Annihilation Road (30 page)

He reached for her hand and brought her palm to his chest as they turned back toward the bikes. “You need to eat something. There’s a great little restaurant a few more miles up the road in Elk, unless you’re getting too cold or uncomfortable.”

Seychelle looked up at him, started to reply but then hesitated.

“It’s good food, Seychelle,” Preacher said.

“We’re not that far from it,” Reaper pointed out.

“The chef is nearly as good as Alena,” Ink added. “Okay, not nearly her caliber, but he’s good. You’ll like it.”

“She’s not used to riding on a motorcycle, and we still have to make it back home,” Savage interjected, running interference, just in case.

“I’m good,” Seychelle said, her free hand rubbing her backside with a rueful little grin. “It’s just that you didn’t get much sleep last night, Savage, and you have to be tired.”

He kept himself from looking at the others, but his heart sank. She’d been more aware than any of them thought the night before. No one outside their club could know about that meeting with the Diamondbacks, especially since everything had gone to hell. They were all concerned that Plank might change his mind and retaliate against Tawny for blowing his deal immediately. It wouldn’t be pretty, and it would be permanent. They had to have alibis that were not only plausible but tight if the Diamondbacks really went through with killing the bitch before the run and blaming her death on Alena.

“Babe. I woke up in your bed, my head in your lap.”

She blushed and avoided looking at the others. “I got so drunk you were up half the night with me sick.”

“I slept during the day with you. I’m good.” Relief swept through him, along with another emotion he wasn’t used to experiencing. She’d been concerned for him. She’d been sick. She had awakened dehydrated with a hell of a headache. She was in an uncertain situation, yet she was expressing concern for him. That was a new one for him. “Let’s get something to eat.”

She nodded and flashed a small smile. “Thank you for that sunset. It was beyond beautiful.” She looked around her. “I’ve never been this far south on this road. I should explore more. I’ve got a good little car for it.”

“Now you’ve got me,” he corrected. He handed her the helmet and waited for her to put it on before he helped her onto the bike. “I love to ride these roads. We can go together.”

“I’d like that.” She smiled at him, one hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t realize how much you could see from the back of a motorcycle.”

Savage watched Seychelle through dinner. He’d purposely had her sit beside Anya so the two women could get to know each other better. The women of Torpedo Ink would become the female companionship she needed, her sisters, the ones she’d never had. He remained quiet. He wasn’t much of a talker, although when they were alone, he seemed to have more to say. He enjoyed watching her have a good time. When she laughed, her entire face lit up. He dropped a hand onto her thigh, because he needed that connection with her. She put her hand over his as if she knew he needed that physical link right at that moment.

Anya, Preacher, Code and Ink carried most of the conversation, but Seychelle joined in, and he liked that she wasn’t the least bit afraid of expressing her opinion, although she was very thoughtful about what she said. She definitely had no problems debating with any of them.

He rubbed his palm up and down her thigh, and then transferred her hand to his thigh. She glanced up at him and smiled. His heart nearly stopped. That smile was his alone. Reserved for him. It felt intimate in a way he’d never experienced before. He tucked stray strands of her thick, gold-and-platinum-colored hair behind her ear and reached for his coffee cup with his free hand.

Her palm burned a brand through his jeans. Marking him. He loved her so fucking much, and that was unexpected and took getting used to. She leaned in close and put her mouth against his ear. Now his heart reacted by pounding. Accelerating.

“I can make an excuse to leave if you need to get out of here.” Her lips brushed against his earlobe with every word, a soft, velvety caress that sent fingers of desire dancing up his thighs and down his spine. “You have a headache.”

He did. His head was pounding. He knew when they got home, he had to really explain everything. She would either commit or walk out on him. He’d never been so afraid of losing in his life.

Seychelle didn’t hesitate. “I got a little crazy last night and drank way too much. I’m sorry, everyone, but I think I need to just call it a night and get back home. This has been so fun, though. I’m sorry to cut it short.”

Savage immediately stood, throwing money on the table. “You all stay and finish your coffee. We’ll head back.”

More money was thrown on the table, and Reaper signaled the waiter. “We’re finished. We’ll ride with you.”

His family, surrounding them. Taking his back. Taking her back. Showing Seychelle she wouldn’t be alone living with the monster.

Savage waited until Seychelle had gotten ready for bed. There was something comforting about lying in bed with her. Holding her. And she was brave in that bed. She had the courage to be alone in the dark with him. Now more than ever, she knew what she was facing. Not the details, but that darkness in him that was never going away.

He sat on the edge of the bed, pulling off his boots, making it clear he was staying. She shot him several nervous glances, but she didn’t protest, and so far she hadn’t run screaming from him. He knew she had the kind of courage it would take to be with him. She’d run into the path of a truck when no one else had dared to move, to save his life.

“I had a wonderful time, Savage. I love being on the motorcycle with you.”

“That’s good, baby, because you’re going to be spending quite a bit of time there.” He didn’t look at her as he hung his jacket on the back of the chair.

Seychelle moved past him, leaving a trail behind, that faint fragrance of wild strawberries. He had no idea, when
he’d been in her shower and seen her products, how she could smell and taste like that, but she did. He turned to watch her crawl onto the bed from the end of it. She was graceful, on her hands and knees, her lace-covered ass swaying as she moved to the top of the bed.

Immediately, erotic images crowded into his mind. There was no stopping them. His handprints decorating those perfect pale globes. Red stripes across them, running from the top of the curve to her thighs. A plug pushed deep between those cheeks, preparing her for him. A vibe. Gingerroot carved in the shape of a thick penis. His cock responded all on its own, a fucking miracle when it never had before, because men residing in hell didn’t get erections.

She settled with her back to the headboard, legs stretched out in that way she had. He turned off the lights but left the window shade open so the reflection of the moonlight spilling down onto the wide ocean surface would light the room enough for him to read her. The revolving base beneath the intertwined rose sculpture cast colors up on the ceiling. He stripped, leaving just his jeans, although they weren’t staying on. He just wanted her to feel safe. He needed her to hear him out.

“We have to get everything worked out tonight, Seychelle.” He sank down onto the bed and reached for her, sliding his hand onto her bare hip. That pale skin. It would show every mark for a long time. His cock stirred restlessly, pulsing like the monster inside of him, already seeing the results of the whip on her skin.

“It’s a lot to take in, Savage.”

“I know it is, baby, but we have to get it done. I want you to agree to be my old lady. My woman. My wife. Not just because I decreed it, saying if you came into the club that was what it meant. You have to make that choice knowing what you’re facing. Knowing what I want and would expect from you. It isn’t a surprise, but you’re going to have to listen to me very carefully, Seychelle. If you agree to be with me, you’re all in. You don’t get to back out when the
going gets tough—and it will. I’m letting you know up front, it won’t be easy.” Savage stroked her thigh. “And this life. I’m going to be honest. Once I teach you to like these things, there’s no going back from that.”

She liked sitting with her back to the headboard. He’d been with her enough to know she was comfortable there. Relaxed. He turned onto his side and laid his head on her belly, his arm around her hips. That was his favorite place. For some reason, when he held her like that, his demons calmed and he found a place of peace.

“I’m listening.”

He heard the note in her voice—that small hitch of fear. This time, he knew it was because she wanted to be with him—she wanted to take his offer, and she feared that he was going to say something to make her back out. He shared her fear.

He was grateful that she had the courage and was willing to hear him out. If she did learn to crave pain with pleasure, she would need it, would always have to have it in order to be truly satisfied physically. That had been his hesitation all along. Taking her down this path with him meant she would be all in, no going back. He wanted her to know, no matter what, no matter how tough things got, once they were committed, he was just as committed, and he would work things out. Make it work between them.

“It’s important you know that once you’re in, you don’t get out. We work things out. I’ll stay, Seychelle. I’ll be faithful. I’ll be committed to making you happy. But we don’t divorce. We make it work.”

“That might be difficult, Savage, when I have no idea what any of this means. You tend to be a dictator when you want your way.”

That was the truth, and it always would be. He traced his name on her hip. “It’s always going to be my way, baby. You know that. You’re going to do things the way I need them done. That’s the only way I can stay sane. I’m being honest with you.
I need certain things in my life, and I have to have them. That means you give them to me. I need your obedience.”

“Like a child?”

“No, not like a child.” How could he explain? Make her understand? “When I say that, I mean you do what you enjoy doing, but you follow the rules when you’re doing it. You have to trust me enough to know I’ll always see to your happiness, but if you don’t do what I say, there’s going to be consequences.”

“Like?”

“Like what you’ve already earned. You got drunk and you almost went off with another man. I told you to go home and you didn’t do it.”

“We weren’t together.” She waved her hand dismissively.

He wasn’t buying it. “We were together. You came to the club. I laid it out for you. I was plain when I laid that out. You knew when you walked in the bar that you were stating you chose me. I had already told you I had chosen you. You were scared, and you ran. You didn’t trust me. That earns you a punishment.”

“I’m not five. Why in the world would you want to punish me?”

“Because I like it.” His hand curled around her thigh, his fingers pressing deep while he confessed. She had to know what he was. She had to live with it—with him. With his darkest needs. “I even crave it. Right now, my cock is a fuckin’ steel rod because I know I’m going to put my handprints on your ass. You’re going to cry when I do. You’ll beg me to stop, and I’m going to get even harder because I can’t resist your tears or your pleas. I’ll take your tears away, one by one, and make it all better by making you scream my name when you come.”

There was a long silence. He didn’t move. He didn’t look up at her face. He couldn’t. For a moment he couldn’t even find air to breathe. His lungs burned. He went back to writing his name on her bare skin. Savage. Then her name. Seychelle. His heart pounded. He’d just laid it on the line.
Told her how fucked up he was. That wasn’t even close to how fucked up he was. There was no getting around it. Not now. Not ever. He craved that shit. Needed it the way he needed to breathe air.

“You’re going to hurt me?” Her voice was soft. Small. Afraid.

He took a breath. Found the strawberries. “Yes. Sometimes. When you fuck up.”

“Hit me? You’re going to beat me up?”

He turned his head, his jaw sliding across her soft belly. He stroked the curve of her hip. His eyes met hers. Her fear was visible in her eyes, in the expression on her face. Her lips trembled, and she twisted her fingers in the sheet beside her hips. But that wasn’t the only thing in her eyes. There was a flicker of excitement. Desire. A cautious dark anticipation. He hated that his cock responded, throbbing with expectation. With urgent demand. It felt like fuckin’ paradise and yet was hell at the same time. He knew absolutely, if he slid his hand up her thigh into her panties, he would find her slick with heat.

“I would never beat you, Seychelle. Or hit you in anger. I’m not talking about that kind of relationship, and I think you know that. I’m saying you fuck up by disobeying one of my rules, I’m going to put you across my knee and leave my handprints on your ass. I’m warning you ahead of time, I’ll enjoy it. I’m also going to tell you, you will learn to enjoy it as well. Not all of it, but in the end, you’ll be craving everything I give you.”

“This is all part of what you talked about earlier.”

“Yes, and it’s the easiest part, easing you into the more demanding things I will expect. I will demand all kinds of sex with you, and yes, bondage and pain will be included, but we’ll work up to that. I can teach you to like the things I need, baby.” He turned his head back to her belly, pressing kisses into her soft flesh. His teeth scraped and then nipped, his tongue easing the ache. “Like that, baby. You liked that.”

“You aren’t talking about that, Savage.”

“No, but no one runs before they walk. I’ll make you love most of what I do to you.”

“Most of what you do?”

He nodded. He had to be honest, no matter what. She had to come into the relationship knowing what she was getting. “I told you straight up, I wasn’t satisfied with what I’d done to that woman. I’ll teach you to like most of what we do, but there will be times when that shit gets very real, Seychelle, when I need to put stripes on your body. It will hurt. I can turn pain into pleasure, and I can take care of you after, but you will suffer for me. You have to know that going into this.” His hand moved on her leg. On the scars there.

She was silent for a long time while his heart pounded and his mind screamed at him that he was a monster no one could ever accept or love.

“What if I can’t take it, Savage? What if the pain is too much?”

“Then you call a stop. You say
red
.”

“And you stop?”

“I would hope you would know when we get to that point that I would never initiate that kind of sex unless I was desperate. At the same time, I would know you would never say
red
unless you truly couldn’t take any more. That’s what trust is. That’s what we would need to have between us, so yes, I would stop instantly.”

He studied her face for a long moment. “Seychelle, we would need to be a partnership. I can never be out of control. When I’m at my worst, at that point, you need to be in total control, and it won’t be easy for you. I don’t want to ever break your skin. That’s going too far. If I were to do that, you’d have to stop us. There can’t ever be permanent marks on you. Not ever. I don’t do that shit to you. Everything between us is consensual at all times. You agree, I agree. That’s the way it has to be.”

“How do you know you won’t cross the line, Savage,
outside of sex? What if you’re so angry with me you beat me? That could happen.”

“You’re not understanding me, baby. I swear on my life, I could never beat you in anger. I’m not that man. When I start getting bad, and it’s a cycle I can’t prevent, and I know I’m going to need certain things during sex, I fight it. I go to the club in San Francisco and beat the hell out of anyone challenging me to a fight. That sometimes helps. You help me already. I feel peace when I’m with you. It’s the only time.”

“How do you know I’ll be enough for you when those other women weren’t?”

“Someone I don’t give a shit about can help a little, but you . . . you’re different, Seychelle. When I’m with you, it’s like you have the potential of taking it all away for a very long time. You can’t know what a rare gift you give to me.”

That was such bullshit. She was so much more than that to him. She had found her way inside of him. They’d been together now for months. They had the
R
word. Relationship. He wanted to laugh when he thought about it. That was so not him, but he knew he wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of his life with her lying next to him. He wanted to go to bed with her in his arms. Yeah, she gave him peace, but this thing between them was so much more than he was conveying to her.

“How do you know I can do that for you?”

He pressed a kiss to her belly. “I know. I know you’re mine. That for the first time in my life I want a woman to belong to me. I want to see my marks on her skin. I want to see her tears for me on her face and know she’s willing to give them to me. I know you can do that for me. My body responds to you by itself without me ordering it to respond, just at the thought of my marks on you. I have to order my cock to work any other time.” That was all true. He
needed
to use his whips on her. He never thought he’d be able to have someone who would love him enough to take on his pain the way he took on the pain for those he loved. He
hadn’t believed there was a woman alive who would think he was worth it.

“That rage inside you. What happened to you? You weren’t born that way. I can feel the other side of you. Gentle. Sweet. Even kind. Tell me what happened to you.”

That was the last thing he wanted to do, but he knew he had no choice. Not if he was going to keep her. He’d promised himself he’d go in a hundred percent if she did. He was being honest, and he knew he was giving her the worst possible side of him, but he had to if he was going to lay out the bad and hope his good could make her want to stay.

“You feel the demon just as strong as you feel that other side of me. I need you to have the kind of courage it will take to face that monster when he emerges, and he will. There are times I can’t stop him. The small stuff, the consequences, they hold him at bay. The fight club. The rides late at night. The sex will help. All of it. But he’ll come out eventually, and you’re going to have to face him. You’re going to have to trust me, especially when he’s out.”