L'amore: The Luminara Series (15 page)

Anna’s shoulders slump. “I get it, Lucca, you do not need to explain. Your relationship with Lexi is and should be your priority now. I would expect it to be, and I adore that you are settling down and being a supportive fiancé. I promise you I will not let my life interfere with yours or hurt anyone any more than I already have. Maybe I am not as good a person as you, Lucca, and I am sorry if I let you down. I never meant for this to interfere with you both.”

Now I want to scream. I swallow down a lump in my throat as she clearly manipulates Lucca, and I have to look away to stop myself from lashing out at her.

Lucca lifts the envelope from under his arm, leans in, wraps his arms around her, and kisses her forehead. “Anna, please do not say that. You have not and will never let me down. Ever. Period. I love you unconditionally. I just want to protect you. I am sorry for snapping at you, but I am glad you see where I am coming from. I know how Lexi feels about it, and I have to say, I am with her on this. You need to sort this out, Anna.”

She cuddles into him then leans over and kisses my cheek, rubbing her hand softly down my arm. Except I don’t feel soothed, and I know that’s her intention, but I’m still pissed off and feeling tense.

I don’t know who I’m angrier with—Cameron, Anna, or Lucca … for not saying something earlier to Anna, even at my house when we discovered she had stayed over. Or back in Tuscany. It should never have gotten this far. It wouldn’t have been an issue if Cameron had already broken it off with Rachel.

Anna checks her text messages and exhales. “That is Cammy outside for me. Lexi, he says he will call you tomorrow. I am so sorry about everything. About tonight, for keeping secrets and hurting you. But I am not sorry for meeting Cameron. I know why you love him so much.” Cameron sending messages to me through Anna only adds salt to my wounds.

We kiss her goodbye then Lucca replies to a quick message on his phone. I feel totally deflated and agitated.

“Are you okay?” Lucca asks gingerly.

I sigh then walk towards the restroom, but he follows me.

“Lexi, talk to me. I want to know what is wrong and what you are thinking.”

Shaking my head, I march into the restroom, flustered and irate. I’m not surprised to hear the door open behind me. He disconcertingly walks in and leans against the door, placing his envelope on the vanity. I walk into the cubicle, ignoring him. I don’t want to fight, but he waits for me because he clearly wants to chat. After washing my hands at the sink, I finally turn to look at him.

“Is this about Anna and Cameron? Or is it because she mentioned my past?” he asks.

Feeling extremely guilty for being irrational when he is at least trying to talk it out with me, I stutter, “Either. Both?” I am annoyed about his past constantly being thrown in my face, and I’ll get to that, but I want to talk about Anna first.

He runs his fingers through his dark, wavy hair. “Help me out here, Doc. I do not know what you are thinking.”

Is he oblivious?

Yes, apparently so.

“Okay, I’m pissed off that she seemed to saunter out of here tonight, straight into the arms of Cameron, I may add, and doesn’t appear to have any regard for what you said. The minute she got flustered and appeared hurt, you backed down. Don’t you realise that someone
is
going to get hurt in that mix? And it will then cause friction between us. He needs to finish with Rachel if he’s going to carry on like this because I can’t see Anna backing away now.”

He grins at me, curling his lip and showing his cute dimple.

“Oh no, you don’t. I’m seriously pissed off. I want to talk. Don’t even think about seducing me,” I protest, feeling my cheeks getting redder by the second. Turning away from the mirror, I press my ass against the vanity and lean back, worrying my fingers in front of my mouth in a nervous dance.

“I am not trying to distract you. I just think you are exceptionally hot when you are feisty …”

“Lucca!” I warn him.

“Sorry. Okay, I absolutely agree that Cameron needs to finish with his girlfriend. And you need to tell me what you are feeling so I can make you feel better and we can move on. I hate seeing you like this.” He sounds earnest and I do appreciate that he did try and make Anna see clearly, even if it wasn’t the most successful attempt. He moves and stands in front of me, gently moving my fingers from my mouth. And instead of nuzzling into my neck, groping me, or claiming my lips like he normally does, he holds both my hands by my side, keeping some space between us to allow us to talk but tenderly holding my hands so I feel reassured by his touch.

“That is why I challenged her, Lexi. I know it is wrong and is upsetting you. You are my priority now, that is why I mentioned something, but I do not want to hurt her either. I know Anna. She puts on a brave front like my mamma, but she will have left here feeling like shit tonight, and I do not want that either. But I did feel it was time I stepped in. I will speak to both of them, if it will help.” He rubs his thumb across my ring and then my wrist.

“Thank you for supporting and defending me. It does mean a lot to me.” I sketch shapes on his palm with my thumbs.

“I am also so very sorry Anna had to bring up my past. I am more pissed about that right now, but she is like me that way and opens her mouth. Things can be misconstrued even with the best intentions at heart.”

The mere mention of the past ignites that flame inside me that’s has been switching on and off all night. “What is it? You just tensed up. Come here, baby. I am sorry.” Now he wraps his arms around me, trying to pull me against him, but I snap and push him away.

“Yes, there is something else bothering me. I’m not stupid. What the hell is going on with Kimberley?” I’m back to chewing the inside of my cheek.

He stares into my eyes. “Nothing is going on. Why would you think that? She works for me.” Is he for real?

“She was dry towards me, and rude, and I noticed her flirting with you. It’s obvious she feels threatened or jealous.” I press my thumb against my temple feeling the familiar throb of a headache starting. When he reaches for me again, I place my hand in front of him to stop him. I’m not done yet.

“Well, I am disgusted if she was rude to you. Do you want me to have a word?” After pinching his forehead, he places his hands in his trouser pockets, rocking back on his heels, and grinds his jaw. He doesn’t look guilty, he looks angry that Kimberley was rude.

“No, but I get it, Lucca. I get that every woman I come across is threatened by me. I get that you have a colourful history, and I get that every woman wants to be with you. I get they have all had you first. I GET IT!” I yell, slapping my hands on my thighs.

The fury I feel about Kimberley, Cameron’s infidelity, Anna mentioning Lucca’s past, and Omari’s comments about the backpacking have provoked a blazing fire inside me, and I’ve erupted.

“Jesus, Lexi.” He runs his fingers through his hair and paces up and down. “Get this. I am with you, and always will be. You are going to be my wife soon, very soon I hope. Have I given you any reason to doubt that? I thought we got over this in Tuscany.” He’s agitated. I’m livid.

Gina and Adorna provoked the same jealousy in me, even Fran to a certain extent.

“That was different. It wasn’t so close to home. I hate feeling like this. We’re only back two minutes and I have the same feeling that she has been with you as well. It threatens me, Lucca, don’t you understand? I have never had a relationship before, and I love you. But this … this hurts me, and it’s exhausting when everywhere we go I seem to be reminded about your fucking history with women. I hate it. I fucking hate it! There, you happy now?” I shout and cross my arms over my chest.

“Fuck … I am not deliberately trying to introduce you to my past mistakes. She works for me. Lexi, please, I hate that you feel like this. What can I do or say to make you believe that nobody else means anything to me, that you are my fucking world and have my heart. No one else, baby.” He moves closer to me, pain flickering in his eyes, and places his lips against mine, entrancing me with his charm. I pull away, not happy that there is no real closure to this conversation.

“Please, be honest with me. Have you slept with her?” I whisper, afraid of his answer.

“Yes.” He clears his throat and shifts side to side.

I don’t know why I’m so shocked, but I pull out of his arms. “I knew it. So why is she working for you?” I feel tears prick at my eyes, but I desperately want to hold it together.

“Lexi, please do not be disappointed in me. I had a fling with her after Fran and I split. Then I lost contact when I moved on. Anna told me Kimberley was struggling to get a job in the current climate, even as a postgraduate. She had debts to take care of, so she asked me if I would give her a position. She was over qualified to work in the back office in the club so I gave her the assistant post in my main office working under Suzanne.”

I’m not comfortable with this, and I appreciate his honesty, but it has only made me feel worse, if it’s even possible.

“She still has feelings for you,” I mutter. How can he be so blind?

“Well, I do not have any feelings for her. I told you the type of person I was then. I never had a relationship with her or anyone else. It was simply meaningless sex. She is quick, sharp, and organised. A good employee and our history
is
long forgotten,” he stresses.

History.

Fucking history.

Why can’t we just fucking erase history all together? Grandpa will say it’s because it defines who we are and helps us learn from our mistakes. I say it’s nothing but fucking heartache.

“For you maybe, but not for her. Lucca, you talk about Anna having no self-respect, you obviously don’t have any for yourself either if you think she’s not into you, or for me because you’re shocked I’m bothered by this. Or for Kimberley. By allowing her to work for you, you’re only teasing her. If she is smitten with you, and I assure you she is, you’re unintentionally leading her on.” I turn away and shake my head.

Lucca looks wounded. He grabs hold of his suit jacket fisting it in front of his chest. “Are you serious? The person I do have the most respect for in this world is you. I did not know you would feel threatened by her. I would never have asked her along if I thought that. I did not think she would have the audacity to be rude to you, which is not fucking okay. Of course I respect you. I told you before, I will do anything for you. Always. But she is a good employee. Some of the arrangements I asked Suzanne to take care of for us were made by Kimberley. And I have enough respect for myself to know she is only an employee and inconsequential to me in any other sense, and I certainly do not purposely tease her as you put it. I am a fair boss.”

“Was she your employee when you were fucking her?” I can’t help myself; my blood is boiling. I now pace up and down, staring at the wall, but not before I hear Lucca inwardly gasp.

“No. It was before she got the job. Please, baby, come here. Tell me how to reassure you, how to make this right, and I will. I will do anything, Lexi.” He begs me. I hear the fragile break in his voice.

I break.

The tears freely fall from my eyes because I don’t know how to overcome my insecurities or how this will be resolved. “Don’t you get it? She is always going to be a problem, and I hate that she works so closely with you. She seems to think she has some hold over you. At least your other conquests I came across in Italy accepted they couldn’t have you.” I know I probably sound irrational.

“Fuck!” He reaches for my hand to pull me back against him, but I jerk away again.

“Lexi, please, let this go. This was before you. She is not a threat. I promise you. Do not shut me out, dolcezza,” he pleads. I hear his words, but the ache in my heart and pounding headache is causing me to lash out.

“Like you let David in Tuscany go? Or for that matter, Omari and Chris tonight?” So it’s okay for him to be protective, domineering and all alpha male? If he wants our relationship to work, he has to stop his double standards and start compromising more.

“That is so different, and you know it. David was practically molesting you in his bar Tasa that night, and he is a fucking bad bastard. Omari and Chris were pushing their luck tonight because they are not used to seeing me so romantically involved. Being in love … with you, Lexi. In love with you.”

I shake my head. I have no doubt that he loves me. It’s the love that everyone else feels for him that’s infuriating me because I have no control over it. My past torments me enough, and I don’t want his constantly dragging me down either.

“I could say the same about Kimberley,” I say, walking out the restroom. I’m done for now because we are going around in circles. I’m backfiring. He’s trying to pacify me with reassurances but it’s not enough.

“This is not finished. We need to talk about this, but here is not the place,” he whispers behind me.

Well, shit!

Lucca settles the bill. Downstairs we thank Armando and Rafaello again and promise to have a celebration with the extended family. Marco has returned to drive us home, but the tension in the car is hostile and uncomfortable.

Lucca holds my hand tightly, rubbing his thumb across my engagement ring and knuckles, but Lucca’s past and working relationship with Kimberley overwhelms me. I’m restive and jealous and making it blatantly obvious.

I would like very much to sleep and forget about it right now, but chances are I won’t because I am so wound up. Lucca makes small talk, and I just nod my head and impassively agree.

Intrusions