Rebuilding Forever (3 page)

Cassie stared up at him, fire in her eyes. "If you were a lesser man, Julian wouldn't have been here."

He took a second to process that, then smiled. "Good answer." Then he dropped his mouth to hers, determined to eradicate the taste of Julian from her mouth.

She opened for him, sucking his tongue immediately between her lips, then devouring his mouth. Her body surged up against him, rubbing against his hard cock, and he knew this wasn't going to be the slow rediscovery he'd imagined.

"God, Cassie," he breathed against her mouth. "I love you."

She was too busy kissing him to answer. He released her hands and backed her against the wall, filling his palms with her breasts. She bit the side of his neck and pulled at his shirt and the waistband of his jeans. Her hand rubbed him and he thought he was going to go off right then. He caught her wrist again and held it over her head, holding her against the wall with his body.

"Fuck me," Cassie panted. She spread her legs as wide as her skirt would let her and thrust her hips forward. He ground against her and she cried out, arching. He fumbled with his fly, then dragged her skirt up to her hips and ripped off her underwear. He had to let go of her wrist again to lift her into position, but she was wide open and wet, slick and ready. He plunged into her, intending to pause and savor being there, being wrapped so fucking tightly in her, like he hadn't been there for-fucking-ever, but he couldn't
not
move. Cassie's head thudded against the wall once, twice, but she didn't seem to notice. He watched her face while he drove in and out. She was completely focused on what was happening to her, and the sight took him over the edge.

"God, Cassie, I can't..." He thrust harder, deeper, holding her hips so tightly he knew he was bruising her. She screamed and shuddered, her fingernails digging into his shoulders, and he flew. He felt like his entire body spasmed with each surge, the pleasure so intense he, too, might have screamed if his vocal cords hadn't frozen.

This time, when he came down, he felt complete.

Cassie drowsed in Seth's arms for a while, but she didn't sleep long. That was a waste of their time together. She asked about the new album and the drummer who'd replaced Troy. He'd liked touring, but not recording. It made her sad, that the group as it had been was no more, but after sixteen years, it was surprising they were as intact as they were.

She let Seth's hair slide through her fingers. "It's gotten long." It used to meet his collar; now it fell to his shoulders.

"You want to cut it?"

She'd always cut it Back Then, as she was starting to think of their first marriage.

"No, I like it."

"Pete hates it."

Cassie laughed and ran it between her fingers again. "Then I love it."

Seth chuckled. His callused fingers traced across her shoulders, up to her nape, then back down her spine to the small of her back. She liked that he couldn't stop touching her.

"You've gained some weight." He wrapped his hands around her biceps, then gently cupped her breast before stroking her cheek. "Your angles are softening."

"Quitting smoking tends to do that."

"You quit before we reconciled." His brows pulled together. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

"Hell, no."

He smiled. "That's the Cassie I know."

Something cold started to seep through her muscles, dragging her arm down to the bed. She recognized it readily enough. Fear had been a fairly regular, if not constant, companion.

"What are you saying, Seth?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "Nothing, really. You're different."

The trickle of cold hardened into ice. She rolled away slightly. "Different, how?"

The wrinkled brow had turned puzzled. "Nothing major, you're just...softer, or something. Not as cranky."

Anger surged, burning away the fear, and she would have welcomed it if she hadn't matured over the last few years. If she hadn't fully embraced this reconciliation and determined she would make it work. So she bit back the retort about crankiness and made herself take a deep breath.

"I'm happy, Seth, okay?" Maybe she'd decided she'd work hard, which meant honesty and openness, but she didn't have to look him in the eye when she was doing it. "Happiness can make people eat better."

"Ah, love." He rolled forward and kissed the top of her forehead. "I never thought I would hear you say those words to me. Or that I would be the reason you said them." He rolled back. "I
am
the reason, aren't I?"

She chuckled. "Yes, Seth, you're the reason. Except for--"

"I know." He sighed and pulled her closer. "We'll figure something out about that. Maybe we need to hire a publicist or manager who can take all your calls. I'm sure Beth hates it."

"Beth loves it. She gets to unleash her inner monster. I'm the one who can't stand it." The calls had only lasted that one night, but Cassie knew that wasn't the end of it. Any time Seth was in public he ran the risk of getting photographed doing something questionable, and their reconciliation had been a top news topic during the tour. People expected them to fail, and sought her statement whenever there was a hint of possibility that they would.

"Cass, what did you mean, when you said if I was a lesser man, Julian wouldn't have been here?"

She was getting sleepy again, but her stomach rumbled, too. "Ummm." She kissed his chest and twisted her hips to get more comfortable. "I thought you understood what I meant."

"I figured you were saying Julian could take the mickey out of me without me killing him."

"No." She blinked to try to wake her brain, which didn't want to communicate with her mouth. "I meant that if you were a lesser man, Julian wouldn't bother being friends with you, and if he wasn't friends with you, he wouldn't be here to take the mickey out."

"O-kay."

She patted him. "It was a compliment, hon. Go to sleep."

"Okay."

He was backstage again, that horrible night when he'd crashed so hard. He wanted to die, and loaded up on enough shit to nearly do it. He could barely walk. Definitely couldn't see. But he knew what he needed.

"Juli." His best mate. He always picked him up when he crashed. Helped him fly again, somehow. No one understood him like Jules did. If anyone could help him, Jules could.

"Yeah, mate."

Seth managed to get himself onto the couch, found Julian, leaned against him for support.

"It hurts, Juli. So fucking much. Nothing works. Nothing makes it stop."

"Nothing will, Seth." His hand rubbed his back. "You've just got to take it one minute at a time. You'll get through."

"I'm alone," he moaned. "Fucking alone."

"You're never alone. You've got me." And Julian, crazy Julian, the man who worshipped fun above anything else, sounded serious as a heart attack.

Heart attack. Maybe his heart would just explode, put him out of his misery. But still he breathed, each intake of air sending shards of ice through his chest.

"I need you, Jules." He clutched at Julian's shirt, damp with sweat from their performance.

"I'm here, mate."

"Help me."

"You sure?"

The sound of his friend's warm voice vibrated in Seth's chest. His dick swelled, pressing against the tight leather. It was distraction, the biggest kind. He couldn't take another woman, not while he was married to Cassie, no matter what she'd said she was going to do.

"I need to escape. Help me escape."

"All right." His hand landed on Seth's prick, testing him. He didn't move for a long time, waiting. Seth leaned back on the couch and put his hand over Julian's, pressing down, then moving his fingers up to the tip. He moaned a little. Julian deftly undid the leather--for sure he wasn't as fucked up as Seth was--and took his bare cock into his hot hand. Seth bucked, the unfamiliar sensation of rough, callused fingers wrapping around him making him insane with need. Julian squeezed and stroked--

Seth jerked, and suddenly the darkness was different. His breath rasped in the still air, the sound not echoing as much as it had a moment ago. But he wasn't home. Those weren't his curtains. A car passed outside, and he realized he was at Cassie's. Now he could feel her beside him, asleep.

"Fuckin' A," he muttered, squeezing his eyes tight. He didn't have to touch himself to feel the raging hard-on. His body shuddered with the force of his need. Just like before.

But this time Cassie was here. He turned to look at her. She was lying on her stomach, facing away from him, and was still naked. He rolled to his side and stroked his hand down her back. She
hmmmmm
ed in her sleep and shifted a little.

"Cassie."

She didn't move. Seth let his hand roam over her, stroke the side of her breast and dip underneath to play with her nipple, glide past her hip and around to test her center. Her legs slid open and a sigh escaped him. She was wet. He rose up over her and said her name again. She still didn't answer, but he didn't think she was as deep asleep as she'd been a moment ago. He wrapped his arm around her waist and lifted her hips just enough to bury himself inside her.

It was instant relief.

"I love you, Cassie," he breathed into her hair, then drew her scent--her skin and shampoo and the musk of their earlier lovemaking--deep into his lungs. She clenched around him and he almost came, wanted it desperately enough that he almost withdrew and thrust into her again. That would have done it. But he couldn't just use her to ease his own need. He moved his hand down to glide between her lips and find her clit. When he touched it she clenched again, and lifted her rear to press him deeper. He moved slightly, pumping in and out just an inch or two, enough to take her up without driving himself over. She moaned and he rubbed harder, his hips thrusting without his permission. He started to come and clenched his teeth, trying to hold back. But then Cassie cried out and clamped down hard on him, and he burst into her, his movements suddenly jerky and uncoordinated. But he didn't remove his hand, and she shuddered and came again, a smaller one, but enough to keep him from feeling guilty.

"Holy crap." Cassie rolled underneath him. When he would have moved to the side she grabbed his arm and kept him over her. "What was that?"

He couldn't smile, not even when her mouth curved in satisfaction.

"I don't know," he admitted. Her smile disappeared, and this time he ignored her hands and fell onto the bed beside her. "I'm sorry, I'm mucking this up badly."

"No, you're not." She propped herself up on her elbow to look at him. "Seth, what's wrong?" She touched his face. He closed his eyes and concentrated on her hand, then shook his head.

"Nothing."

She pulled away. "Okay, that was your chance." She threw back the sheet and stood. "I'm starving. If you want something, meet me in the kitchen."

Cassie tried not to stomp her feet as she went down the stairs. He would talk to her eventually. He always did. She'd tried to tell him that complete openness and honesty was the only way this was going to work, but he was proving difficult to convince. It was like he couldn't leave protection-mode, afraid whatever he felt or thought or did would make her walk away again.

She wasn't walking away. She just needed to convince him of that, somehow.

The sandwiches were made and Cassie was adding chips and carrots to the plates when Seth joined her. He wore a pair of silk pajama bottoms he'd left here last time, and that was all. She couldn't believe how sexy he looked bare-chested and barefoot, his hair tumbling over his shoulders.

"Thanks, babe." He gave her a squeeze and kissed her temple, then picked up the plates to take them to the table. Cassie poured glasses of milk and joined him.

"So what happened up there?" she asked.

Seth tried to smile and didn't quite make it. "Round two."

"Why were you so tortured about it?"

She took a bite of her sandwich and watched him toy with his carrots. He ate a chip and sipped the milk before his shoulders slumped and he admitted, "I dreamed about Julian again."

Her eyebrows went up. "And that made you want to bang me?"

"Uh..." He shifted on the chair, picked up a carrot, and then dropped it on the plate before shoving his hands into his hair and holding his head up. "I don't know what to say to you."

"It's not going to bother me if dreaming about having sex with Julian--"

"We weren't having sex!" He reached for the milk glass again.

"Then what were you doing?"

He muttered something with the glass up to his mouth. Cassie waited. He drained half the glass, cut his eyes to her, and apparently realized she wasn't going to let him skate on this. He thumped the glass back to the table.

"Hand job."

"Giving or receiving?"

"Receiving."

"And I assume you didn't come and woke up horny." She ate more sandwich, trying to come across more casual than she felt. Once was no big deal, but this was twice that she knew of. She wasn't the kind of woman to start angsting about how her partner really felt about her, and Seth had given her no reason to think he was having doubts about them. But...

"Are you having doubts about us?"

Seth's head came up and he looked shocked. "No!"

She chose a carrot and debated how delicate to be about this. She thought about the subject, Julian, and how
in
delicate he usually was.

"You've known Julian a lot longer than you've known me."

Seth stared at her. "So?"

"You're closer to him than you ever were to me."

"Again, so?" He held one palm up. "It's different."

"Not according to your dreams."

He shook his head. "I am not pining after Julian."

Relief made breathing easier. It was the first hint she'd had that this thing really scared her. She wouldn't expect anyone to be able to take Seth away from her--except Julian.

"Okay, then, there must be some other reason you're having these dreams."