An Idol for Others (51 page)

“Tell him to call us if he hears anything.”

Tom relayed the message and hung up with another burst of laughter. “We seem to’ve made him happy, anyway. How about that drink you mentioned?” He dropped the ties in a chair, and they fixed themselves drinks and went out onto the terrace. The sun was dropping behind the high hills that barred the sea. There was a slight chill in the air. It wasn’t a real sunset, but it marked the end of their first day in their new home, and Walter was moved and reassured as he stood beside his love, looking out. The long drive had effectively cut him off from his habitual interests and preoccupations. He felt nicely isolated and secure. The small sexual hitch seemed unimportant. There were probably things about Tommy he still didn’t understand, aspects of his homosexuality that set him apart and made some of his reactions difficult to grasp. He would learn. They should probably get their minds off sex for a while.

“How rich are we, Tommy?” he asked. “Or poor, as the case may be.”

“I want to go over it all with you. I have about $25,000 a year, not counting my earnings, but they’re unpredictable. You’re probably used to spending that much in a month.”

“Not quite, but the money has flowed, especially since Clara got hers. I liked being able to buy pictures, but the rest hasn’t meant all that much to me. I’ll have a lot coming in for the next year, more than double what you have, unless Clara manages to tie it up somehow. That should adequately feather our love nest for the time being. I want to read your play. I don’t see why I shouldn’t produce plays out here. I’ll look into it when we’ve settled down. Do you expect to go back to work soon?”

“Yes, on the new novel. I’m anxious to get back to it.”

“How do you work? Do you have a fixed schedule?”

“Yes, every morning for at least four hours and another hour or so in the late afternoon to go over what I’ve done.”

“That sounds good.” He moved closer to his side. “Everything sounds good. Do we have a busy social life?”

“It’s all there if we want it. I’d like to give a party for you when you’re ready to come out of hiding. What’re you going to do about Clara?”

Walter laughed. “I was wondering the same thing. I’m trying to figure out what she’s thinking. She’ll probably decide it’s a momentary madness and wait for me to come to my senses.”

“What’re the chances that you will?”

“Tommy, if I’m not in my right senses now, I hope I never will be.”

“I won’t put you off, being so queer? It’s all going to come out now. I didn’t mean to tell you that I worship your cock; but it’s going to be increasingly obvious, so I might as well say it.”

“I love hearing it. I worship all of you. You don’t mind my not picking out one particular part, do you?”

“I’d rather you didn’t I want you to think of me as an irresistible ensemble. I haven’t begun to make you queer yet, so I don’t even mind if you think you’re attracted to my intellect.”

“I am. You don’t think my falling in love with you is queer? I have, you know. I don’t mean at first sight. I mean the works. I don’t know when it happened, but I’ve been very aware of it this afternoon. The trip’s over. We’re home. I’m wonderfully in love with you.”

“Oh, darling,” Tom growled. It came out like a groan. They moved closer to each other. It was getting chillier. Walter put his hand under Tom’s arm, and they went back inside.

Tom pulled the sliding glass door behind them. “I’ll make a fire in a little while. I’m going to cook for you at last. I’m good. Thank God we’re back in wine country. I’ll never forget the look on your face when I ordered a coke with my hamburger. Yes, darling, this is the beginning.” They stood close together, facing each other, and drained off their drinks and looked at each other questioningly. “Is it happening?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, am I going to be the first?”

“No, I think it’s going to be more or less neck and neck. I’m beginning to tremble, idiotically enough, like a virgin bride.”

“Let’s go.”

They put their arms around each other and headed toward the bedroom. They threw off their dressing gowns when they reached it and were both immediately ready for action. Walter went to the bathroom for the lubricant and made a quick application and returned with it to the bedroom. Tom lay on his back in bed. His erection rode up his belly, nearly touching his navel, a daunting display. Walter wondered if he could cope with it. He knelt over him and began to stroke the lubricant onto it.

“What are you doing?” Tom asked with a note of alarm.

“That should be fairly obvious.”

“But I told you, I’ve never been able to.”

“You’ve never tried it with me.”

“But honestly–are you serious?”

“Of course, it’s a cure for being ashamed. It also might help me become gay.”

“Oh, God, darling. I feel as if I’m falling apart in a thousand pieces.”

“We’ll put you together again.”

“I’ll either wilt or come in two seconds.”

“You can come as quickly as you like once you’re inside me.” He dropped down on his side with his back turned to Tom. “I’ve never done this. You better take it slowly too. There’s a lot of you.” He held Tom’s cock and directed it into him.

Tom uttered a cry of alarm and disbelief and flung an arm over him and held his sex. Walter was stunned by the pain. How could anybody want this? He gritted his teeth, determined to go through with it, and urged him on with a hand on his hip. He felt Tom slipping deeper into him, and the pain grew more intense. For a moment he almost hated him, but he reminded himself that it was Tommy. He had to make their bodies work right together. Tommy had the right to take him as he had never been taken before.

Tom’s chest was heaving against him. In another moment he realized that the penetration was complete. He had survived. He had a moment of soul-shattering joy as he felt the hard, lean body master and possess him, and Tom’s shouts and the frenzied contortions of his body told him that it was over. He rolled onto his stomach and brought Tom up onto his back and held him there. He wanted to fight free of him, but he still felt hard and demanding and painful in him. He thought of the demands he’d made in the past. He lay still and waited for Tom to release him.

“Oh, Christ,” Tom gasped after a long silence.

“Was it good, baby?”

“Good? You belong to me. I’ve taken you. You’re mine. Was it good for you, darling?”

“If it was like that for you, that’s good enough for me.”

“You didn’t come.”

“We can’t have everything right at the start.”

“I can’t believe it. I’m still hard. I want it again.”

Walter took a difficult breath and steeled himself. “I belong to you, baby. Take what you want. Fuck me again, Tommy.”

“Yes, darling. I’ve fucked you. Tom has fucked Walter. I can’t believe it.
My
Walter. You’re mine. Nobody’s ever belonged to me like this. You. Oh, Christ, you. I’m going to make you come.” He pulled Walter’s hips back to him as he worked himself onto his knees. He got a grip on his shoulders and began to drive slowly into him. “Oh, Jesus. I’ve never felt anything like it. Does my cock feel good in you, darling? Tell me.”

“You cock feels perfect, Tommy. Take me with it. Do anything you want with me, so it’s perfect for you.” It was still agony, but the pain was dimmed by the triumph Walter could feel in the body he loved. The long, strong fingers that moved over him and gripped him were electric with desire. Strong thighs were clamped to him. All of Tom’s body was charged with desire. It revived his erection. He wanted to give himself until he was past pain–or caring. He felt an orgasm building in him, an orgasm of giving. He could even offer Tom the illusion of pleasure.

They put on their dressing gowns again and had a couple of drinks while Tom cooked dinner. A fire blazed at the end of the living room. Walter learned where the silverware and linen were kept and set the table. When they were near each other, Walter loved the new possessive way Tom touched him. He put his hands on him at any excuse as if he were afraid he might escape. They had spoken very little since they had left the bed as if the experience had made speech inadequate or superfluous.

“God, what you do for me,” Tom blurted, finding his tongue while they finished their drinks in front of the fire and waited for dinner to cook. “It’s like a huge singing in me or maybe like organ music crashing through me. It makes my head swim. It’s funny I was so worried about bringing you here. You obliterate everything that’s ever happened to me. I feel as if we were moving into the house for the first time. We’re in love with each other. Isn’t it amazing?”

Walter looked into his face leaning eagerly to him, keenly intelligent and ablaze with young passion. He marveled at his luck. He could never do enough to deserve the passionate devotion he saw in it. “It is,” he agreed with quiet conviction.

“The old male-female balance is still screwed up, but in a lovely way. You’re doing everything I’ve always needed. I’ll soon be able to do things for you. It changes everything knowing you belong to me. It’s obvious I belong to you.”

“I’ve counted on that. It’ll be one of the major mistakes of my life if you don’t.”

Tom uttered a few rich notes of laughter. “You don’t make mistakes. That’s one of the marvelous things about you. I’m going to know myself as well as you know you. God, darling.” He stretched and placed a hand firmly, possessively on Walter’s shoulder. “You’re giving me myself. I always thought it had to be the other way around–giving myself to somebody. Let’s eat and drink a few bottles of wine and tell each other things in front of the fire. And then bed and all the divine things you know how to do with our bodies.”

Walter read Tom’s play the next morning, sitting out on the terrace in the sun with nothing on but Tom’s brief swimming trunks. He was gripped by it and so genuinely impressed that he counted it as one more gift of luck. He had expected intelligence, but the taut poetic naturalism of the dialogue put it above anything he’d read for years. One aspect of it bothered him, however. He was just finishing when Tom came out with Marjorie to introduce them. She was a sensible-looking middle-aged woman and immediately addressed Walter by his Christian name.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she told him. “This guy’s been moping around here by himself for too long. You’re a fine-looking fella. I hope you stay awhile.”

“I expect to.”

“That’s just dandy. I’m sorry I’m late, Tom. I didn’t expect you so soon. I’ll be back on my regular hours tomorrow. I’ll just be an hour, and then you guys can go on about your business.”

Tom waited until she had returned to the house and then turned to Walter. “How’s it going?” he asked cautiously. He was wearing a scruffy dressing gown he called his “work dress.” and had spent the morning “building up steam” to get back to his novel.

“Fine. I’m not quite finished. I’d rather wait till she’s gone to talk about it.”

“OK. I’ll go back to my hole. I’m getting my desk straightened out.”

Walter spent the hour flipping back through the play. When Tom joined him, he had shed his work dress and was also wearing brief trunks and looked his most beguiling–loose and lanky and boyish. He stood with arms crossed on his chest, looking down in the direction of his little boat.

“OK. Let’s have the verdict,” he said.

“It’s damn good, Tommy. That’s putting it mildly, but I don’t want to sound as if my critical sense can’t function where you’re concerned. Really good. If it had come to me a couple of weeks ago, I don’t think I’d have worried about whether it would be a moneymaker, for once. I would’ve wanted to do it. I love you, but now I’m going to turn into a fan. I want to get started on the books right away.”

Tom looked at him with a shy smile. “Wow. That’s a relief.”

“There’s only one thing I wondered about. When you wrote the girl, were you ever thinking of a boy?”

Tom pulled a chair near him and sat as if settling down for a serious discussion. “That was my original idea, of course. I hoped it wouldn’t show.”

“It doesn’t really, except maybe to me. Once the thought occurred to me, I read the rest of the play as if she were a he. It’s tremendous. It makes the reticence about sex ring much more true. Would you consider changing it?”

“I don’t know, darling. Wouldn’t that kill any chances of its getting produced?”

“I’ll produce it if you do.”

“Not otherwise?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m thinking about the play. Should you be thinking about getting produced?”

“That’s telling him. Of course, you’re right, darling. Except I think the play is valid the way it is.”

“The girl isn’t absolutely convincing all the time. That’s something I could cover in a performance, but when a play’s as good as this, why cover? It should work on its own.”

“Well, since I believe in the way it is, it’s hard for me not to think about production. Wouldn’t there be legal problems if I change it?”

“I’d fight for it. Besides, the world isn’t what it used to be. Look at the stuff that’s being done now. When I think of all the taboos when I was starting out, it’s incredible. This might be more daring than anything that’s been done so far, but what the hell. I’d like to blaze a few more trails before I’m through. You aren’t thinking of your reputation or family or anything, are you?”

“No, I’m ready to stand up and be counted. You’ll see. I went pretty far in my last novel.”

“Then at least read the play through again with that in mind. I think you’ll see that you have to change it.”

“Do you suppose we’re going to be good for each other’s work, on top of everything else?”

“I doubt if you need anybody to be good for your work, aside from the odd editorial suggestion. There’s no doubt what you’re doing for me. I’ve told you. It’s going to be a whole new career. I’m going back to the way I did things at the beginning, cutting costs way back and taking risks on things I believe in. I can count on backing if I don’t lose too much money. If you can give me another play or two, I’ll get all the kids back who’ve given me up as hopeless. I think I can do it here. I’m thinking of tying in with somebody in New York to move things East after I’ve tuned them up here so we won’t have the curse of being a regional operation. I’ll start with your play. We’ll stir things up, Tommy.”