Last Night Another Soldier (6 page)

It felt like I was talking to some Jedi master
out of
Star Wars
, but I still didn’t get it. ‘S’pose so,’ I said, more to please him than anything else.

He looked a bit disappointed by his Jedi trainee’s lack of enthusiasm, so he added a final explanation. ‘Listen, I know you won’t lose your nerve because you want to stay alive. You’ve proved that. Plus, you know you’ve got an even bigger responsibility to keep your mates alive, and I know you would never let them down, would you?’

I hung on to every word, hoping that in the end it would all make sense to me. ‘Hope not.’ I know I still sounded a bit reluctant, but it was the best I could manage. I gave him a weak smile to show that I really appreciated the effort he was making.

‘Listen, you’ll be all right.’ He smiled back, like he knew it was time to lighten the mood. ‘You haven’t sent a bluey to your mum this week, so let’s see how your writing’s improved. Then we’ll do a bit of that coursework. Maybe then I’ll think about talking to Sergeant MacKenzie for you.’

That was the best news I’d had since our chat began. The rest I needed to think about. Now that we were back on safer territory, I had a sudden brainwave. ‘You know what? I think I’ll
write to my dad instead. It’ll be the first time. There’s something important he needs to know about. There are gonna be a few words I learnt about today that I can’t spell …’

I reached for a bluey from the neat stash of them under Si’s bed, and fumbled for the pen in the bottom of my pocket. I began to write, stopping every so often for Toki to check and help me with my spelling.

Dear Dad,

Hope you are OK. I don’t know your postcode but reckon this should get to you OK. Because me and Mum haven’t seen you for years, you probably don’t know that I’m in the Army now. Well, the bluey gives it away I suppose!

I’m in Afghanistan and I’ve got about three months left. I’m in the Rifles as it happens, not the Guards. Mum’s OK. She just worries a lot. Anyway, Mum told me that when you were in the Falklands, you were on a ship attacked by Argie planes. She said the ship got blown up and lots of your mates got burnt really bad, and some of them died. Maybe why everything went pear-shaped between you and Mum afterwards is because you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Dad, PTSD is something that loads of
soldiers get, but the doctors can help you. Just go and see one. Please …

The FOB’s loud speaker system sparked up again. ‘Standby. Standby. Showers are on, but today, only for an hour. The pumps need a service. End of message.’

Toki picked up John’s laptop. ‘Leave the letter, Briggsy. We’ll finish it off later. Go clean yourself up.’

After showering and changing my shirt as Toki had instructed, I wandered back over to the Medic Centre. Emma still had the Chili Peppers banging out of her speakers when I finally got called in. It was a wonder she was able to concentrate on any kind of medical emergency with those twats warbling in the background. I was more of a Jay–Z man myself.

‘Emma! I’m back.’

I was still pissed off with her for telling the lads about my war wound. She might be pretty, but she was definitely a pain in the arse. And I had one of them already!

I decided to go straight into attack mode. ‘I can’t believe you told ‘em.’

She looked puzzled for a moment, as though she wasn’t quite sure what I was talking about.

‘Hmmm … Did I? … I can’t remember …’

She squirted her hands with disinfectant from a bottle and burst into fits of laughter. ‘That’s what you get for having a go at my music.’

I smiled like I thought it was all a fantastic joke, but I wasn’t letting her get away with it
that easily. ‘That was bad. What about your Hippy oath thing?’

She laughed again. ‘I haven’t taken an oath, you dickhead. I’m a medic, not a doctor. Besides, you can’t blame me. It was just too good to keep to myself.’

I undid my combats and lay on the bench again, carefully pulling my underpants down along with my trousers, so as not to disturb the wound that was trying hard to scab up. I turned my head to one side to watch her as she came over.

‘I
do
blame you. I’ve been ripped apart all day.’

She showed no pity, though. ‘Well, tough. The deed is done. Now, let’s have a quick look. How has it been?’

‘Fine now, thanks. I reckon it’s better.’ Then I ruined it by flinching big time as she ripped off the dressing and started prodding me.

‘Yeah, right.’ She wasn’t fooled by my speedy recovery act. ‘I can tell it’s still painful, but at least there’s no weeping. Looks like it’s healing well. I’ll just give it another quick clean.’

I hoped she was feeling a bit guilty about telling the others, so I made my move. I twisted my head round further to try and make eye contact. ‘Can you tell Sergeant MacKenzie I’m
good to go, then? It would make up for making me look like a right idiot.’

‘Your trouble is, you have no sense of humour.’ So far, so good, at least I’d got a smile out of her.

‘Yeah, that’s right. It’s a laugh a minute being known as the man who needs two lots of bog paper.’ I looked back down at the plastic floorboards again.

Emma didn’t respond. She was too busy doing her cleaning and swabbing stuff. It hurt like hell, but I tried to talk through the pain.

‘Talk to Sergeant MacKenzie for me? Please, Emma.’

‘We’ll see … There. You’re done.’ And with that, she walked back to the desk and started to write up some medical notes. As I got dressed, I couldn’t help but stare at the big black body bag again.

‘John.’ I hadn’t realized I had said his name out loud until she answered.

‘What about him?’

I didn’t even know why I was asking. ‘Can I see him? You must have cleaned him up by now.’

Emma’s voice was softer, kinder. ‘You sure that’s what you want?’

I gave a nod. ‘Yeah. Quick goodbye before he goes.’

Emma put down her pen and turned off the Chili Peppers. There was a long zip noise as she slowly opened the body bag so just his face was showing. She didn’t want me to see the wounds. We both stared at John for a while without speaking. It looked almost like he was sleeping, but his face looked weird. His skin was grey, not sunburnt like it was yesterday. It was Emma who broke the silence. She sounded like she was trying to put a brave face on it.

‘Don’t worry, he will look a lot cleaner by the time his family gets to see him. They’ll put make-up on him and wash his hair. He should get to Kandahar tonight. He’ll be back home soon.’

I couldn’t find any words. ‘Uh-huh,’ is all that came out. There was another long pause before Emma spoke again. Her voice was small and less sure than usual. ‘First body you’ve seen?’

‘Well, first one of us. Talis don’t count, do they?’

‘Not good, is it? You all right?’

I swallowed hard. ‘Yeah. He doesn’t really look like John any more with that skin, does he? Know what I mean?’

She asked me again. ‘Sure you’re OK?’ I could only nod in response.

‘Well, I’m not,’ she sounded upset as she
zipped up the body bag. ‘I don’t think I can go on looking at dead soldiers much longer.’

That surprised me as I would have thought she’d be used to it. Now there was no holding her back.

‘I am TA and this is my third and final tour, Briggsy.’ Her voice wavered slightly as she spoke.

‘You getting some of those stress symptoms you told me about, then?’

‘No. Course not. I’m a paramedic back home. I’ve seen more blood and guts than you ever will. But you know what? This is different.’

I looked her in the eye and waited to find out why.

‘Because I know John. I’ve known all of them. I know each and every guy stuffed in one of those body bags, and each and every guy who arrives here with an arm or leg blown off. I live with you, eat scoff with you, have a laugh with you, even use the same drums to dump in as you, but you know what?’ A tear started to roll down her face and she brushed it away angrily. ‘Bring on Glasgow’s house fires, car crashes and Saturday night stabbings. If I can’t save them, then at least I don’t have to be mates with them.’

A helicopter flew over our heads and interrupted her outburst. We both looked up towards
the sky, as if we could see through the canvas above us. ‘That’ll be for John.’ Emma went back into medical mode again. ‘The rest will be here soon to get you lot back out on the ground.’

The sound of the heli got louder as I opened the tentflap. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I turned just before I made my exit, ‘Talk to Sergeant MacKenzie, Emma. Please.’

I went back to the tent and Toki helped me finish the bluey to my dad before evening scoff. There wasn’t so much piss-taking now as everyone had the Green Zone on their minds, including me. MacKenzie had given Toki the go-ahead. I was going back out to the Green Zone with the rest of the lads that night.

After scoff, I spent quarter of an hour queuing for the phone. I thought I’d better call Mum again. She’d only get herself in a state otherwise. She sounded OK as soon as she realized it was me. She sounded like the happy, smiling mum off the Oxo adverts, but I wasn’t falling for it that easily.

‘Mum. Listen, sorry about the call earlier.’

‘That’s all right.’ She was so cheery, she sounded like she was offering me a KitKat. ‘I know I get a bit worked up sometimes, David. You know, being on my own and all that.’

I think she was hoping we could leave it there, but I needed to get through to her once and for all. ‘Look, Mum, I think we have to have a straight-up talk. I don’t blame you for me being
in the army. I chose to be here. It’s what I want. I like being a soldier. Nobody made me join the army, and the day I don’t like it any more, I’ll get out. I’m a man now, Mum, I’m proud of myself. You’ve done a brilliant job. You know that, don’t you?’

I heard her sniff then, trying to fight back the tears. Her voice quivered as she spoke. ‘I tried so hard. It’s just that it felt like you left me cos I didn’t do enough for you when you were younger. I wanted to be there but …’

She had it all wrong, as usual. It was nothing to do with that. ‘Mum, it’s OK, I know. You should be proud of what you have done for me. I am. Listen, everything is good. We’re OK, yeah?’

She gave another big sniff and started to recover a little. ‘Yeah, course we are.’ She gave a little laugh to prove it. I kept going with what I wanted to say. ‘That’s good, because I got to tell you stuff … I’ve sent a letter to Dad.’

‘Oh, David …’ The crying immediately started again.

‘Mum, if you can’t help him, I’ve got to. He needs help, Mum. That’s why I wrote to him, Mum. You understand?’

Her crying was getting louder now.

‘Mum, you OK?’

She pulled herself together then and put her
cheery Oxo mum voice back on. ‘Yeah, I’m all right. You’ve always been a good boy. I just miss you. It’s not easy being on my own. Sometimes I even miss your dad. Even when he was being a bastard, at least he was here.’ She laughed at her own bad joke.

‘I know you miss him, Mum. I know.’

She was off down memory lane again now. I’d heard it all before, but funnily enough, I quite liked her going on about how things used to be. Made us sound like a proper family for once.

‘We used to love dancing. Disco mad, your dad and I were. He was a right John Travolta.’ We both laughed at the image of Dad doing a bit of
Saturday Night Fever
on the dance floor.

‘Bet both of you looked a nightmare in flares and platforms, Mum.’

‘We looked fantastic!’

Just then the phone beeps started to go. I spoke in a rush to get the words out in time. ‘Mum, card’s gonna run out soon. I can’t call for the next four or five days, so don’t worry or …’

‘What’s happening? You doing anything dangerous?’ The worry was back in her voice again.

‘Mum, it’s all right. I just have to wait for my new phone card, that’s all.’

‘I love you.’

‘Me too, Mum.’ Then the phone line went dead.

As I put down the phone, I suddenly felt very alone. I missed my mum, even though I really did want to be out in Afghanistan. I felt my eyes prickle with tears and decided to stay where I was for a bit to calm down. Didn’t want the lads to see me blubbing, did I? They would have even more to take the piss out of. I sniffed loudly, trying to fight back the tears, and hoped that no one could hear me on the other side of the canvas.

I’d been telling everyone I wanted to get back in the Green Zone, but now that I’d got it, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go after all. It just didn’t feel exciting any more. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I could hack it. It was just luck that I’d got myself out of a drama and killed that Tali. What if I couldn’t do it again? Si had really got me thinking and I was pretty scared now. I was hoping Toki was right about me. But what if I ended up letting my mates down when it mattered most?

I quickly wiped my eyes before pulling aside the canvas flap. I had to switch on and get a grip of myself before we started shooting the Taliban once again.

It was about five-thirty in the morning and we had been back out in the Green Zone for over seven hours. It wasn’t going well. We had been in major contacts with the Taliban all night long and, in the confusion, lots of us had got split up from our platoons.

MacKenzie had ordered our four-man patrol to move to a new location so he could link up with us, but that was easier said than done. Firstly, it was pitch dark so we couldn’t see where we were going. Secondly, during all the fighting, we’d got surrounded by Taliban. They were taking regular pot-shots at us, and judging by the amount of fire coming our way, we were seriously outnumbered.

Toki got on the radio to MacKenzie to let him know that we couldn’t move anywhere. Worse still, our ammunition was seriously low. We had completely run out of ammo for our rifles, and we’d only got about half a mag left on our pistols, so we had about six rounds each left. That was it.

MacKenzie said he would send two Apaches
out to us. They’d be there in thirty minutes. Once they started firing their 30mm cannons into the maize fields, we’d have plenty of fire cover to get out. All we had to do was stand our ground until they arrived. Toki said MacKenzie had wished us all luck. The Tali rounds were getting closer by the minute, so it looked like we were going to need it.