Rogue Love (2 page)

My classes were off for the summer, so
I woke up and went to the kitchen to help my mother with household chores. The family had already been in bed by the time I got back the night before, so I knew she would ask about my abrupt departure from dinner.

To my surprise, she handed me a mop without mentioning my little outburst. I was glad to avoid her chidings, but her questions would have given me the perfect opportunity to explain how I had met Liam and invited him to church.

I dipped the mop in the soapy bucket and plopped it onto the corner of the fake wood linoleum floor. I glanced up at my mother as she scrubbed the cabinet doors.

“I met someone who is travelling through and invited him to come to church next week,” I said casually as I pushed the mop across the faded floor.

“Oh?” Mother turned to look at me but I couldn’t read her expression.

“I thought it would be nice to show him how God’s love can save. I am going to meet him today to explain more.”

Mother stopped scrubbing and turned around to face me. “And who, exactly, is this man?”

I felt the hot flush of embarrassment color my cheeks. How could I explain how gentle, attractive, and kind Liam had been to me?

“I met him last night on my walk. His name is Liam. He is riding across country and he will be in town for a bit,” I replied cautiously, looking down into the bucket of soapy water.

“Riding? You mean on a motorcycle?” my mother asked sharply.

“Yes, but mother he isn’t like that. He seems like a really nice man,” I protested.

“You will absolutely not meet up with this man again, do you understand?” Her words contained a finality that I had come to know meant that I was not to argue any further. “That man will only try to turn you to the devil. Or
worse.
” My mother’s voice hissed the last word as a visible shiver shook her body. She turned back to her scrubbing, signaling the end of the conversation.

I went back to mopping, feeling the unspoken words bubbling in my throat. I wanted to explain how Liam had treated me with respect and kindness, and how I felt happier in the few moments with him than I had with any of the boys from church. But I knew nothing would change her mind.

The day passed quietly, as mother and I cleaned the house and prepared dinner. Sarah was at church camp with her friends and father was away at work, so the house was mostly empty.

I kept glancing at the clock as the hours ticked by and my heart felt stretched. I wanted to be good, I wanted to listen to my parents. But the thought of leaving Liam waiting for me at the diner made my heart constrict tightly. There was no good reason I shouldn’t go.

Five minutes before I was supposed to meet Liam, I peaked my head into the living room. Mother was sitting in her chair, engrossed in her knitting. She would be at it for at least another hour, and no one else was due home before then. I walked quietly to the back door and slipped out into the evening breeze. I made sure the door clicked shut quietly before taking off down the road.

I arrived at the diner short of breath and covered in slick beads of sweat. A glance at my watch told me I was already five minutes late. I looked around furtively, but Liam was nowhere to be seen. Maybe I was too late. Maybe he already left.

I pulled open the frosted glass door and felt my heart jump in my chest as my eyes landed on Liam sitting in a booth across from me. He noticed me immediately, giving me a big smile that seemed to light up the whole room. I quickly walked across the small, grease-scented room to where he was sitting.

“I thought you might not be coming,” Liam said as I slid into the opposite side of the booth.

“I’m sorry. I got held up at home.” I looked down at the menu, not wanting to explain that my mother had forbid me from seeing him again. It was strange feeling, mixing guilt with protectiveness.

“No worries,” Liam said with a quick wave of his hand. How did he always manage to look so casual and calm? So cool? “I already ordered myself a coke. I’ll get the waitress over here again for you.”

He turned back towards the counter and waived until the waitress came over to take my order. As soon as she approached the table, I felt my heart drop. It was Cindy Montrose, a girl who had only been a year or two ahead of me in high school. Our parents were good friends and would chat together before Church every week. I should have known better than to meet up with Liam somewhere in town. I was sure the news of my date with a mysterious biker was going to be the talk of the town next Sunday.

“I’ll have a diet coke please,” I managed to stammer as Cindy raised her eyebrows at me. I wasn’t sure whether I should say something to her and explain that she probably had the wrong idea.

Liam reached across the table and put his hand on mine as soon as Cindy went back to get my soda.

“Are you alright? Did that girl drown your kitten or something?” His tone was light, but I felt his concern.

“No, I just forgot there might be people I know here. This is a small town. In a lot of ways,” I tried explaining. “There will be a lot of gossip.”

Liam seemed to understand what I meant and pulled his hand back from mine. I felt relieved as Cindy came back with my soda only a few moments later. But the warmth of his large, calloused hand on my skin lingered. As we talked, I found myself wishing he would reach out again.

“Tell me about growing up here,” he asked as I sipped my soda.

“There isn’t much to tell,” I protested. I was trying not to stare at his hypnotic blue eyes or the muscles bulging under his shirt.

“It doesn’t matter. I just want to know more about you,” he insisted.

So I told him about my strict upbringing in a town small enough that everyone knew if there was a new face in the grocery store. I told him about the long summers I spent at bible camp and the way my friend Grace and I would sit by the edge of the river and make up ridiculous stories about our futures that involved unrealistic fantasies like trips to Paris. I explained how my parents wanted the best for me, but didn’t seem to trust me to find my own way to uphold God’s plan for me.

The words came pouring out and it wasn’t until I stopped talking that I realized it was a story I had been holding inside, waiting to tell someone. Liam listened carefully without interrupting me until I had finished. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I hadn’t even realized it was there in the first place.

“It sounds like you do a lot of things out of guilt or a sense of duty, and not because you really want to do them. When was the last time you did something just for yourself, just because you wanted to do it?” Liam said finally, looking straight into my eyes.

I shifted uncomfortably under the weight of his stare. This man I barely knew could read into my soul better than anyone, better than I could read myself.

“Today,” I whispered. “I came to see you because it was what I wanted.”

Liam smiled and let out a small laugh that seemed to reverberate in his ribs. “That’s true, Mary. You did come here. I guess that means you like me?”

His smile was contagious and I couldn’t stop myself. “I guess so,” I replied truthfully.

We chatted a few minutes longer, but I kept my eye on the clock.

“I have to head home now or I’ll be in trouble,” I told him.

“In trouble? You aren’t a child, Mary,” Liam replied with a pitying gaze that made me shift uncomfortably in my seat. How could I explain to him that to my parents, I was essentially still a child.

“Well, let me give you a ride back,” he offered. I was about to protest when he continued. “It doesn’t have to be all the way to your house. I can just get you close much more quickly than if you walk.”

I had to admit that he was right. If I walked back, I risked being late for supper. Liam tossed a few dollars on the table for the bill and tip, then followed me out the front door. His bike was parked on the side of the building, which explained how I had missed it when I arrived.

“Now just scoot up close behind me and wrap your arms around my body tightly,” he instructed.

I was grateful that he was facing away from me on the bike and couldn’t see the bright pink blush that crept up my cheeks as I hiked up my skirt and wrapped my arms tightly around his strong, muscular torso. His body was so warm and hard pressed against the swell of my breasts. An image of his naked body pressed against mine flew unbidden into my mind. I shook my head to rid it of those sinful thoughts, but I couldn’t stop the rush of warmth and desire that flooded my body.

I held Liam’s waist tightly as he revved the engine. The bike roared to life underneath us and Liam took off down the long road. I gripped him tightly, feeling a rush of fear and excitement as we flew by the small buildings that dotted the outskirts of Mercy River.

The engine’s vibrations sent a strong, humming thrill through my body and the strong warm of Liam’s back against my chest only intensified the sensation. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to engine the feeling as the wind rushed through my long blonde hair. This was what freedom felt like. This was what it felt like to be alive.

I opened my eyes reluctantly and through several shouted exchanges, directed Liam down the streets until we approached the intersection near my house. I felt the deflation of disappointment as the engine purred to silence and I had to return to my quiet little life. I had never really been discontent before, at least not that I would admit to myself, but as I hopped off the back of Liam’s motorcycle I wondered if maybe the life I was living was too small for me.

“I’ll see you Sunday then, Mary,” Liam said as I smoothed out my skirt and hair, trying to hide any evidence of my little outing.

“I’ll meet you at the church door.” I knew I needed to hurry home, but I was having trouble tearing myself away. Liam’s baby blues were like magnets, pulling me towards him even when all common sense told me to run.

He looked into my eyes like he could read my soul and wanted to savor the experience. He took one step forward and in a moment, his arms were wrapped tightly around me, holding me to his chest. I breathed in his smooth, woody scent and looked up at him. His lips pressed down to mine gently at first. The soft press of his chapped lips against mine made my body melt into his strong embrace. I kissed back desperately, pressing my mouth to his in hopes that they could communicate the strange, intense feelings that had overtaken me since we first met. He tasted spicy and sweet, like cinnamon.

It was my first real kiss. My date to junior prom, Andy Butler, had kissed me on the cheek at the end of the night. I had never really dated anyone seriously or for more than a dates. Grace used to tell me that boys were intimidated by my strictly religious father and would never dare to do anything that might incur his wrath.

If I had known that a kiss could feel this good, that it could light up every nerve in my body until I was basically a puddle, I might have tried it sooner. But something told me that kissing Andy Butler couldn’t hold a candle to kissing Liam. The strength and passion in everything he did sparked something inside of me that I hadn’t even known was there.

Liam pulled his head back back, giving me a cocky smile. “I’ll be thinking about that all week.”

I licked my tender lips, unable to repress my answering smile. I knew that Liam’s kiss would fill my thoughts all week as well. I wanted to say something to explain how intense and wonderful the moment had been, but Liam swung his leg over the bike and the engine roared to life. In mere seconds, he was roaring away down the road.

I stood dumbfounded for a moment, watching the bike and the small cloud of dust that surrounded it fade off into the distance. My heart pounded in my chest and I felt an aching there that I knew could not be fixed until I was in Liam’s arms again.

The week moved like molasses as I tried to concentrate on my daily duties and keep Liam out of my thoughts. It was impossible.
I would find myself scrubbing the same part of the table over and over again as I replayed the kiss over and over again in my head. During bible study, I would just stare at the page and see Liam’s face with his strong jaw and bright blue eyes staring back at me instead of reading the words.

Luckily, my parents didn’t seem to notice my constant daydreaming. My sister Sarah, on the other hand, kept asking me what was wrong.

“Is it a boy?” she asked on Wednesday evening as the two of us were preparing dinner while our parents were at the church, helping to organize the annual fundraiser.

“Why do you say that?” I asked her, startled.

“You’ve been moping, sighing, and daydreaming all week,” Sarah laughed as she started to chop the carrots. “It is just how my friend Becky was acting when she wanted Tom to ask her to the church formal.”

I bit my lip and nodded, excited that I could finally share my secret with someone. I knew Sarah wouldn’t tell on me. Other than Grace, Sarah had always been my best friend.

She squealed and put down the knife, running over to give me a big hug. “I knew it! Who is it? Tell me all about him. I knew you would find someone eventually!”

I told her all about Liam, including every detail up to our kiss. Her eyes grew wide as I described his motorcycle and that tattoos that snaked over his arms.

“Mary! I can’t believe you fell for a bad boy. What will mom and dad say?”

“You can’t tell them!” I insisted. “I want them to meet him at church first and see that he is a really great guy before I tell them. Please, promise me.”

“I promise,” she agreed. “Oh, it is so romantic. Like Romeo and Juliet.” Sarah sighed and held her hand to her heart.

“You know that story ended in a double suicide,” I reminded her, shaking my head. Sarah was a good girl, but she had always been more adventurous than me. She was the daughter more likely to get mixed up with a bad boy from out of town. I just hoped my parents would see that Liam wasn’t a bad boy at heart.

I woke up Sunday morning with the first rays of sunshine and jumped out of bed in a hurry. I showered slowly, making sure to scrub every inch of my body with the bar of lavender-scented soap I only used on special occasions. I brushed out my long blond hair until it shone and put on my favorite blue dress.

I had breakfast on the table by the time my parents and Sarah woke up. Sarah looked me up and down and winked at me as I poured hot coffee into everyone’s mugs. I blushed and looked away, hoping my parents wouldn’t notice.

By the time we started walking to church, I was having trouble containing my excitement. Sarah started skipping ahead of our parents so I hurried up to her, taking her small arm in mine, and skipping alongside her.

“Is he handsome?” she whispered to me once we were far enough up the road that our parents couldn’t hear.

“He is the most handsome man I’ve ever met,” I admitted, thinking of the way his shaggy hair fell over his bright eyes and the bulge of his tattooed biceps under his shirt.

Sarah giggled. “I can’t wait to see him.”

When we arrived outside the church, there were already several families milling about and discussing the various events of the week. Since nothing ever happens in Mercy River, that meant they were discussing things like the weather and their children’s birthday parties.

I stood awkwardly as more and more families arrived and the crowd grew thicker. Then finally, I heard it. The distant roar of the engine grew louder as Liam’s motorcycle pulled into view. The whole crowd in front of the church turned to watch as Liam pulled up and dismounted.

He leaned the bike against a wooden signpost and walked over as the throngs of churchgoers stared in open amazement and disdain. To his credit, Liam had done his very best to fit in. His wild hair was carefully combed and he was wearing neatly pressed slacks and a faded blue button down shirt. Despite his efforts, Liam stood of from the crowd. His hair was much longer than any Mercy River man would ever wear it, and the dark tattoos were peaking out at his collar and cuffs.

I walked over quickly, pushing my way through the throngs of gawking housewives and irritated middle-aged men until Liam could see me. His face lit up with a smile as our eyes met. He opened his mouth to say something, but my family pushed their way forward before he had the chance.

“Mary, it is time to go inside,” my mother said warningly. Her face was a neutral mask but her chilly tone told me the truth.

“Mom, Dad, Sarah, this is Liam. He is in town for a while and I suggested he come by the church and hear one of Pastor Rick’s great sermons. Liam, this is my mom and dad, and my sister Sarah.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Liam said, extending his hand to my father.

My father reached his hand out and reluctantly shook Liam’s hand while my mother shook her head at me. I could tell I was in deep trouble, but I still held out hope that once my parents spoke with Liam they would understand.

“Hi Liam,” Sarah interjected as my parents remained painfully silent. “Nice to meet you!”

“Sarah, Mary, I want you girls to go inside the church right now,” my father instructed. “Liam, I hope you enjoy the service, but I want you to stay away from my girls. We don’t need any fellows like you giving them any wrong ideas.”

Liam turned to look at me with pitying eyes and I felt the anger boiling up inside of me. My father was still treating me like I was sixteen and he was treating Liam like trash.

“Daddy!” I gasped. “How can you judge Liam simply based on your preconceptions when the bible tells us not to judge?”

My father’s face started to turn red, and my mother pursed her lips in that way she did when Sarah or I were about to be sent to our rooms for something we had done wrong. My instinct was to shrink back and apologize for my transgressions. But I was not a child anymore and I knew that I was in the right.

“Mary,” my mother hissed, glancing furtively around at the other families who were now openly staring at our public drama. “You are starting to act like that girl Grace. Stop it right now.”

“Good!” I replied. “Maybe she had the right idea by leaving this town.”

My whole family stared at me in open shock and I saw a smile creep over Liam’s face. It was the first time I had ever stood up to my parents and it felt like freedom. I couldn’t back down now.

“You go to church,” I continued. “I’m staying with Liam.”

My father looked like he was about to explode, but I didn’t give him the chance to rage at me. I grabbed Liam’s hand and walked purposefully towards where he left his bike. Liam squeezed my hand gently and helped me up onto the bike after him.

I turned and gave my family one last look as they stood outside the church staring at their eldest daughter riding off on a motorcycle behind a man they had judged as unworthy before he said a single word. Only my sister Sarah waved and I was pretty sure she winked as Liam and I pulled off onto the small road towards his motel.

As the wind whipped my blond locks against my face, I realized that I had broken something and it couldn’t be fixed. There was a sadness that tinged my newfound sense of freedom. I loved my family, despite their failings. I knew that my parents would never see me the same way again. But I had broken out of a cage that kept me from growing into the woman I was meant to be. Opening new doors always involves closing others behind you.

“That was seriously bad ass of you, Mary,” Liam said as we pulled to a stop in front of the dingy motel building. “I’m impressed with your bravery. I know it must have been hard.”

I didn’t reply, but reached out and squeezed his strong hand. I wanted him to know that it was worth it, and that I did it for myself as much as I did it for him. Meeting Liam had given me the strength to fight for myself and now there was no looking back.

We walked up to the small, dark room where Liam was staying. He didn’t have much, just a few extra pairs of clothes laid out by his backpack. I looked around, trying to compare the freedom of the road to the comforts of home. In truth, the hotel room wasn’t much more dingy than many homes in Mercy River. When the economy crashed, many folks in town had fallen behind on their mortgages and homes had fallen into disrepair. Even my own family couldn’t afford much of the upkeep needed on our house.

“Is it hard, living on the road all the time?” I asked Liam quietly as I surveyed the small room.

“It isn’t so bad,” he assured me. He paused, looking at me carefully. “Mary, you are too good for this town. But it is your home. It is your decision to make.”

“I know, I replied, looking down at the worn carpet. In my heart, the decision was already made. “It isn’t my home anymore though. I want to go with you.”