Marine Under the Mistletoe (Always a Marine) (8 page)

Sobering, he brushed a finger down her cheek. “I’m fucked up, Rowan.”

“I don’t think you’re as bad off as you do. I think you haven’t figured out how to be home yet. It took you time to be a Marine, took you time to be over there—you have to be patient about being here.”

He shook his head once. “No, it’s not about being home.” Kaiden ran his thumb over her lower lip. The little catch of her breath blew away the hard knot of indecision he’d wrestled with all day. “It’s about being here with you and all the things I want to find out about you—and do with you. I’m not a good guy. I can’t make you any promises.”

“I didn’t ask you for any.” The tart response tickled him. “But I do want to eat my s’more, so you can kiss me or you can let me have my chocolate.”

One of the shackles confining his heart buckled under her response and snapped loose. “Well,” he murmured, “if you insist—why don’t I give you both?” Taking a bite of the sticky treat, he locked his gaze on her lips and, the moment they parted, he closed the distance between them and sealed his mouth to hers.

She fisted his jacket and leaned into the kiss, her tongue darting out to sample the melting chocolate. The explosion of sweetness had nothing to do with the treat—Rowan tasted a hell of a lot better than chocolate.

They necked like a pair of teenagers for hours. Kaiden, it seemed, had developed a sweet tooth or so he declared in between nibbling a s’mores before kissing her again. The man’s kiss and touch were addictive, but he added no caresses to the long, slow, luscious exploration of her mouth—and damn did he know what he was doing.

Cuddled together, they’d talked, made out, and talked some more while the fire flickered and they waited for the sunrise. They sat vigil through the longest night of the year as Yule celebrated the return of light to the world, the turning of the wheel. From this day forward, the days would grow a little longer, minute by minute.

Kaiden lay on his side, his head pillowed on her lap—sound asleep. He’d drifted off while she’d stroked his hair, and the combination of his position and the rising sun afforded her a chance to drink in the softness easing the hard planes of his cheeks and the relaxed line of his jaw.

Her stomach bottomed out. No, she was not falling for him. She
liked
him. He was an utterly lickable, likeable guy.
Oh hell
. Rowan squeezed her eyes shut. Hormones on overdrive and her heart engaging at full throttle were not what she needed to be facing. He’d said it several times—he was a Marine. He was on leave.

He’s going to go back…no matter how much you’re enjoying yourself right now, he’s going to pack his things and walk right back out of your life. The sinking sensation in her gut dropped further and she blew out a breath.
I’m being a friend, I’m showing him the same love and trust the circle showed me when I first got here
.

She could probably toss some glitter on that thought and hang it on her own personal excuse tree. A snicker worked loose and she bit down on her lip to keep the laughter contained. Movement against her leg jerked her attention downward and she met Kaiden’s sleepy gaze.

“What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” she lied. “The sun is coming up—we made it through the night.” Unable to help herself, she stroked her fingers across his scalp lightly. Even with the short, tight haircut, what strands he had were soft.

Stretching, he made no attempt to move away. “Sorry I fell asleep.”

“You were tired.” She caressed his cheek with her knuckles and the bristle of his morning stubble rasped her skin. She knew damn good and well she should stop touching.
So why don’t you?
Not that she was remotely interested in not touching him.

“Did you get cold?” He slanted a look toward the still-flickering fire.

After the heat he’d stoked in her with his expert kisses? Not hardly. “No.” She traced the line of his jaw, then the shape of his lips. “I’m fine.” A yawn caught her off guard and embarrassment scorched her cheeks.

“Or not.” Stretching again, he rolled to his feet with an ease and verve she envied. Her legs were sound asleep. “I’ll get this out and—”

“No!” She held out a hand to him to stop him from kicking sand onto the fading campfire. “We don’t put a Yule log out, remember?”

“Not technically a
log
.”

“Doesn’t matter. We sat vigil, we kept the light alive from sundown to sunup, we let it burn out on its own.” Extending her legs one at a time, she tried to hide the wince as sensation raced on pins and needles down her thigh. By the time it reached her toes, she’d be in for a very uncomfortable time.

“Rowan, most of us—observing doesn’t mean down to the last tendril of smoke. The sun is awake, it’s returned.”

Fisting her hands, she experimented with curling and releasing her toes. Each motion sent a fresh wave of agony up her legs. “It’s not the point.” The words came out harsher than she intended. Tapping the side of her fist on her leg, she winced. “It’s important to
me
.”

“You okay?” He dropped back onto his knees next to her and cupped the back of her calf and the nettles burst to life, a thousand angry bees stinging her muscles.

“Yes. No. Ow.” She pushed the words out past her laughter. Better to smile and giggle than to cry. Not crying happened to be a skill she’d perfected long ago. “I think I sat still too long.”

“Hang in there; keep wiggling your toes.” He massaged her calf muscle until the spasms of pins and needles decreased and she settled on the blanket. The sun’s continued ascent washed fresh color across the lake and she closed her eyes to block the brightness. Heat draped along her right side and she felt his nearness hovering as he stretched out next to her. “You should have said something.”

“You were sleeping.” She cracked her eyelids to squint at him. “And you said you hadn’t been.”

He jerked, surprise filling his eyes, then a smile turned up the corners of his beautiful mouth.

And really, now we’re thinking he’s beautiful. I’m hopeless. Utterly hopeless
.

“Thank you for that.” He brushed away the hair on her forehead. “Really. I haven’t slept that well in a while.”

“Sometimes you merely need a safe place.”

“And that’s what the coven and all of this is for you, isn’t it?” Understanding kindled in his tone.

“Yes.” Maybe she should play it coy, but he’d been honest with her in the long dark of the night. He didn’t deserve any less in the sundrenched light of morning. “I’m just the mousy little tech girl at home. I like my computers. I like software programs. I like to go home and make sweaters and watch television and read books. But here—here I can be
me
. No one expects me to be anything other than who I am. I can run around in sweats or the dress I wore the night you came in—it doesn’t change how people treat me. I’ve always been a little different from other people, part of it is faith, part of it is personality. But I love every single person in the circle, even the crazy ones.”

“Don’t call yourself a mouse.” Command crackled on the surface of the order. “You are anything but a mouse.”

“You met Rowan the Pagan, not Rowan the Tech Goddess.” She grinned. “Not that they call me a goddess.”

“Then they’re blind.” Propping his head up on his fist, he mimicked her earlier action and traced the lines of her face. Hard. Tough. Leather. Three words that all applied to him in equal measure. But she’d seen a softer side, a gentler side—one she didn’t imagine he shared with his Marines. “But you go back to work on Monday, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Asking me or telling me?” He curled a lock of her hair around his finger and tugged her toward him gently.

“Both.” Her insides trembled. Hell, her outsides were trembling, too.

He kept dropping his gaze to her mouth and she felt it as though it were a caress. “You’re shy.” It seemed to be a revelation for him.

Cheeks heating again, she looked down and then back up. “I told you, I’m me.”

“Hi, Me.” He slanted his mouth across hers and she wrapped an arm around his neck. Instead of coaxing this time, his tongue slid across the seam of her lips and demanded access. A demand she capitulated to, nipping and sucking on his lower lip each time he allowed her to come up for air. Somewhere inside her soul, she purred. Her body softened and she wanted to forget everything else, abandon reality entirely and soak up the moment.

Kaiden lifted his head and glanced at the fire. “It’s almost out.”

Regret bloomed inside of her. She didn’t want to let it go out. Rolling onto his back, he tugged her over to drape over him. Rowan pillowed her head on his chest and laid her hand over the racing pulse of his heart.

“Rowan?”

“Hmm?” She smoothed the fabric of his shirt, enjoying the tactile sensation of soft cotton on a hard, male body.

“I am having a difficult time coming up with reasons why we shouldn’t be doing this.” The echo of her earlier internal debate wasn’t lost on her.

“Yeah, I have nothing. You’re going back.” She sighed.

He didn’t disagree. “You’re staying here.”

“We just met.” But she didn’t care.

“I feel like I’ve known you forever. I wish like hell I had.”

“I told you—”

“I don’t care if you think we wouldn’t have spoken or gotten to know each other. I know we would have.” He squeezed her closer. “The same way I knew I needed to enlist and that I needed to come home this time.”

The relentless certainty paralyzed her objections. Swallowing around the lump in her throat, she rubbed her cheek to his chest. Tears swam across her vision and she blinked rapidly to keep them from falling. “Why this time? You’ve had leave before, surely—where did you go, if not home? Why did you decide you needed to come home now?”

“I was tired and I think I needed to remind myself of what I was fighting for. Most of the leaves I took, I stayed close to base or headed somewhere to fish with the guys. I didn’t think anyone here could really understand—I disconnected from the life I had, to live the life I needed to live.” He cradled her closer and she slid a leg over the top of his. “This time, I got the e-mail from Mom and knew I wanted to be home. So I had the time, I got the approval, and here I am.”

“I have an idea.” She eased from his embrace and sat, wanting to see his face. He turned his head, keeping one hand on the small of her back. “You need to spend time with your family and your friends tonight, at the circle, celebrating Yule and dancing, and laughing—all the things you would have done.”

“Not liking where you’re going with this unless you plan to be there, too.”

“I do, but—” She stared at him until he halted his objection. “But you’re focusing on me. I’m easy—but I want to know it’s
me
you’re focusing on and not the fact that I’m not
them
. Does that make sense?”

“In a vaguely insulting way, yes.” Irritation deepened his grumble, but he sighed.

“I’m not going to disappear. But we’re in this bubble—you and I. It’s intense and, yeah, I want to see where it goes. I’d like to kiss you all night long—again—but naked this time.” Bold and brassy as she sounded, her face flushed until she must resemble a tomato. “But I want it to be because that’s where we both want to be and not because either of us is hiding.”

“Are you hiding, Rowan?” Something shifted in his manner, his gaze, seemed to sharpen, become almost predatory. Something told her he sized up her objections, her ideas, and he was the type of man to come up with a plan. Her practical side worried, but the rest of her—that deep feminine part he made purr sat up and took notice. If she ran…

…he would chase.

“Maybe. I don’t usually disappear for hours at a time with a man I’ve just met.”

His fingers flexed against her jacket. “Only me.” It wasn’t a question or a request.

“Yes, sir, Sergeant Grumpy. Only you. So—do we have a deal?”

“I’ll dance, I’ll chant, I’ll go to the circle and celebrate with my family and
our
friends.” The emphasis wasn’t lost on her. “And then after—it’s you and me.”

Stomach flip-flopping, Rowan agreed. “You and me.”

The woman tempted him like no other and strained his patience to the breaking point. Since their lazy walk back from the lake side, she’d been
around
, but kept her distance. He thought he could coax her into at least a nap, since she’d been awake all night, but she diverted right into the kitchen to break up her
cracker crack
for the feast later that day and smacked his hand when he tried to snitch a piece.

“You keep scowling like that, your face is going to freeze.” Jensen leaned next to him, mirroring his posture.

Sparing the little man a half-smile, Kaiden shook his head. “Aren’t you supposed to be fixing the damage to the rec room?” He’d heard his mother corralling the children earlier after discovering that they’d turned the big game room in the basement into an unmitigated disaster for “Nerf War” while most of the adults slept off their all-night vigil.

“I didn’t actually make the mess.” Jensen shrugged. “I fell asleep on the sofa. That was the other guys.”

“And you’re not helping your cousins or your friends? Not cool, man. Not cool.” Kaiden shook his head in disappointment.

“But I didn’t do it. Why should I have to help?”

“Doesn’t matter. You have their back; they’ll have yours. It’s how it works.”

The towheaded kid gave him a skeptical look. “Then why aren’t you helping clean up the circle from the campout even though
you
weren’t there?”

“Damn good question, kid.” Kaiden straightened and hit the top rail with an open palm. “I’ll head down and give them a hand. You go help your friends downstairs. Deal?”

Jensen apparently didn’t care for his bluff being called, but grumbled an agreement. Hiding his amusement, Kaiden left him to it and headed out for the trail. If Rowan wanted him to spend time with his family and friends, he could do that. His body remained uncomfortably aware of her, and he’d much rather spend the afternoon sprawled on a bed and explore her every luscious curve.