Crushing Desire (2 page)

Trying to focus on the steps, which by and large came so naturally to her, Reena kept her eyes on Dan. But she could feel Joshua’s gaze. Tingling heat filled her cheeks and spread down her neck to settle in her belly.

Whirling into a turn, she followed the others in the dance, coming in to touch hands with Dan, and then stepping away again. She glanced back toward the darkened corner where Joshua sat. He was still so attractive, though perhaps a bit thinner. His black waistcoat and breeches showed his mourning, but his eyes showed something else: a profound craving. A heat that burned her from across the interior of the tent.

The last notes of the dance played, and Reena turned, curtsying at Dan.

“
Merci,
Monsieur Dubois.” He looked devastatingly handsome with his dark hair, buff breaches, and tan waistcoat. But her gaze moved right past him, gliding over his shoulder to the spot where Joshua had been but a moment ago. “If you would excuse me, I must greet my uncle.”

Reena surveyed the room, searching for Joshua. There was a small band and a table filled with refreshments for the small group. A number of chairs lined the walls for those who wished to rest, but Joshua was nowhere to be found.

“Where could he have gone?” she mumbled to herself and moved to the opening in the tent, eyes on the room. She stood at the entrance, watching as the next set of dancers took their places. With her bottom lip in a tight hold between her teeth, Reena snuck out.

The darkness was near absolute after being inside the well lit tent. She could make out two figures in the darkness beside the tent. They stood very close, almost intimate.

“You are stunning tonight, my sweet one,” the male voice said before lowering his head to the woman in his arms.

Reena looked away, her fingers curling in the folds of her skirt. She had always wondered what it would be like to kiss Joshua like that. Her gaze slid back to the whispering couple, and her heart beat harder in her chest. She should move on, she knew it, but her mind had filled with the fantasy images of Joshua kissing her as Dan had in that alleyway so long ago. Better still, as this man now kissed his woman in the consuming shadows of the night.

Averting her eyes, she shook the daydream from her head and continued her search. It was not good to linger on things that were not to be. Joshua had never shown interest in her before. Though his eyes had lingered on her tonight.

The torches that lit the edges of the garden illuminated a lone figure sitting on a bench, head in hands. Something in the strength of his build and the dejected way he slumped told her it was Joshua, regardless of the shadows. Soft music filled the silence of the night beyond the tent. She stepped forward, hesitant to break into his isolation.

“You shouldn’t be out here, Reena. You should be in there, dancing and enjoying yourself.” Joshua sat up, eyes rimmed with dark circles, his countenance stiff.

The use of her given name sent a thrill through her, raising goose flesh from her head to her toe. She took another small step; sure she hadn’t made a noise. How had he known she was even there?

“So should you,” Reena said softly, her eyes gliding over his lean form. Her heart welled, seeing the man before her, so decimated by grief. Eyes tearing, she bit her lip, trying not to think of the great love he must have shared with his departed wife. Trying not to be selfish and wish that love were hers.

He rose from the bench, facing her, his face illuminated somewhat in the torchlight. His gaze wandered to the well-lit room from which music and frivolity emanated.

“Go inside, Miss Harrison, I’m not fit for company yet.” His gaze returned to his shoes.

“I don’t mind staying here with you. You are always enjoyable company to me.”

His eyes met hers. They blazed with ferocious intensity, burning into her, holding her entranced. Her pulse thundered in her ears, and her breathing became shallow. It seemed neither of them had moved, but in the next instant, she was in his arms. First he only held her, as if his life depended on the heat and energy of her body. His strength and warmth seared through the material of her dress. Reena pressed herself closer, clinging to his arms as he held her against his chest.

For a moment, that was enough. They held each other in the night without a sound. Then they were kissing. His tongue found its way into her mouth and made Dan’s kiss meaningless. There was something powerful and intimate about this stolen moment. Fire built in her body as his kiss deepened, Reena moaned deep in her throat.

A growl emerged from Joshua. His hand slid between their bodies, over her ribs, and closed over her breast, setting her ablaze through thin cloth which separated her flesh from his. Reena cried out against his lips. Then, to her eternal dismay, he stopped, releasing her without warning. She stumbled. He looked at his hand as though it were something foreign to him.

“Go inside, Reena,” he muttered.

“What did I—”

He scowled at her, the anger in his eyes stopping her flow of words.

“Go,” he commanded, his voice, low and dangerous, made her tremble.

She whirled, her chest constricting and ran.

Tears poured from her in a torrent. Running through the gardens, her transgression hit her. He had wanted his wife in that moment, not her. She’d been no more than a stopper for his grief. When he’d realized who was in his arms, his disgust had gotten the better of him. She had always known him to be polite and kind, but touching her had been so distasteful that he’d grown angry.

Her dreams had been realized in that one moment. She had imagined herself marrying him. Imagined herself having his children. Raising their family, and then growing old and grey, all of it had flashed through her mind while still in his arms. And during that time, the passionate stirrings which had overwhelmed her had been quite irrelevant. The kiss, that magnificent kiss, had meant nothing to him. She sniffed, wiping at the tears even as they turned from streams to rivers on her cheeks.

“Reena?” Ignoring Emily’s distressed cry, Reena ran on, straight to her bedroom and fell on her bed.

“What happened?” Emily placed a gentle hand on her back.

Reena didn’t answer. It didn’t matter now. Joshua would never want to see her again.

9

Joshua watched Reena rush off into the darkness. He curled in on himself, sitting on his heels, hands on his head once again. Pain wracked him afresh after his foolish actions. And what a one to choose for such a display of faults.

“You damned fool.” He closed his eyes, grasped a handful of hair. “She’s just a girl.”

He rocked forward a little on his toes and then opened his eyes again as he stood, muscles tensing.

“I never should have come to this damned party.”

Juliet had only been dead for a moment. His child only for an instant. A year was nothing. Here he was, defiling her memory, even as the final chords to the first song they’d ever danced to faded on the night air.

His eyes still burned from the tears he’d shed over those months, but he had no more to give. He’d been dry inside for some time now. Swearing, he kicked a clump of dirt from the top of the flowerbed and clenched his fists. For a year, he’d kept himself away from society as he mourned for Juliet and his child, trying to think of no one else.

So why had his mind of late wandered back to this unusual and outspoken girl he’d met on so few occasions? Had it been because his friends had mentioned her coming out? Or because they’d spoken of her unusual beauty, which had been evident even in their earliest meeting? What had made him come here tonight? The truth was obvious. It had haunted him all evening, dogging his every step… He had
wanted
to come. Wanted to see her. To talk to her and laugh at her witty and amusing comments. When she was around, his world brightened for those few moments.

He sauntered over to one of the statues. The woman held a pitcher at her hip, water trickling from it into a small pool below. He gazed up at her.

“I spent the entire evening in the corner to avoid the girl. Shouldn’t that count for something?” He snarled at the unyielding lady before him. “She was the one who had followed”

The statue’s frozen stare reproached him.

Joshua reproached himself.
But she didn’t initiate the kiss.

“Why does this little chit, fresh from the schoolroom, have such an effect on me?” His harsh whisper was nearly a growl. Resting a hand on the pitcher she held, he appraised the statue and its stony gaze. “Oh, who are you to judge me?”

He rolled his eyes at his own absurd behavior. Here he was talking to a chunk of rock, all because of a young and frustratingly attractive girl. An unexpected twist on the evening he had not planned. He’d only wanted to get out a bit and take his mind off the past while avoiding contact as much as possible.

“Why aren’t you at the party?” Howard’s voice broke into his self-deprecation.

It would seem that avoiding company was not in the cards.

“I, uh…” His gaze shot to where the man stood, on the path near the gazebo. “Needed some air.”

Howard’s gaze took in the gardens, his shoulders held stiff. “Are you alone out here?”

“Yes.” He smirked, jerking his head in the direction of the statue. “Just me and this fine lady.”

Shoulders relaxing, the older man sighed and motioned to the gazebo with one hand. “Good, good. Come and sit for a moment, I have a proposition for you.”

Joshua moved to the low bench along one side of the gazebo, and Howard took the seat opposite him.

“I have a business venture of sorts for you, my good man.”

Good man?
What kind of good man kisses a young girl?
Or forgets his wife and babe because the girl he’s been staring at through the open ballroom doors seems to be floating on clouds while she dances in the loveliest concoction a seamstress ever invented.
Or maybe it’s because her lips looked so delicious in their little pout. Or the sweet scent that lingered at the curve of her neck
.

He closed his eyes for a moment and gave his head a slight shake. “A business venture?” Joshua mumbled and then cleared his throat. “Yes, sounds intriguing.”

“Well, I’m sure you know one of my many business ventures is books. I am thinking of purchasing a binding company, and I’m sure that it would be a fantastic investment for an enterprising young man such as yourself.” Howard held up a hand to silence him, though he hadn’t been about to speak. “Now I know you hear these sorts of offers all the time. You have made quite a fortune out of your modest inheritance. However, the company I will be buying is teetering on the brink, so the cost will be next to nothing. And you will of course be given a percentage of profits.”

The words to deny his offer hovered on Joshua’s lips. If truth be told, he didn’t need another business venture right now. His current investments and businesses were prospering quite nicely.

“You know, my wife was beautiful,” Howard said, and Joshua’s mouth dropped. He hadn’t even known the man had married. “Died so young, poor dear. I too was twenty-two at the time of my wife’s passing.”

Joshua’s gaze moved to the soft eyes of the inflexible man who sat across from him. He had never seen Howard in a vulnerable moment.

“My desperate love for her began when we were very young.”

Joshua nodded. His desperate love for Juliet began when he was twelve and she ten. They grew close, living in neighboring townhouses, and when she’d turned sixteen, she had agreed to marry him despite his youth and lack of title. She had waited through the war, and when he was released from his duty, she had welcomed him with open arms. In the four years of their marriage, and all the years he had known her before they wed, she had never disappointed him. But he had disappointed himself. He had sworn to himself he would never think of another woman, yet still his mind wandered to Reena, day in and day out making a mockery of that promise. And now he was kissing her. Wanting her. Not just in a physical sense. He wanted to be near her, and talk to her. To hear her outrageous comments and watch her try to cover her social blunders in the most adorable ways.

“I thought it would all end when she died.” Howard studied his clasped hands. “Never going to love again. That was it for me.” His gaze rose from his hands, and he cocked his head, examining Joshua’s face. “Oh I had the opportunity. One very sweet and beautiful woman. Married now.” He shook his head. “I never let myself stop grieving even when Evelyn would have wanted it. Now that I’m old, I truly wish I had. Jane was a wonderful woman, and I think we would have been very happy together.”

Howard shrugged, getting to his feet.

 
“You can come by at the beginning of the week, and we can discuss my business proposal in more detail. And of course, you will need to come here and meet with me on a regular basis. I like to keep a close eye on any of my business investments as I’m sure you do as well.”

Joshua should deny him. Instead, he pressed his lips together. He would like to see Reena again, at least he could talk with her and try to make things right.

“I…”He opened his mouth, but couldn’t speak a refusal.

It wasn’t right. He should decline.

“I shall expect you Monday to discuss the details.” Howard strode off into the night. Joshua threw his head back and moaned, clutching his thighs.