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Authors: Dreams Of Hannah Williams

Linda Ford (8 page)

BOOK: Linda Ford
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Jake held the chair as Hannah took her place in the Regal’s dining room. She’d cleaned up really nice. She’d brushed her hair until it shone enough to make him think of a mink he’d once seen. He fought an urge to touch it to see if it were as smooth and soft as the animal’s fur.

She wore a snowy white blouse with a narrow pin at the neck with some sort of clear stone that caught the light and shafted it into a rainbow of colors. Could it be a diamond? He hardly thought so. A woman who owned diamonds wouldn’t be scrubbing smoke-damaged walls.

She nodded her thanks as he pushed the chair in for her. He took his place across from the table, hoping he’d cleaned up as nicely as she. He’d chosen a white shirt with a black string tie and his best black trousers. He’d even cleaned and polished his boots until they gleamed.

She leaned forward, smiling. “This is as nice as I imagined. All the white linen and sparkling white china.” She took her time looking around the room. “Maybe someday my dining room will be as nice.”

The waitress handed them menus, sparing him from speaking the words springing to his mind—that he doubted she would ever get her dining room usable, let alone fancied up like this one.

“Roast turkey. Sounds good.” He hoped they provided large servings. He was starving.

“Sounds good to me, too,” Hannah said.

The waitress filled the crystal water goblets and took their orders. Jake wished for something a little sturdier for his big hands but gingerly took the glass and sipped his water, unable to think of anything to say.

Hannah leaned forward. “See that old couple over there? He’s so sweet. Look at the way he tries to please her.” She watched them.

Jake kept his gaze on Hannah, wondering about her observation. “The old gentleman is taking care of his wife,” he said. “Seems contrary to your stand on independence.”

She slowly brought her gaze back to him. “Not at all. A person can be thoughtful and gentle and caring without robbing another of the right to make her own decisions. My father taught me that. There wasn’t a more thoughtful man.” She turned back to watching the older couple. “In fact, if he’d lived, I can imagine him and Mother like that.”

He waited for their meals to be placed in front of them and inhaled the rich aroma of turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, and a mound of peas and carrots. “A dead father, idealized, makes for stiff competition for any man.” He knew he could never measure up to the standard her father set. Not that he wanted to. A woman like Hannah would be constantly challenging him. Life was complicated enough without asking for more trouble.

She concentrated on her meal for a moment. “I would never want anyone who didn’t make me feel special like my father did.”

Jake thought he saw sadness, regret even, in her eyes. “How did he do that?”

“He encouraged my independence. Told me I could do anything I set my mind to. At the same time, he—” She paused as if searching for the right word. “It’s just that I knew I was special in his eyes.” She turned back toward the older couple. “Just like that.”

Seemed she had expectations no man could ever meet. It irked him. “You’re the only child?”

“I am.”

He recalled what she’d said about her mother. Seems the mother liked being taken care of. Hannah was less like her mother and more like— Jake narrowed his eyes. More like a son. “Did your father regret not having a son?”

She smiled. “If he did, he never said so.”

To Jake, it seemed her father had tried to turn Hannah into the son he never had, despite the impossibility of disguising that she was a very pretty young woman. Those thoughts were best kept to himself.

She edged forward. “I thank God every day for allowing me to come west.”

He studied her. She was a woman made to be cared for. She shouldn’t be trying to clean up a burnt-out hotel that would challenge Zeke and half a dozen of his men. A man’s job was to take care of such a woman, but determination blazed from her eyes. He stifled the argument building in his chest and fought the idea he wanted to take care of Hannah. He knew she wouldn’t let him. Wouldn’t even entertain the notion.

He filled his mouth with dressing, letting the sage flavor sift through his senses.

“Don’t you find it awfully quiet?” Hannah whispered. “I seem to have gotten used to Sammy and Luke’s volume of conversation.”

He gave an expansive sigh. “It’s bliss. Their noise is always a shock to my hearing. I don’t know how Audrey and Harvey put up with it.” He paused. “Or why. Seems they could have just as much fun without bringing down the roof.”

“Your poor mother is about at the end of her patience with them.”

“I know. Thank you for helping her as much as you have. It’s a good thing we go home Monday. Even if Audrey isn’t back, at least Sarie is there to help. She’s our cook and also a good friend.”

Hannah put her hands beside her plate and took a deep breath before she looked at him again. “So you will be leaving soon?”

“Monday. As soon as the cattle are sold.” He wondered if she would miss him—them. He thought of his nephews’ noise. If she missed them, it would no doubt be mixed with gratitude for the peace and quiet. “I hope Mother doesn’t overtax herself in the meantime.”

“It will be awfully quiet with you all gone.” Her gaze held his. Went deep into his heart as if she sought something in him. Then her expression grew friendly but impersonal. “I’ll miss the company.”

His, too? Suddenly his brain flooded with wishes for things that could never be. Sharing more discoveries with this woman. Sharing laughter. Sharing enjoyment. Sharing each other’s loads.

He turned to watch a young couple take their places at a table near the door.

Hannah did not want anyone to share her load. Nor did he need any more responsibilities.

The waitress took away their plates, replacing them with generous portions of apple crisp drowned in thick, farm-fresh cream.

He inhaled the scent of apples and cinnamon and prepared to enjoy the tasty dish when he heard Hannah suck in air like someone had hit her. He turned his attention back to her.

Eyes wide and glistening with tears, she choked out a whisper. “The last time we dined at a restaurant as a family, my father ordered this dessert.”

He placed his hand over hers and squeezed. “I’m sorry. You must miss him a lot.”

She nodded. “I thought I was over this. After all, it’s been four years. But every once in a while something hits me and it’s like it happened yesterday.”

He wondered if she knew she’d turned her hand over into his palm. If they weren’t in public, he’d have pulled her into his arms and held her. Despite her protestations, she needed holding and protecting.

“I guess I’ve been thinking of him more than usual because I feel like I’m finally living up to his expectations for me.”

He couldn’t fight her dead father. And she didn’t seem to be able to let the man go.

She shuddered once, pulled her hand away, and then took a mouthful of the dessert and smiled. “It’s good.”

He had no reason to feel he’d been shoved out into the cold because she no longer reached for him. He watched the young couple, whispering together, flashing smiles as they spoke, and clasping hands across the table. He guessed they were fresh off the farm from some settlement to the west and thrilled by this new experience. He smiled at the way the girl’s eyes widened at each new thing—the fine goblet, the steaming plate of food, and the silver teapot the waitress served from.

Hannah noticed his attention. She, too, smiled. “I bet they’re newly wed,” she murmured, “with eyes for no one else.”

“They’re noticing all the new things around them, though.”

Jake pulled his gaze back to Hannah at the same time she looked toward him. His heart gave a peculiar leap he couldn’t explain as if trying to escape his chest, as if stretching toward Hannah. A fleeting thought raced through his numb mind.
Will she ever consider giving up her freedom to become someone’s wife?

The waitress appeared at his side to ask if she could remove the dishes and inquire if they wanted anything more. He answered her without looking away from Hannah. “Are we done?” he asked but barely waited for her to answer before he shoved his chair back.

She nodded.

He hurried around to pull back her chair.

She paused to straighten her skirts.

They turned as the young man made a hoarse sound.

“I don’t have enough money,” he whispered to the girl across from him. “I must have left the rest in the hotel.”

Hannah looked with shock-filled eyes toward Jake.

He took her elbow, steered her toward the exit, and left her waiting at the door as he went to pay the bill. He gave some extra money and spoke quietly to the waitress. “This is to pay for the young couple over there. Tell them God’s best on their new life together.”

As he and Hannah made their way out to the dusk, he took Hannah’s hand and pulled it through his arm, telling himself he meant only to steady her in the darkening street. He felt rather pleased with himself when she didn’t protest. “Do you want to go with me to check on the herd?” he asked.

“I’d love to.”

They tramped along the sidewalk until they reached the end then crossed the street and made their way to the pens. Shorty had built a fire, filling the dusk with dancing shadows. Jake paused at the rail fence and breathed in the familiar, comforting smell of the animals. He expected Hannah to withdraw her hand.

Instead, she pulled him around to face her. “I saw what you did for that young couple. You were very kind.” Exerting gentle pressure on his forearm, she leaned forward, raised her face, and kissed him on the cheek.

He couldn’t believe it happened. Then a stampede of emotions raced through him. Emptiness finding its fullness, heart finding heart with a matching rhythm. He wanted nothing more than to hold this woman and keep her safe and protected. He slipped his arms around her shoulders and stared into her eyes, half hidden in the dim light. “Hannah,” he whispered. Slowly, hesitantly, giving her plenty of opportunity to refuse, Jake lowered his head and kissed her.

The warmth of her lips went straight to his heart, where a gate exploded open, revealing yearning for a love of his own and loneliness he’d denied over and over. He slammed shut the gate. Dropped his arms to his side. Letting himself get too fond of Hannah presented major complications. Stubborn, independent, and determined to run a derelict hotel. He backed away. Time to pull his head together, or was it his heart that needed corralling?

“I better see if Mother is coping with the boys.” He turned his steps toward the street and waited for Hannah to join him.

He’d been so busy with his own thoughts he hadn’t given her any study. Now he did. She avoided looking at him as she pulled her arms around herself as if she felt suddenly cold. He half raised an arm to pull her close and protect her from the elements, dropping it again without touching her. No reason to think she might have had the same jolting reaction to his kiss. She likely had other things on her mind.

They murmured mindless comments about the weather and the town as they returned to the hotel. They barely made it through the door before he bolted for the stairs, claiming an urgency to make sure things were under control in the rooms his mother shared with his two nephews.

Seven

Hannah’s first waking thought had been to leap from bed and hurry out to the lobby. Jake checked the herd every morning. Maybe he’d ask her to join him. She wanted to spend every minute of the day with him. Tomorrow he’d be gone—along with his mother and nephews. She would be alone again except for Mort, who really didn’t count as company.

She wanted to selfishly enjoy this, their last day. She had no illusions that once he got back to the ranch and his responsibilities he would give her another thought. They both knew they didn’t fit into each other’s worlds.

Her second thought kept her in bed staring at the white sheet blocking the early morning sun. It was Sunday—no reason to hurry out of bed. She wouldn’t be doing any work. And after her foolish reaction to Jake’s kiss last night, she’d be wise to avoid him.

She pressed her fingertips to her lips. Of course, she couldn’t still feel his kiss. But she hadn’t forgotten how she’d felt. She shifted her hand to a spot over her heart. She massaged gently, trying to ease the tightness, knowing the tension wasn’t in her chest, nor in her muscles, but in her emotions. She felt safe in his arms. Felt a sudden urge to let go of all her burdens.

She blew out her lips. What burdens? The hotel was her ticket to independence and as such, a welcome challenge, not a burden.

She slipped from the bedcovers and prepared for church. If she took extra pains to look nice, it was only her self-respect as a businesswoman, not because she hoped Jake would notice.

She heard the boys yelling as they came down the stairs, heard Mrs. Sperling call to them, and then heard Jake’s deeper voice ordering them to be quiet.

Hannah’s heart broke into a breathless gallop, all her mental admonitions instantly forgotten. She had only to hear his voice for the tightness in her chest to return.

She remained in the kitchen, waiting for them to leave. She’d follow later, slip into the church unnoticed, and escape the same way. She couldn’t face Jake, try and make ordinary conversation, when she had to keep fighting herself.

She went to the mirror over the cupboard and stared at herself. “Hannah Williams, you know what you really want. It’s to open this hotel, become independent. Nothing less will ever satisfy you. No use in pretending you’d be happy being something you can’t be. You can never be what Jake wants—a woman to take care of.”

“What do
I
want from a man?” she asked her reflection. She recalled the words she’d spoken to Jake.
A man who would treat her as her father had. Cherish her while allowing her independence.
She pointed her finger at her reflection. “And that, Hannah Williams, is not Jake.”

“Hannah.” The sound of Jake calling from the dining room caused her to spin away from the mirror. “Are you coming to church?”

Her heart soared. He wanted her to accompany them. She grabbed her Bible and hurried out to join him. “I’m ready.”

Not until they were striding down the sidewalk toward the little white clapboard church at the north end of town did she realize she’d ignored her own advice to keep away from Jake.

They went inside the bright interior and slowly made their way down the aisle, pausing to speak to friends and neighbors—the Sperlings doing most of the greeting. Hannah knew only a handful of people yet.

Mrs. Sperling slipped into a pew with the two boys. Hannah started to follow, but Jake guided her into the bench behind them. She squeezed in beside Mrs. Johnson, and Jake lowered himself to her side. She shifted to give him more room, acutely aware of the pressure of his shoulder against hers. Though if he were three pews away, she would have been equally aware of him. She knew gratitude when the pastor stood and announced the first hymn.

She loved church. Loved singing with the others. Loved hearing God’s Word. But as Jake’s deep voice joined hers, she knew enjoyment she’d never felt before. They shared the same hymnal. She didn’t look at him. Didn’t need to in order to sense he shared the same pleasure in singing songs of the faith.

The preacher opened his Bible. “Our scripture for today is First Samuel, chapter seven, verse twelve. ‘Then Samuel took a stone, and set it between Mizpeh and Shen, and called the name of it Ebenezer, saying, Hitherto hath the Lord helped us.’ ” He spoke of God’s faithfulness to His people in the past and the assurance of His continued help and guidance in both the present and the future.

Peace filled Hannah’s heart. She was here because God had given her the gift of a hotel, a way to leave the confines of her home with a new stepfather and a chance to become all that God intended.

She rose after the benediction, renewed by the message, and smiled at Jake. “I expect you’ll have much to do today.”

“Not really. Mother and the boys have been invited to visit friends for the afternoon.”

“The cows?”

“All taken care of.”

They exited the church and stood in the warm sun. “A quiet day for you then?”

“Would you care to have lunch with me?”

“But nothing is open.”

He glanced after his mother. “I suppose we could go with Mother and the boys.”

She laughed. “You sound excited about that.”

“I’m not. Too much noise.”

She hesitated. A whole Sunday afternoon alone held no appeal, but another day with Jake. . . Her emotions were already in enough turmoil. But telling herself she felt sorry for him, she said, “I could put together a few things and we could have a little picnic.”

“Excellent.”

He accompanied her back to the hotel and stood outside as she gathered up a few simple things for a lunch. “If I’d known about this yesterday I’d have baked a cake,” she said softly so he wouldn’t hear. No cake. Three-day-old cookies would have to do. And cheese sandwiches. An afternoon in the sun would surely make up for any lack in the food.

She wondered if they would go toward the river again, but he headed the other direction, past the church to a grove of trees. The sound of muted voices informed her it was a popular spot. They wouldn’t be alone.
Good
, she told herself, stifling her sense of disappointment.

He spread the blanket she’d brought, and she passed him a sandwich.

“Did you enjoy the service?” she asked.

“I did, though I miss our little church out at the ranch.”

“You have a church out there?”

He chuckled. “We’re actually quite civilized.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just never thought. . . Well, I guess I thought it was isolated and. . .I don’t know. I’ve never been to a ranch, so I’m not sure what it would be like.”

“We’ll have to remedy that, won’t we?”

At the soft tone of his voice, she darted a look at him, intending only to steal a glance. But their eyes collided, and she couldn’t pull away from his bottomless brown gaze. Did he
mean his words as an invitation? Would she welcome it if
he did? Wasn’t it best to forget this unlikely attraction between them? “I’ve always lived in town,” she murmured as if expecting him to see how far apart their worlds were.

“I guess you’d never be able to live on a ranch.”

His doubts as to her adaptability forced her to say, “I could do just about anything I made up my mind to do.”

He searched her gaze as if trying to determine exactly what she meant. She wondered herself. She couldn’t define what she thought or how she felt, other than it gave her a sensation like swinging too high, her breath catching on the upward arc, holding there after she’d begun the downward flight, catching up with her body just in time for it to repeat. She sucked in air, heavy with the scent of leaves getting ready for autumn, and pulled her thoughts together. “Tell me about your church.”

He chuckled again and turned away to pick a cookie from the tin. “It isn’t
my
church even though it’s on my land. Father built it as soon as he finished the house. Said they needed a place to worship. He wanted his outfit to have the option without traipsing off to town.”

“What does it look like?”

“It’s small. Constructed of logs like the house. Father made sure there was lots of light. The windows are clear so you look out on trees on one side and rolling hills on the other. I’d sooner worship outside, but the church isn’t half bad, either.”

“It sounds beautiful. What about a preacher?”

“Pastor Rawson, the preacher you heard earlier this morning, comes out in the afternoon.”

Hannah fiddled with a leaf that had fallen by her knee. “Tell me about how you became a Christian.”

Jake took two more cookies and leaned back against the nearest tree. “I can’t remember not knowing God loved me. One Sunday when I was about seven, a warm spring day I recall, I simply decided I wanted to join God’s family, and I went to the church after everyone had left from the service and knelt at the front.”

Hannah’s throat tightened with emotion as she pictured a young Jake making his choice all alone. Seems from an early age he stood alone and strong. “It sounds very special.”

“It was. Still feels special.”

Again they looked deep into each other’s eyes. Hannah felt a connection beyond ordinary interest. This man had deep spiritual roots to accompany his strength of character. A person could safely lean on him. She sighed. His mother and sister were fortunate to have him.

“How about you?” he asked.

For a moment she thought he asked if she wanted to lean on him, too. But he didn’t know she’d been thinking it. “Me?”

“How and when did you become part of God’s family?”

Her breath gusted out. “I, too, always knew God loved me. But I had more of a struggle. I didn’t want to give up my independence to belong to Him.”

Jake laughed hard and earned himself a frown. He stopped laughing and looked suitably serious, though his eyes danced and the corners of his mouth twitched. “I can see that might be a problem. How did you resolve it?”

She grinned. “I didn’t. God did. I’d been taught to read my Bible every day. I read some verses that made me willing to give up my ways because I knew I could trust God to do what was best for me. They’re in Romans chapter eight. ‘And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.’ And ‘He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?’ ” She smiled from the depths of her heart. “He loved me enough to give His Son to die for me. I guess He wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t for my good.”

Jake took her hand. “Amen.”

Hannah knew that more than their hands connected. They’d shared from their faith experience, and a bond of deeper understanding had been forged.

A zephyr blew through the treetops, rustling the leaves, sending a shower of them to the ground. Hannah shook her head to get them out of her hair.

“Hold still,” Jake said, leaning close. “One’s stuck in your hair.” He gently eased the leaf from its perch. “It’s like a golden crown.” His voice seemed thick.

She felt his fingers working loose the leaf. Felt a thousand sensations race from her scalp to her heart.

He released the leaf and tossed it to the ground.

She didn’t look up. She couldn’t free herself from the longing in her heart—a longing to be held and cherished.

“Some gold dust left behind,” he whispered, flicking his fingers through her hair.

She closed her eyes and thought of letting herself love this man.

She sucked her breath in and sat up straighter. “Thanks.” She didn’t belong in Jake’s world where he dominated, controlled, took care of—gently touched her hair. No. No. He didn’t belong in her world, where she expected to be cherished but also given freedom to make her own choices. She turned to put the lid on the cookie tin. She knew one subject that would pull them both back to reality. “I’ve got four rooms ready to open in the hotel, plus the suite will be available when you and your mother and the boys leave tomorrow.”

He dropped his hand, picked up a twig, and broke it into inch-long pieces and tossed them aside. “What about the dining room?”

“I’ll get Mort to board it off tomorrow.”

“Seems you’ll have to fix it sooner or later.”

“It will have to be later. I think I’ll be ready to put an open sign out by Tuesday.”

“That’s great.” He stood, waited for her to put the picnic things in the bag, and folded up the blanket.

She felt him pulling away from her. She’d ruined the afternoon. But she had no choice. They both needed to stick to reality. Yet she regretted it ever so slightly. About as much as she would regret denying herself Christmas.

They returned to the hotel, and he handed her the blanket. “Thanks for the picnic. I have to check on the cows.” He strode away without a backward glance.

She went inside, stared at the hole in the dining room floor, and wondered what it would be like to live on a ranch. She shook her head. She had no time for dreams of romance, especially with a man like Jake. She had a hotel to fix and run. It was her dream come true.


The last animal jostled into the boxcar, and Shorty pushed the door shut.

Jake shook hands with Mr. Arnold. “Nice doing business with you.”

“Sorry about the misunderstanding,” the man said.

Martin and Riggs stood at Jake’s side. He heard Martin’s grunt, but thankfully, the man kept his opinion silent and avoided alienating the man they hoped to do business with again.

They shook hands all around.

Jake told the cowboys to head back to the ranch, and he swung to the back of his horse. At the livery barn he told Con to bring the wagon. Once the supplies were loaded, he could be on his way home. He couldn’t wait.

He paused outside the hotel door. He didn’t look forward to saying good-bye to Hannah, though in effect they’d said it yesterday. He didn’t want to leave her here on her own, yet she’d made it clear as the sky above that she wanted nothing more from him. There wasn’t room in her life or heart for a cowboy like him. Saying good-bye today would simply be a matter of paying the bill, shaking hands, and parting ways.

He pushed the door open and strode in. Mother sat in the lobby, the bags packed and ready. Looking after the boys for a few days had meant this stay in town turned out to be less of a holiday than he’d planned for her. She should have told Audrey to take her children with her, but Mother never could say no to Audrey. And to keep from upsetting his mother, he usually gave in, too.

BOOK: Linda Ford
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