Naked in Knightsbridge (23 page)

Chapter 18

Dear Miss Grand,

We refer to your letter in which you stated you planned to sue us for doctoring a photograph of you and your doughnut supplier. We assure you that we in no way altered the photograph to which you refer. We enclose an original print from your supplier’s email for comparison. We hope that this puts your mind at ease and we hope to see you on our covers again very soon.

Percy Williams

Editor-in-Chief

WhatNOW!

JOOLS FIGURED THE only reason they were poking fun at her was because she actually was getting fat. If she was skinny and eating doughnuts, no one would care. Or if they did, it would be in admiration that she could manage a high-fat diet and still cavort about in bum-skimming skirts.

The ‘fattie photo’, as Rodney had so sensitively christened it, had now made its way onto the cover of nearly every tabloid in London. The headlines varied in their level of humiliation but they all said pretty much the same thing: Grand Big Doughnut Fan. Well, they weren’t wrong; she loved them, which is why Rodney’s lawyer said she couldn’t sue for libel.

Even her father had seen it. He’d left a message on her voice mail to say she was looking a little plump and he hoped she wasn’t going to risk her new, cushy life by becoming a blimp.

Rodney had demanded she stop eating doughnuts immediately.

‘
Just close your mouth and have some self-control. That’s not too much to ask, is it?’

Problem was, self-control had always been the one thing Jools couldn’t quite get the hang of.

But she promised him only lo-cal foods would pass her lips from now on.

At least when she was in public.

*

Mel called to meet up for coffee.

‘
Alright, but let’s go to Mama Blue’s.’

‘
Why? It’s miles away! And I thought you were above that now.’

‘
I can’t be seen near food outlets around here. The paps are all over me.’

Mel laughed.

‘
It’s not funny.’

‘
It is ever-so-slightly humorous that you’re famous for eating doughnuts, don’t you think?’

‘
Yeah, I’ve been in hysterics ever since I first saw that shitty photo.’

‘
Mama Blue’s it is then,’ Mel conceded. ‘I’ve got a client near there, so I’ll meet you in the café at noon.’

Jools arrived at Mama Blue’s clad in a ridiculous disguise straight out of a detective novel: beige trench coat (Rodney’s, so at least it fit); oversized hat; dark glasses. The costume was so insane it actually had the opposite effect of what Jools had intended. She was drawing more attention to herself now than she would have if she’d just worn jeans and a T-shirt.

Mel burst out laughing the minute she clapped eyes on her.

‘
It’s not funny!’ Jools said in a harsh whisper, adjusting the dark shades she refused to remove. ‘These people are maniacs. They’re following me everywhere now. I can’t leave the house without one of them trying to snap a picture of my big fat bum.’

‘
Jools, your backside is fine. You know they manipulate those pictures digitally. Come on, take off the glasses.’

Mel was laughing so hard Jools thought she might fall off of her chair.

Jools wasn’t keen to share the news that the bum featured in the photo was all hers. ‘It doesn’t matter if they manipulate them. People believe what they read in the papers and now everyone in London thinks I’m fat. Which, let’s be honest, I am. I’m the fattest I’ve ever been.’

Mel shook her head, a bit taken aback by her friend’s heightened emotional state. ‘Do you want anything? ‘I’ll go up and get it so you don’t have to worry about being recognised.’

‘
That’s sweet of you,’ Jools said. ‘I’ll take a large mocha latte and one of those mini peanut butter and chocolate-chip Bundt cakes.’ Mel paused for half a second, wondering if Jools was joking.

‘
One cake isn’t going to kill me, is it?’ Jools snapped, banging her hands down on the table.

‘
I didn’t say a word, Jools. Have you finally gone insane?’

Jools removed her glasses and let her head fall flat onto the laminate table. Her horrible, low-pitch moaning quite unsettled Mel. She’d never seen her friend in such a state – not even when Jools had found out she wasn’t pregnant and the government threatened to jail her over those illegal handouts.

‘
It’s just not what I thought it would be,’ Jools managed to say. ‘I know you want to say you told me so. So go on. Say it. Tell me what a fool I’ve been.’ Jools continued to moan and Mel shook her head.

‘
I’ll go get the coffees – and your Bundt cake.’

She walked away towards the counter.

*

Niles needed a coffee.

It was extremely chilly and wet. Sitting in a tree all day waiting for Jools – especially now that some pesky birds had decided to mate on the branches above him – was thirsty work.

He made his way down to Mama Blue’s, the only café around for miles. The tables outside were full so he went inside and walked straight up to the counter, where a tiny dark-haired girl was placing an order.

Jools lifted her head and looked over at her friend. God, she was lucky to have Mel. Kind, level-headed Mel, who didn’t know that she deserved so much better than that philandering Michel.

When Mel returned with the latte and the Bundt, Jools had (almost) lost her appetite. Once the cake was placed in front of her, though, she ripped off small portions of it and shoved them into her mouth at warp speed.

‘
The problem is,’ she tried to explain, ‘Rodney doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me when we’re not out in public.’

‘
Well, what did you expect, Jools? He’s never going to sleep with you.’

‘
I don’t
want
him to sleep with me. But I thought we might be friends, at least. Hang out at home, make dinners, go shopping. But he’s never at home. He doesn’t eat anything other than these stupid protein shakes and I shop by myself, all alone, every day!’

‘
Poor you.’ Mel looked anything but sympathetic.

‘
It’s terrible!’ Jools whined, feeling very sorry for herself. ‘My fiancé doesn’t even like me, let alone love me. And he’s really a terrible snob – much worse than his mother and father put together! At least they talk to me.’

Jools sighed and swirled her latte with a wooden swizzle stick. The rain was still coming down outside and the day was starting to feel long and exhausting, like it would never end.

‘
He goes out every night,’ she continued. ‘I’ve no idea where he goes but wherever it is, he heads there right after work and he doesn’t come home until well after midnight – sometimes three or four o’clock in the morning. We never talk unless he’s having a go at me for something. I can’t even remember the last time we had breakfast without fighting!’

‘
I said it at dinner the other night, Jools, and I’ll say it again: what you’re looking for is a real boyfriend. Someone to take you out and talk to you and make dinner at home with you and sleep with you. Someone you can share a real life with. As great as he is, Rodney’s obviously not that guy.’

‘
But he’s not great!’ Jools blurted. ‘Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve said?’

‘
Of course I have,’ Mel said, trying to stay calm and compassionate, even though Jools was making it harder by the minute. She had, after all, gotten herself into this mess, ignoring all of Mel’s sensible advice. Now Jools was begging for more and still refusing to heed it.

‘
What I’m saying is that outwardly, Rodney seems like a great guy. Michel certainly thought so.’

Jools made a rude noise and looked away.

‘
And you know,’ Mel continued, ‘I wasn’t going to bring this up because nothing’s confirmed but, well, Michel and I have started talking about marriage.’

Jools had to stifle her natural impulse, which, in this case, was to slap her friend hard across the face in hopes she’d come to her senses. Instead, she took a deep breath. ‘Really? Well, that’s different.’

‘
He was so cute about it after our dinner the other night, Jools. You should have seen him. He was like a little boy on Christmas morning. And you know what he was most excited about?’

‘
What’s that?’ Jools asked, not caring in the least.

‘
Hanging out with you and Rodney. You know, the four of us. Like those old married couples who go on trips together, retire together, get their families together for holidays . . .’

Jools started to laugh.

‘
What? What is it?’

‘
Maybe Michel could put in a good word for me with Rodney?’ Jools erupted into fits of laughter. ‘Him being a boy and all.’

Shaking her head, Mel joined in and the women sat at the familiar old table, giggling until the sad reality of the situation hit them both.

Mel watched as Jools consumed more Bundt cakes.

Niles ordered black tea with four sugars and some raisin toast and turned to find a seat. The place was crowded, but he spied a table way in the back. Sidling along, he eased himself into it, then sat back to observe the crowd. Loud laughter from a table near the window caught his attention.

Two girls.

One startlingly familiar.

*

‘
Say what you will about Michel . . .’ Mel started.

‘
Oh, don’t worry, I will,’ interrupted Jools.

Now Mel worked hard not to smack
her
. ‘Michel came back to me. He repented and we are totally committed to each other. He’s changed. Grown up and come clean about every bad thing he’s ever done, although he says that woman you saw him with wasn’t my mother.’

‘
Come on, Mel, I know what your mother looks like.’ Harriet Smythe-Brooks had thrown a drunk Jools out of Mel’s place enough times for a positive ID.

‘
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but not from that angle, you don’t.’

Jools shook her head in annoyance. She wanted to tell Mel she’d seen Michel wandering around near Rodney’s Knightsbridge terrace at night. She’d spotted him three times in as many days and had no idea what he might be doing over there – probably bonking some wealthy old grandma who was keeping him in tight jeans and hair gel.

She’d mentioned it to Rodney, who simply said London was a small place and Michel probably had friends or family in the street. He didn’t seem concerned and told her not to upset Mel with rubbish stories she couldn’t substantiate.

‘
He’s hardly likely to choose the street where you live, is he?’ Rodney asked, right before he questioned the wisdom of her teaming her new designer flip-flops with an Armani suit.

No, Jools would need hard proof that Michel was cheating again to convince Mel this time, so until then she decided to stay quiet.

But her friend had lost interest, and was staring over Jools’ shoulder.

‘
Mel, did you hear me?’

‘
That’s strange.’