him.

But it wasn’t
all
her, she knew. She’d talked to Griff a few times and asked about Luke, and he’d told her that Luke was struggling with a boatload of guilt. He’d told Griff that he’d do anything to be able to go back to that night in the diner and take Natalie home with him. He’d have done his damnedest to keep her safe, to keep her alive. He’d have believed her, this time, and the fact that he sent a woman off to her brutal, violent death was going to be something that Luke would have to carry for the rest of his life.

Looking at him, Selena thought that he wasn’t carrying it well, right at this moment.

“Hi,” he said at last in that rough voice.

“Hi,” she said. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

“Did you think that I wouldn’t?”

“I – I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure.”

“Never doubt that I’ll show up for you,” he said, those eyes blazing in his handsome face. “I’ll go to the ends of the earth, if that’s what you need me to do.”

Selena bit her lip, taken aback at the passion in his voice. She’d assumed that he was as angry at her for leaving without a word as she’d been at him for lying, and maybe he was. But even if he
was
, he
still
came when she needed him. That wasn’t a small thing, not at all.

“I – are you – can I take your suitcase?” Luke asked, wanting to do something for her. Anything, really. “Take you home?”

She gave him a small smile. “Please.”

His heart jumped that she’d agreed to let him help her, and he forced himself to get a grip.

Cool it, man. As much as you’d like to, you can’t build an entire future or relationship on the fact that she’s letting you carry her bag and drive her back to her place.

Selena handed him her suitcase and he hefted it up and over his broad shoulder easily. Her stomach clenched as she remembered the raw power and strength of his body – how it had felt to be held against it. She looked away, trying not to think about how damn good it had felt to be close to Luke.

They walked out of the airport to Luke’s truck. Selena climbed in, did up her seatbelt, stared out the window at the snow. OK, so, here they were. Trapped in a moving vehicle for at least forty minutes… so the time had come to talk to the man.

She shot him a quick glance as he pulled out on the highway. God, the weirdness between them was so
weird
. Even at the beginning, back when they’d been sniping and snarking and sparring, there had still been an easy flow between them. Now it was gone; it was all dammed up. She wondered what it would take to unblock it, to set it free again.

OK. Time to reach out.

“Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we talk?”

He looked at her. “Yeah. Coffee?”

She nodded. “But takeaway, OK? We can talk in here?”

He spun the wheel and headed in to a coffee place that had drive-through service. “Sounds good.”

Six minutes later, they were parked in the farthest corner of the lot, sipping their coffees. Luke turned in his seat to face her.

“So,” he said. “Were you in L.A. this whole time?”

“Yes.”

“With your family?”

“Yes.” She paused. “I told the truth, at last. I told them about the gene and my surgery.” She hesitated. “And about what really killed my Mom and sister and aunt and grandmother.”

“Damn,” Luke said softly. “How’d they take it?”

“My Dad took it surprisingly well. He said that he was relieved to finally have an answer, that it brought him a bit of peace. He was worried about me, asked me a million questions about the hysterectomy and what it all means. But my brothers… well. They weren’t so understanding.”

“What? Why not?”

Selena squirmed a bit. “They were furious with me that I hadn’t said anything before. They accused me of withholding important information and of lying to them. They did quite a bit of shouting, actually.”

“
Lying
?” Luke sat straight up, not liking the thought of anybody shouting at Selena. “About what?”

“About everything being fine in my life recently. And it’s true, you know. I’ve called my Dad twice a week for years, and not
once
have I said a word about the doctor’s appointments or the mastectomies or the recovery. I – I
have
been lying. I had my reasons, but I was still lying.”

Luke was silent.

She looked at him now, fighting to get out the words that she needed to say. “My brothers… what they said to me. It was almost
exactly
what I said to you that day at my apartment. About you keeping things from me that I had a right to know.” She gave a small laugh. “It was a real shock to have my own words thrown back in my face.”

“It’s not the same,” Luke said. “What I did –”

“You did to protect me,” she finished for him. “I think that
you
thought me knowing about Natalie would hurt me, make me feel insecure. And do you know what, Luke? You were right. It
would
have.”

He was very still, just staring at her. He was barely breathing.

“Before the mastectomies,
no
way
Natalie hitting on you would have fazed me. But after? Yeah. Yeah, I’d have compared myself to her and found myself lacking, and yeah, I’d have been hurt and upset. I’d have pretended otherwise, but it would have been a lie.” She hesitated. “In fact… when the cops showed me some photos of her that they found at her apartment? When I saw pictures of her in a bikini and laughing over drinks and smiling? I
did
compare myself to her and I was so goddamn jealous of her amazing looks and body.”

“Oh, God. Selena.” He hated to think about anything making this woman insecure. “I’m sorry.”

“She was just so
beautiful
, Luke, and she made me feel so badly about myself even before I knew a single thing about her being in contact with you. If I’d known that
that
woman was your ex-fiancée and she was back and hitting on you? I’d have had a really hard time with that. I’d have felt petty and pathetic, but I’d have felt badly anyway.”

“Selena…”

“No. Let me just say what I have to say, OK? Please?”

He nodded.

“I understand why you did what you did, Luke, because I did what
I
did for the exact same reasons. You and I, we were motivated by the desire to not hurt… to protect. We lied and we concealed and we shouldn’t have done that – but we did it with the best of intentions. We did it with love.”

Luke felt hope rising in his chest for the first time in almost two months. Holy fuck… was she going to forgive him?

“Having my brothers holler at me was a
very
unfun experience, I can assure you. But they showed me that people make big mistakes when they’re trying to protect the people that they care about. Those mistakes can be stupid and hurtful, for sure, but they aren’t malicious. And that’s a big difference, I think. Maybe it isn’t an important distinction for everyone, but for me, it is.”

“It is?” he breathed.

“It is.” She gave him a smile now, one of her brilliant, beautiful, wide smiles. “I don’t like what you did, Luke, and I won’t say it’s OK, and you’re never to do it again. But I
do
understand it… and I can get past it.”

“Oh, babe…” He reached for her hand and she let him take it. “I can’t believe this. It’s like a fucking miracle.”

“You thought I’d still be angry?”

“Hell, yeah.” He traced circles in her palm with his thumb. “I thought you’d hate me forever.
I’m
gonna hate me forever, for hurting you.”

“No, don’t do that.” Gently, she stroked his rough cheek with her fingertips. “But Luke, I meant it when I said that you can’t ever do that again. You can’t keep things from me, even to spare my feelings. Tell me the truth –
all
of the truth – and then if I’m having a hard time with whatever it is, help me through it. Let me lean on you.”

“I will. I promise.” He ran his fingers over her delicate wrist. “Never again do I lie to you, not even if I want to protect you. That’s a promise, from me to you, and it’s non-negotiable. Total honesty, Selena, because you can handle it. You’re a strong, amazing woman – the strongest I’ve ever
known
– and you don’t need to be coddled or babied. That was
my
fucking mistake, to think that just because I want to take care of you, I have the right to keep things from you if they’re hurtful or upsetting.”

“Thank you,” she said, her voice breaking a bit.

“And you need to talk to me too, babe. When you’re feeling bad about yourself or you think that
I’m
thinking something that I’m definitely not, you need to open up and let yourself need me. OK?”

“OK,” she whispered, hating the mere notion of it, but also knowing that he was right. He saw it in her face, and he became even more gentle.

“I know it’s scary for you, to say that you need me, that you need some help or reassurance.” He ran his thumb over her lips, his touch slow and light. “So let me just say this: you need to know here and now that you’re beautiful to me. You’re fucking
perfect
, Selena, and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Not one.”

There was nothing but truth in his voice and on his face, and she believed him, utterly and wholly. She believed everything that he said.

“Alright.” She raised her chin to meet those gorgeous eyes. “Then in the interest of full disclosure, I have two more things to tell you. They’re pretty big, too.”

He leaned back a bit so he could see her face. “OK. I’m listening.”

“While I was in L.A., I didn’t just see my family. I also… I saw someone.”

“You –” He swallowed. “You saw someone? Like, dated someone?”

“Oh. No.” She laughed a bit. “No way. I mean, I saw a therapist.”

“You did?”

“Yes. And she referred me to someone locally, and we had three phone sessions together, just to get to know each other a bit. Her name’s Jeanette and she’s great.”

“So you’ll meet with her? Carry on?”

“Yes.”

“I’m so glad. I’m glad you’ll have someone to talk to about how you see yourself.”

“Me too. Especially because of the second thing I have to tell you.”

“OK.”

“While I was in L.A., I got the surgery.”

Horrified, he stared at her. “The hysterectomy? You got that without telling me?”

“Oh! No!” She shook her head, dismayed at this second miscommunication. “Not
that
surgery. I mean, I got the first part of the reconstructive surgery.”

His eyes dropped to her shirt front now, took in the firm, smooth curves there. “Yeah? Those aren’t breast forms under there?”

“No. They’re silicone and saline, to be sure, but they’re not removable at the end of the day.” She spoke lightly, but she was scanning his face, gauging his reaction. “So – what do you think?”

“Fuck, babe,” he said, his voice soft. “I think that I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“It’s OK. My Dad and brothers were. They were great, actually.”

“I’m glad.” He smoothed her curls back off her forehead. “You feeling alright? No pain?”