Annihilation Road (49 page)

Soleil smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you. Ice has talked about you so much.” She indicated the ring on Seychelle’s finger. “I really loved watching him make the ring for you. Getting that stone was difficult, but Savage had his heart set on it, and fortunately, Ice has amazing connections.”

Seychelle held up her hand to look at the ring. It really was unique and beautiful. She had never seen a stone like the one in her ring. “It’s so beautiful. He surprised me with it. I always called him my fake fiancé, and now I can’t. The Red Hat ladies loved it when I did that.”

Seychelle indicated the chairs by the stone fireplace that went from the floor to the ceiling. The glass wall gave them an incredible view of the ocean. She really did love the house. And her ring. Everything Savage gave her seemed to have been chosen so it would fit for her.

“Do you make the jewelry with Ice?”

“I draw pieces sometimes, but he really does the work. He’s amazing. I paint. That’s always been my big dream, and Ice is really encouraging me to pursue it. Until he came along, I’d never had a family, and I was very lonely. Now the club is my family and Ice is my everything.”

Soleil looked in the direction Ice had disappeared. She lowered her voice. “I still can’t believe it’s true sometimes. I can’t believe he loves me. I never had that growing up, and I keep expecting him to throw me away, but he doesn’t. He wouldn’t be too happy hearing I still get doubts about us.”

Seychelle sank back in the chair, grateful for the soothing properties Savage had told her Lana somehow put into
furniture she chose for them. “Isn’t it funny how we all have insecurities? I look at you and think you’re so beautiful. Ice thinks you’re incredibly talented. Savage told me you’re sweet and kind. But somehow you expect to be thrown away because you’re conditioned to think that.”

“What is your insecurity, Seychelle?” Soleil asked softly.

Seychelle regarded her in silence for a long time, but Soleil didn’t push. Outside, the waves rushed toward the bluff and crashed against them, spraying white foam and mist high into the air. She felt a little like that water, worn out and tossed into the sky to fly apart.

“That I’ll fail him. And I’ll fail myself.” She looked at Soleil, shocked that she’d told a perfect stranger something she hadn’t even told herself. “I think about running away all the time. There are so many reasons for running.”

Soleil nodded. “I know that feeling. I was going to run. I was so afraid he was going to break my heart. I just couldn’t let that happen. The silly thing was, if I left, my heart would break anyway. I love Ice. I know that I love him. I just couldn’t convince myself that he could really love me.”

“No one stays, Soleil. They don’t. No matter what you do or how hard you try, what you give of yourself, they die. They get sick and die. Or they do really dangerous things and die. Or they leave.” She pushed back her hair and tried a smile. “I don’t even know what I’m saying or thinking anymore. I don’t know where this is coming from. I’ve been out of sorts lately, and I can’t seem to get back on track. It didn’t help that a madman was out at my house with a gun today to kill me, and Savage and the others just went right in as if it was nothing.” She apparently was upset about a lot of things. It was lucky she hadn’t blurted out she liked to have her sex with pain and pleasure mixed together and had no idea why. She was very confused.

Soleil nodded. “I get what you’re saying. When I was
young, the only aunt I had who wanted me died. Then my life was pretty awful. The only constant I had was a lawyer who I didn’t really see in person, but I still loved him because he was the only person who seemed to care. He was murdered. So yeah, I get that. And when Ice goes off with the club to do something dark and mysterious I’m not allowed to know about, I sit on our upstairs bedroom balcony in this rocking chair I have, and I wait for him there. Sometimes he’s gone for days. I can’t eat or sleep. I just sit there. The only time I get up is to use the bathroom. I feel sick and afraid and alone. It’s like living in hell. I can’t paint. I can barely breathe.”

Seychelle drew in a deep breath and sat up straight, her fingers closing in a tight fist, pressing over her thudding heart. “He doesn’t know you do that, does he?”

Soleil shook her head. “I would never tell him. What would be the use? He can’t change who he is or what he does. He’s Torpedo Ink, and I love him, so I love Torpedo Ink. He’s worth those terrible days that I have to wait in fear. It took me time to come to terms with that. Those fears are real because I know I could lose him. The fears I manufacture are silly, and I work to overcome them all the time.”

“Savage does dangerous things all the time and he won’t talk about them to me.” Seychelle couldn’t tell Soleil that she sometimes caught glimpses of things she wasn’t meant to see. If Savage ever did those things and came near her too soon, she would see everything, just as she had when he’d been with Shari.

“Does the danger bother you, or the fact that he won’t discuss it with you?” Soleil asked.

Seychelle considered that. “Both. I like to know what I’m getting into. I want to hear about it and take time to think it through.”

“If it’s their business and not yours, then why should you know about it? If you had a business, would you want Savage to insist you tell him every detail?”

Seychelle thought that over. “I would hope he would be interested in everything I did and would want to talk about it with me. I wouldn’t want him to interfere or tell me how to run my business, but I would definitely want him to be interested enough to talk about it with me.” She tilted her head and studied Soleil. “You’re interested in Ice’s jewelry business. He’s interested in your paintings. Do you both talk about each other’s work together?”

Soleil smiled at her. “We do. I see your point, but neither of those things are club business.” She drummed her fingers on her thigh and then indicated Seychelle’s engagement ring. “Savage chose that stone himself. It was a huge deal to him. He spent hours going over stones with Ice, talking to him about your eyes and how he wanted the exact color, and the stone had to be unique and special. He didn’t care about the money. Apparently, he rarely spends money. This house, because all of them were told they needed to have a home. He chose this place because he thought you would love it. But the stone, for him, was important, because he wanted you to know that he sees you. The heart of you. That’s what he said to Ice. He said you were his angel and you have a pure heart. He sees all of you. That’s a fancy teal-blue flawless diamond. Very hard to come by. The diamonds surrounding it are unique as well. And of course, Ice’s design gives the ring added flair. What I’m telling you is, that man loves you, Seychelle, and he’s trying, in the only way he knows how, to tell you.”

Savage sat in the chair across from the bed in the master bedroom and watched Seychelle sleep. He’d lowered the privacy screens on the windows to black out the morning light, leaving just enough for him to see his woman as she lay curled up in the middle of the giant bed. Ice and Soleil had gone home after breakfast, but Seychelle had slept through their departure. It was clear she’d sat up most of the night. She had one of her notebooks by the bed with a page listing her pros and cons.

The notebook had dropped to the floor and he’d picked it up and read it. It wasn’t meant for him, but then he had been very up-front with her about the fact that he had never learned much about privacy and didn’t intend to when it came to his woman. He loved her, and he could soften his personality only so much for her, but he was always going to be who he was. She would have to understand that and accept him.

He knew she was struggling; not only to accept him, the club, his lifestyle, but also to come to terms with aspects she hadn’t realized about herself. It was a lot to expect of anyone. He looked down at the list in his hand. It wasn’t about
him. He wished it were all about him. His little angel didn’t understand that she was perfect for him just the way she was.
Angel
to him didn’t mean the same thing it did to her.

She listed cons about herself. He read every single one of them. Afraid of failing him? That one got to him the most. How in the world could she fail him? That was impossible. He knew he would be the one in their relationship to fail over and over. What he had going for them was absolute determination. He never stopped. Never. He would continue to try no matter what, and he wasn’t above apologizing for his fuckups and learning from them.

He read the list again and shook his head before he stood up and went to the bank of drawers where he kept his favorite whips. She would never touch the drawers that held his whips. He knew that about her. Those were his and sacred to him, so they were sacred to her. He carefully tore the list from the notebook so it wasn’t frayed on the edges and placed it in the bottom of the drawer under his favorite whip. He stared at the page a long time. He was keeping that list. Someday it was going under glass and he’d hang it on the wall for one thing, one line. At the bottom she had written,
I will never leave him. I love him. It’s that simple. I’ll find a way to make it work.

There it was. His everything. She felt the same way he did. They would find a way. They had things to work through, but the commitment was there, and they’d do it. He closed the drawer softly and crossed the room to the bed. He was tired. He’d showered twice thoroughly at the clubhouse to make certain there was no blood on him. His interrogation clothes had been burned, and he’d returned in fresh clothes. Still, after meeting with Ice and Soleil, he showered again in the master bath and stayed in their bedroom in only his soft drawstring pants.

Each move had been calculated. He had wanted to ensure that Seychelle didn’t catch glimpses into his night’s activities. There could be no hint of the smell of blood. The clothing he wore couldn’t be the clothing he’d had on when he was around
Joseph Arnold. He’d created memories at the clubhouse of meeting with other members in the community room and then at breakfast with Ice and Soleil. After taking a shower and donning the soft pants she equated with their games in the bedroom, he had let time go by so the memories wouldn’t be so sharp.

He stood beside the bed, looking at the wealth of thick gold-and-platinum hair spilling everywhere over his pillow and sheets. She was on her belly, and the shape of her under the twisted sheet was enough to make a man sweat. So much woman. All feminine. All his. Love welled up and hit him hard. It always did, because he never expected to have it. Because of that, because he knew what a true gift it was, he intended to guard it carefully.

He slid off the soft drawstring pants, folded them, and put them on the end table before pulling up the covers, straightening them and then sliding his body in beside hers. He claimed his space easily by simply putting his arms around Seychelle and moving her where he wanted her. He curled his body around hers, claiming her the way he had his space.

Her lashes fluttered and she tilted her head back to look at him over her shoulders. A soft smile that got him right in the gut lit her face. “Savage. You’re home. Do you need anything? I can make you something to eat if you’re hungry.” She made the offer without hesitation, clearly having no idea of the time.

She sounded drowsy. Sexy. She looked sexy. His body reacted the way it always did around her, but he was wiped, and he wanted more time to pass before anything intense happened between them. It was just safer. He curved his arm possessively around her waist and pulled her in tight against his body. “I need sleep, babe, but thanks for the offer.” He nuzzled her neck, inhaling her scent. He loved the way she smelled. “A couple of hours from now you can feed me. Go back to sleep, Seychelle.”

“Mmmkay, if you’re sure.” Her blue eyes drifted over his face as if checking to make certain he was all right, and then her head settled on the pillow again, her lashes falling.

His heart settled and he realized his beat had accelerated. Not once when he was interrogating Arnold, questioning him on the disappearance of the other women he’d stalked, had his heart rate risen. Just looking at his woman, just knowing he had fallen so hard, so fast, put that anxious beat in him. It had to stop. It made him too dangerous. Too out of control. He’d tried to give her everything she wanted, even knowing it wasn’t a good idea. He’d promised himself he would give her who he was. He hadn’t been doing that. He was already taking her down such a dark path, he was afraid of losing her.

His club, the problems Torpedo Ink faced, all of it was taking them down so fast, he didn’t have the time to work her in slowly. It had little to do with the sex. He had no doubt he could get her there. Restrictions, constraints, living with the man that was Savage, his role in the club, that was something altogether different, and he knew she would have to be told. She would see it in him. The enforcer. The protector. The killer. She would know. Whether she could live with him or not, he didn’t know. He needed more time with her. He did know he had to give her the real man. All of him. It wasn’t fair to her not to.

“I love you, Seychelle Dubois,” he whispered. “More than anything in the world. I love you.” He waited. Hearing the rush of the ocean waves the way his blood moved in his body. She really was his everything, because without her, he didn’t have much to anchor him when the demons came knocking. He hadn’t known he was capable of real love, not with a woman, a partner, not until Seychelle.

Her body moved slightly, slid along his, melted into his. Her hand found his, the one around her waist, where he trapped her so close to him. She threaded her fingers through his. “I love you, Savin ‘Savage’ Pajari. You’re my everything.”

Savage closed his eyes and breathed evenly, tasting love, knowing it was real, knowing he had it. They both had made the commitment; now they just, like all couples, had to find a way to keep love at the forefront, above all the obstacles.

They could face together whatever dangers Campbell was throwing Sea Haven’s way. Seychelle wouldn’t be alone guarding the elderly or the women there. She’d have the club to help protect them. Whatever was going on with the various clubs, Savage was used to dealing with. They’d get through it together.