One Special Christmas & Home for the Holidays (29 page)

Nick knew he might be pushing her too fast, and realized he had to stop, but her sweetly tender lips made the blood race through his veins. At the same time, he
knew that if he kissed her any longer, tomorrow she might regret her ardent response and cut him off. It was a risk he wasn't willing to take.

With one last, lingering caress, Nick's lips broke contact with hers. Both of them were breathing raggedly, and Laura's hands were pressed flat against the front of his shirt. She stared at him, fear and wonder and uncertainty mingling in her eyes. Nick almost pulled her back into his arms, but forced himself to straighten up.

He opened her car door, and she silently slipped inside. When she rolled down the window, he leaned in and once more brushed his lips over hers.

“Until next week,” he said quietly.

“Until next week,” she agreed.

L
aura was a little surprised to find a message from Sam on her answering machine when she arrived home, considering her friend had left the bar with an attractive man. But she might as well return the call tonight, she thought with a sigh. Sam would keep bugging her until she had a full report on the evening.

“I've been sitting by the phone waiting for you to call,” Sam said eagerly before even one ring had been completed. “So, did my timely departure do the trick?”

“It was a little obvious,” Laura said dryly.

“I'm sure Nick appreciated it,” Sam replied smugly.

“Yeah, he did,” Laura admitted. “He likes you.”

“Great. I like him, too. But I'm more interested in how he feels about you. What happened after I left?”

“We didn't stay much longer,” Laura said. “By the way, who was your friend?” she asked, more to buy time than out of any real curiosity. She'd long ago given up trying to keep track of Sam's male admirers. There seemed to be an ever-changing cast of thousands.

“Rick? Just a guy in my office. We've gone out a
few times, had a few laughs. Nothing serious. He just walked me to my car. I have an early appointment tomorrow, remember? But why are
you
home so early?” Sam said worriedly. “Did you clam up or do something to discourage him?”

“I said I was tired and needed to get home.”

“Oh, great,” Sam said with disgust. “I should have hung around, after all. There would have been more action if I
had
stayed.”

“No, I don't think so,” Laura said slowly, playing with the phone cord.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, he asked me out next weekend.”

“And you're going, I hope.”

“Yes.”

“All right! Now we're getting somewhere.”

“He kissed me again, too.”

“Well! This is definitely progress,” Sam said enthusiastically.

“Sam…” Laura climbed onto a bar stool and propped her elbow on the counter, resting her chin in her hand. She frowned, unsure why she was having so much difficulty discussing this with the uninhibited Sam, who was never shocked by anything.

“Yes,” Sam prompted.

“Um, Nick…he kisses…differently…than I've ever been kissed,” she said awkwardly. “More…intimately, you know? And what's worse, I—I wanted him to…well, to kiss me even more. Oh, what's wrong with me?” she moaned in despair.

“Absolutely nothing,” Sam said flatly. “You're a young, vibrant woman who's been living in an emotional cave for a decade. Frankly, I'm surprised those
penned up hormones haven't revolted before now. Look, Laura, enjoy it. There's nothing wrong with physical affection. I understand your need to move forward slowly, and, believe it or not, I actually think it's wise. But at least move forward.”

As usual, Sam's straightforward advice sounded logical enough. But move forward…how far? Laura wondered. She had never made love to a man outside of marriage. Her morals and her faith just wouldn't allow it. A few kisses didn't seem that serious. But with Nick, she feared she'd be playing with fire.

“But, Sam, I—I just don't want to get hurt again,” she admitted finally.

Sam knew how much that admission had cost Laura. Since the two had become friends nearly eleven years ago, Laura had never talked about the emotional scars of her first marriage. Sam knew they were breaking new ground, thanks to Nick. He'd gotten under her skin, opened some old wounds. She realized that it was painful for Laura, but at least now the wounds would have a chance to heal.

“Laura, not every relationship is built on hurt,” Sam said, treading cautiously on what she knew was shaky turf. “You've never said much about your marriage to Joe, but I could read between the lines. When I used to run into you at night school you always seemed so sad. And I saw what he did to you the night you left him,” she said, her voice tightening. “You did the right thing by walking away. Randy might have been a bum, but he never beat me.”

For a moment there was silence on the line, Sam wondering if Laura would deny the abuse, Laura lost in remembrance.

“Joe wasn't always like that, Sam,” she said softly.

“I'm sure he wasn't,” Sam said gently. “But sometimes people change.”

“He just couldn't take the pressure,” Laura said with a sigh. “Something inside of him broke, and I didn't know how to help him fix it. He…he made me feel like his problems were my fault, and for a long time I bought into that,” she said, a catch in her voice. “But I finally realized that he was sick. I knew he needed help, but it infuriated him when I suggested it. And when he started expressing his anger with violence, I was too scared to push him. Maybe I should have.”

“You did the right thing,” Sam said firmly. “From what I saw, you might not be around if you'd pushed.”

“But what you said before, Sam, about people changing…that's what I'm afraid of. How do I know Nick won't do the same thing? I survived the last time, thanks to you and my family and my faith, but I'm not sure I would again.”

“Honey, I don't have the answers for you,” Sam said with a sigh. “Commitment means risk, that's for sure. Relationships don't come with a money-back guarantee or a lifetime warranty. All you can do is use your judgment and then take your best shot.”

“You know, despite my faith, I wouldn't have made it through the last time if you hadn't stuck with me,” Laura said quietly.

“Of course you would,” Sam said briskly. “You are one strong lady, Laura Taylor.”

“Lately I haven't been feeling all that strong.”

“You'll be fine. Like I said, don't rush things. Take
it slowly, if that makes you more comfortable. But give it a chance, for your own sake.”

Laura lay awake a long time that night. She tried to push thoughts of Nick from her mind, but it was no use. She supposed she'd been attracted to him almost from the beginning, but her well-tuned defense mechanisms simply had not allowed her to admit it. Now that he had made his interest clear, she found that her defenses were not nearly as impenetrable as she'd assumed.

Laura thought back to her early years with Joe. She couldn't remember exactly when the disintegration of their marriage had begun. Joe's growing despondency had been the first sign, she supposed. Eventually he sought solace in liquor, which made him belligerent and abusive, both emotionally and physically. The deterioration had been a gradual thing that had slowly worsened until one day Laura realized that her life had become a living hell. In trying to appease him, to meet his unreasonable demands, she'd cut herself off from family and friends and lived in isolation, growing more desperate every day, trying to make it work, eventually realizing that she couldn't. It had taken a crisis to convince her that she couldn't go on that way anymore. She'd spent days in prayer and soul-searching, but in the end Joe's untimely death had taken the decision out of her hands. Somehow she'd pulled herself together and found the courage to start over alone, but the scars were deep.

With a strangled sob of frustration, Laura punched her pillow, letting the tears slide down her cheeks unchecked. Her stomach was curled into a tight knot, and the taste of salt was bitter on her lips. She had to let go of the past, like Sam said, and move forward—in her personal life as well as with her business. But
she simply didn't know if she had the courage to take another chance on love.

 

By Friday, when she hadn't heard from Nick, Laura's nerves were stretched to the snapping point. He'd said he'd be in touch about Jack's party, but there'd been no call. What was he going to do, wait until nine o'clock tonight, leaving her dangling until the last minute? Or maybe he wasn't going to call at all, she thought in sudden panic.

Laura glanced at the sheet of paper in front of her. She'd been sitting at the drafting table in her office for the past hour, doodling instead of working, and she was disgusted with herself. See what caring about a man does to you? she chided herself angrily. Your emotional state becomes dependent on his whims. No way was she going to let that happen again, she told herself fiercely.

The sudden ring of the telephone at her elbow made her jump, and she snatched it up in irritation.

“Taylor Landscaping,” she said shortly.

“Laura?” It was Nick's voice, hesitant and uncertain, and her heart jumped to her throat.

“Yes.”

“Is everything all right?”

“Yes. Everything's fine,” she said tersely.

“No, it's not. I can tell.”

“Look, Nick, I said everything's fine. Let's drop it, okay?”

She heard him sigh. “I don't have the time or the energy to argue with you now, Laura. We'll talk when I see you,” he said, and she realized that his voice
sounded weary. “Unfortunately, that won't be until next week. That's why I'm calling.”

He was canceling their date! Laura felt her heart dive to her shoes.

“Laura, are you still there?”

“Yes,” she said in a small voice.

“I'm really sorry about tomorrow night. I talked to Jack, and you're still welcome to attend if you like.”

“I'll probably pass,” she said, her voice strained. “I have plenty of work to do.”

“Laura, there isn't much in this world that would have made me break this date. But my dad had a heart attack Wednesday and I flew out to Denver on the redeye Thursday morning. To be honest, I haven't really been thinking straight since then. I'm sorry for the last-minute notice.”

Laura closed her eyes as a wave of guilt washed over her, and she gripped the phone tightly. “Nick, I'm so sorry,” she said contritely. “How is he doing?”

“Okay. It turned out to be a fairly mild attack, but he had us all worried for a while.”

“You sound tired,” Laura ventured.

“Yeah. I am. I don't think I've had but five or six hours of sleep since Tuesday night.”

“Well, don't worry about tomorrow,” she said. “Obviously you need to be with your family. That takes priority.”

“I hoped you'd understand. Can I call you when I get back?”

“Sure. I hope everything turns out well with your father,” she said sincerely. “And get some sleep, Nick. You sound beat.”

“I'll try. Talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

The line went dead and Laura slowly hung up the receiver. She felt sorry for Nick and his family, but she had learned one thing. She was letting Nick become too important to her, so important that he could control her emotional state. And that was dangerous.

By the time Nick called Monday afternoon, Laura had convinced herself that, Sam's advice notwithstanding, it would be better if she didn't see him anymore except professionally. She just wasn't ready to trust a man again, it was as simple as that. Now all she had to do was tell Nick—which wasn't quite as simple.

“How's your dad doing?” she asked as soon as he said hello.

“Much better. They're pretty sure he'll make a full recovery.”

“I'm really glad, Nick.”

“Thanks.”

“You sound more rested.”

“I got in at a decent time last night and slept ten hours straight,” he admitted.

“I have a feeling you needed it.”

“Yeah, I did. Jack tells me you didn't make the party.”

“No.” She played with the phone cord, twisting and untwisting it.

“You would have enjoyed it, Laura. I'm sorry I couldn't take you.”

“It's okay.”

“Well, I feel like I should make it up to you. How about dinner Wednesday?”

Now was the time. She took a deep breath. “Nick, I can't. I'm going home next weekend for Fourth of July
and if I want to take off an extra day I really need to put in some longer hours this week.”

“But you have to eat,” Nick stated practically. “Can't you spare time for a quick dinner?” he coaxed.

“Nick, I really can't.”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, and Laura knew Nick was frowning.

“Maybe I'll stop by one night and we can make a late run to Ted Drewes.” There was a note of caution in his voice now.

“I don't think I'll have time. But thank you.”

Nick stared at the wall in his office, thinking quickly. Laura was obviously giving him the brush-off. And he shouldn't be surprised, considering she'd admitted before that she was scared. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on here. She'd gotten cold feet, decided not to risk any sort of involvement. But he wasn't going to let her go this easily. She obviously wasn't in a receptive mood, so now was not the time to discuss it. Besides, he was sure he could be much more convincing in person. So he'd play dumb, ignore the message being sent, let her off the hook for this date, but renew the attack next week when she returned.

“I understand, Laura. I know how it is when you're trying to take a little vacation,” he said sympathetically. “We'll try again next week. I'll call you soon.”

“Nick, I—”

“Laura, it's okay,” he cut her off. “You don't have to apologize for begging off. Duty calls. Believe me, I've been there. I'll talk to you soon. Take care, okay?”

“Yeah, I will.”

Laura heard the click as the line went dead and stared at the receiver in her hand. Well, she'd certainly handled
that well, she thought in disgust. Why hadn't she just come right out and said “Listen, Nick, this isn't going to work out. You're a nice guy, but I don't want any complications in my life.” Period. That's all it would have taken. Instead, she'd tried the more subtle backdoor route. Unfortunately, he hadn't gotten the message. He was probably so used to women falling all over him that it had been beyond his comprehension that someone would actually not want to date him. Well, the next time he called she'd be more straightforward.