Confessions (12 page)

I woke up the following morning around three to the sound of Leon snoring loudly on his side of the bed. How in the world could he sleep at a time like this? My carefully planned-out future was crumbling before my eyes.

After my bath I had returned to the room to find Leon already under the covers. I sprayed my body with his favorite perfume, Jo Malone's French Lime Blossom, then dropped the bath towel to the floor and slid under the covers. I had snuggled up to Leon, and when he had reached out for me I realized it was up to Ms. Netta's powerful pussy to persuade Leon.

I'd rained kisses down along his chest, stopping long enough to suckle each of his nipples. When he moaned, I had felt in control and rolled him over onto his back. My lips had traveled all the way down to his crotch, and I'd wrapped my fingers around his dick. Just as I was about to deep throat him, Leon had called my name.

“Netta?”

“Yes, baby,” I purred as I licked the head.

“I'm not changing my mind 'bout the house.”

Stunned, I released him. Leon had simply sighed and wasted no time going back to sleep.

Hours later I still couldn't believe my husband had rejected me. I rolled out of bed and reached for my robe from off the chaise in the corner, then moved into the living room. It was chilly, so I adjusted the thermostat to seventy-five, then took a seat across my Italian leather couch and closed my eyes.

I was not sure what I was going to do. My hands were tied. Sex wasn't even working and that had always been my most powerful weapon. Without it I was vulnerable and defense-less—two things I try never to be. I was also helpless. There was no way I could buy the house by myself. I needed Leon, but regardless of how helpless I was, there was no way in hell I was about to beg a man, even if it was something I wanted. What I couldn't understand was, why now? Why did Leon wait until two days before we were scheduled to close to change his mind? I didn't understand that.

He was being unfair. Leon had the degrees and a career most black men could only dream of having. Why couldn't I have the same? Why is it when I wanted something there was a problem?

I was so upset I started crying again and couldn't stop. All I wanted was a chance to shine. Was there another woman involved? And if so, did I really care? I'd said before, if he found someone else, then good for him. Hell, that way I wouldn't have to ride his ass the whole weekend we were together or feel guilty when I wasn't. Some other woman doing my job for me didn't matter as long as the money kept coming in.

My nose was stopped up and my eyes were swollen by the time I heard movement in the other room. I blew my nose and waited another ten minutes before Leon finally came down the hall, and my heart stopped. He had his coat on and his suitcase in his hand.

“I'm going to head back home.”

My heart practically stopped. “Home? This is your home.”

Leon shook his head. “No, it isn't. It's
your
home. All the decorating, furniture…none of my clothes are hanging in your closet. This isn't my home…hasn't been in a long time.”

I sat up on the couch. “So what are you gonna do, just walk out and leave me to deal with the realtor and the mortgage company?”

He moved over and took a seat. “I think you can handle it.”

“Why are you doing this to me? It's Valentine's Day!”

The eyes he bored on me said he wasn't at all interested in my tantrums. “What difference does it make what day it is?”

I shook my head and allowed the tears to fall again. “Why now?”

“I don't know. I mean…I'm just not sure what I want anymore.”

This whole conversation was so damn confusing. “Since when? We've talked all week and everything was fine—at least I thought it was.”

“Think about it, Trinette, what have we built together? We have no bills together except the condo. We have a joint account you barely ever deposit any money into. In the eight years we've been married we should have grown as a couple.”

“We
have
grown. You're CFO of one of the biggest financial institutions in the world and I'm about to be director. If that ain't growing, I don't know what is!”

He licked his lips and sighed. “I meant how have
we
grown? What do we have?”

I couldn't think of anything, but right then that just wasn't as important as him understanding I wanted my house. “Leon, this is not the time. I think our relationship is wonderful just the way it is. When I see myself getting old I see you beside me.”

“I wanted the same thing.”

My brow rose. “Wanted? What, you don't think about us getting old together?”

Sadly, he shook his head. “Not if our relationship doesn't change.”

My heart started beating nervously. Things were spiraling out of control. “Do you wanna be married?”

There was a long silence before Leon finally replied, “I don't know. I need some time to think.”

“Think? What is there to think about?” My entire world was crumbling right before my eyes.

“I need to figure out what I want.”

“What about what
I
want?” While swallowing back tears, I gave him a long, disgusted look. “We're all set to close on this house and you walk in here with your bag packed ready to run back to Richmond. What the hell's really goin' on?”

“I figured it was probably best for me to go on home. I doubt you want to be around me after I said no about the house.”

He was right. The rest of the weekend would be hell, but that didn't stop my heart from breaking because he was abandoning me at the lowest point of my life. “It's Valentine's Day, dammit!”

Leon gave a small smile and shrugged. “What difference does it make what day it is?”

“It makes a big damn difference. We just celebrated our eight-year anniversary!”

“I know, and that's what makes this so hard, but I have to do what I feel in my heart.”

It was final. There was no budging. I started crying my eyes out and reached for another tissue. Leon has never liked seeing me cry. Reaching over, he stroked my hair as he spoke.

“Netta, can you honestly say you're happy with our life the way it is?”

“Yes,” I began between sniffles. “I am content with our life because I know it is only temporary. As soon as I reach my goal, you and I are gonna come full circle and we'll be living together again.” This was fucking unbelievable. Never in a million years would I have imagined this. “It's always been about you and your career. Why is it I can never have my time?”

“Baby, you know I have always supported every decision you've made. All I have ever wanted was to make you happy.”

I looked at him, not bothering to wipe away the tears running down my cheeks. “Then why are you breaking my heart now?”

“I don't mean to, but…I can't go on like this. I'm lonely and need you with me.”

“Are you seeing someone else?” I asked with a look of skepticism.

He dropped his head. “This isn't about anyone but you and me.”

The thought of Leon spending the lover's holiday with another woman sent a fresh wave of anger through me. “You didn't answer the question.”

He paused and looked directly at me. “No…I'm not seeing anyone else.”

He was lying. I knew good and damn well a man wouldn't admit to fucking someone else. All he did was piss me the fuck off. “You know what? You're right. We've been married eight years and we haven't done shit together. We have no bills together. We already live apart. So you're right…we ain't got shit.”

“And that doesn't bother you?”

I sighed, growing tired of the whole damn thing. “Nope, but obviously it bothers you, so I guess you better call the airline and book yourself an early flight back.”

Instead of reaching for his phone, Leon just sat there looking unsure of his next move. I didn't know why he was having doubts when a few minutes before he was all set to walk out the door and leave me.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Go ahead. I agree it is probably time for us to move on. Our lives have gone in two different directions. I'm living in St. Louis and you're not coming back, so we have no choice but to get on with our lives.”

He dropped his head to his hands. “Take whatever money you need out of the account and pay your debts off.”

There he went throwing my credit in my face again.

I stormed out the room and moved into the bathroom and washed my face. The entire time I listened as he contacted the airline. I was crushed. He was dumping me on Valentine's Day…my favorite holiday, and going back to Richmond to spend the holiday with another woman. I brushed away the fresh tears because there was no way I was letting him see me fall apart as he walked out the door.

Leon came down the hall. I reached for a hair tie and pulled my hair back.

“If you want, I can stay,” he said.

I surprised myself by laughing. Hell, what else could I have done at that point? “Stay? For what? Don't stay because you feel sorry for me. Go ahead and get on back to that little bitch.”

He reached for me, but I pushed his hand away. “There isn't anyone. All I want is you.”

“Yeah, whatever. A'ight, give me a hug. You have a safe trip back,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I tried to give him a quick hug, but Leon held on tight and refused to let go. Part of me couldn't wait for him to leave, but the other part wanted to hold onto him and our life for as long as I could.

“I can stay,” he said after he finally released me.

“No…this is probably for the best. You have a wonderful life. Don't worry about me. I'm gonna be all right.”

“I know you will. I just hope you realize we could be even better together.”

I didn't want to hear anything else he had to say. I moved away from him and stepped into the living room and waited for him to follow. When Leon finally walked into the room, he paused.

“You better get rolling before you miss your plane.”

Leon grabbed his suitcase. As he headed to the door, I watched him reach up and start wiping his eyes. Was this man for real? Did he really expect me to believe he was crying? He was the one leaving me! It was then I looked down and for the first time noticed that Leon was carrying a small black suitcase I had never seen before. There wasn't enough to fit in that mothafucka but a change of clothes. My pulse raced. Leon never intended to stay. He never traveled with anything but that big, ugly-ass army green bag. So why didn't he bring it this time? The answer was obvious. Leon never had any intentions of spending the holiday with me. He had flown down just to end our relationship. Leon really was leaving me for another woman. My heart hurt like I never thought imaginable as I watched him walk out that door and my life forever.

“Nikki.”

“Huh?” I was half asleep when I answered the phone so it took me a few seconds to figure out it was Trinette crying on the other end of the line. “Trinette? What happened?”

“Leon…he's…he's gone,” she managed between sniffles.

“Gone? Gone where?”

“He went back to Virginia. It's over.”

“What?” I sat straight up in bed. Kenyon shifted onto his side and reached out for me.

“Baby, you okay?” he mumbled.

I put my hand over the mouthpiece. “I'm fine. Go back to sleep.” I slipped out from under the cover and caught a glimpse of his chest all the way down to the patch of hair at his crotch. I had to bite my bottom lip. Damn, he was sexy. Last night he worked my ass every which way and had me screaming his name. I had to lock Rudy out the room because he had thought Kenyon was hurting me the way I was carrying on and had jumped in the bed and bitten him on the ass. Luckily, he didn't break the skin.

“Nikki, you still there?”

Shit. I had gotten sidetracked and forgotten all about my best friend. “Sorry, girl. Let me go into the living room,” I began as I moved down the hall and flopped down on the couch. “Okay, what happened?”

Trinette released a shaky breath. “He's not buying the house.”

“But you close on Monday.”

“It doesn't matter. He said he doesn't wanna do it.”

It didn't at all sound like the Leon Montgomery I knew and loved.

“He said he is tired of living like this…that I need to be moving to Richmond with him, not trying to buy a house in Missouri. Can you believe that shit?”

About damn time. I thought Leon had totally wimped out. He was right. “Well, I'll have to agree with Leon, although the timing is all wrong.”

“That's what I told him. I mean, why didn't he say something about this before? Why he wait until we're about to close? After I have already told everyone I'm moving, he doesn't want to buy another house. I don't understand it. Now I got to embarrass myself and let the realtor know the deal is off.”

Heaven forbid, Trinette embarrassing herself. This is a kid who refused to go to the corner store with food stamps. We lived in the hood where everyone got food stamps. “Did you say Leon left?”

“Yep. Caught an early plane back. That mothafucka never had any intentions of staying. He came down with an overnight bag.”

I was quiet because there was one possibility. “Do you think he's seeing someone else?” If he was, Trinette couldn't blame anyone but herself.

She sniffled. “He has to be. I even told him as much. Why else would he leave me on Valentine's Day?”

“Okay, rewind a second. You told him what?”

“To hurry back to that bitch!” she screamed in my ear.

Oh, brother.
“And what did he say?”

Trinette sucked her teeth. “He said this isn't about anyone but him and me.”

“So he never came out and said he was seeing anyone else?”

“No.”

There was silence. I hated to say it, but it sounded to me like Leon might have met someone else. And like I said, I couldn't blame him. Anybody would get tired of living apart after a while. I kept telling Trinette, but nooo, she didn't want to listen. Leon is a damn good man and he deserves some happiness in his life…if not from Trinette, then definitely from someone else. “What are you gonna do about the house?”

Trinette sighed, the defeat apparent in her voice. “What else can I do except call the realtor and tell him we're pulling out of the contract. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the owners decided to sue us.”

“Hopefully they'll just take the five grand and call it even.”

“Shit, I forgot I won't be able to get my earnest money back! Not to mention all the money I spent on inspections and the home appraisal.” Trinette released a strangled laugh. “This is so fucking unbelievable.”

She sounded so pitiful, but I had to be honest with her…at least a little bit. “Yeah…but you knew this day would come. You said so yourself.”

“I know…but it's different now that it's finally happened.” She started crying.

“It's gonna be okay.” I didn't know what else to say because I knew how she felt. I had felt the same way when Donovan told me it was over. Thank goodness I had Kenyon in my life.

“Why is it I can't have a chance to do something in my life I feel proud of? All I want is a chance to have a career of my own. He's got a pension and a 401k. Why can't I have the same thing?”

I took a deep breath. “You can, but it comes at a cost.”

“That's bullshit!” she barked.

“I know it isn't fair, but life ain't fair.” There was a long silence. I sat there listening to her sniffles, trying to think what I could do to make things better. I won't say Trinette got what she deserved, but I will say she got what she wanted. Her actions these last two years dictated the outcome.

“Now what am I gonna do?” she finally asked.

“You can go and get your husband back,” I suggested.

“Nope. A man only gets one chance to walk out on me.”

She could be so stubborn sometimes. “Then all I can say is, you're gonna be just fine because if you think about it, Trinette, how much different will your life really be? I mean…the two of you already live apart. You've got your condo, a bad ride, a good-ass job, dick jumping at you from every direction. I mean…what's gonna be different other than Leon is no longer in your life?”

Trinette blew her nose in my ear before saying, “You know I can't make it on my own.”

I released a heavy sigh. With Trinette it always had to be about money. “Yes, you can. Just pay off all them damn credit cards and you'll be just fine.”

“I guess. Leon did tell me to take whatever I needed out the joint account.”

“See, then you need to do just that. It's time you stopped leaning on Leon and started taking care of yourself.”

“I know. You're right.”

“You're gonna be all right. Give it a couple of days and try calling him.”

“I ain't calling his black ass! Hell, he walked out on me so he could rush back to some bitch and spend Valentine's Day with her.” She blew her nose again. “I bet she found out he was buying a house and gave him an ultimatum. It has to be, because he's never had balls like that before.”

Personally, I felt his reaction was long overdue, but I was not about to tell her that. “Maybe not…maybe he just wants you in Richmond with him.”

“I was coming…just not when he
said
I needed to come. I'm tired of Leon making all the decisions and deciding where we live.”

I blew out a long breath. “Then I guess this is probably all for the best.”

“Yeah, you're probably right.” She didn't sound as convinced as she wanted me to believe. “At least now I don't have to feel guilty about messing around anymore. I can fuck whomever I wanna fuck whenever the
fuck
I want.”

Okay, she was starting to sound crazy. “Girl, get some rest and we'll talk later, okay? How about dinner tonight?”

She gave a bitter laugh. “Nikki, puhleeze, it's Valentine's Day. I'm gonna find myself a date.”

I should have known those tears were temporary. “Listen, don't start something outta anger. And don't go looking for revenge.”

“I'm not, but I
am
gonna make sure the world knows my life doesn't stop because Leon Montgomery decides it does. I had a life before I met him and I'll damn sure have one long after he's gone.” On that note, she hung up the phone. I sat there for the longest time debating if I should call her back. There was no telling what Trinette was going to do now that she had been knocked down from her pedestal. Hopefully, she'd learn something, but I wasn't about to hold my breath. If anything, things were about to get crazy.