It's A Crime (27 page)

Stunned
, I stammered, “I...I, um spring. I look forward to it.” My heart jumped at the thought of a future with him. “How much more is there?”

“You saw less than a third.”
He took my helmet from my hands and placed the two on the rack. He pulled me close, rubbing my back to erase the chill, and kissed me, his lips cold, his mouth minty. My libido jump-started in a millisecond.

“Oh.”

“Come, let’s get inside and thaw out. I’ll get us a drink and some food.”

“I’m with that.”
I suddenly realized how hungry I was. “I’m starved.”

We walked
through the hall past the formal dining room and kitchen into the great room. On the large natural granite table in front of the fire was a bottle of Beluga Vodka, imported from Russia, standing in a huge carved block of ice on a stone tray, and a crystal bowl of the blackest beluga caviar, wafer crackers and crème fraiche.

I looked around the room, feeling a bit
weirded out.

“This wasn’t here when we left,
” I said pointing to the caviar and vodka, “and you were with me the whole time since.”  I slowly spun around looking for a sign someone was here.  “Staff
?”

“
Yes.”

“Do I get to see them or
are they afraid I bite?”

Cole chuckled shaking his head.
“They have explicit instructions from me to give us our privacy.  But if you would like to meet them, I know they will be very happy to meet you as well.”  He walked over to where I stood, “You
are
the first woman I’ve ever brought here.”

“Oooh, I feel special.” 
I said.  A satisfied grin quickly replaced my skepticism.

Cole
walked over to the table and poured the vodka into carved ice shot glasses and we tapped our ice glasses together, drinking down the crystal clear iced cold liquid. Strange that something so cold could immediately warm from the inside out. Cole took a wafer and put a spoon of caviar topped with a dollop of crème fraiche on top and handed it to me. Then he poured us each another shot. I was happy I still had my gloves on as I raised my ice glass into the air and drank it down. I made us both a caviar wafer and turned to Cole, feeding him. He licked his lips and I felt a tightening between my legs as desire warmed my blood more than the vodka ever could.

We sat
on the huge pillows strewn on the floor in front of the table and leaned back into the cushions of the sofa. I took off my gloves, hat and scarf, placing them on the sofa behind me, along with my jacket. My proximity to Cole and the warming effects of the vodka overtook the chill. I pushed my boots off using my feet and pointed them to toward the fire, which was roaring and crackling, warming.

I needed answers, no more skirting the issues. 
The vodka went straight to my head and I was feeling a little brazen.

“Ace, I’m digging the pad.”

His response was a hearty laugh. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, returning with a tray bearing a gift from the culinary gods, also known as Cole Grayson’s ninjas, setting it down in front of me. On it was a casserole filled with Beef Bourguigon, the bouquet alone causing me to salivate, a decanter swishing with dark red wine, two delicate glasses, and a loaf of crusty bread still steaming from the oven, and shallow bowls with the necessary utensils.

“Okay, you have got to come clean
with me.” I paused looking directly at him. “You’re a frustrated waiter, right?”

“Grace, you never cease to surprise me
with your remarks.” He shook his head, still laughing.

We ate the majestic feast, prepared, as I learned, by the wonderful woman who took care of Cole
’s home. She was an extraordinary cook. The food was amazing. After we ate and brought the dishes back to the kitchen, we returned to our seats on the floor and each sipped our wine. I leaned back against the cushions, staring off into space. I lowered my head.

He reached over and lifted my chin with his finger
and softy kissed me.

I looked up, and found his eyes on me.

“Cole?”

“Yes.”

“I’m having
the most incredible time with you...” I looked down unable to finish my thought.  I tried to gather my jumbled thoughts and form them into a cohesive sentence.

“What’s on your mind
?”

“I am at a loss for words.
I want to talk to you but don’t know how. You seem to have built this wall around yourself, emotionally, and I can’t get in. I thought we were possibly…” My thoughts had become so scrambled, I didn’t even know where I was going with this, but of course my mouth kept moving. “Listen, I never thought I would feel this...There was a time in my life I would have said absolutely not, no relationship for me, but since I’ve met you, since we’ve spent time together, things have changed. I’ve changed. I’m not good at the relationship thing but I want to try with you. I just don’t have a clue how you feel.” I looked down at my fingers twisting. “I feel like you keep me at arm’s length, to what end I don’t know...I see an emptiness inside you. I recognize it—I have that same emptiness…” He was watching me, listening intently, his expression unreadable. I had to continue. “I’m all right keeping this strictly ‘friends with benefits,’ but I’m thinking I want more.”

He had an anguished look on his face.
He was struggling. I prayed I didn’t just ruin the best thing to come my way in a long time.

“Grace…”
His voice sounded pained.

My heart sank as
I prepared myself for bad news. “I was hoping I wasn’t just a
good time
for you, that it wasn’t just the sex.” I picked up the shot he just poured me and downed it, looking for liquid courage. He waited patiently for me to finish.

“Grace
...Right now, at this point in my life, I can’t offer you anything. I know I’m not as forthcoming as I should be. There are things I am unable talk to you about. Things you don’t know, some I pray you never will. I’m sorry I sound cryptic. I’m confusing you aren’t I?”

“Yes...well, no.”
I
was
confused, my mind unable to process anything he just said. The intensity in his eyes scared me and a chill ran through my body. I shivered involuntarily. I tucked my legs beneath me on the pillow and leaned back into the cushions.

“You
’d rather just be friends, then?” My eyes misted, and I silently cursed myself for even opening my mouth.

“I
would never intentionally hurt you.” He curled his lips in an attempt to smile and reached out to touch my face. I instinctively jerked back. A look of sadness crossed his face if only for a second. He looked down trying to collect his thoughts.

“I never had anyone in my life I could trust, never had anyone put their trust in me.
I need time. To work some things out.” His voice soft. “Do you think you can give me that?”

“How much time are we talking about here?”

“I can’t say.”

“What does all this mean?”
I felt like I was thrust into a spy thriller. “I won’t be seeing you?” 

“No.
I have to take care of some personal matters. I know if I tell you, if I explain it to you, it will drive you away, but then rationalizing it to you brings with it an even greater risk. I know right now you think you want to know everything, but trust me when I tell you there is a side to me you really don’t want to see. At least not now.”

“Do these
matters
have to do with your ex-fiancée?”

Chapter 28

The disdainful tone in my voice caused him to wince. The tear in my heart deepened as I braced myself for his answer.

“No, none of this has to do with Lauren.
”  He looked down and saw my hands twisting uncontrollably.  Holding them in his he squeezed gently, “
Nothing
has to do with Lauren.  I told you, we were over long before I met you.  Grace, it’s you I…Lauren was a mistake, one I wish I could erase.  I don’t love her, I never really did.  There is nothing there, Grace, please believe me.”

I pulled my hands away, t
he way he said her name, so familiar, with regret…I was so confused.

“You have to give me something.” I looked at him, pleading. “Right now I’ve got nothing.
I’m clueless.”

“
I can’t discuss anything with you. It is for your own good. Please.”

“You won’t tell me what is going on, but you want me to wait for you?”

He looked up into my eyes and loneliness and helplessness looked back from those green depths. I was saddened for the pain he internalized. Another thing we had in common.

I really had no choice…I loved him.
I couldn’t walk away if I tried. I just prayed when he was done with whatever he needed to do he would come back for me.

“So I’m supposed to just wait.
I won’t see you...will I at least hear from you?”

“Yes.”
He grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers together. “Grace…” He trailed off.

“Cole, you are scaring me.”
I inhaled deeply, slowly lowering my head. “You want my trust as you surreptitiously leave to go God knows where. I’m trying. But…” I looked up trying to clear my head, I was overwhelmed. “All I have now are secrets you can’t or won’t tell me.”

He stared straight ahead. I pulled my hand from his.

“Excuse me.” Cole got up and walked out of the living room.

P
ain stabbed my heart as tears filled my eyes. I could either wait, trust and be patient, or go back to my normal life. That was no good choice; my life before Cole was no life at all. It was empty…I was empty.

I
desperately tried to think of a quick-witted remark to reduce the tension my words caused.

Co
le walked back into the room but something was different about his demeanor. He sat down next to me and lifting my face to his he leaned in and kissed me softly, slowly.

“Grace
,” he whispered, “I know you’ve got a lot to think about, but before I could even entertain any relationship, I need to deal with my demons.”

Holy fuck, here it comes.
The nice to have fucked you line.

“
Be patient.” His features grew strained, “After this weekend I have to go back to Denver and take care of some things…”

I didn’t know if this was a total brush off
, but if I was going to have to accept I might not see him again, or if so, not for a long time, then by all that was holy or unholy in me, he would surely take a memory back with him to Denver to chew on. And I hoped it drove him crazy at night.

“Listen
, Ace, I seem to find myself between a rock and a mountain here.” I gathered my courage. “You see, I have fallen for you…” I lowered my head, not able to look him in the eyes for fear of what I might see. “I know this revelation may scare you off, but since we were being
somewhat
honest with each other I thought I should tell you.” A deep loneliness was seeping into my heart. “I realize I’m taking a chance you may turn and run, but I’d rather know now before I’m too invested in…us, and since this may be the last night I spend with you for some time, I want it to be fun...you and me in this amazing Winter Wonderland.” I gestured to the house. “So to hell with all the serious conversation. I want to eat, drink and fuck.”
How eloquent.

I sto
od up and pulled my sweater over my head and threw it. I unzipped my skinny jeans and shimmied out of them then turned and walked toward the stairs. I felt his eyes on me, radiating a palpable energy and sexual magnetism. I turned to look at him, my eyes downcast; his expression changed immediately and a different tension crackled in the air.

I
walked up the stairs and entered the master suite, smiling, hoping I made my point without looking as heartbroken as I was. I heard his footsteps in the hallway. I walked into the shower, looked for and found the controls; it was the same panel as the shower in the Asbury.  I turned it on and the heat sprays and steam on.

I was going to come out of this with my pride and spirit intact.
I heard the bedroom door shut as my tears fell down my cheeks. I quickly stepped into the shower and turned to face outward, looking at the beautiful orange-skied sunset casting its glow. The trees glowed as though on fire. The giant pine trees glimmered in the fading light of the sun.
Beautiful
.

I
sensed before I heard Cole walk into the shower behind me. I felt the heat of his body behind me then his arms encircled my waist. I lay my head back onto his shoulder, fighting to hold the raw emotion threatening to engulf me. I drew on all my strength to appear unfazed, unhurt, all the while shattered.

My soundless
tears blended with the water cascading over me. His hands traveled up my side. I shuddered in reaction to his caress. He cupped my breasts and his thumbs began their slow decadent torture of my nipples. I reveled in the sensation and heat that slowly built in my core.