Seven for a Secret (3 page)

The doctor arrived and Meg took him in to my mother while I stood on the stairs listening.

Miss Glover, my governess, came out and saw me.

“What is it?”

“My mother has been taken ill.”

Miss Glover tried to look sympathetic, but not very successfully. She was another of those who were only staying until she found something better.

She went with me into the sitting-room to await the doctor’s departure.

1 heard him come down with Meg and say: “I’ll look in this afternoon.

Then we’ll see. “

Meg thanked him and then she came into the sitting-j room where we were waiting.

She looked at me, her eyes full of anxiety. I knew that it was for me rather than for my mother.

“What has happened?” asked Miss Glover.

“He says it’s a seizure … a stroke.”

“What’s that?” I asked, j “It’s bad. But we don’t know yet. We’ll have to wait and see.” “How dreadful,” said Miss Glover.

“Is sheer … ?”

“He doesn’t seem to be sure. He’s coming back. She’s … pretty bad.”

“Is she all right by herself?” I asked.

“He’s given her something. He said she won’t know any thing about it… yet. He’s going to come back and bring young Dr. Egham with him.”

“It sounds terrible,” I said.

“She must be really ill.”

Meg looked at me mournfully and said: “I think she must be.”

Miss Glover said: “Well, if there’s nothing I can do …”

She left us. She was not really interested. There had been a letter for her in the post that morning. I guessed it was an offer of a new post more suited to her expectations than teaching a girl in a cottage even though it called itself a house employed by someone who had the airs of a great lady without the means to substantiate her claim.

I was beginning to read people’s thoughts.

I was glad when she went. Meg really cared.

“What does it all mean?” I asked.

“Your guess is as good as mine, love. She’s pretty ill, I reckon. My Aunt Jane had one of them strokes. Couldn’t move all down one side.

Couldn’t talk either . only mumble. She went on for a year like that. Just like a baby, she was. “

“Oh no … no.”

“Well, sometimes they don’t recover. It can happen to any one of us at any time. You might be going about your business and the Lord will see fit to strike you down.”

I kept thinking of my mother, so dignified, so proud of her breeding, so angry and bitter about the turn of her fortunes; and I was filled with pity for her. I understood then more than I ever had and I wanted to be able to tell her that I did.

A terrible fear had come to me that I should never now be able to and anger surged over me. It was all due to those stupid Easter flowers.

It was her anger which had done this to her. Oh no! It was more than the flowers. It had been growing within her-all that anger, the bitterness, the resentment. The flowers had just brought her to that climax of the years of envy and pent-up rage against fate.

When the doctor came back he had brought Dr. Egham with him. They were with my mother for a long time. Meg was in attendance and afterwards they all came down to the sitting-room and sent for me.

Dr. Canton looked at me in a kindly way which made me fear the worst.

“Your mother is very ill,” he said.

“There is a possibility that she may recover. If she does, I am afraid she will be severely handicapped. She will need attention.” He looked at me dubiously and then he turned more hopefully to Meg.

“We will wait a few days. Much could be revealed then. Is there any relative?”

“I have an aunt,” I told him.

“My mother’s sister.”

His face brightened.

“Is she far away?”

“She is in Wiltshire.”

“I think you should let her know the circumstances immediately.”

1 nodded.

2. “Well then,” he went on.

“We’ll wait and see … say till the end of the week. The situation should have clarified by then.”

Dr. Egham smiled at me encouragingly and Dr. Canton laid a hand on my shoulder, patting me soothingly. I felt too bewildered for tears but they were near.

“We’ll hope for the best,” said Dr. Canton.

“And in the meantime, let your aunt know what has happened.”

He turned his gaze on Meg.

“There is nothing much you can do. If there should be any change, let me know. I’ll look in tomorrow.”

When they had gone, Meg and I looked at each other in silence.

We were both wondering what was going to happen to us.

At the end of the week Aunt Sophie arrived. My delight at seeing her was so great that I flung myself into her arms.

She returned my embrace; her currant eyes, creased up with emotion, were slightly moist.

“My dear child,” she said.

“What a to-do this is. Your poor mother.

We’ll have to see what can be done about all this. “

I said: “Here’s Meg.”

“Hello, Meg. This has been a great blow to you all, I know. Never mind. We’ll sort something out.”

“Would you like to go to your room first. Miss Cardingham?” asked Meg.

“Perhaps. Just dump this bag. What a journey!”

“Then I expect you will want to see Mrs. Hammond.”

“That seems a good idea. How is she now?”

“She doesn’t seem to know much about anything. She might not recognize you. Miss Cardingham.”

“Well, I’ll go and wash my hands. Dirty things, trains. Then we’ll get to work. You come with me, Frederica.”

We went to the room which had been prepared for her and Meg left us together.

“She’s a good woman, that one,” said Aunt Sophie, nodding at the door through which Meg had just departed.

“Oh yes.”

“Must be a worry for her. We’ll have to see what’s got to be done.

What does the doctor say? “

“He doesn’t think there is much hope of her recovering completely.

They think there may have to be someone to look after her. “

She nodded.

“Well, I’m here now.” She smiled at me ruefully.

“Poor dear … such young shoulders. You must be … how old?”

“Thirteen,” I said.

“Hm,” she murmured.

Amy brought up hot water and she washed while I sat on the bed and watched her. As she dried her hands, she looked out of the window and grimaced.

“The old homestead,” she said.

“And she had that in view all the time!”

I nodded.

“It used to upset her.”

“I know. Pity she couldn’t get right away from it.”

“She didn’t want to.”

“I know my sister. Oh well, too late now.” She had turned to me with a tender smile.

“Thirteen. It’s too young for such burdens. You ought to be enjoying yourself. Only young once.” It was a feature of hers to speak in jerks, I discovered, and her thoughts often went off at a tangent.

“Never mind,” she continued.

“What’s done is done. Got to go on. Don’t you fret. Old Aunt Sophie will find a way. Meg’s been with you a long time.”

“Always,” I told her.

She nodded towards the window.

“She was with us over there. Good woman. Not so many of them about.”

1 took her to see my mother, who I was sure would not

5

recognize her. I found it almost unbearable to look at my mother. Her eyes stared vacantly before her; her lips moved. I fancied she was trying to say something but neither of us could understand the mumbling which came from her lips.

We did not stay with her long. There was no point.

“Poor Caroline,” said Aunt Sophie.

“To think she haj come to that. I hope she doesn’t know it. It would distress her so much.” , Then she turned to me and put an arm round me. j “Don’t worry, dear child. We’ll do something.”

I I felt a great deal better since the arrival of Aunt Sophie;

When Dr. Canton called he was obviously delighted to see Aunt Sophie there, and after he had examined my mother he had a long talk with her.

When he left. Aunt Sophie took me to her room and there she explained the position to me.

“I know you are very young,” she said, ‘but sometimes these things are thrust upon us . no matter how old we are, they just happen. Now I am going to be frank. Your mother is very ill indeed. She needs expert attention. Meg’s a good woman and a strong one, but she couldn’t manage it on her own. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. Now, we could have a nurse to live in. That would not be easy. She would have to be fed and looked after. There is another alternative. Your mother could go into a nursing home where she would have expert care. There is one not far from where I live. We could get her in there. “

“Would it cost a great deal?”

“Ah, there is a shrewd head on those shoulders, I see.” Aunt Sophie laughed the laugh which had grated on my mother’s nerves but which was soothing music to me. It was the first time I had heard it since she had arrived.

“Yes, my dear, it would cost. Indeed it would. I do not live in such straitened circumstances as your mother. 1 have a small house and one servant my good and faithful Lily.

1 do not have to keep up appearances. I am content in my little house.

We have a big garden and grow our own vegetables. Compared with your mother though on a similar income, for we shared what was left of our poor father’s estate I live in comparative comfort. Not rich enough to support your mother in a nursing home, I fear, but I have a plan. “

She looked at me with great tenderness.

“I have always had a soft spot for you, Frederica. What a dignified name that is. Just what your mother would give you, of course. I always call you Freddie to myself.”

I said: “It sounds … friendly.” And I was thinking: I hope she won’t go away. I wanted to cling to her, to beg her to stay. She brought hope that everything was not as bad as it had seemed.

“All right,” she went on.

“Freddie it is. Now, listen. You’re thirteen. You can’t live here on your own, that’s clear. I’m going to suggest if you like the idea that you come back with me. I’m the only one you’ve got. Isn’t much choice, I fear.”

I smiled at her wanly.

“Well, I’m not so bad and I’ve got a notion that we’d get on.”

I said: “What about… ?”

“I’m coming to that. It’s a bit of an upheaval. Meg and the young girl. They’ll have to look for other places. The house could be sold.

The proceeds would pay for your mother’s care . and with that and the little income she has, we might get by. You come with me. Frankly, Freddie, I can’t see any other way. I’ve talked to the doctor. He thinks it’s a good idea. Well, not only a good idea, but the only one we’ve got that makes any sense. “

I could not speak. I felt that my life was breaking up about me.

She was watching me intently. She said: “I’ve an idea you wouldn’t find it too bad. Lily can be a bit shrill

2. sometimes, but she means well. She’s one of the best and I’m not such a bad old thing. I’ve always liked young people. “

I found myself clinging to her.

There, there,” she soothed.

Meg said: “It’ll be hard after all these years, but she’s rights It’s the only thing. I couldn’t manage the other and I couldn’t abide having nurses in the house. They can bej fussy wanting this, that and the other, not only for the patient but for themselves as well.

The worst thing will be parting with you. Miss Fred. “

“You will have to find another post, Meg.”

“I’ve already written to my sister in Somerset. There’s that big house there and she did say they was always wanting people. Didn’t know what it might be … but anything will do for a start. I’ve always wanted to be in that sort of house. Well, I started off at Cedars, didn’t

I?

I’ve mentioned to Amy, there might be something for her. “

“Oh, Meg, I shall miss you so!”

“I’ll miss you, love. But life’s like that. Changing all the time. And 1 reckon you’ll be all right with Miss Sophie. I remember her from the old days. A bit of a caution, she was. Hoyden sometimes, but her heart’s in the right place, and that’s what counts. It’ll be more lively with her than it was with your ma.”

“I do hope everything is going to be all right.”

“It will be. As soon as she come here, she seemed to throw a light on a dark subject, as they say. We’ve got to face the truth. Your ma is not going to get any better. She’s got to have proper care and she’ll get it in this place. You’ll be able to go and see her often. It couldn’t be better. Trust Miss Sophie. She was always the one to get things done.”

It was true. The house was up for sale. It was a pleasant place and

there were prospective buyers. Aunt Sophie was practical in the extreme. She said the servants must stay there until they found posts. They could not be turned out.

There was good luck in that direction. Meg’s sister wrote that there was a place for Meg. It was only housemaid, but it was something and there was a chance to ‘work her way up’. There was nothing as yet for Amy but there were many big houses in the neighbourhood and the servants were friendly with one another and she had heard that a twee ny was wanted in one of them. She would speak for her and a recommendation went a long way.

We were very optimistic and our hopes were not disappointed.

It was as though Aunt Sophie had come like a fairy godmother and waved her magic wand.

I said to her one day: “What of my father?”

Her expression changed slightly. It became what I could only call watchful.

“What of him?” she asked, rather sharply for her.

“Should he be told?”

She was thoughtful for a while, then she shook her head.

“After all,” I pointed out, ‘he is her husband . and my father. “

“Well, all that was finished, you know. They divorced.”

“Yes, but he is still that, isn’t he … he is at least my father.”

“It is all a long time ago.”

“It must be about twelve years.”

“He will have a new life now.”

“With a new family.”

“Perhaps.”

“So you think he wouldn’t be interested in me?”