Kane, Samantha - Brothers In Arms 4 (7 page)

Sophie tried to steer the conversation away from sex. “Who are Kensington and

Wolf?”

Kate’s answer was meant to put a damper on that line of questioning. “You’ll meet them tomorrow. Very, out.”

Sophie’s tension level escalated. “No, Kate, honestly, I don’t need to talk about, you know, that.” She tried not to babble and lost the fight. “I’m sure I’ll be fine tomorrow night. Honestly. I’ve lived in the country, you know. I’ve seen, well, animals and such.”

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God, she was sweating. She had to get out of the dress. She did not want to talk about sex. She knew sex. She knew the ripping pain of it, the humiliation of it. She knew how to think about something else when someone was doing that awful thing to her. She could go so far in herself that she almost didn’t feel it. She started grabbing at the dress, trying to get it off.

“Sophie!” Kate’s voice was loud and firm, and Sophie stopped, her breathing

ragged. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw her stark white face, her too large, panicked eyes. She looked at Kate and she knew the other woman saw it, saw what she didn’t want anyone to know.

“Sophie?” Very said, confused.

“Very, get out,” Kitty said quietly, and when Sophie looked at her the same

knowledge was staring back.

Kitty raised the dress up. “Kate, hurry up and get the tapes undone.” Sophie felt the dress go slack and she automatically raised her arms to let Kitty pull it off over her head. When she could see again, Very and Mrs. Jones were gone.

Sophie nearly fell as she rushed behind the screen to change her clothes. When she was hidden from sight she covered her face with her hands and tried to block the thoughts crashing through her head.

“Sophie?” Kate’s voice was quiet from the other side of the screen. “Are you all right? Do you need help?”

“No,” she said, but it came out muffled by her hands and she lowered them and

tried again. “No, I’m fine, Kate, honestly. I’m fine. I’ll meet you downstairs.” If not for her shaky voice she might have believed it. Kate did not.

“I’m not leaving, Sophie. You may as well come out.”

“Kate,” was all Sophie said. She didn’t know what else to say.

“Either you come out or I come in. Your choice.” Kate sounded determined.

Sophie heard Kitty folding her wedding dress and laying it on the tissue to keep it from wrinkling. Her wedding dress—the words were enough to bring back the tremors she’d almost conquered. Her wedding night lurked like the veritable monster under the bed. Sophie knew the monsters where real, and she was scared of them.

She pulled on the simple blue dress that Kitty and Mrs. Jones had altered the day they’d gone for her first fitting. Kitty had taken one look at her awful brown dress and nearly swooned in horror. That’s why Sophie liked her so much, Kitty didn’t dissemble.

If she liked something everyone knew, and if she hated something the same applied.

She knew, intellectually, that she could trust Kate and Kitty. But emotionally she was terrified that someone had figured out her secret. When she was dressed she slowly stepped out from behind the screen.

She took one look at the mixture of pity and concern on their faces and she turned away, walking over to the window to pull the curtain aside and stare unseeing at the street below.

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“Do you want to talk about it?” Kate asked quietly. Sophie shook her head. God no, she never even wanted to think about it again. This marriage to Ian, it was insurance that she’d never have to, or so she’d thought. She was distressed to realize that the idea of consummating the marriage with Ian was bringing back the horrible memories and feelings. She hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“How long ago was the rape, Sophie?” Kate’s question made her wince. Rape, yes, that’s exactly what it had been, every time.

“The last time was over a year ago,” she whispered. “I’m fine now, I am.” She still couldn’t bring herself to look at the other two women.

Sophie was so tense it wasn’t until Kate’s hands came to rest on her shoulders that she knew the other woman had moved. She forced herself to relax against the gentle touch.

“Sophie, I know something of what you’re going through. I myself was raped

almost two years ago.” Sophie couldn’t restrain her gasp of disbelief as she spun to look at Kate. The tall, cool blonde nodded, and Sophie saw the memory in her eyes and knew she spoke the truth. “I can tell you honestly, Sophie, that making love with your husband is nothing like the act of rape. It can be a beautiful experience, Sophie. It is meant to be. Do not fear what will happen between you and Ian. Let him ease the memory of your pain and replace it with memories of pleasure and love.”

Sophie felt the panic flood her. Kate was going to tell Ian, she was going to tell him!

She grabbed Kate’s hands tightly, beseechingly. “Please don’t tell Ian, Kate, please.” She was shaking her head over and over, frightened. Harold said if he knew, he wouldn’t come, he wouldn’t marry her. No man wants a used bride. “He mustn’t find out, Kate, oh God, please don’t tell him.”

Kitty had risen from the small stool where she had been listening. “He doesn’t

know?” she asked cautiously. “You must tell him, Sophie. If he knows he’ll be able to treat you accordingly tomorrow night.”

Sophie’s eyes were huge. Accordingly? What did that mean? That he wouldn’t need to be gentle because she wasn’t a virgin? “No! This is all I have, don’t you see? He’s practically being forced into this marriage, and he knows about my father already. If he finds out about this, he’ll throw me out, I know he will. He won’t want a wife who isn’t a virgin, no man does.”

“Was it your father?” Kitty asked matter-of-factly.

“My father? No, it wasn’t Papa.” Sophie was genuinely shocked. She couldn’t

imagine her father doing something like that at all.

“It doesn’t matter who it was, Sophie,” Kate said sympathetically. “You must tell Ian, and if you can’t then I will do it for you. Do you want me to tell him?”

Sophie started to cry desperately. “Please Kate, I’ll tell him, I will, in my own time.

Please. This marriage, it’s my last chance, Kate. If Ian doesn’t marry me I’ll have to go back with my father, and…and he’s waiting there, Kate. It will happen again and again and I’ll never be free. Oh God, Kate, please help me be free.”

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Kate took her in her arms, rubbing her back soothingly. “All right, Sophie, all right.

We’ll let you tell him. But Sophie, Ian won’t care. He would marry you anyway, Sophie, whether he knew or not. Ian cares for you, he does, you’ll see. Tell him before tomorrow night, Sophie. Give him the chance to make it good for you.”

* * * * *

“Ow! What the hell was that for?” Derek rubbed his arm where Very had punched

him. He was hiding in the study. He’d been sitting in his favorite chair trying to read as he listened to the women upstairs exclaiming and chattering like magpies. That was what happened when you let women in the house, they cut up your peace and now

here was one abusing him for no good reason.

“You utter, completely selfish clod,” Very hissed at him.

Derek slithered out of the chair and put it between him and the very angry woman glaring at him.

“I may be, but that hardly gives you the right to come in here swinging.” Derek didn’t like how pathetic he sounded, so he stood up straighter and glared back at Very.

“I can’t believe you haven’t even met Sophie yet, you little worm. Don’t you know how nervous she is? How scared of everything that’s happening? Her whole life is changing. She’s entrusting it to strangers, and you can’t even be bothered to say how do you do? What do you think, you’ll just march into the bedroom on their wedding night and say let’s fuck? Do you think she’s going to roll over and take that?”

Derek could see how mad Very was, and he knew how volatile she could be, but

she was pissing him off too. He tried not to think about the image she’d just painted for him, but the fact that he could indeed imagine fucking Sophie with Ian made him even angrier. He’d been avoiding those mental images all week, ever since he’d seen her in the library.

“She’s got you championing her now, has she? Can’t she even fight her own

battles? First Ian and now you. She must be amazingly good. And no, I have no

intention of bedding her. If Ian wants her, he can have her, but I have no interest. She’s getting what she wants. She wants Ian and she’s got him under her manipulating little thumb. She’ll not get me. She may not like it, but Ian was mine first and I’m not going anywhere. So you and she can just take your poor little Sophie act somewhere else because I’m not buying it.”

“God! You are such an ignoramus! Can’t you see anything beyond your big, fat,

selfish nose, you idiot? Sophie is so fragile a good, stiff wind will break her. If you’d bothered to pull your head out of your arse for five minutes in the last week you’d know that she’s spent most of her life being horribly abused by a father who has no feelings for her whatsoever. She’s afraid to trust, afraid to care for someone, she’s afraid to be touched, for Christ’s sake. She needs you, Derek, you and Ian. She needs all of us, but especially you. Do not, and I mean this sincerely, do not make me regret trusting 35

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her with you. If I think you’re no good for her, Derek, if I see you hurt her, I will make your life hell. Do you understand? Do you?”

Derek was shaken by Very’s words, though he tried not to show it. Was it true? It would explain why she’d begged Ian to marry her. Or was it just part of her act? Had she told them all this to get their sympathy, win their trust?

“I don’t know what she’s told you—”

Very cut him off. “Nothing. She won’t say a word, won’t talk about it at all. I watched her father try to drag her off and beat her the other day, Derek. And blithely talk about how hard he’s tried to beat the spark out of her for most of her life. And Sophie stood like a statue, her beautiful eyes dead while he said it. I never want to see her look like that again. Or look the way she did this morning.” Very turned away abruptly, hugging herself. Her voice was barely a whisper when she continued. “Oh Derek, I think something awful was done to her, even more awful than her horrible father beating her.” She spun back around and walked over to him, clutching his arms tightly. “Please don’t hurt her anymore, Derek. Please.”

“What are you talking about, Very? I’m not likely to hit her, you should know that much about me.” Derek was wounded that Very would think that of him. He knew he had a bit of a reputation as a bully, but he’d never hit a woman, never.

Very shook her head. “No, Derek, I know that. I’d never think that about you.”

Suddenly she hugged him tight. “But there are other ways to hurt someone, deeper ways. Please be kind to her, Derek.”

Derek hugged her back. “All right, Very, all right. I’ll try to be nice to little Sophie.

There, see? Feel better?”

Very pulled back and smiled tremulously. “Yes, yes I do, because I know you’ll

never break your word, Derek.” She backed toward the study door. “I’ve got to go see about the preparations for tomorrow or Aunt Kate will have my head.” She turned and opened the door, calling back over her shoulder as she went. “And stop hiding in here, you coward. You’re pathetic.”

“Shrew!” he called after her lightheartedly.

She laughed, closing the door behind her. He heard her feet skipping down the hall.

Derek walked back around and fell into his chair. Why hadn’t Ian told him? If what Very said was true, why hadn’t Ian confided in him? It didn’t take a great deal of soul-searching for Derek to figure it out. He’d been a bloody bastard to deal with the last couple of months, ever since Ian had decided to marry. Especially since Sophie and her father had arrived. Ian probably realized that Derek was in no mood to be forgiving or sympathetic. He’d been so ready to hate her, to fight her for Ian. When he realized there would be no fight, that from that first morning she’d owned part of Ian already, Derek had moved beyond reason and into survival, and Ian had paid for it. He could see that now.

Bloody hell, Derek didn’t like all this introspection. It made a fellow deuced

uncomfortable to recognize he was a damned selfish prick. It pained him more to 36

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realize that, even knowing some of Sophie’s background, he still resented her—resented every moment she spent with Ian, every future moment, every touch of his hand on her, the children they’d have, the love they would share. Jealousy was an ugly thing, and he was too full of it to let it all go at once, maybe too full to let it all go ever. But for Ian he’d try. Derek didn’t need to love her, he didn’t even need to be her lover, he just needed to find a way to live with her and not kill her.

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Samantha Kane

Ian was in his dressing robe staring out his bedroom window at the stars. There were so many of them. He’d heard many theories on what they were, literary musings on what they represented—lovers, broken hearts, fish in the ocean, raindrops in a storm. To Ian they were just stars, they simply existed. They were bright, they were beautiful, they made mysterious things possible in the night. He was not an astronomer and didn’t want to be. He preferred to live simply, to take what was given him and enjoy it as much as possible before it left or was taken away. He didn’t dissect things, he didn’t quantify or qualify them. It was a philosophy he’d been taught by war.

So why was he standing here evaluating his life? He was getting married tomorrow to a sweet, beautiful girl who would be the mother of his children. He had a

magnificent lover whom he adored even if he was a bit moody. Ian felt his lips curve in a reluctant smile at the thought. Derek’s moodiness was one of the things Ian adored about him. He’d always loved the challenge of dragging Derek out of his black moods, forcing him to be happy and to live life to its fullest. He sighed. He’d hoped that his wife would be able to help him do that for Derek.