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Authors: Simon Kewin

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Chapter 32

They spent the next morning explaining the world to Nathaniel.

‘So, let me see if I have this right,’ said Nathaniel after a few hours. ‘You arrived in Engn very recently. You especially, Diane. Before that you were elsewhere, and then you both found your way here. But most of your lives have been lived a long, long way away, in this other world.

Finn shrugged. ‘Yes.’ He’d done most of the talking and was trying to ignore the growing feeling his answers sounded ridiculous. Fantasies he was making up. Nathaniel never said anything to show he doubted them, but he was clearly delighted at the detail of their invention. He wrote everything they said carefully down.

‘You don’t believe us, do you?’ said Diane. It was the first time she’d spoken for an hour or more. ‘You think we’re crazy.’

Nathaniel looked shocked. ‘I certainly wouldn’t use that word.’

‘But you don’t believe us.’

‘I believe you believe what you say.’

‘But why are you so interested in all the details of the outside world if you think it’s made up?’

Nathaniel didn’t reply. Instead he looked down at his paper and began to write again. Finn had the clear impression he was doodling rather than writing actual words. Nathaniel looked back up at them, playing with the metal stud in his ear-lobe.

‘I’ll tell you why,’ said Diane. ‘It fascinates you, doesn’t it? The thought of everything outside the walls. That’s why you’re asking us these questions. Secretly you’re worried it’s true and that all you know is a lie.’

Nathaniel shook his head. ‘We’re not here to talk about me. I’m not the one in need of help.’

Diane pressed on. ‘Really? Because I bet you’ve read all the accounts of the other patients you’ve had in here. I bet you sit alone at night and imagine yourself outside, running free.’

Nathaniel was about to reply, then stopped. A frown flashed across his face. ‘I think we’d better leave it for today,’ he said. ‘You must still be tired. We can resume tomorrow.’

‘But I’m not tired,’ said Diane. ‘Shall I tell you about the smell of a summer meadow? Or the crunching sound fresh snow makes when you walk across it? Or the view from the top of a mountain when it feels like you’re standing on a cloud? Shall I tell you about all the things you’ve missed out on?’

‘No!’ Nathaniel’s face flushed red. He half-stood, scattering his papers to the floor. Then he controlled himself and sat back down. ‘No. I really think it’s best you go back to your rooms now.’

He stood and pressed a button, summoning a guard. Diane stood to leave, a look of satisfaction on her face. Nathaniel knelt to pick up his papers. His hand, Finn noticed, was shaking.

 

‘What did you say all that for?’ They lay on their beds, separated only by the wall and the grille. ‘Why did you annoy him? We shouldn’t draw attention to ourselves.’

‘He annoyed me,’ said Diane. ‘This whole place annoys me. How can they think the outside world doesn’t exist? It’s ridiculous.’

‘Lot’s of people believe ridiculous things,’ said Finn.

‘Well I’m not going to play their game any more. Next chance I get I’m going to run for it.’

‘Where to?’

‘Out. Back to the tunnel. Before I start to believe the world out there doesn’t exist either.’

Finn stared up at the ceiling of his room and didn’t reply.

 

That evening, they were brought medicine: a viscous, milky liquid carried in clinking metal beakers by another cowled figure. For a moment, Finn thought it might be Shireen come to find them at last. But when the newcomer threw back her hood it was a woman he didn’t recognize.

‘I’m Matilda,’ said the woman. ‘You must drink this; it will make you feel much better.’ Her face was wrinkled all over so that Finn couldn’t tell if she was smiling or frowning.

‘I’m not drinking it,’ said Diane. ‘I’m not ill.’

‘But you must,’ said Matilda. ‘It’s for your own good.’

‘What is it?’ Finn asked. ‘What does it do?’

‘It helps you sleep,’ said Matilda. ‘Nothing more.’

‘We don’t need help to sleep,’ said Diane.

Matilda didn’t reply for a moment. She looked confused. Finn expected her to press the button, summon help to force the liquid down their throats. He spoke before she could act. ‘Let me try it first. I’ll take some and then if I’m OK tomorrow, Diane will too.’

‘No, Finn. Don’t do this,’ said Diane.

‘It’s OK,’ said Finn, looking at Diane, conscious of Matilda’s gaze upon him. ‘I’m happy to try it. And I did have trouble sleeping.’

Finn nodded at Matilda and she handed over a beaker. He sniffed. It smelt creamy and minty at the same time, but not unpleasant. With a shrug he swallowed it down.

‘Very good,’ said Matilda, looking relieved. She turned to Diane. ‘And perhaps tomorrow you’ll both take it?’

‘Perhaps,’ said Diane. But mistrust was clear on her face.

 

The crisp sound of footsteps in the hallway, a key rattling in his lock, roused Finn from deep sleep. He lay for a moment with his eyes closed, enjoying the warm sensation of being bundled up in his blankets. He heard more footsteps, a jangle of keys as Diane’s door was unlocked.

Then there was a wordless shout, the clang of a door being thrown wide, running footsteps outside.

‘Finn!’ It was Diane, shouting to him from the corridor outside. ‘Come on! Let’s get out of here.’

Finn sprang to his feet, heart pounding, and hauled open his own door. The cowled figure who had come to rouse them lay sprawled on the ground. Diane was racing away towards the stairs. Finn thought, briefly, about staying behind. Then he hared off after Diane. They had to stay together.

They careered down the stairs, jumping three or four at a time. Past rows of empty beds to the corridor on the ground floor they had arrived in two days earlier. Diane reached the door first and tried to haul it open by its iron handles. Finn arrived to help her and between them they pulled and pushed the tall, heavy door.

‘It’s locked, I’m afraid,’ said a voice from behind them. Nathaniel. ‘We always lock it when we have visitors.’

‘Let us out,’ said Diane, turning to face him. Three cowled figures stood behind him.

‘I can’t do that,’ said Nathaniel. ‘You’re not cured yet.’ His face was full of regret, as if he really wanted to set them free.

‘Look,’ said Diane. ‘Come with us to the tunnel entrance. We’ll prove to you we’re telling the truth. We’ll show you the way outside. But if it isn’t there and you’re right, we’ll return with you and carry on with our treatment.’

Nathaniel shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. I don’t like to go outside.’

‘We’re not asking you to come through the tunnel,’ said Diane. ‘Just see it for yourself.’

‘You don’t understand. I mean I don’t like to go outside the Sanatorium.’

Diane looked at Finn, desperation clear in her eyes.

‘You could still let us go,’ said Finn. ‘We won’t tell anyone. We’ll slip away and be gone.’

‘No. I can’t let that happen, can I?’ said Nathaniel. ‘You’ll end up hiding somewhere in the Directory causing trouble. I really can’t let you out until you’re better. I’m sorry.’

 

Finn spent the rest of the day answering more of Nathaniel’s questions. Diane sat in a sullen silence while he talked. Perhaps when they were alone again they could come up with another plan. For now they had to play the game. So Finn found himself explaining at length the plants his mother kept in their garden, the layout of the woods and fields near his home, the intricate workings of the line-of-sight network.

The only detail he left out was of Connor. It seemed dangerous to draw him into the story. Did Nathaniel know Connor? Finn didn’t dare ask. Fortunately, Nathaniel didn’t bring up the subject of Finn’s childhood friend. He continued to dwell on seemingly-irrelevant details of their former life, as if trying to catch them out.

Only as they stood up to leave, the sun already low over the walls, slanting into their eyes, did Nathaniel mention the events of the morning. ‘Oh, and Diane. I’m sorry you felt so upset this morning. I really do think you should take the sleeping medicine I’ve prescribed for you.’

‘I won’t,’ said Diane. The first words she’d spoken all day.

‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ said Nathaniel. ‘Very sorry. I’d hoped you would start to trust us by now.’

‘No.’

‘Well,’ said Nathaniel, ‘In that case I’ll send the Sanatorium’s Executive along tonight with your draughts. She can be very persuasive. In the past she’s had great success with helping our guests. We’ll see if she can persuade you, shall we?’

‘It won’t make any difference,’ said Diane. She looked startled, though, alarmed at what this
Executive
might do. Once again, Finn could see Diane’s clear desire to run, run
now
, before they could get to her.

 

That evening, the knock on his door made Finn’s heart leap within his chest. Opening up he expected to see a phalanx of cowled figures at the very least. Or a master he recognized from elsewhere in Engn, one who wouldn’t play this ridiculous game, who would see Finn and Diane for what they really were.

Instead there was just a lone figure in red, taller than the others who’d come. The Executive moved forwards and Finn found himself stepping back automatically. It was only when she pushed her hood back that Finn saw who it really was.

She had changed, of course: her face slightly lined, her hair short. She looked like a cross between the sister he remembered and their own mother, the mother from his youth, back in the valley. She didn’t smile, though. Finn said nothing, could think of nothing to say. Here was Shireen, not seen since that half-remembered day years ago when the Ironclads came for her. His beloved elder sister. He’d imagined meeting her again so often: embracing her, laughing with her. As it was, he simply stood there, unmoving, not speaking.

‘I’ve brought your medicine,’ said Shireen. ‘For you and the other one. You are going to take it, aren’t you?’

Finn tried to think what to say. Did his sister even recognize him? Had he changed that much? Or perhaps Diane had been right. Perhaps Shireen was the same as the others now, not even believing there
was
an outside world any more.

She held out the minty liquid for him. He looked into her eyes. Not a flicker of recognition or warmth. He took the cup and gulped the whole thing down in one.

‘Good,’ said Shireen. ‘Now let us hope your companion is this reasonable.’ She picked up the tray and turned to leave.

‘I found the clearing again,’ Finn blurted out as she swung his door shut. ‘The secret place you took me that day. When the Ironclads came for you. I found it again. I did what you said. I thought about you, about everything.’

The door stopped, just shadows beyond it, his sister invisible. Then it began to creep open again. The woman, his sister, stared hard at him, a calculating look on her face. She glanced over her shoulder, stepped into the room. She set the tray down and only then flung her arms around him.

‘Oh, Finn, Finn, it is you. Look at you, all grown up. I didn’t know. I didn’t know it was even you. Didn’t know if you still remembered me.’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Yes.’ For a while, he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He held her at arms’ length to look at her again. He was taller than she was now. For a moment he saw her as she’d been that hot day in the clearing, the sun sparkling through her chestnut hair.

‘And your friend?’ she asked, speaking very quietly, indicating with a nod of her head.

‘She knows everything,’ said Finn. ‘You. Mrs. Megrim. Everything.’

‘I see,’ said Shireen. She breathed out sharply, a nervous breath as if both excited and alarmed at what was about to happen. ‘Very well. Let us go next door where we can all talk.’

She picked up the tray and led him from the room.

Diane looked up with wary eyes as they entered. Her room was identical to his own except for everything being the wrong way round. Finn sat down on one of the chairs. His sister took the other.

‘Diane,’ said Finn. ‘This is my sister, Shireen.’

Diane nodded but still didn’t speak. She regarded both of them with calculating eyes.

‘Diane, this is it, don’t you see?’ said Finn. ‘Our chance. To get out of here and do what we came here to do.’

Diane spoke then, still looking intently at Shireen. ‘Then tell us what’s going on here. Tell us why no-one believes us. Tell us about the world outside Engn.’

‘Outside?’

‘Yes. The world outside. Or do you think we’ve jut invented it all, too?’

Shireen was about to speak, then stopped. She looked down at the stone floor.

‘You can’t, can you?’ said Diane. ‘You don’t believe it either, do you? You’re just like the rest of them. What have you told yourself? That it was all just a childish fantasy? A game? A story?’

Shireen looked troubled at Diane’s words. Finally she spoke in a whisper. ‘No. It isn’t that. It’s just … I haven’t talked about any of it for years. Not to anyone. To do so is madness, unthinkable. You’ve seen what it’s like here. In the Directory no-one talks about outside because they know there isn’t one.’

‘But why?’ asked Finn. ‘It makes no sense.’

Shireen sighed, trying to shape her thoughts into words. ‘Outside, in the rest of Engn I mean, everyone follows the orders we give them. That’s the way it has always been, since the earliest days. The masters and the Ironclads and all the rest obey us. But they don’t know why. Only we know why. The Directory guards all the secrets of Engn, the true purpose of the machine. That’s how it was set up, all those years ago. I think we were sealed off from the outside so that the secrets couldn’t get out and, over the centuries, the people here simply stopped believing there even was an outside.’

‘So what is the secret?’ asked Diane. ‘What is the machine for?’

Shireen frowned. ‘I don’t know. But the secret is kept here. Possibly only the Director himself knows the truth.’

‘The Director?’ asked Finn.

‘He’s the ultimate power in Engn,’ said Shireen. ‘He controls everything.’

‘So Nathaniel really does think we’re deluded?’ said Finn. ‘That we’re just making it all up?’

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