SHIFT (Mackenzie Grey #1) (8 page)

When she was a distance away, Jonah quirked an eyebrow. “Wolfey?”

“Don’t ask,” I grumbled and walked over to his car. Might as well get this crap over with.

He chuckled. “Fine. I like your brother by the way. We seem to…oh how should I say this…we seem to have a lot in common,” he smiled.

Once we were settled in the SUV, I turned and faced him. “Let’s clear the air right now because I’m not good with insinuations. What’s your deal with me?” I asked. Amy was right, I hated beating around the bush. I was straight to the point and not because of my personality, but because I was oblivious to social queues. Someone could be mad at me and I wouldn’t know; no matter how many hints they dropped. I didn’t pay attention, but with Jonah—even Sebastian—I felt like I was out of the loop. I didn’t like guessing or playing Nancy Drew.

He watched me, but instead of saying what was on his mind, he turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the curb. If he thought I was going to let this go, he didn’t know how annoying I could be at times.

“Hello? I asked you a question,” I said as he turned into town, away from my neighborhood.

“Not now, Mackenzie,” he said. Challenge accepted. I spent the next fifteen minute ride to the Kittleman House where he was staying, repeating, “How about now?” I could see the vein in his neck pop every time my voice rang. I channeled my inner Diana Stone and by the look of Jonah’s tight face, she had the same effect on him as she did on me. He was annoyed. How did James handle it?

We parked and I followed Jonah inside the bed & breakfast—still asking the same question—until we went upstairs to his room and he shut the door.

With great force, he gripped my shoulders and slammed me against the wall. If I’d been human, I would have been injured, but it didn’t faze me. Before I could stop him, his mouth was on mine, forcing me to open up for him. I slunk against the wall and he held me around the waist. He was forceful but gentle at the same time. His hands slid down to my thighs and behind them, picking me up—wrapping my legs around him—he walked backward toward the bed. With a hand still holding on to me, he ran the other through my hair and pulled as he tugged on my lower lip, making me gasp. He nipped across my chin and down to my neck and my back arched from the sensation. I was stuck in a daze as my insides swirled with an unfamiliar feeling that kept me from stopping this much earlier.

I gripped Jonah’s hair and pulled him away. His brown eyes flashed gold as he stared down at me with a hunger that James never showed. With my own eyes wide, I tried to catch my breath. This was wrong on so many levels.

“That’s my deal, Mackenzie. I want you,” he said with an inkling of possession in his tone. My body vibrated beneath him at his response, but it wasn’t fear, it was excitement. My eyebrows furrowed at his revelation. I’d never been so bold my whole life. This couldn’t be right, I wouldn’t want this.

But I did. And he could see it.

His mouth came down on mine, and a growl rippled through his chest. I gasped for breath as I tightened my legs around his waist and rolled him on his back. I grinded against him and his moans electrified my senses. My hands roamed through his hair and I wanted more. Our kisses intensified, our breathing became heavier, and our hands craved skin. I wanted him so much my insides ached and no kiss or touch was enough to feed my desire.

My eyes suddenly opened and I sat up, still straddling him. Out of breath, I gazed into his golden eyes and without seeing mine, I knew my eyes had shifted colors as well. I could feel her.

“Jonah…” I whispered. “Something’s wrong.” I rolled my hips and tilted my head back.

He gripped my waist, pushed me down harder, and I could feel all of him. “No, babe. Nothing’s wrong. It’s your Wolf. She wants me too.”

I shook my head, clearing the fog I was in. This shouldn’t be happening. I pushed off him and crawled off the mattress like it had bed bugs. Feeling disoriented, I stumbled to the nearest corner. I holed up and was still shaking my head when I looked down at my stomach as if the wolf was there. I could feel her trying to claw her way out of me. This wasn’t something she’d ever done before and it scared me.

She couldn’t have this much control over me, could she?
No, no she can’t.
She’s nonexistent aside from the three days of the full moon. And now…now she was making me into someone I wasn’t. I was not the kind of girl to, I don’t know, do these kinds of things.
I’m a prude.

“God…this can’t be happening to me,” I prayed to someone and no one at all.

Jonah walked toward me with caution—his hands held up—and stood a good distance away from me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so aggressive and taken advantage of you that way,” he said and I quirked an eyebrow. Okay, he was pushing it now.

I scoffed. “You didn’t take advantage of me.”

He shook his head. “Yes, I did. You don’t know it, but I did.” He covered his mouth and looked as if he were thinking about what to say next. His lean frame sagged. “Even though it’s been almost four years, you’re still a pup. You weren’t raised by a Pack or even another wolf, so you don’t understand the relationship you have—or should have—with the wolf. I knew that and I still pursued you. It was wrong.” He looked ashamed and while I understood what he was saying—and yeah, if it’s true, then I should be punching him in the face—but I didn’t want to.

“Jonah,” I started, “we can’t—”

“I know. James,” he said and walked to the other side of the room where his untouched duffle bag was.

I didn’t bother correcting him. James wasn’t the reason why we couldn’t be together, but it would do for now. The real reason—and I knew it was stupid—but I couldn’t be intimate with anyone right now, not so soon after James. I might not have showed it much and I possibly didn’t love him the way I should have, but James was still someone very special to me and he was the only guy I’d ever been with. The only one who’s ever seen me naked, for God’s sake. I wasn’t ready to be like that with anyone else, no matter how much my wolf wanted to.

As soon as I bid everyone goodnight and my head hit the pillow, I was out like I’d drunk a bottle of Nyquil. I think a blizzard could have come through and I wouldn’t have stirred.

I peeked over at the alarm clock on my nightstand and it was just after ten in the morning. Amy and I were sharing my bed and she was still passed out. She wasn’t a morning person so it’s better if I just let her sleep. I quietly slipped out of bed, padded across my room, and headed for the bathroom.

After a quick brush of my teeth and washing my face, I ran a comb through my hair and went downstairs. It was the day before Christmas and my parents were early birds. They were probably down on Main Street helping with decorations. Ollie’s bedroom door was open and he wasn’t inside so he might have left as well. I just hoped he hadn’t run into James—or anyone in the Carson family for that matter. Oliver wasn’t shy with his feelings and he didn’t care who he told off.

I went down to the TV room where I found Jonah channel surfing. He was the last person I wanted to deal with after yesterday, and how awkward we had been around each other afterwards. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to him. I’d be blind if I wasn’t. Everything about him was warm and fuzzy, I wanted to curl up with him. And don’t even get me started when he smiles, that one dimple pops out and I just wanted to lick it. Oh God…what the hell was wrong with me?

“Morning,” I said as I sat on the other empty lounger across from him.

“Hey,” he said, not looking away from the TV.

Okay. Maybe he’s not my number one fan.

“How’d you sleep?” The futon in the basement was as old as Moses. I was surprised we still had it.

“Just fine.”

“Are you mad at me?” I asked. If he’s pissed at me, I needed him to tell me outright.

“Nope.” Ugh!

“Jonah stop being short with me. If you’re ticked off just tell me. You’re not going to hurt my feelings, I just don’t want to be playing cat and mouse with you.”

“I didn’t say I was upset, Mackenzie,” he said as he continued to flick through the channels.

“You know what? Whatever, I don’t care. Better yet, I’m going to call Sebastian and tell him to send someone else so you can head back to the city. It’s obvious this isn’t going to work.” I got up and started to head for the stairs to get my phone.

“I’m leaving soon anyways, no need,” he said before I left the room. Huh?

“You’re leaving?” I asked, stunned.

“Yeah. Bash sent a team out here yesterday and we’ll be alternating. I’ll be out of your hair in no time.” What was his problem?

Once I was showered and dressed—Amy was still sleeping—I headed out to start my girlfriend duties. I had to greet the Carson’s. I knew I was already going to get an earful for not stopping by yesterday but I wasn’t up for it. I was pissed at Jonah for acting…for acting like his damn brother. He was being a douchebag. Gosh, I understand if I’d told him the real reason I didn’t want to get involved, but I have a pretend boyfriend! That’s a legit excuse! Oh my gosh, and I fake-cheated on him. Shit.

I knocked on James’ front door and then let myself in. People around Cold Springs didn’t usually lock their doors, and it was cold as heck outside. I wasn’t waiting. Even with a coat I shivered in my boots, and I had a higher body temperature than most.

“Hello?” I called out and walked to the kitchen where James’ mom, Cindy, was with Nana.

“Oh dear, it’s about time you came by to visit. What took so long?” Nana said from the kitchen dining table, her voice the sound of a pack-a-day smoker. She wasn’t, she’s just really old.

“Hey Nana, I’m sorry. I wasn’t feeling too well yesterday so I didn’t want to come over and be a Debbie downer,” I yelled so she could hear me. She hated wearing her hearing aid. I went over to Ms. Cindy and kissed her on the cheek. Between the two of them, they raised all five of Ms. Cindy’s kids. Her husband had died of cancer when James, the youngest, was only ten years old.

“Rubbish, you should have still came by to see this old woman,” Nana said and I went to sit next to her.

“Is James still in?”

“He just woke up, I think he’s in the shower,” Cindy said and continued to wash the dishes.

“So when’s the wedding?” Nana asked and I choked on my own saliva. Cindy brought me a glass of water and gave me a look that said, ‘be patient with her.’ There’s only so much patience I had with her son. If he didn’t tell them the truth soon, Nana was going to have a heart attack from the news. Oh no, I shouldn’t have thrown that out into the universe. Crap, I take it back!

“Nana, they’re too young,” Ms. Cindy said and I nodded in agreement.

“Young?” she scoffed. “I was seventeen when I married your father, now
that’s
young.”

“And that was during WWII. We’re in different times, Nana.”

While they continued to bicker about how young James and I were, I zoned out. I didn’t want to be a part of this conversation. I felt like a fraud, and James needed to hurry up and save me from this drama he created. Last year I would have been all for this, maybe not the marriage part (I had too much I wanted to accomplish before I even thought of that), but it wouldn’t have been an outrageous thought like it was now.

After what felt like an eternity, James came down to the kitchen in a turtleneck sweater that made me want to roll my eyes. He’s such a loser.

James came straight for me and planted a wet one on my lips. I tensed and didn’t even close my eyes. The asshole. I told him no kissing!

“Morning,” I grumbled and tried not to sound pissed. Which was a little hard because I was never good at faking the funk.

“What do you two lovebirds have planned for today?” Cindy asked. It was Christmas Eve so almost everyone was down on Main Street prepping for the big festival tomorrow. I figured we’d go lend a helping hand but it seemed James had other ideas.

“I called for a table at Angelina’s for brunch. I thought Kenzie and I could spend some alone time,” he said and squeezed me into him. I wanted to barf. He was laying it on thick and if he didn’t watch it, he was going to get my boot up his ass. I gave them a tight smile but I caught Ms. Cindy watching me warily. She was getting suspicious and I feared she had a couple theories floating around. She wasn’t stupid.

“Well you both have fun. Will we be seeing you for dinner, dear?” his mom asked and I nodded. It was tradition that I spend Christmas Eve with his folks and he’d spend Christmas with mine.

“Alright, you two scurry on then,” she said and eyed us carefully. “And if you see your sisters in town, remind them to be home on time to help set up!” Ms. Cindy said and we nodded.

Once we were out the house and at least a block away, I used a little more force than necessary and pushed James off me. The sleaze ball. He’d been holding my hand since we left and I wanted a lifetime supply of hand sanitizer at the moment.

He wasn’t lying when he said he’d called ahead. I thought it was just a cover he told his mom and we’d part ways once we got down to Main Street, but sure enough, we were greeted by one of the waitresses and brought to one of the back tables in the restaurant.

Angelina’s Restaurant and Pizzeria wasn’t a super fancy place but in my opinion, it was the best restaurant in town. And James knew it. I could eat here all day every day, and now that I didn’t gain weight like I used to, the idea didn’t sound so farfetched.

After ordering my meal—which could possibly feed a third world country—James cleared his throat and leaned forward. I knew that look on his face. His eyes diverted, brows furrowed, and he was biting his damn lower lip like it was a Big Mac. This was his ‘I want to talk about something serious’ face. I didn’t know if I would like what he was going to say.

“Spit it out, Jameson. Your lip is going to be raw if you don’t,” I said and he stopped mid-bite.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I just wanted to thank you for going along with this. I know it’s not easy and you probably have much better things to do.” The waitress came by with a pot of coffee and poured us each a cup.

Once she left, I looked at James who was stirring the sugar in his coffee like he was churning butter. “Dude, relax. What’s going on?”

“Kenz, I miss you,” he blurted out. His eyes enlarged as I sat still, holding my breath. What did he just say? “I know, I know, it sounds stupid and I don’t deserve you but I needed to try.” He reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “Ending things with you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I know I’ll live to regret it. I miss your smile, your laughter. The way you’re so passionate about your beliefs and convictions. How much of a strong and independent woman you are—Kenz, what I’m trying to say is I love you. I always have and always will. So what do you say, give me another chance?”

I studied him as his eyes met mine straight on and he didn’t twitch or show any signs that he was lying. But…why was his heart racing?

“James, I don’t know,” I muttered because I wasn’t sure how to react. I was hurt—still am—about him leaving me and starting to date Diana, but I wasn’t sure I believed what he was telling me. This was so out of the blue and my gut was never wrong. I wanted to believe him because James was the only guy I’d ever been with. I was comfortable with him, but could we pick up where we left off? And what’s up with his pulse? There’s something he’s not telling me. Something he’s withholding.

“Don’t overthink it, Kenz. We’re perfect together. I know everything about you and you know everything about me. We click and I was stupid for not realizing it sooner. I was scared and that’s why I pushed you away. This is real, what we have, and I don’t want to lose it,” he said, but he was still holding back. Something was off. No one’s heart should race like horses on a track—not if they’re telling the truth…the whole truth.

“What about Diana?” I asked and that’s when I saw it—the twitch on his upper lip.

“What about her?”

“Are you still together?” He shifted in his seat and adjusted the beanie on his head, covering his ear.

“I plan on breaking up with her. I feel bad doing it during the holidays,” he said, his heart thumped faster, “but I will as soon as we get back to the city and before the semester begins.” He wetted his lips nervously and I quirked an eyebrow.
No he won’t.

The waitress brought us our meals. I started to eat and avoided any conversation—much less his eyes. I was angry, not angry enough that my wolf stirred, but it was more like a disappointment. I was hurt that he’d lie to me and try to have his cake and eat it too. I could be wrong, but it seemed like he only wanted me for winter break. Once we returned to the city, he’d change his mind and kick me to the curb again. I let it happen once, but I wouldn’t let it happen again—no matter how comfortable I felt with him. I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than settle with him, with someone who only wanted me out of convenience. That wasn’t someone I wanted in my life for the long haul.

We finished our meal and James paid the bill. The walk home was quieter than it was during brunch, but I preferred it. I needed to be left alone with my thoughts. I needed to figure out what I was going to say and how to keep my cool. No matter how calm I may be at the beginning, the wolf’s anger seemed to always make an appearance. And this was a delicate situation that I didn’t want to ruin with my temper. I couldn’t be reckless.

James reached for my hand and I let him. We walked home, hand and hand, and I wanted to marinate in the feel of us touching each other for the last time—because this would be it. I couldn’t let this little charade go on any longer.

We were almost to my house when he gripped my hand and pulled me into him. With his free hand tangled in my hair, he smashed his mouth on mine. My arms were trapped against our chests and I tried to push him away without using any extra strength, but James wasn’t getting the picture. I pulled my lips in a thin line, but he was still trying to force me into a kiss. With no other option, and with a little extra power than necessary, I backed away from him.

“What the hell, man!” I yelled at him and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I had to remember to take my voice down a notch. Jonah said he’d be leaving but I wasn’t too sure he actually was. Unless I misread yesterday’s situation (which was totally possible), I think he’d still be keeping an eye on me even if someone else was assigned. Then again I could be thinking too highly of myself.

“Geez, Kenz, what?” James said as he rubbed a sore spot on his chest where I pushed him.

“What? What? I said no kissing, asshole!” My temper was flaring and the speech I was prepared to make was thrown out the window. “Don’t ever push yourself on me like that again, Jameson Theodore, I swear I’ll blow this whole plan of yours to Mars if you fuck with me,” I growled and had to take some deep breaths. My wolf was riled up and sometimes when that happened, my canines or claws liked to make an appearance. It was daylight and it didn’t seem like the wisest of choices.

“Kenz, I thought we were on the same page. Don’t you still love me? Even if you don’t, we still have to act like everything is normal. If we don’t display any forms of affection, they’ll figure it out.”

“Good! They need to figure it out because Nana asked when the wedding is and I wanted to tell her not in this lifetime. Because you are nothing but scum, James! You don’t love me, you just want a cheap fuck and you think I’m desperate enough to give it to you. You’re wrong! You need to stop being such a little bitch and just tell them about Diana. You were never planning on breaking it off with her anyway!” I screamed and his face turned beet red.