In Control (The City Series) (9 page)

“You won’t tell
anyone
that I was
ever
here!” he hissed. He tightened his hold on my hand, practically stopping the blood flow. His touch moved from my face to my arm. His index finger circled my shoulder and he licked his lips slowly, keeping his focus on my body.

I couldn’t fight him off of me. He was too strong, and I was weak. If I tried, he would have killed me. I just knew it.

“Beautiful girl,” he whispered.

Bile rose up my throat and I knew that if I were to become sick, the moment would be over, but I couldn’t go on each day wondering when and if Mr. Henderson was going to sneak into the basement again. So I swallowed it down and forced myself to get through this. I would block out what was happening and forget about it once it was over.

I commanded my eyes to close and began humming. I hummed a mixture of songs that took me away from the moment. I needed to hear my own voice to know that I wasn’t dying. Thankfully, Mr. Henderson didn’t tell me to shut up. He allowed me that one gift.

I don’t remember what happened next. The last thing I felt were his fingers drifting down my shorts. I just kept humming, over and over, until I wasn’t able to feel a thing. He didn’t speak. He just explored, touched, and violated every inch of me. When his weight lifted off of my mattress and I heard the basement door close, I finally opened my eyes.

Mr. Henderson left, and with him, he took my innocence.

I hated mornings. I hated them so much that I considered canceling the trip to the Hamptons. I knew I couldn’t do that to Wren, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was feeling the same way right now. We’d stayed up talking on the phone until four in the morning. Wren told me all about his past summers in the Hamptons, all about how he, Jay, Samson used to have the times of their lives. He didn’t go into too much detail, though, and I was convinced he left out how much random ass he’d gotten over those summers. Whenever I’d try and get him to confess, he’d tell me that Samson and Jay got the most attention. I didn’t believe that lie for a second. Wren was the hottest of his friends. He had the best body, the best personality, and the most money. How could any girl refuse a steak dinner and ask for Burger King instead?

I felt around for my phone and was just about to dial Wren’s number when my phone rang.

“You awake?” Wren asked, his voice still rough from sleep.

“Unfortunately,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“You better be.”

“It’s way too early to challenge me, plus you’d lose anyway,” I grumbled.

“Get in the shower. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

In the background I could hear Wren’s sheets rustling. It was a sad fact that he wasn’t here in my bed, naked under my sheets.

“When are you going to realize that I don’t take orders?”

“Probably the same time you realize that it’s not acceptable to tell a stranger on the street that their shoes don’t match with their belt,” he retorted.

“Touché.”

The silence on the line gave me every indication that Wren was smiling. I imagined him lying on his back, the corners of his mouth turned upward as he lazily stared at the ceiling.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said before hanging up.

I had sixty minutes to get ready. Wren would most likely show up in forty-five. He was always early. By the time I had showered and dressed in jeans and a tank top, Wren was knocking on the door. I looked down at my battered watch, a memoir of my youth, and saw that only forty minutes had passed.

“You’re early,” I snapped, opening up the door.

He walked past me and into the kitchen, making himself right at home. “Good thing being early isn’t a crime,” he said as he rummaged through the pantry, “or else you’d have my head on stick.”

“Probably more than just your head,” I muttered under my breath.

I went into my bedroom to continue getting ready. My bag was already packed, thanks to Wren, and all I had left to do was tame my hair into a ponytail. Wren followed me, stuffing his mouth with a powdered doughnut.

“How do you eat shit like that but never gain weight?”

“I guess I’m just perfect,” Wren replied, wiping away the white powder from the side of his mouth.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him into me. Wren had one of those backs that artists dream of sketching. Every inch of it was defined. I ran my hands inside his shirt, caressing the softness of his skin. Just touching the skin, you wouldn’t know that it was covered in ink. The first time we had sex, I watched his back in the mirror. I remember being turned on at the intricate tattoo displayed on his skin, and the more I ran my fingers over the ink, the more I wanted to know what possessed him to get it.

“How come you never talk about your tattoos?”

“What’s there to discuss?” he said, averting his eyes. “Each one has a personal meaning to me.”

“Will you tell me what this one means?” I asked, tracing his back.

Wren didn’t answer right away, instead he just squeezed me tighter.

“Wren?” I persisted.

“It’s the elephants from the Salvador Dalí painting,” he answered in a hushed tone.

“I know they’re elephants, but what do they mean to you?”

Every image Wren chose to be permanently etched with, he picked for a reason. Whenever I’d ask him about one, it would take him time to reveal the meaning, but when he did, he explained them in full detail, going into the specific thoughts he had racing through his mind as the needle pierced his skin.

The swallow on his chest represented hope. No matter what he faced, if he had hope, he could get through anything. On the inside of his left arm was a sketch of his literary hero, Kurt Vonnegut. The only tattoo he refused to open up about were the letters on his fingers. He’d said that they weren’t meant for anyone except him.

“The elephants remind me to keep myself balanced and not let the baggage from my past weigh me down,” he explained quickly.

“What about these initials right—” I pressed my fingers onto his knuckles.

“Kingsley, we need to get going.”

Wren had secrets just as I did, and I had a feeling that because I wasn’t able to open up, he chose not to either.

“Let’s just get ready to go,” he said as he bent down to kiss my cheek. He picked up my bag from the floor and walked out into the hallway. “I’m gonna put your bag in my car. I’ll be right back.”

I sat down at my vanity to apply some concealer to my puffy eyes. Looking at my reflection, I saw the little girl that was terrified of the world staring back. Over the years, I’d shut out my past and did my best to forget who that little girl was. She was weak, and I promised myself that I’d never go back to being like her again, but every time I looked at myself, fear resurfaced. Her trembling jaw, her eyes red from endless crying, her heavy heart mirrored in my eyes. I reached out and touched my reflection, wanting so badly to wipe her away, but no matter how many times I tried, I was stuck with her. Every day I was haunted by my past self, reminding me that I’d never get over what happened to me.

I could feel the panic building in my chest, anxiety flooding my veins. My forehead was covered in a sheen of sweat, and I knew if I let myself sit for much longer, I’d break down.

“You all right?” Wren’s voice made me jump from my seat.

I controlled my heavy breathing, disguising it with a smile and a nod. “Yeah. Ready to go?”

“Car’s all packed.”

When I walked past him, he stopped me. His eyes searched mine, wanting a more elaborate answer.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked with a hint of desperation.

I nodded, giving my best convincing smile. “I’m gonna go say bye to Trish. I think she’s still asleep. I’ll meet you down in the car.”

As soon as I heard the front door close, I ran into the bathroom and cried.
This’s going to be great. I’m going to have a good time.
I repeated the mantra to myself over and over again.
My pep talk wasn’t doing any good; the tears kept on coming. With Wren’s confession, those three words chipped away most of the cement that had been protecting my heart. In the last two days, I’d cried more than I had in years. It was going to take all I had to make it through this vacation without breaking down. I allowed the last few tears to trail down my cheeks and then, with a tissue, removed all evidence. I took one long, deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.

I lightly knocked on Trish’s bedroom door before opening it. I heard her come in early this morning from her overnight shift, so understood why she was still in bed.

“Trish,” I lightly shook her shoulder. “Trish?”

“Hmm...” she murmured.

“I’m leaving for the Hamptons,” I whispered. I kissed the top of her head and started walking away.

“Kingsley?” her delicate voice called after me.

“Yeah?”

“Have a good time, and be safe.” Trish sat up slowly and smiled. “I love you.”

“Thanks, me too.”

Wren was parked in front of the apartments. The car windows were all down, and his music was blaring from the speakers.

“Mind not waking up my neighbors?” I nagged as I got into the car.

“Mind not waking up my neighbors?” he mocked.

I flipped him off and put on my seatbelt. I’d say that someone in this car was going to die on this road trip, but I didn’t know how to drive a stick.

Two days had passed and the bruises on my body were still visible: four splattered on my wrists where he held me down and two on my right hip where he grabbed it to keep me in place. Yesterday, after
it
had happened, I ate my breakfast on the kitchen floor, as far as I could get from him. While Mr. and Mrs. Henderson sat at the dining table and talked about their money issues, I focused on the oatmeal in my bowl. I felt sick being in the same room as him, but I wasn’t allowed to eat anywhere else in the house. It was impossible to act like nothing had happened.

“Kingsley, why are you eating on the floor? The kids are still in bed,” Mrs. Henderson said as she waved her fingers, demanding I sit at the table.

I looked at the remnants in my bowl, making a split second decision to finish the last two bites quickly, so I would have an excuse to leave the room.

“I’m finished anyway. I think I’ll just go down to my room.” I carried my bowl to the sink, placing it on top of the dirty pans. The faint smell of old milk and plates with last night’s dinner stuck to them made me queasy.

I don’t think there has ever been a time that this sink has been empty. I’d offered many times to wash the dishes, but Mrs. Henderson would tell me I was too careless to wash them and I’d end up breaking everything. The only chore she trusted me with was taking the garbage bins to the end of the driveway.

“You’ve been in your room an awful lot lately. It’s summer now, and you should probably be thinking about what you’re going to do with all of this extra time on your hands. Me and Frank will be at work during the day and you know you aren’t allowed in this house when we’re not here.”

I peeked at Mr. Henderson. He was focused on what his wife was saying, his eyes never straying toward me. I was thankful for that. I didn’t want his eyes on me ever again.

“Maybe I can babysit the kids instead of Jenny? I can—”

“Absolutely not!” Mrs. Henderson slammed her fist on the table. “Jenny will be the one watching the children. You think I trust you to watch my kids all day?”

It was a rhetorical question. I was tempted to answer it, but knew if I did, another part of my body would end up hurting. I was too tired to keep fighting off the pain. “Yes, ma’am,” I answered. “I’ll ask Mrs. Hall from down the street if she has anything I can help her with.” I stared at the ground as I spoke, afraid of looking up and finding Mr. Henderson’s eyes on me.

“Good.”

I waited a few seconds, making sure she was done talking to me, before practically running down the steps to the basement. This place was no longer my sanctuary. I looked down at the stray mattress on the ground. After
it
happened, I slept on the concrete with just my top sheet covering me. I didn’t want anything he touched near me. Just looking at my bed made me wish he had killed me instead. It was supposed to be a place of comfort—my bed was the only thing that was able to lull me into a peaceful sleep each night—but it could never be that again. The sheets were a reminder of that nightmarish night and I couldn’t bear the thought of them tainting my body more than it already was.