More Than Exes (5 page)

“How am I
doing
?” She snorted. “I’m great. Don’t I
look
great?”

Not in the slightest. Her short, blue hair stuck out all over the place, her eyes were bloodshot and dripped black like a goth clown, and her tank top and jeans were ripped and barely hanging together with a few choice safety pins. On second thought, her clothes always looked like that.

But the thing that alarmed me most was that her words were slurred like she was drunk. I had never seen her flat-out drunk before, and I wasn’t sure if she could play like that. I wasn’t willing to risk it, not with a gig this important. I’d have to get her sobered up fast, assuming I could even convince her to come with us.

I took a minute to consider my words while she blew smoke in my direction. “Becca, I get why you’re upset. Jared told me what happened, and the way he treated you sucks. It really does. But we can’t go on stage without you. If you don’t come to the show tonight, we’re
all
screwed.”

She flicked ashes toward the street. “I know. Don’t care.”

“I don’t believe that.”

After all the hours practicing together, she had to care a
little
. She’d been a part of Villain Complex for a few months, and I’d thought we were becoming something close to friends in that time. But even if she didn’t care, I was desperate. If I had to resort to begging on my knees in the middle of the street, so be it.

“Look, whatever this thing is with Jared, we’ll work it out. I promise. Just come with us to the club. Please, Becca.”

“There’s nothing to work out. Your brother’s a dick. I’m done with the band. End of story.”

I tugged on the gauges in my ears, trying to hold on to my last remaining slivers of calm. I couldn’t be too mad at her when part of this was Jared’s fault, but she’d known what my brother was like and had still gotten involved with him. They were both to blame for this mess, and I was stuck in the middle. Leave it to Kyle to fix everyone’s problems—again. But I got the feeling, no matter what I said, Becca would never come to the show. She didn’t care that she was screwing over me and Hector; she was too mad at my brother to see beyond anything else. And time was ticking away while we argued about it.

“Jared
is
a dick,” Alexis said. I scowled at her—yes, he was a dick sometimes, but he was my brother, too—but she ignored me and continued. “But Kyle’s
not
. He came all the way out here to make sure you were okay. He’s a good guy, and he doesn’t deserve this. Quit the band tomorrow if you have to, but do this one show tonight…for him.”

“Who the hell are you?” Becca asked.

“Alexis.” Her eyes flicked to me for a second. “I’m Kyle’s…friend.”

I fully expected Becca to tell Alexis to piss off, but she just stared at the passing cars while she smoked. Finally, she said, “I thought things would be different, you know? After we hooked up.”

I’d never heard her be so open before about anything, but maybe the alcohol was loosening her tongue. I placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Becca. But you know how Jared is. He doesn’t do relationships.”

“I know. I
know
.” She slumped against the wall, eyes closed. “I only joined your stupid band to get close to him, and now I can’t even look at him. Or you, Kyle.” She took another long drag off her cigarette. “God, I wish he was more like you.”

I wanted to say,
If Jared was more like me, you wouldn’t have slept with him.
But I think we both knew that, even without saying it. “Becca, it doesn’t matter why you joined the band. You’re a damn good bassist, and we don’t want you to leave. Please do this show with us tonight.”

I was about to give up and resort to full-out begging, but she put her cigarette out on the wall behind her and pushed off with a kick of her combat boots. “Fine. Let’s go.”

“Thank god.” My shoulders sagged with relief. “I mean, thanks.”

“Yeah, well, I was planning on coming to the show eventually,” Becca said. “I just wanted Jared to sweat a little first.”

I wasn’t sure I believed that, but my good-guy status was working in my favor for once, so I wasn’t going to argue. As long as we got through the Battle, I’d deal with everything else later. Even if it meant finding yet another bassist.

W
e stopped at Becca’s place to pick up her gear (while her roommate yelled about the rent again), and then she squeezed into the backseat of Alexis’s car. I was starting to think we’d actually make it back to the club in time—or even be early—until Becca burped behind us, making the car reek of alcohol.

“We need to get her sobered up fast,” I said to Alexis.

“I’m
fine
,” Becca said. “I just had a couple beers. And some tequila. Not a problem. I can totally play like this.”

“She needs some carbs and coffee, stat¸” Alexis said. “How about that Denny’s on Sunset Boulevard? The one we used to go to after concerts?”

I couldn’t help but smile at the memory of all those late nights, but I shook my head. “That would take too long. Let’s just hit a drive-thru.”

“One drive-thru coming up.”

She returned my smile, and all the reasons why I couldn’t get involved with her again started to dissolve. I placed my hand on hers when she went to shift gears, to silently thank her for all her help. Without her, I’d still be stuck in that parking lot yelling at our stupid van.

“So what’s the deal with you two?” Becca asked, ruining the moment. “Are you dating?”

“No,” I said, jerking my hand back.

“We did, once,” Alexis said, as she pulled away from the curb.

Becca leaned between us, and the whiff of beer and cigarettes made me almost gag. “Ooo, are you getting back together?”

“No!” I didn’t want to discuss my love life with a drunken Becca, of all people. “Alexis just happened to be at the show tonight taking photos for USC.”

“Actually…that’s not
entirely
true,” Alexis said.

My head snapped back to her. “What?”

She gave me a hesitant look before focusing on the road again. “Promise you won’t get mad?”

“No, that question pretty much guarantees that whatever you say is going to upset me.”

“Okay, here goes.” She sucked in a breath, like she was steeling herself for what might come next. “Earlier I said I didn’t know you’d renamed the band, but that wasn’t true. I’ve been following you guys this entire time. I thought, if I came back to LA, we might be able to start over again, and when I saw you were doing this show, I had to come. Taking photos for the school paper was just an excuse I made up.” She blurted out the words, like she had to get them out before she lost her nerve. “I know it sounds crazy, but I had to try at least. I had to see you.”

“But…why?” I wasn’t sure if I was asking why she’d lied or why she’d been following the band or why she’d had to see me. Option D: all of the above.

She bit her lip, giving me another quick glance. “I… I missed you.”

“You
missed
me?” My voice grew louder, filling up the small car, but I couldn’t help it. “You were the one who broke up with me!”

“I know. And I’m sorry.” She gripped the steering wheel harder. “God, I’m an idiot. I don’t know why I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“So Kyle was the one who got dumped,” Becca interrupted. “Very interesting.”

“Shut up, Becca!” I stared at Alexis, studying her face. She seemed sincere, but did she really think she could show up tonight and apologize and I’d be cool with everything? That we could pick up where we’d left off? She said she missed me, but why would anything be different this time? “Look, Alexis. Things have changed a lot since high school and—”

“You know, this all makes sense now,” Becca continued, leaning over my shoulder. “Kyle hasn’t had a girlfriend the entire time I’ve known him. Can you believe that? He’s a good-looking guy, so I thought maybe he was gay or something, but then I caught him checking out my boobs so I knew
that
wasn’t the case. Or, at least, I figured he swung both ways. But I guess he just wasn’t over you.”

“He does like boobs,” Alexis agreed.

Becca snorted. “Don’t all guys?”

“That is
not
true,” I got out through gritted teeth. I didn’t want Alexis to think I’d been pining over her all this time. Yes, I’d been going through a dry stretch lately, but that happened sometimes. Totally normal.

“What—that all guys like boobs?” Alexis asked.

“I guess some
are
probably ass men,” Becca said with a drunk giggle. “Or, you know, into other guys.”

I banged my head against the window, hoping it would knock me unconscious and get me out of this conversation. What would Jared do in this situation? Probably do his stupid wink and say something that convinced both girls to get into bed with him. Me? I was not that smooth.

“I’ve just been busy with school and the band,” I muttered. Becca giggled again, and I seriously considered opening the car door and throwing myself into the street. “I’ve had other girlfriends, okay?”

“Of course,” Alexis said, but she fidgeted in her seat and frowned. “So you’ve dated a lot of girls since me?”

Talk about a loaded question. There was no safe answer to that. “Why do you care?”

“I don’t. I just…” She shook her head. “Never mind.”

“No, really, what kind of question is that?” I asked, getting even more riled up. “If I say no, will that make you happy? Or do you want me to say yes so you won’t feel guilty? Do you
really
want to hear about the other girls I’ve been with?”

“Oh, this is getting good,” Becca said, wedging her head between us again.

“Shut up, Becca!” Alexis said.

She leaned back, raising her hands. “Hey, just pretend I’m not here. You two clearly have a lot of issues you need to work out.”

“It was a stupid question,” Alexis said to me. “Forget it.”

This was so not the time to have this discussion, but I couldn’t stop now. I’d held onto this shit for three years. It felt damn good to finally let it out. “At graduation, you told me you didn’t love me anymore. That we were too different and I wouldn’t fit into your new, perfect life at Princeton. You
broke
my heart, Alexis, so you’re not allowed to be jealous of who I slept with after you left.”

“I didn’t
want
to leave you! You could have come to New Jersey with me! Even though you didn’t get into Princeton, there were other colleges nearby—”

“But that was never my dream! My place was always here, with the band, with my brother. I couldn’t leave them behind.”

“So I should have given up
my
dream and stayed behind with you?”

“No, of course not! I never asked you to do that, but you didn’t even want to go to Princeton. That was your father’s dream, not yours!”

“That’s not true! It had nothing to do with my dad—”

“It had
everything
to do with him and with your good-little-rich-girl image! You broke up with me because I wasn’t part of his plan for you. I didn’t fit into that lifestyle, with the country clubs and boat parties and fancy cars.”

“That’s not why I broke up with you!” She drew in a ragged breath. “Kyle, it never would have worked out between us.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She sighed. “We would have tried to do the long-distance thing at first, but over time we would have talked less and less as we made other friends, experienced new things, chased different dreams. Eventually, our lives would’ve no longer overlapped and we wouldn’t have anything to say to each other. I couldn’t stand the idea of going through that, of us slowly growing to resent each other and our love fading away into nothing. That’s why I lied and said I didn’t love you—to save us from all of that heartache. I figured one quick moment of pain would be better than four drawn-out years of it. I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us.”

“What about forever, Alexis?” I asked, touching the tattoo on my hip. “What’s four years out of forever? I would have waited for you. I would have done
anything
to make you happy. But you gave up on us!”

“And I’m admitting that I made a mistake!”

“Damn, your make-up sex is going to be
awesome
,” Becca said.

“Shut up, Becca!” we both yelled.

The car dropped into silence, with only the sound of the engine and the traffic around us to play a score for our thoughts. For years, I’d wondered what had changed between us at the end, why Alexis had stopped loving me. Or if she had ever loved me at all. I’d often dreamed of her running into my arms and telling me she’d made a mistake, but now that it had happened, I wasn’t sure how I felt.

Yes, long distance would have been hard. Being thousands of miles apart for four years would have been torture, but I would have done it gladly. She’d
always
been the one, from the moment I’d seen her in English class. Like a fool, I’d meant it when I’d said forever, but I wasn’t lying now when I said things had changed since high school. I wasn’t the same stupid kid who believed in things like soul mates and love that lasted forever.