Not Second Best (8 page)

“I should never have married her, but I was young and stupid and—” Brian glanced down at his hand still holding hers and very deliberately put hers down. “So what should I do?”

“If Suzi is going to be alone with the kids, she’s going to need some kind of legal guardianship in case something happens. That’s easy. Bonnie is going to be harder.”

“Can’t I just continue the support payments without her having the kids?”

“You could, but we’d have to go back to the you-ruining-her-life thing. She invested her youth in you, and it didn’t pay off. Now all she’s going to be left with is regret and a settlement.” Tessa laced her fingers together.
I gambled my youth on a career and look what I got. Bonnie has no room to complain.
“Talk to your lawyer about how best to approach her. With either a one-time settlement or an ongoing payment. A one-time settlement might be a hard pill to swallow, but she wouldn’t have to trust you to keep up payments.”

“I wouldn’t renege.”

“I know you wouldn’t, but she could still worry. And I really would make sure Suzi knew what she was getting into. A year of visitation and a honeymoon aren’t going to be enough. You also need to talk about what will happen if you two start a family. Are her feelings toward your kids going to change when she has a child of her own?”

“How did you know?”

“Know what?”

Brian frowned, crossed the room, and closed the door. When he came back, he looked flushed. “You can’t tell anybody.”

“Suzi’s pregnant.” Tessa pursed her lips. That did hurt. Here was Brian, not only starting a whole new marriage, but a new family, too. She should have seen it coming. Suzi was young and liked kids. She’d want some of her own.

“She had a couple of miscarriages with Logan, and she’s afraid she won’t take it to term, so we aren’t telling anyone yet.”

“How far along?”

“About nine weeks. If she makes it past the three month mark, we’re going to tell everybody.”

Tessa blinked. That explained Suzi’s high wattage glow at the wedding and her nervous stomach the morning before.

“Hey, you don’t have to cry. I’m not that bad a dad.”

“It’s not that. I’m really happy for you.” Tessa wrapped her arms around his neck. “That baby is so lucky to have you and Suzi for parents, and I’m sure everything is going to work out great.”

Brian squeezed her tight. “I’m excited. I’ve never gotten to enjoy having kids before. Bonnie always made me feel like I’d done something horrible to her when she got pregnant and like I was a complete moron after they were born.” He sat back and wiped his eyes. “With Suzi, it’s just easy. Even when they’re being brats, it’s easy.”

“That’s great, Brian. I’m really glad.” If she’d been awake thirteen years ago, she could have had him. She could have been the mother of his
brats
. But she hadn’t been interested in her little brother’s best friend, even if he had been the super hot, talented, and famous Brian Ellis. Now he was starting his second family, and the last hope of her first was fading with every tick of the clock. It wasn’t fair. Men got more chances than women.

“I have to get going.” He stood up. “The wife expects me to be home for dinner.”

“So unreasonable.” Tessa tried to collect the scattered remains of her cool. She needed to be able to walk out of here in an hour not looking like a basket case.

“I’ll call Pete about that other thing.” Brian pulled open her office door.

Brett leaned on the wall across the hall with his arms folded. His gaze flicked from her to Brian and back. The way he inspected her made her feel as though her clothes had vanished.

“Hey, Brett, good to see you.” Brian held out his hand.

Brett stared at it for a second before shaking it. “Yeah. You back from your honeymoon?”

“Yeah, it was great. I thought you guys were out in WVA with Jason.”

“They didn’t need me this week.”

How could Brian not hear the growl in Brett’s voice? Tessa checked her clothes. A little disheveled, but not any more than if she’d been sitting behind a desk all day. Brett was probably fuming at the idea that Brian might be cheating on his precious Suzi.

“Nice. Gives you a chance to get your ears back in tune. Did you come to see Tessa about something?”

“Just wondering what she was doing this weekend.”

“Oh, are you guys dating?”

“No,” she said.

“Yes,” Brett said just as quickly.

“No,” she repeated through clenched teeth, glaring at him.

“Ah.” Brian nodded. “Well, I’ll leave you two to not date then. And, Tessa, I’ll call Pete, and remember…” He tapped one long finger over his lips.

“Client confidentiality.”

“You’re the best.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “See ya.”

Brett glared after Brian as the other man practically skipped down the hall.

“What are you doing here?” Tessa folded her arms. He was supposed to be on the other side of the country, not standing outside her office suspecting her of trying to steal Suzi’s husband immediately after their honeymoon.

“I could ask the same question.”

“I work here.”

“I meant here with Brian.” He walked through the door and shoved it closed. She needed to have the damn thing taken off the hinges so everybody would stop closing it.

“He’s a client of mine. You are not.”

“I thought I was more.” He crowded closer to her, but she wouldn’t give ground.

“You thought wrong.”

He flinched. “Is there somebody else?”

“Knowing you? Several.”

“You’re breaking up with me because you think I cheated on you? I didn’t. There hasn’t been anyone but you since we hooked up.”

He sounded so sincere, but she’d seen guys on tours that sincere on the phone with their girlfriends while other women were naked in their beds. Sometimes, she’d been that other woman. “I’m sure.”

“There hasn’t been.” He put his hands on her shoulders, and then moved them to her elbows as if she were a puzzle box he couldn’t figure out how to open.

She shrugged, not opening her arms for him. She didn’t want him inside. Once he got in, it would be too easy to let him stay. Then the last few chances she had at something like a normal life would be wasted. “That was your choice.”

“I did it because I didn’t want anyone else. I wanted you. No other woman in the world measured up.”

It would be easy. Just open her arms. Make herself believe.

Until the day he walked out. When she was even older, and all hope was gone.

Tessa sighed. “Brett, you’re getting too hung up on me. We need to end this thing before it gets painful.”

“Before? I think it’s too late for that, sweetheart.”

Before the agony in his eyes could break her, she turned and walked to the window. Rock stars matured, on average, ten years later than regular men. They had two kinds of wives—party wives and permanent wives. She might be permanent wife material, but he was still at the party wife stage and, at twenty-three, pulling an emotional age of about thirteen. Not permanent husband material.

“Tessa.” Brett stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders. She never should have left her back open like that. “Tessa, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I can fix it.”

She turned, pulling out of his grasp, and remembered why she didn’t want to face him. His pained, bewildered expression twisted the knife in her chest. She had to push him away for his own good, but why did it have to hurt so much? For both their sakes, she needed to forge ahead. “There’s nothing to fix, Brett. It was a purely carnal relationship. I’m sorry if you thought there was more. And if that was the case, that’s exactly why we need to just stop before it gets harder for you.” Maybe there was hope for her to be a trial lawyer yet.

“You know what? You’re one of the hottest women I’ve ever been with, but you’re like the Grinch. You have no heart.”

“The Grinch’s heart was two sizes too small.”

“Whatever. If I walk out that door, you’ll never see me again.”

“Okay.” She shrugged, trying to communicate that she didn’t care. Screw trial lawyer, she should go into acting.

Brett was never going to be an actor. He looked like she’d just rattled him to his soul. He straightened. “Okay. See ya.” He walked out.

Tessa kept her feet until she heard him say a cheery goodbye to Jody at the desk. Maybe he could be an actor after all.

Or maybe he’d just realized what a gift she’d given him, sending him away before things got really sticky. Before she ended up like Bonnie, only older and without the kids.

Dear God, she wasn’t feeling sorry for Bonnie, was she?

She sank onto the couch and stared out the window. Still, there were far too many reasons not to get involved with him. His youth and immaturity. Her age and ticking biological clock. The fact he was going to leave anyway. The only men in her life who stuck around were Jason and Sandy. Her father, her boyfriends, her brothers-in-law...they’d all left. What she needed was a sperm donor so she could have a baby without the inconvenience of a man hanging around. Or do what Candy had done and adopt a couple of Chinese orphans. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about a man turning up years from now to see how well his boys could swim.

Through the window, Brett stalked out the front door of the building, kicked the front passenger-side tire of his car on the way past, climbed in, and peeled out. At almost the same moment, Sandy appeared in her doorway.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hello. Did you need something?” Her voice sounded remarkably normal for someone who felt as if she’d been ripped to shreds.

Sandy stepped in and closed the door behind him before he crossed the room to sit down on the couch across from her. That was it. Monday morning she was having the fucking thing taken off the hinges. “Brian looks good.”

“Great.”

“He had some questions for you?”

“Just wanted my thoughts about his custody agreement.”

Sandy nodded. “I thought something like that might happen. She’s a natural mom, Suzi. Very mature for her age.”

“Yes, very. How come you never had kids, Sandy?”

Sandy shook his head. “We wanted to wait and then Ellen got sick and died and I took early retirement to manage the boys. Kinda feels like I do have kids most days with the boys. And you.”

She wanted to protest, but couldn’t. It was too true.

“Brett was here too,” Sandy said.

The force and intensity of her tears shocked her. One moment she’d been thinking about calling Candy for tips on adopting from overseas and the next she’d dissolved into a hail of misery.

“There, there, sweetheart. These things have a way of working out for the best.” He pulled her head into his lap and stroked her hair. “It’ll be alright. I promise.”

All Tessa could feel was the hollow space between her arms and in her chest. If she had no heart, how did she know it was missing?

* * * *

Brett slammed through his front door and kicked his carry-on down the hall. From the minute Jason had said he wasn’t needed for the next week, all he had thought about was coming home, grabbing Tessa, and stealing her away to the hotel for the weekend. She’d been working hard since before he left town. He could give her a nice break and a nice surprise at the same time.

Instead of pining away for him, he’d found her behind closed doors with Brian, and almost as soon as she’d laid eyes on him, she’d told him to get lost.

He’d thought things were getting better. Sure, she sounded distracted when he called, but she was a busy person. That’s what he’d convinced himself of, anyway.

Tessa didn’t want him? Fine. There were a thousand women in LA who did. He fished through the mess in the hall table drawer until he found his little black book. A nameless body or three would be good, but this ache required special treatment. Leafing through the book, he searched for just the right name and found page after page of too hot, too cold, too soft, and too hard.

Until he got to the
S
s. In the middle of the second page, Suzi. Suzi who was married to Brian now. The one who’d never been. He smiled, remembering meeting her on that last tour. All of them drunk with success, surrounded by women. She’d shown up backstage in jeans and a T-shirt, smiling and laughing, and had been the hottest woman for miles. Logan had been a total asshole about her, snarling at anybody he thought looked at her too long. That approach had worked out beautifully when she’d dumped him for Brian.

Seeing her name didn’t make him ache the way it used to. Brian was a good guy. Whatever he’d been talking about with Tessa, it hadn’t been about cheating on Suzi. Sleeping with Tessa to get over Suzi hadn’t turned out great, but maybe talking to Suzi would help him get over Tessa. Dialing her number, he hoped she had the phone on her. It rang a couple of times before voicemail picked it up.

“Hey, Suzi, it’s Brett,” he said. “I heard you were back in town, and I’m around, too. I wondered if you wanted to get together for lunch or something. If you have time.” Brett winced. Because he wanted to sound stupid and pathetic. “Anyway, give me a call. Bye.”

He tossed the phone and the book on the table. Idiot. Next week, when she finally found her phone and listened to the message, she’d call and feel terrible she hadn’t gotten back to him in time. Maybe he should email. That would catch her attention faster. If he had any other friends to hang out with, he’d try them, but they all thought he’d lost his mind when he’d abruptly lost interest in horndogging around.

The phone rang before he got motivated enough to walk to the computer, so he grabbed it. “Yeah.”

“Brett! Hi, you just called, and by the time I found the phone, it had sent you to voicemail. Then it started playing that awful you-have-voicemail song. Bleh. So, you wanted to get together for lunch?”

He smiled. Being friend-zoned by Suzi was not the hardship it should have been. “If you have time. I just happened to be in town.”

“Brian said he bumped into you at the Touchstone offices.”

Oh, great. Brian had run right home to spread the word, and Suzi was right now putting the pieces together. On the other hand, Tessa had mentioned something about Suzi trying to fix Brian’s first marriage. She was pretty smart and knew Tessa better than him. Maybe, just maybe… “Yeah, I kinda wanted to talk to you about that. On the QT.”