Beautiful Together (6 page)

She nodded and smiled. "Well, I definitely need more coffee then."

Even though we managed to finish a lot, I couldn't stop thinking about sex. After it was switched on in my brain, I just couldn't turn it off.

My relationship with Mason was going to change, I knew that much.

5

A few days after our conversation about sex, I borrowed my mom's car and drove to Planned Parenthood. I still hadn't seriously brought up sex with Mason—we also hadn't had much alone time since my mom's family was in town all weekend for my Uncle Jack's birthday—but I decided I wanted to be prepared when I finally did.

I liked that I was taking the lead instead of just dumping it on Mason because he was a guy. It made me feel more responsible, more like an adult.

Just as Arielle had promised, the whole experience was painless. I was initially nervous about running into someone I knew—or someone from
church
—but everything turned out fine.

I ended up with a big handful of condoms, probably twenty or thirty. They barely fit into my purse.

The whole time I was thinking about the fact that the condoms basically represented the total number of times Mason and I could have sex. Thirty condoms meant we could have sex
thirty
times. Thirty. It was so weird to be thinking like that, but I couldn't shake it. We hadn't even done it
once
yet, and I still had no idea when it would actually happen.

On my way back, when I was two blocks from home, I realized I had told my mom I was going to buy make-up—and I clearly didn't have any make-up. I wasn't about to get busted with a bunch of condoms in my purse and sent off to some Christian boarding school.

I turned around and went back to the closest supermarket and grabbed some blush and eyeliner, the cheapest stuff possible since I didn't actually need it.

On my second drive home, I thought about how thankful I was that I had met Arielle. Given our different cliques and social statuses, we were a very unlikely pair. But for some weird reason, it worked.

And thanks to her, I had free condoms.

I got home and into my room without any trouble. My mom's eyes were glued to the TV as she watched a nature documentary about Africa. She barely even noticed me.

I deposited the contraband into the innermost pocket of my backpack until I thought of a better place to hide it. The backpack made them portable and convenient in case the need ever arose.

After that, I sat down on my bed and called Mason.

***

Just as I had expected, Mason
did
want to have sex, but he wasn't bringing it up to be polite. Sure, we had our passion-driven, body-on-body conversations in which we nearly did it—but we never actually spoke about it, other than casual mentions.

"Are
you
ready though?" he asked me. We were cuddled up in his bed, nearly naked under the blankets as usual, sharing body heat. Between words, we listened to each other breathe.

"Not right this second," I said.

He laughed and itched his scalp. "I don't mean right this second. I mean, do you want to do it? To go all the way? I don't want to pressure you if—"

"Are you a virgin too?" I asked pointedly. I needed to get it out of the way, and the moment finally felt right.

"Yeah," he said, almost proudly.

"You
are
?" I said, mouth agape.

"Well, I could say the same thing about you," he said. "Hottest girl in the whole school and still a virgin? What the hell is
she
waiting for?"

I giggled and gave him a playful jab in the gut. It felt like a rock. "You're a jerk.
My
question is, how the hell is the
quarterback
still a virgin? Every girl in the school wants your super hot body."

"Just been waiting for the right one," he said. "I have very refined tastes," he said in a really bad French accent.

I swallowed hard, unable to play around. "Am I
really
the right one?" I asked, speaking every word with incredible deliberation. "You mean that?"

He leaned forward and kissed me hard. "Of course you are," he said. "You're the most beautiful, intelligent, gorgeous, funny, witty, wonderful girl I've ever met in my life. I lose my mind when I'm with you, Naomi."

His words hit me like bullets from a gun at close range—and
oh God, they hurt.
My defenses were totally gone; his words pierced right through to my heart, and I was so powerless to stop them.

"You... really mean that stuff?" I asked. In that moment, I wanted to compliment him back, but I couldn't find the words. I saw flashes of color in my brain while detached thoughts rushed by.

I thought about my conversations with Arielle. I thought about the sexually promiscuous teens in the slasher movies. I thought about Mason—and I looked at him too. Well, more like
consumed
him with my eyes.

His wide, strong shoulders and chest, so chiseled and full, the kind of muscles that make you lose your mind when they're glistening with sweat. He didn't really have any hair on his chest, but that didn't make him seem any less masculine. That gorgeous, slightly lopsided smile. Teeth that were naturally straight, even without any orthodontic work. Biceps that were both threatening and comforting depending on the circumstances.

His cheeks were red as usual too, a product of our proximity under the blankets. Although I had felt aroused in the past, tonight I felt different.

Very different. I felt
awake
.

"I do," he said. "I meant every word I said. You're perfect, Naomi."

I gazed into his eyes, still speechless. My mind suddenly jumped to my backpack and the knowledge of the hidden condoms. Thoughts continued rushing by at a thousand miles an hour, my brain overloaded.

Lust, love, longing, fear, anxiety—they all made an appearance.

"What are you thinking?" he asked. It was clear he was struggling to read my mind.

"If I said... I wanted to do
that
," I whispered, "would you know what to do?"

His expression eased into a look of focus. "I think I know," he said. "I mean, I've got a really good idea. But what about—"

"Protection?" I asked. "I have some."

He raised an eyebrow. "You didn't have to do that. I mean, I definitely could have picked up—"

"No," I said, cutting him off. "Planned Parenthood has free condoms. I went and grabbed some." I swallowed hard, feeling like maybe I had disrupted a sacred
becoming-a-man
ritual. I mean, didn't high school guys like to buy condoms and high-five each other because it meant they were finally having sex?

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for some kind of response. Finally, Mason's lips curled into a smile. "That's such a good idea," he said. "I meant it when I said you were smart." He kissed my cheek. "Are you on the pill?"

"Should I be?" I asked, feeling dumb and a little exasperated. "I w-was too worried my mom might find out or something. Maybe I should do that too before we—"

"No, we can be safe," he said. "With just the condoms.”

I nodded, still staring at his perfect body, barely comprehending what he said. "Yeah."

"So wait," he said, sitting up. "You have condoms
here
? Does that mean you actually want to... do
that
? I thought you said—" His words dropped off an audible cliff and were replaced by the soft hum of his computer.

My head blissfully spun. Did there
have
to be a ton of planning? I knew it wouldn't be perfect the first time, so why did the circumstances have to be? We were fine to take our time in his house; Mason's mom would be gone all night as usual.

The whole house to ourselves. Just the two of us. That's the way it was supposed to be, right?

After learning he was a virgin too, my perspective changed. We could take each other's virginities right here, right now, such a delicate gift to one another. A night that we'd remember forever.

I knew I had said I wasn't ready, but that wasn't true anymore. Not after all of this. I gazed at him with thoroughly salacious eyes, feeling more wetness between my thighs than I had ever felt before in my life. It felt more adult, more mature.

"I think we should," I said softly, carefully studying his expression.

"Wow," he said, totally stoic and serious. "You're sure, Naomi? You're actually ready right now?"

When he said things like that, it only made me crave him more. I mean, we were sitting in his bed mostly naked, he had a hard-on that I could see the outline of through his boxers,
and
he was telling me that we didn't have to do anything right now if I wasn't ready.

I nodded. "Yes."

He smiled. "I've been waiting for this ever since we started dating."

I reached across the floor for my backpack, grabbing the strap and instinctively pulling my arm back into the warmth after feeling the chill of the room. It was so cold compared to our hidden world beneath the covers.

I unzipped the center pocket and grabbed the foil bunch, depositing my treasure on the comforter. The whole connected strand came at once, and Mason looked at me, totally shocked.

"Are those all for
tonight
?" he joked.

"Oh my God," I joked. "You wish."

I tore one off and threw the rest on the backpack. I handed it to him. He held it carefully, rolling it between his fingers. It was the only thing that would stand between him and me, the only thing that would separate our flesh.

"When do I put this on?" he asked disconcertedly.

"I think right when we're ready to start," I said, my hands trembling. "So it doesn't fall off before or whatever."

He nodded and set the condom on his nightstand. "Okay."

Mason wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a warm embrace. He kissed me firmly and desperately, and I kissed him the same. Our breaths were incredibly shallow and rapid, and it affected the flow of the kiss. But we really didn't care.

My hands continued to twitch, and my heart pounded, thudding so hard it felt like it was actually shaking my organs. We had done this exact thing so many times before, but now that we
knew
where it was going, it was totally different.

This was a real thing that people did before they did
that
, a thing that adults did, not kids.

We raced toward that vaguely-defined line, ready to cross. Our tongues spiraled, and our hands clutched hair and flesh indiscriminately. Sometimes he raked his fingers along my breasts, and sometimes he grabbed my butt or the back of my head, pulling me against him.

I could feel how hard he was, and even though I was anxious about
it
, something told me everything would be okay.

It was about to happen. My first time.
Our
first time.

We kissed for a long time until he finally stopped abruptly, just as out of breath as I was. He was such an incredible athlete, yet here he was acting as if he had just sprinted twenty miles—and we were still on the bed.

"Do we start now?" he asked with uncertainty.

"Yeah," I said. "If you want."

"I do," he said. "I want
you
."

He pulled away from me and gripped the elastic of my panties, sliding his fingers beneath, watching my face for any signs of discomfort—but there were none. He dragged them slowly down my body until I was fully nude.

I would have liked to return the favor, but I couldn't. I was still in shock about what was going on. He dropped his own boxers and I finally saw what had been prodding me for so many months.

Mason grabbed the condom and tore it open, initially rolling it on the wrong way. "Shit," he said. He flipped it over and started rolling it on right.

"Wait," I said. "I think they said in sex-ed that the clear stuff can carry sperm. Did you get it on the outside?" I felt so horrible ruining the flow, but we needed to be as careful as possible.

"Oh, shoot," he said. "Do we just toss this one out?"

"Yeah," I responded, giggling, reaching down and tearing off another. "There are plenty more. Maybe that's why I grabbed so many," I joked.

He gave the second one a long, concentrated look before putting it on. "Okay," he said proudly, "I know what to do."

I watched him roll it on, somewhat fascinated, somewhat horrified. I mean, that whole thing was somehow supposed to fit inside of me. I took a deep breath.

I spread my legs apart and Mason climbed on top of me, resting there initially, giving the position a try in these new totally unclothed circumstances. He gazed at me adoringly, peppering my cheeks with kisses. "I'm nervous," he said sheepishly. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Just do it, Mason," I said, realizing that it was indeed now or never. Everything had led up to this moment, and finally we were submitting to each other. "I'll be fine. I want this."

He tentatively gripped my shoulders and aligned his pelvis with mine. And then, after a little bit of adjusting, he eased in slowly, and yeah, it hurt. I grimaced, shutting my eyes tightly to deal with the initial sharp pain, hoping that he was doing the same because my pained expression was probably not what he wanted to see in the middle of first time sex.