Catering to Three (21 page)

“I wasn’t ashamed. I just didn’t know how others would react and I could only imagine it would be negatively from everything Deanna had said. I can’t believe that they were so open. I mean, we kept our relationship secret.”

“They didn’t actively promote it since they knew you weren’t ready for it. They were waiting for you to accept what they already had. Only you didn’t.”

“How could I?” Julie cried out, stifling a sob.

“I can’t answer that. All I can tell you is when you came back and told them you didn’t want them in your life and that the life you wanted didn’t include three men but only one, you hurt them more than you can possibly know. They felt they had to let you go. They loved you enough to let you go, Julie.”

“Loved me?” Julie felt the breath leave her body. “How do you know they loved me?”

“Because that’s what Noah told me.”

“Loved me. Past tense.”

“I think they still do. Noah wasn’t acting like a man who didn’t still have feelings for you. You hurt him deeply by not having the trust and faith in him to tell him about Deanna’s threats and then leaving the three of them the way you did. He’s angry, Julie. He’s very angry.”

“I never wanted to hurt them. I’ve been such a fool. ”

“Yes. But I know you, at least better than I did and I truly believe that you thought your business was in jeopardy and that you love Kelly enough not to want to see what she’d worked so hard for disappear because of something you had done. However,” she said, her eyes locked with Julie’s, “I also know that Deanna could have never gotten to you the way she did if you hadn’t already convinced yourself that what you were doing was wrong. The question is, do you still think being in love with three men is wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Julie answered honestly. “I didn’t trust them or myself. At the time I didn’t think so, but now I can see that I took the easy way out. I said good-bye to them.”

Their waiter brought their food and drinks. They both ate in silence. Julie mostly just drank. She would have had another if she didn’t have to go back to work. She had made such a mess of things. History had a way of repeating itself. Was it her destiny to avoid confrontation whatever the cost?

“I don’t know what you’re going to do with this information,” Abby said. “But whatever you do, do it because it’s what you want and not out of fear of what you think other people will think.”

Julie nodded her head. “I guess I should say thank you. I know you went to Noah on my behalf. What were you going to tell him? I mean, if he hadn’t told you he knew everything?”

“I’m a lawyer. James and Kelly and I had talked about Deanna and how what she had done to you was illegal. It’s a form of extortion, and under California Penal Code 518, she could have been convicted of exposing a secret that could cause hatred, contempt, or ridicule to obtain something of value. Whether or not that was true, the intent was there.”

“But why go to Noah? Why not go directly to Deanna?”

“We needed to find out if it was worth pursuing. For all we knew, you were no more than a plaything. Not that we thought that was the true. But Kelly said she wouldn’t even approach you about going after Deanna if that were the case. Plus, we needed to know if Noah would be on our side.”

“It sounds pretty ugly.”

“It is and can be very difficult to prove. To be honest, I never thought it would get to court. What we needed to know was if the three men we thought you loved had real feelings for you. Kelly would never forgive herself if she had a chance to put things right for you, and she didn’t. So I guess I didn’t just do it for you. I did it for Kelly.”

“You really love her.”

“James and I both do. She means everything to us and her love for us is more than we could have ever hoped to have in our lives.”

Julie had a lot to think about. According to Abby, she was the problem, not Deanna. History really did have a way of repeating itself. She had simply waited and let Chad end their marriage instead of acknowledging what she knew to be true. By doing so, she had made herself the victim even though she had told herself she could have tried harder. The fact was she hadn’t. And it was the same with her family. She had in her own way encouraged the distance between them to grow. Not until she had shown up unannounced on their doorstep because she was running away from yet another situation she didn’t want to face did she see that she was as much to fault and maybe even more so than those she had convinced herself had turned their backs on her. She had embraced her own lack of confidence—never taking responsibility for her own actions.

And now, if she went to the three of them, would they want to hear the truth from her lips or accept her apology? Would it be enough for them to want her back in their lives? And if they did, would she be able to embrace the life they offered?

A week had passed since she and Abby had lunch, and still she hadn’t found the courage to go to see the men she knew she would always love. And she did love them. Wallowing in her own self-pity was something she had been doing for so long she wore it like a cloak. She knew what she should do, what she needed to do, but the thought of their rejection had paralyzed her. However, unless she wanted to live the rest of her life with a regret that could destroy any hope she had for happiness, she needed to overcome her fear and weakness.

James had a meeting scheduled with Mark the following day to discuss staffing for a couple of events that she was spearheading. She should be the one meeting with Mark, not James. Not that James had said that to her, but it was obvious he had enough of his own work to do without taking on hers, too. Seeing Mark could be the first step in taking back control in not only her professional life, but also in her personal life. If he refused to speak to her, she would at least know what she was up against.

The thought of seeing him again was exhilarating and terrifying. If he slammed the door in her face, she knew she deserved it. However, as devastating as that would be, it was a chance she had to take. When she had spoken with James, after a visit with a client, about the meeting, he had readily agreed.

“This is a move in a positive direction, Julie. Mark’s a good man, and just so you know, he always asks about you. Not that he dwells on it, but he always wants to know how you’re doing.”

“Does he? You never told me that before.”

“Well, you acted like you didn’t want to know anything about our meetings other than the end result. Unlike Abby, I’m not one to push when I think it’s not my place.”

“And yet you agreed with both her and Kelly to go to Noah behind my back.”

“Yes, I did. I’m sorry if you felt betrayed. But if Abby’s meeting helped you to take back your meetings with Mark and possibly confront your own demons, then so be it.”

“Abby did the right thing. I still have demons, as you referred to them, but I’m trying.”

“I know you are. We’re here to help you, Julie. I think seeing Mark again can do nothing but help regardless of what transpires.”

“So, tomorrow’s meeting is off your calendar and on mine,” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. First steps were always the hardest.

That night, she tossed and turned. Images of how Mark had taken her right there in his office made it difficult to keep her body under control. She tried to put them out of her head, but details she had fought so hard to suppress wouldn’t leave her alone.

When she woke, she felt the effects of a restless night. She downed several cups of coffee before she took her shower. Walking naked from the shower into her bedroom, she began to dress for what could be the most important meeting of her life.

Julie knew it was highly unlikely that Mark would want her the way he once had, and yet when she went to pull on her little white lace panties, she ended up tossing them on the bed. It was stupid to hope that he would pick up where they left off, but for some reason leaving her apartment pantyless gave her confidence. No matter what happened, she was taking control of her life and not letting her insecurities control her. She prayed Mark would be, if not happy to see her, at least willing to meet with her. She had thought about asking James to call him, but had thought better of it. She hoped having the element of surprise would work in her favor.

The door to Mark’s office was open, and his secretary was not at her desk. Julie hesitated before she knocked on the open door and walked in. Mark looked up. His jaw dropped. It took him a second before he spoke. “Julie? My God, is it really you?”

“Hello, Mark. I’ll be meeting with you today. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course,” he said, recovering slightly from the shock of seeing her. “It’s good to see you.”

“I wasn’t sure if you would feel that way or not. It’s good to see you, too.”

Mark motioned for her to sit down. He turned from her to pull a file from his desk drawer. She couldn’t help but let her eyes drink him in. He looked like he might have lost a couple pounds. She had never thought he needed to, but he had always joked about eating less and working out more. She liked his husky frame and how easily he could fold her into his massive arms, making her feel so small and feminine. She envisioned him naked, his cock dripping for her. She unconsciously licked her lips. She felt his eyes on them. She wanted to look away but forced herself not to look away. She shivered slightly.

He looked broke their gaze first to rummage through his bottom desk drawer for another file. Coughing, he placed the files on his desk and opened the one on top. “I think I have all the details James gave me concerning your upcoming events. I just want to confirm the numbers and then look at the staff that are available. I know he had issue with a couple of the bartenders. Do you have anything to add before we get started?”

Julie breathed a sigh of relief. He was letting her off the hook. He wasn’t going to demand she explain herself. But was that what she really wanted? She felt her naked pussy contract. What she wanted was him. But first, she’d talk business.

James, as usual, had been very thorough. He had made her aware of the bartender issue. They had to take responsibility for the guests not getting drunk. It was a legal issue as well as one that their clients wanted to control. She and Mark discussed it at length, and the two new men he suggested who were older would be less intimated by the guests. The rest of the staff issues were easy and within less than an hour, the meeting was concluded.

“If you feel you need more waiters, just give me a call. I think that wraps it up.”

“Thank you, Mark. As usual, you’re taking good care of us.”

Mark smiled, but she knew it wasn’t a real smile. Maybe he wasn’t as happy to see her as she had initially thought. It was now or never, if she were going to say what she really came to tell him.

“Mark, I wanted to see you. I needed to see you,” she began. He leaned back in his chair, his arms folded, his features stony and cold.

“If you want me to leave, I will. But I hope you’ll hear me out.”

“Noah warned me that this could happen. You coming to my office.”

“What else did he warn you about?”

“He told both Keith and me about his meeting with your friend Abby. Did you think he wouldn’t?”

“No. I mean, of course I thought he would tell you. I had no idea she would go to Noah. But, honestly, I’m glad she did.”

“I wish you had gone to him first.”

Julie nodded. “I know what I did was wrong on all counts. I’ve only recently begun to understand what motivated me to act so horribly to you. Deanna was the catalyst, but I let myself be manipulated, and then I made everything worse. I’m so sorry, Mark.”

She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. Looking down at her lap, she waited for what could be her dismissal from his office and his life.

“Trust is everything to us. I thought you knew that. Noah was actually somewhat prepared for your complete lack of consideration. Keith and I, on the other hand, weren’t. You have no idea how you hurt us, do you, Julie?”

“I hurt you, but I hurt myself, too. I used Deanna and my own insecurities to make what I did seem like the right thing to me. I told myself I was putting Kelly and our business ahead of my own needs, but the truth was, I was looking for a way to run from a love that I wouldn’t let myself embrace. I was wrong to do that. I wish I could change what I did, but I can’t.”

“Do you? Do you really? Or are you just saying that to make yourself feel better for the pain you caused us when you told us you didn’t want us? You basically said you didn’t want the kind of relationship that you had with us.”

“You never told me you loved me,” Julie shot back. “How was I to know you really cared for me? I thought it was just sex for the three of you.”

“We didn’t tell you we loved you because we didn’t think you could handle it. We knew you were new to our lifestyle and we didn’t want to frighten you. We wanted to continue to show you our love in hopes that you would see it for yourself. We wanted you to love us, Julie.”

“I do. I do love you.”

“Nothing but words,” Mark said, pushing himself away from the desk. “Let’s face it. If Abby hadn’t gone to Noah, you’d never be here now. The fact is, I’d probably never have seen you again. So much for love.”

“I’ll admit my imperfections run deep. But I’m trying to change. Can’t you see how hard it was for me to come here today? If it’s more than words you need to convince you…”