Of Gods and Wolves (41 page)

“Blue?” I called out into the empty, cold, stone room. I was kind of shocked I'd been able to trace in. I would have thought Blue would have warded his home against me. “Blue?”

I stepped out into the hallway and headed toward his bedroom. I barely made it five paces before the door was thrown open and Blue stalked out to stare at me with a mixture of shock and grim satisfaction. He lost the shock as he strode forward, gaining aloofness and disdain.

“So, you've finally learned the truth.”

“
Blue,” I swallowed and started again. “Blue, I'm so sorry. I failed you as a friend.”

“
Yes,” the ice cracked for a second before it reformed. “Yes, you did. You turned against me because of what others said. Even though you knew, in your heart, the kind of man I am. I was honest with you. You knew I wouldn't lie to you, yet you humiliated me with asking me to show you my thoughts. You scorned me in front of others and hurt me, Godhunter. How could you have opened me up to emotions and then used that weakness to exploit me? And you called me a monster?”

“
I know,” I hung my head. “I've said everything you've just said to myself over and over since I've learned it was really Demeter.” There was a small twinge of satisfaction in his eyes. “You knew it was her.”

“
As soon as you mentioned the sun magic,” he nodded.

“
Why didn't you tell me?”

“
Tell you?” He scoffed. “As if you would have believed me? As if I wanted to help you? You deserved to find out the hard way.”

“
I did,” I felt my teeth clench. “She almost killed Trevor.”

“
Is the Wolf Prince alright?” He surprised me by asking.

“
Yes, he's fine,” I reached out to him but he just stared at my hand like it was a poisonous snake. “I understand. I would hate me too. I just wanted to try. I had to at least apologize to you and tell you, you were right. I never should have doubted you. I hope that someday you might forgive me but if you can't, please at least know that I feel the most bitter of regret for what I did to you.”

“
Regret,” he sneered and his hand shot out to grip my upper arm in a vise. “You'll be feeling more than that.”

I screamed as he pulled me into his bedroom. It was automatic and just one more thing for me to be ashamed of but the look on his face was all about death. He threw me on his bed, following me quickly and covering my body with his own. My pulse beat frantically as he pinned my arms to my sides and took a handful of my hair. He pulled violently on my hair, twisting my neck back and stared down at me with narrowed eyes.

“I am not a toy to be jerked around on a string,” he snarled. “I am a god and you will now truly understand what sacrifice is about.”

He bit viciously into my neck, right over Thor's lightning scar, tearing at the wound and causing as much pain as possible. I couldn't even scream, I was too terrified, all I could do was gasp. It seemed to be enough of a reaction for him, he made a happy little growling noise amidst the flow of my blood.

Then my head cleared and peace washed over me. If he needed this, I would let him have it. Somewhere inside I knew he wouldn't kill me and I knew I needed to finally show him the trust I'd denied him. I inhaled slowly and let my body relax beneath his.

I felt it the moment he realized I wasn't going to fight him. He stilled, his mouth still locked on my throat but drinking very little. He eased up on my arms and when I didn't make any sudden movements, he lifted his head and looked down at me. There was blood at the corner of his mouth and he idly licked at it as he pondered my face.

“What is this?” He finally asked. “A new trick?”

“
No trick,” I lifted a hand and touched his cheek. “I owe you an act of trust, so drink. I'll believe in you now, Blue, as I should have done before.”

“
And what if I kill you?”

“
You won't,” I felt a tear drip down my cheek. I've seen your soul, remember? You are capable of violence but you are not cruel or unjust. You're hurt and I am the cause. I accept your anger but I will not fail you again. So go ahead.” I pulled his face back to my neck and felt his teeth slide into my skin.

His arms went around me and he drank. I wrapped my arms around him as well and rubbed his back as I would soothe a child. The tense muscles beneath my hands started to loosen. His arms around me tightened and a small tremor shook through his body. I felt the hot wet fall of tears start to soak my hair as he continued to drink my blood.

A few more sips was all he lasted before rolling to the side to stare at the ceiling in misery. He dropped a hand over his eyes to cover his crying and I quietly got up and headed into the bathroom to find a cloth to press against my neck. I came out and stood at the end of the bed, waiting for him to recover.

“
Get out,” he said quietly.

“
Blue, I
am
sorry.”

“
Yes, Vervain,” he snapped and sat up. “You're sorry, you're so very sorry for all you've done to me,” he waved his hand at his tear-streaked face. “I am the Aztec God of War! Yet I sit here, crying because a woman has hurt my feelings. This is your fault!”

“
Blue...”

“
Get out!” He flung a hand toward his bedroom door and it crashed open. “Get the fuck out of my domain and don't ever come back, Godhunter.”

“
Blue, please,” I backed to the door.

“
Now, before I forget the man you've made of me.”

I turned and ran.

“
Do you want me to stay?” Thor leaned down to look me in the eye.

“
No, it's fine,” I glanced at him and gave him a wan smile. I was still upset about my run-in with Blue, I could barely rustle up my usual awkward feelings for Odin.

“
She's perfectly safe with me, Thor,” Odin held out his hand. “Come along, Godhunter. We can't be shifting inside.”

I looked down at his hand and just for a second it looked different. Darker, tanned from long days in the sun. I saw it in sunlight, reaching for me while a child's laughter rang through my ears, through my heart. Tears blurred my vision and I blinked them back rapidly. What the hell? Had Blue fucked with my head?

“Thank you, Thor,” I nodded to him as I took his father's hand. “I appreciate you arranging this.”

“
I'll be right across the water if you need anything,” he turned away and headed back to Valhalla's tracing room. Before he took the corner, he glanced back over his shoulder. I couldn't read the look he gave me but it carried weight.

“
So how much do you know about shifting?” Odin led me through Valhalla's main room and out a side door.

“
Nothing really,” I surveyed the open yard we'd stepped into.

It was bordered by the edge of the Asgard forest. Off to the right was a large vegetable garden. To the left, a path wound around the hall. I could hear the sounds of warriors practicing their arts coming from that direction. Above us, the sun was bright but its heat was tempered by the chill air. I looked down at Odin's hand still in mine and shivered. What was that vision all about?

“Are you alright?” He finally dropped my hand.

“
Yes,” I took a deep breath of the crisp air. It helped. “I'm just a little out of sorts today.”

“
Of course,” his one, beautiful eye looked down and then back up at me. “I'm glad to hear the Wolf Prince is doing well.”

“
Thank you,” I tried not to notice how good Odin looked in his white drawstring pants but it was hard. As hard as the thick muscles snaking over his bare upper body. There was a long scar down his right side that fascinated me. It didn't detract at all from his appeal. In fact, I had the sudden urge to run my tongue up it. My face flushed and I looked away. What was wrong with me?

“
So Thor tells me you've only shifted the once,” Odin's voice brought me back to reality and I focused on his face determinedly.

“
Yes,” I swallowed hard.

Focusing on his face was just as bad. Odin surpassed his son in his hotness level. I always said you had to know your own hotness level. A lot of men don't. You see them all the time, hitting on women way younger and way hotter than them. Some women even do it, then have the nerve to sit around afterward and weep over the rejection. Know your own level and that won't happen. Sometimes people luck out when the high levels don't know they're so hot. It was how I'd got Thor. Thor just didn't know his hotness level but I knew mine, and I knew Odin was way above it. For that matter, so were most of the men in my life.

“Okay,” Odin was giving me a funny look. “So let's run over that first experience. What were you feeling at the time?”

“
Scared shitless.”

“
Okay,” Odin laughed. “So maybe it was fear that triggered it. The shift reacts to extreme emotion. Thor says that you shifted back because you thought of Trevor. So I'm assuming love brought you back.”

“
I don't know,” I frowned. “I guess so. I shifted because I took Nyavirezi's power and the draw works better if I don't fight the incoming magic. I let it in and it turned me into a lioness. I don't think it had anything to do with fear. I shifted back when the lioness wanted me to eat Nyavirezi's body. I remembered Trevor telling me that the Froekn never ate people.”

“
So Trevor was your conscious,” Odin frowned thoughtfully. “It's probably the only thing that would have worked for you in that situation. You needed something to shock you out of the change. The animal's instinct clashed with your human morality and cleared your head enough for you to remember who you are.”

“
So you're saying it wasn't really Trevor?”

“
No, I'm saying Trevor was only part of it. You used Trevor's words as a catalyst but it was your own horror that let you remember them.”

“
So I'm going to have to shock myself every time I want to change back?” I wasn't comfortable with that.

“
No,” Odin stretched his shoulders like he was getting ready for a round of boxing. “You just need to hold onto that feeling of humanity. When you shift, you think of the lion. You let yourself feel like her, her muscles bunching, paws on the earth, intricate scents in her nose. Then you'll become her. When you want to be a woman again, you let yourself feel like a woman, the breeze in your hair, the sun on your skin,” his hand reached out and trailed over my arm, leaving gooseflesh in its wake.

“
I...” I swallowed hard. “I think I get it.”

“
Good,” he took a step back. “I'll shift into a lion so you can get a feel for it. Then you try. If we manage to get you shifted, we can go for a run and see how you do in the wild. Then I'll help you shift back.”

“
Okay,” I chewed at my lip and fingered the linen robe he'd had me change into earlier.

He turned his back to me and undid his pants. I blushed and looked away as they fell but I couldn't resist a quick peek. Odin had a great ass and that's all I'm going to say about it. I did feel a little dirty, admiring the father after sleeping with the son, but I didn't think it was quite the same when you were dealing with gods. Thor and Odin looked more like brothers than parent and child. Besides, I was just looking. Where's the harm?

I felt the magic before I saw the change. It was light, a happy feeling. The brush of feathers, no, fur. I closed my eyes and inhaled deep as the feeling of fur sharpened and began to prickle, like all those little hairs had become plastic. It poked at me but not hard enough to draw blood, more like someone was rubbing some AstroTurf gently over my skin. Weird but kinda nice.

I opened my eyes and there was a massive lion sitting on his haunches in front of me. I sucked in a startled breath as I looked into its one eye. The other eye was simply closed. No disturbing scarring, just a slight indention to betray the fact that there was nothing behind the lid. I'd never seen him without the patch before and I wasn't sure this even counted. I remembered then how Odin supposedly had willingly given up his eye. It made sense that the removal was probably done with careful precision. He probably didn't have scars in his human form either.

The lion let out a low grunt and I nodded. It was my turn.

I thought about the feeling his magic had given me. The way the fur had flowed against my arms and then the sharp turn it had taken. My lioness perked up inside me, lifting her head and scenting the air. She didn't move though, just sat there looking thoughtful. I tried to reach for her, call out to her to come forward but she just continued to sit there. Then she started to clean herself. Typical cat.

I growled in frustration and Odin's lion laughed at me. It was a strange sound, a sort of rumbling wheeze. Took me awhile to recognize it for what it was. When I did, I crossed my arms and glared at him. That only made the wheezing stronger.

“
Laugh it up, One-Eye,” I ground out. “When I do get in lion form, I'm gonna kick your furry butt.”

He roared and I shrank back, instantly horrified that I'd made the mistake of provoking an enemy god in lion form. But my lioness recognized the nuances in the sound and came striding forward. The roar wasn't anger, it was a healthy challenge. Odin was telling me to come and get him if I could and my lioness' interest was perked.

I let myself fall into that feeling and realized what I'd been doing wrong. I shouldn't have used the way Odin's magic made me feel to try and change. His magic was different than mine. I needed to know how mine felt and concentrate on that feeling to change. So I focused on the feelings I'd had the first time. I recalled the way the ground had felt beneath the pads of my toes,  the strength in my limbs, and the joy of being an animal. No concerns but the breeze, the sun, the hunt.

This time I felt the change. I felt the fur flow over me like a familiar blanket. I felt my limbs stretch like they were coming out of a deep slumber and reshape themselves into something better suited for running, for chasing things that I could tear into. I could smell them in the air, the little creatures who would perish beneath my claws and drip their life down my throat. I took in a deep breath filled with forest and fresh air, then let it out in a thunderous sound of triumph. I was Intare.

Odin's lion was rubbing along my side, circling me, and huffing into my fur with his wet nose. I nipped at him, scenting him back and storing the scent in my lion memory for future use. This was an ally, a partner to hunt with, a potential mate.

I almost lost my lioness at the shocking thought of her liking Odin. I stumbled a little before I let her take over again. She growled a warning at me before scenting something warm and tasty, and jumping off into the forest. Well, she was used to having her pick of males. I guess it was natural for her to be interested.

Then we were one again and her thoughts were indiscernible from mine. I felt free as I leaped over high roots, forgoing the beaten path for the thick woods. I was fascinated by the heavy trees, the thick underbrush, the rich loam smell, all the things I didn't have at Pride Palace. There were so many new smells, it was hard to keep my goal in sight and I lost the scent of the animal I was hunting.

Odin pushed in front of me and made an encouraging sound before taking off at a run. I chased him happily, the huntress inside of me finding new prey. Trees sped by, colors lost to me but textures and shapes sharper. The scents made up for the lack of color somehow and everything seemed more vibrant. I could close my eyes and still see.

The lion I was chasing turned sharply and I swung left after him. Branches caught at me but found no purchase in my fur. I slid through the foliage like water off a rock. I was running full speed now, leaping things and dodging instinctively. My blood rushed through me, my breath quickening. The tail before me twitched and I nipped at it but missed. A tawny head turned to me briefly before continuing on. I delighted in the fun.

Suddenly we stopped and I registered the appearance of an arrow in the tree above Odin's shoulder. My human brain supplied the knowledge of the weapon when my cat floundered. I lifted my muzzle and caught the new scent: man.
We
were being hunted now. I growled low and long, my muscles bunching in preparation.

Odin shot forward, stopping right before the archer with a wide stance and an angry roar. The archer pulled back, visibly paling beneath his deep tan. His dark hair was in a tight braid, his stance just as wide as Odin's. He had on jeans, moccasins, and a faded green T-shirt. He lowered his bow, looking chastised.

“Father, I'm sorry. I had no idea you were hunting as a lion today.” The hunter looked over at me and I snarled. “Or that you had a guest shifter. Who is this?”

Odin's form blurred and I fought the urge to shift back with him. My body just wanted to follow Odin's lead but my lioness felt that we'd be safer in her form. I trusted her instincts and stayed put. Odin stood up in full nude glory and went to hug the other man. He pulled back, smacking the archer on the shoulder as he did.

“No harm done,” Odin smiled. “Vali, this is Vervain, the new Goddess of the Intare. Vervain, this is my son, Vali.”

“
New Goddess?” Vali eyed me. “What happened to the old one?”

“
Vervain killed her,” Odin's voice was matter-of-fact. “The lions are better off.”

“
Well,” Vali grunted, “I'll take your word on it. Never met the Lion Goddess. It was good to see you, Father. I'll let you get back to your hunt.”

“
Wait,” Odin grabbed his son's arm. “I've missed you, Vali. Come by sometime, maybe share a fire with me at night?”

Vali stared at Odin for a long time, eyes wide. Finally, he swallowed hard and answered. “Maybe.”

“Okay,” Odin nodded and released him. “May your journey be easy and may others sing your praises for you.”

As the man slipped soundlessly back into the forest, Odin shifted back to lion. He tossed his head and let out a long bellow. I twisted my head down away from the pain in it. I could smell his despair, his loneliness leaching from him, and it hit me like a kick in the chest. I fell back with a soft whimper. He stopped immediately and twisted around to face me. A quick lick from his rough tongue and then he was on the run again.

I let go of the human emotions he'd made me feel and returned to my beast. The lion knew nothing about heartache, she couldn't cope with it, but freedom and fleetness she understood. We ran until our limbs burned and we dropped into a pile on an open space of grass. Odin stretched and curled around me and my chest began to vibrate happily. I was completely content. I was sleepy and warm. I was purring.