Craving Her Curves (10 page)

“I had to,” I whispered.

“I get it.  I’m in your corner, don’t worry.  No, it doesn’t hurt like this forever.  It’ll pass,” she said.

“When?” I whispered.  Izzy rocked back and forth with me.

“That, I can’t answer for you.  But I’ll be here for you until it does, okay?”  She said.  I sniffed again and nodded.

“Okay.” I said.

“C
har-Bar, what’s wrong?” my mother said softly. Though, her soft tone was normal for her. Everything about her was soft. I smiled and sat back against the pillow behind me.

“Nothing, Mom. I just wanted to talk to you,” I said. I’d actually wanted to talk to her since I’d gotten out of the hospital the day before. I’d talked to Dad while I was there, but he could hear the beeping of the monitors and not ask, assuming that if he needed to know I’d tell him. Mom would ask, and I didn’t want to tell her. I didn’t want her to worry.

“I know when there is something wrong, Charlotte. But, if you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t press the issue,” she said. I smiled.

“Thanks,” I said softly.

“So, how is life in the big city?” she asked with a happy sigh.

“It’s okay. I met a guy,” I said.

“Your father said that he saw you on the sports news with some football player?” she said. I stopped. Dad hadn’t told me that.

“Um, yeah, Joey Parker,” I said.

“Your father showed him to me, he seems like a nice guy,” she said. I smiled.

“He is a nice guy,” I said. And I meant it.

“How did you end up on the news?” she asked. Mom didn’t really understand how much the media followed some people, and neither Dad nor I had ever explained it to her. We agreed that since it wasn’t something that I did, there was no reason for her to really know the full extent of it. She knew what I did, and that was enough.

“They were watching him because he’s a really popular football player here in Dallas. They just happened to catch us out together,” I said.

“Ah, I see. Well, he’s very handsome. You all would make beautiful grandbabies,” she said. I squealed and laughed.

“Mom!” I yelled. I could hear her laugh on the other end.

“What? I want grandchildren to spoil rotten, hop to it!” she said. I laughed again, feeling myself relax for the first time in days.  This was why I’d called her: she always had this ability to make me smile, even when I felt like crap.

“What about my career, Mom? I still have things I want to do,” I said.

“Just pop them out and bring them here.  We won’t need you after that.” 

I squealed and laughed, my stomach muscles beginning to hurt. “That is horrible!” I said. Mom joined me in the laugh.

“I love you and everything, but I want babies now. You got old,” she said. I snickered.

“If I’m old, what are you?” I asked.

“Hey there, young lady, we’re not talking about me here,” she said.  I giggled.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said with a grin. I wasn’t going to tell her that I’d broken up with Joey. I hadn’t called to ruin her day or mine.  I’d called to smile, and she’d given me what I needed.

~*~*~

“O
kay, let’s get the simple things out of the way first, fair enough?” the psychiatrist said. Her name was Doctor Killian, but she’d asked me to call her Janice.  She said she preferred it that way and that her patients addressing her with a title made her feel pretentious. That she wasn’t there to point out to everyone that she had a title, she was there to help people. I liked her instantly.

“Sure. What are the simple things?” I asked.  Janie smiled.

“First, if I ask you anything that makes you uncomfortable in any way, stop me instantly. Interrupt me, I don’t care. I want to know,” she said. I nodded.

“Got it,” I said. She smiled and nodded in return.

“Alright. Have you been having any nightmares about the incident?” she asked. I sighed and swallowed nothing.

“I’ve had one since I was released from the hospital, last night.  It might be because I was thinking about coming here just before bed, though.  Or, that’s what I thought, since I didn’t have any while I was in the hospital or once I was able to come home,” I said.  Janice nodded and made some notes.

“What about flashbacks?” she asked.

“Like, while I’m awake?” I asked.  She nodded.

“Right,” she responded.  I shook my head.

“No.  I am a bit paranoid when walking alone after dark, though,” I said.  She nodded and started writing again.

“That’s normal, so nothing out of the ordinary there.  Have you been having abnormal anxiety or panic attacks, anything like that?” she asked.

“Other than the shot of adrenaline after dark, walking from the car to whatever building I’m going into, no,” I said.  More nodding, more notes.

“Is it bad enough to keep you from going places after dark?” she asked.

“No, but I do move at more of a trot, instead of a normal walk,” I said with a laugh.  She grinned and nodded again.

“Good,” she said as she wrote.

“That’s good?” I asked.  She looked up at me with a smile.

“That is a perfectly reasonable reaction after what you’ve been through, which is good. My concerns, and the concerns of Doctor Lance that made him send you to me, were abnormal responses,” she said.

“Like?” I asked.  Janice took a moment to think before she responded.

“Like, if you’d told me that you could no longer leave the house because you were terrified that someone was going to kidnap you again.  Or, that you kept all the lights on in your apartment at all times now, to make sure that there was always light and no one could break in or sneak up on you.  Something like that would be a sign of PTSD that would need to be addressed,” she said.  I sighed, relieved.

“Oh. No, nothing like that,” I said.  She smiled and nodded.

“Which is good.  I’m glad to hear that you seem to be handling everything so well.  I’m sure Mr. Parker is glad, too,” she said.  I felt myself wilt a bit around the edges.

“Yeah,” I said softly.  Janice frowned slightly.

“What was that about?  Your whole countenance just changed,” she commented.  I looked up at her and forced a small smile.

“I broke up with Joey while I was in the hospital,” I said. She gave me a sympathetic look and nodded.

“Ah, I see. May I ask why?” She asked.

“I told him I couldn’t deal with everything that dating him comes with: the insane media, the stalkers, the crazy... I really liked him, but I couldn’t live the rest of my life constantly on the lookout for the next crazy guy who wants to snatch me,” I said. 

She nodded, “I could see that being a concern, yes.  But, you seem rather disappointed about it, even though it was a decision you made based off of concern about your safety.” 

My smile gave up on my lips and I sighed, my lips turning down.

“I think I liked him more than I really admitted to myself,” I said.

“Mmm, I see,” Janice said.

“He looked so hurt when I said I couldn’t see him anymore.  I mean, who expects that when breaking up with a football player?  A guy who has women throwing themselves at him daily.  I expected him to just shrug it off and move on, but...”  I trailed off. 
But what?
  I wasn’t sure.

“But he looked like he genuinely cared about you, and you regretted hurting him?” Janice asked.  I nodded.

“Exactly,” I almost whispered.

“Do you truly believe that you made the right decision about you and Mr. Parker?” she asked.  I nodded, a bit hesitantly, but it was a yes.

“I do,” I said, though I truly wasn’t sure which one of us I was convincing of that.

“Then stick to it, Charlotte. Maybe that life is something that he’s okay with, or something that he’s just become used to over the years, but that doesn’t mean that it’s right for you, too,” she said.  I sighed and nodded.

“It hurts,” I said softly. Janice gave me a sympathetic look.

“That’s the part of all this that really sucks, isn’t it?  The part that you’re having trouble dealing with,” she said.  I nodded and sniffed, feeling a cry coming on that I was fighting with everything that I had.

“Yes.  Believe it or not, not having him in my life is what’s hurting me,” I said with a sad laugh.  Janice handed me a tissue and patted my hand warmly.

“But you’ll get through this.  I can already see how strong of a person you are, Charlotte. You’ll get through this, and for the bits that you need help with, I’m here for you,” she said.  I smiled, nodded, and wiped my eyes.

“Right.  I can do this,” I said.  That was the second time since I’d gotten there that day that I hadn’t been sure if I was talking to Janice, or to myself.

“W
hy in the world am I doing this?” I asked myself as Isobel and I walked through the massive entryway.

“Because they were all concerned about you.  Even if you did break Joey’s heart, the coach doesn’t like anyone and he’s a good guy to have in your corner,” she said.  I sighed and looked around at the shuttered shops.  We’d come on an off day again, so I couldn’t even look in the stores that interested me.  Instead, Izzy had fussed at me until I got in touch with Joey’s manager and made an appointment to come back up to the practice grounds.

“I don’t want to see him,” I said softly. Isobel wrapped her arm around mine as we walked together.

“Yes, you do,” she said. Yes, I did. But no, I didn’t.

“I don’t think I can do this,” I said, stopping.

“Yes, you can!  Now come on,” she said, almost pulling me off of my feet.  I wasn’t there as a journalist, so I was still in jeans and tennis shoes.  But I was there.

“Charlotte!” Amy squealed as she came trotting down the hallway to meet Izzy and I. I smiled and gave her a hug that I didn’t really have a choice in as she pulled me close.

“Hey, Amy,” I said with a laugh.

“I’ve been so worried about you!  But, Joey said that you two had broken up and I didn’t want to make things awkward by coming to check on you because...” she trailed off.  I grinned and nodded.

“I get it.  And thank you for worrying about me,” I said.

“Anytime.”

“This is Isobel; she works with me at 
Pinks
,” I said.  Amy and Izzy shook hands.

“I’m also the one who bullied her into coming out here today,” she said with a smirk.  Amy laughed.

“I’m glad you did.  The whole team was worried, especially Coach.  He’ll be glad to see you,” she said.  I sighed.

“I really don’t think this is a good idea,” I said softly.  Amy frowned slightly, watching me as my face flushed.  You could see the exact moment that the light bulb came on.

“You don’t want to see Joey yet,” she said.  I gave Amy a pained look and she smiled.

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to see you yet, either,” she said.  I sighed.

“That’s not helping,” I whispered.  Amy grabbed my hand.

“I’m sorry; that did not come out the way I meant for it to. My internal filter fails me sometimes.  It’s just... He’s still a bit down about it all, too: that’s all I meant to say,” she said.  I sighed again.

“This is a bad idea,” I said as I walked through the doors with Amy on one side of me and Isobel on the other.

The team was out on the field, running plays just like they had been last time.  Coach turned at the sound of the door slamming shut behind us and smiled.

“Hot damn, it’s Miss Charlotte,” he bellowed.  I smiled outwardly, but inside I winced.  I hadn’t really wanted to be announced.

“Hey, Coach!” I said, forcing myself to act like a big girl.  I waved and trotted over to where he stood on the sidelines.

“Did you come all the way out here to see me?” he asked with a grin. I laughed.

“I saw you on TV while I was still in the hospital, and it meant a lot to me that you went on TV to say that you cared.  From what I understand, you don’t particularly care for the media,” I said.  Coach laughed.

“That is a gross understatement.  But they came up here bothering my boys about it, and we needed to release a statement.  I figured it ought to be one that we’d all care about,” he said with a curt nod.

“Well, don’t worry, I promise I’m fine,” I said.  Someone jogged up beside me, blocking the sun from warming my skin as he removed his helmet and my breath stopped.

“Hey, Charlotte,” Joey said softly.  I couldn’t respond.  Isobel elbowed me lightly.  Right.

“Hi, Joey,” I said, gently, just itching to reach out and touch him. My heart felt like it was trying to leap out of my chest.

“How have you been?  I saw it on the news that you were released, but nothing else since then,” I made myself look at him.

“Jade has worked really hard to keep other media out of it since I got released, so there’s not really going to be anything.  But, I’m okay,” I said with a nod.  Joey smiled and I melted.

“That’s good.  I was worried.  No trauma?” he asked.  What the hell, there was no point in not telling him.

“Not that anyone could see, other than a bit more apprehension after dark.  The doctor wants me to go see a psychiatrist for a month to make sure, though,” 

I said.  Joey nodded and glanced down at his helmet in his hands.

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” he said.  I nodded and smiled.

“Right.”  That was about all I had right then.

“Hey, Isobel,” Joey said softly.  Izzy smiled.

“Hey, Joey.  How are you?” she asked. Joey glanced back at me, then back to Izzy.

“Alone,” he said.  Then he turned and jogged off.  I sighed and fought the urge to cry.  Izzy sighed beside me and slipped her hand into mine.  That was the moment I finally noticed my surroundings: the fact that the entire team had stopped when he’d jogged over.  That they were all watching him now, even Coach.  That I probably looked like I felt, which was more or less like my heart was breaking.

“It’s okay,” Isobel whispered.

“I’m so sorry about that, Char,” Amy said softly.  I sighed.

“It’s okay.  I probably deserved that,” I said. 

“No, you didn’t.  There is nothing wrong with being concerned about your safety,” Amy said.

“She’s right,” Coach interjected.  I looked up at him and blinked back what little tears had fought their way past my will not to cry in public.