Always Conall (Bitterroot #2) (22 page)

Sage was quiet for a moment, and when she spoke, her voice was barely a faint whisper. “I’m trying to.”

Sage

Three days later, I had the night off work and I was a little bit panicked.

I was almost twenty-two years old, I was the mother of a four-year-old, and I was going out on my very first date.

I’d planned things to where I’d be all prepared, cool and confident when Conall arrived to pick me up. But, instead, I’d missed my hair appointment and had been late dropping Mattie off at the neighbor’s for babysitting. In an attempt to relax and compose myself, I poured a nice glass of red wine which I then promptly spilled down the front of my dress.

In all reality, this could have actually been worse. As it was, I could also only find one shoe that went with the dress, so spilling the wine actually sort of made that wardrobe decision for me.
But not until after I’d become all sweaty and nasty looking for that shoe.

Between that and the strong boozy smell that emanated from me, I ended up taking a super-fast second shower and had just blow-dried my hair when I heard a knock on the door.

Fuck. He was early
.

I glanced at the clock.

Oh, shit… Wait. Actually, I was running late
.

Throwing on my second-choice dress, I went to let Conall in.

To take Conall in, really.

Because he looked amazing.

Black jeans and a dark button-down shirt. He wasn’t wearing his usual ball cap, but had his short hair arranged in a spiky way that made him appear somewhat formal and bad-boy all at once.

And he was holding a bouquet of white roses.

I tried to talk, but I just sort of squeaked.

“I stopped at the florist,” he explained sincerely, “and told her I wanted to get you flowers that really meant something. She said white roses can mean a few things… usually new beginnings.
But also remembrance. Seemed perfect…”

He bought me flowers.
Again.

Maybe totally cliché, but I loved it just as much this time as I had the last. More, really, because this time he knew how much it would mean to me. And he
’d shared with me what it meant to him.

Our ‘date’ was nothing less than perfect.
Candlelit dinner in a quiet little corner of The Pass, a small steakhouse back off the main highway a few miles outside of Bitterroot. This had always been my favorite restaurant, even as a kid. Something that Conall had remembered after all this time. Something about the rustic atmosphere of the old log structure, which had started as a stagecoach stop during the gold rush days, had never failed ignite the romantic in me. I’d always imagined the wild west, vigilantes risking their lives to bring the criminals to justice. The women they loved and protected.

The comfort of this place helped to ease the nervousness that had rattled me earlier.
That and the man who had brought me here. Because, yes, this was my very first date…
ever
. I was a total late bloomer in that regard.

But it was with Conall. And that alone made it perfect.

The sun was setting low in the sky, lighting the clouds and scant haze of smoke a deep reddish pink, as we made the short drive down the mountain back to Bitterroot.

“You know,” I mused quietly, “you really didn’t have to do all this.”

Conall smiled over at me and reached out to hold my hand. “I wanted to.”

“Yeah, but… you know I’m a sure thing, right? I
’ve been known to put out.”

He laughed, deep and throaty. His smile sparked something deep within me. It unfurled and overwhelmed me. It made me want to throw caution to the wind.

“Stop the truck, Conall,” I breathed, my voice sounding husky and heated in my own ears.

He eyed me suspiciously as he let off the gas and allowed the pickup to slow.

I looked ahead, just down the road. “Right there,” I said, pointing to a fishing access sign that veered off down towards the creek. “Turn there.”

“Why?” His knowing, mischievous smile had my heart racing.

My own voice became completely breathy and quiet… sensual. “Just do it.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and lifted the folding down console to allow me to sit closer to him.

As he steered the pickup back through the trees, off the main road towards the bubbling creek, a quiver ran up through my body. Turning off the engine, he looked down at me, his eyes growing dark. I turned a bit on the bench seat,
raising up a little as I grazed my fingertips across his strong jaw. The dark bristle of a day’s growth of beard sent tingling vibrations down through my stomach, and I lifted my lips to his. Within a heartbeat, one of his hands tangled into my hair, his other hand sliding down over my ass. I shifted slightly, moving my leg over him to straddle him in the driver’s seat. The hemline of my short dress pushed up as I spread wide to press against him.

I loved the taste of his kiss. I relished in it, gorged myself on it.
The smooth, even line of his teeth. The warm, wet swirl of his tongue. His heavy hands gripping and pulling and holding me to him. I languished in every tremor he wrought from me. Every moan I let loose echoed in the small cab of the truck. Breathlessly, I angled my torso away, keeping my pelvis pressed tightly against his growing, hard length. With his hands coming to rest at my hips, I reached behind me to unzip my dress and shimmied it over my head, tossing it to the passenger side of the truck.

Conall’s gaze lit on my black demi bra and itty bitty panties, the satin fabric shining in the evening rays of sunlight that filtered through the trees. His hands grazed up my ribs to cup my breasts, squeezing them and pushing them together.

“Fuck me…” Conall breathed out, and he leaned forward to trace his lips along the silky edge of my bra. My fingers threaded through his short-cropped hair, scraping along his scalp, tugging to press his lips more firmly to the swell of my breast. My nipples ached, rigid and tight, craving the wet warmth of his mouth to sooth their need. He reached behind me and deftly unclasped the hooks, tugging the fabric from me and tossing it to the other side of the seat.

His lips closed over my tender skin, drawing hard and nipping sharply. My gasp reverberated through the small space as I ground my hips against his. My head fell back, my body leaning against the steering wheel as he followed, tantalizing my nipple with his tongue and his teeth. His hands were everywhere, setting my senses on fire as he massaged my breast firmly with one hand and caressed my hip with the other. The scrape of his fingertips traced the lacy line of my panties
, and he slipped his hands around my bottom to pull me tighter against him.

Frantically, I lifted, reaching for the button fly of his jeans, yanking them apart to free him.
To touch him and stroke him. Conall lifted me to kneel on the pickup seat and pushed my panties down my legs. He kissed my stomach, grazing his fingers across my bare mound before he lifted his hips to take his jeans off in the small space.

At the first
glimpse of his hard, mouthwatering cock, I reached down to grasp the steely length, grazing my thumb over the head and pumping my hand gently to draw forth a droplet of precum. Capturing the liquid with my thumb, I brought it to my lips, tasting his essence and moaning with the erotic flavor.

My other hand trailed down the ridges of his abs, again seeking the smooth heat of his rigid flesh as I swirled my tongue around my thumb, my gaze locked on his and desperate to taste and feel his skin.

“Fuck, baby,” he growled as he grasped my hips and pulled me down, spread wide across his lap. My tongue swept along my lips, and he pulled me forward to kiss me deeply. “I’d love this mouth, but I want your pussy.”

I felt a nudge at my sex, grazing my wet flesh.

I angled my body against him, pressing the thick head against my center, trying to position him just right to slide inside me. Conall’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me to him as he filled me, one hand tangling in my hair and the other firmly gripping my hip. A sharp cry erupted from my throat as he stretched me, pulling me harder against him with his thrust.

“Oh fucking God,” he rasped. “Sage, fuck…”

For a moment, we were still, lost in that instant of joining. That sensation of being whole and complete, that feeling that eluded me at any other time than when Conall was inside me. Then my hips began to slowly circle, all of their own accord. I simply followed the demands of my body. My fingertips slid up the smooth cotton of his t-shirt that still covered his firm pectorals, up over his tensed shoulders to curve around the back of his neck, and then I pulled his lips towards mine. Not quite kissing him, but sharing every breath and gazing in a lustful fog at the clench of his jaw, the arch of his brow, the dark shadow of his lashes as they lay on his cheek when he closed his eyes blissfully. He was beautiful. He felt incredible. He was everything in the world to me in that second.

The hand at my hip began to tense, rigidly guiding my movements as I slid up and down over his cock. The intense tightness of his length against my inner walls sent shockwaves through my body. The increasingly wet slap of skin sounded through the cab of the truck as our movements sped up.

I pressed my lips against his desperately, opening wide for the invasion of his tongue, and my fingertips trailed down his taut abs to push his t-shirt up and reveal his beautiful chest. Only pausing for a moment while I rode him, Conall yanked the shirt over his head before he pulled my naked body against his, capturing me in his strong arms and holding me tightly as he began to thrust up into me again. I blissfully allowed him to control my movements, to pull and push me, to create circles with my pelvis that rubbed him so perfectly inside. The deep love I felt for him pulsed through me, intensifying with each tantalizing thrust.

His movements slowed some and his arms relaxed, one hand coming around my front to squeeze the softness of my breast. His other hand lifted my torso just slightly and his lips closed over my nipple, causing my whole body to clench tightly around him.

“Fuck,” he groaned against my peaked nipple, and his other hand began to frantically urge my hips to move against him harder and faster. “Oh fuck…”

I braced my hand against the roof of the pickup to increase the force
of my movements as the pressure built inside me, and Conall’s hands vigorously jerked my body against him. Small sobs began to escape my lips, breathy and euphoric, as I climbed closer to release. The intensity escalated until I shattered into tremulous rapture. My body swayed against him as he slowed momentarily, tangling his fingers through my hair and kissing me deeply. A light breeze drifted through his open window, skating across the sheen of sweat on my back and making me shiver.

For a few moments, he held me still. Then, I felt a tightening of his muscles and he again stroked inside me long and slow. With a sharp gasp, I pulled away from his lips and clutched at the smooth bare skin of his shoulders to look down his amazingly beautiful body, to watch him moving in and out of me. I circled my hips again, shivering with the aftershocks of my orgasm and the sensation of his still rock-hard length moving in and out. Again, his lips came forward to tease my nipples, and I arched my back, quickening the movements, wanting him to explode the way I just had.
Wanting to feel the warm rush of him spilling inside me.

Conall’s voice was hoarse and thick as he began to moan against my breasts. With every rotation of my hips, his hands clenched me tighter, pulling and wrenching my quivering body to meet his own thrusts. The faster I moved, the tighter he held me with his bruising grip. My muscles ached from the motion but it simply felt too fucking amazing to stop or slow. A fucker’s high.
Pushing through the pain to the sheer heaven of release.

With a convulsive clench of every muscle in his body and a deeply ragged groan, Conall erupted inside me. The hot flood of his cum shot into me, drenching me and forcing another jarring orgasm from my body. I saw spots and flashes of light. The blissful shocks ripped through me. I tasted the salt of my tears, the salt of sweat on his skin. My mind went completely blank, devastated by the intensity of my climax.

I was completely overwhelmed. Overwrought. Overcome. And for a time, all I had the power to do was to clutch him to me and cry.

Sage

Oh God, I didn’t want to make the call.

But I had to.

I got Conall’s voicemail, so I left him a frantic message. I needed to talk to him right away. I’d just gotten to work, but I’d keep my phone on me.

Conall didn’t call. He showed up.

“Sage, what is it?” he asked as he rushed through the doors of the ER and caught me in his arms. “Is it Mattie?”

I shook my head, pressing my face into his neck. “Mattie’s fine
.” I pulled back and looked up at him. My fingertips ran along his shoulders as I desperately tried to make this easier for him to hear. But there really wasn’t a way that wouldn’t hurt him. “It’s Jacob…” I said, watching him closely, wishing I could absorb the agony I was about to cause him. “He’s gone.”

Conall warily leaned away, shaking his head. “What?” His hands gripped my hips, and he weaved slightly with shock.
“No…”

“He was brought into the hospital a little while ago with chest pain
,” I explained in a voice thick with sorrow, and my fingers lovingly traced the tense angle of his jaw. “It all happened a little bit before I got to work. Someone saw him pulled over on the side of the road on his way into town and called an ambulance. But his heart… they just couldn’t…” I couldn’t continue. Tears filled my eyes at the obvious pain Conall was going through.

I pressed myself close to him, hoping my love could be some form of comfort. Hoping I could give him some of my frail strength.
Anything to help absorb the shock he was feeling, the sheer agony that radiated through his body.

Conall clutched me back. His shoulders were tight. Every muscle of his body had become tense, rigid with emotion. And for a time, we just stood like that. Still.
Hurting. Wrapped in each other’s arms.

Finally, Conall
’s hold relaxed a little. He lifted his head, and the coffee-brown of his eyes reflected a dazed, soulful pain I hadn’t seen in years. A glistening to his eyes, a vulnerability that tore at my heart, that hadn’t existed since Matt died.

And now, another person he loved was gone.

I could see the wheels turning in his mind. And my own fear began to clutch at my heart. He’d felt like a curse on my family before. On his own.
Would he feel this way about Jacob, too? Would this loss make him panic and run like when Matt died?

“His kids are on their way. Did you…” I choked a little at the raw concern and fear began to
pervade my throat, “did you want to see him before they get here?”

But he took a deep breath and nodded. I took hold of his arm,
holding it close to me as we slowly walked into the room where Jacob’s body lay.

“Do you want to be alone with him for a minute?” I asked, barely a whisper.

His anguished eyes turned towards me, and he shook his head slowly from side to side. So I slid my arm around his waist and nestled against him. His arms tightened around me, clutching me to him as though he needed what little support I could give him.

So I held him. I ran my fingers in a soothing motion along his back and was just simply… with him.

Conall

A couple hours later, the family showed up. David, Jacob’s son who built the cabin, was the first to arrive.
Then his sister, Jacob’s daughter Lily. It was a bit of a surreal feeling. They’d known him and loved him longer than I ever had. But they were so matter-of-fact about everything. Calm and taking care of business. It sort of bothered me that they seemed to be holding it together so much better than I felt I was. In a way, I became almost angry that they didn’t really get what a special man their dad was. As if the time and distance had made them take him for granted.

Sage stood by my side as long as she could. Her very presence gave me comfort. Her touch, the strength I garnered from holding her, became my salvation. After a while, she unfortunately got called to work with some patients.
A couple little kids with some sort of stomach flu that required a great deal of care. Her shift would be over in about an hour or so, so I figured I’d just wait for her. I couldn’t bear going out to the ranch just yet. Not alone. I just wanted the solace of her and Mattie.

Brynn had stopped by Mattie’s daycare to pick her up and take her back to Sage’s apartment, thinking it might help. Mattie could be fast asleep by the time Sage got done working, and we could have a little quiet time to reflect on this huge loss. On the uncertainty of the situation I now found myself in. My employer, the man who had given me a place to land, was gone. This left things extremely unsettled. And it would shake Sage’s budding security.

Yet, there was a thought in my mind. There was an option.

But that option would very likely scare her to death. It would be a huge shift from the way things had been over the past
couple weeks. And I had no idea how she was going to react.

So I sat in the waiting room, my thoughts in turmoil trying to come to grips with the changes that were being forced upon us.
And trying to figure out the best way to take care of my girls. I sat lost in these thoughts when David came in and sat down across from me.

“Thank you,” he said, “for being there for my dad. He figured his days were numbered out there, and was pretty heartbroken talking about selling the ranch. But when you showed up, when you offered to help him out, you took a huge weight off his shoulders.”

“He’s done a lot for me. Ever since I was a kid. And he loved that place. He’d lived there his whole life.”

“Yeah,” David said. “I know he was really bothered that Lily or I didn’t want to take it over. I tried, but my wife… just can’t take the Californian out of her.”

“So, I’m guessing you guys will sell the ranch, then,” I murmured.

“Yeah, Lily and I kinda talked about it already. The inheritance taxes on a place that big are kind of killer, but if we put it up for sale right away, we can get it sold before we have to pay them.” He gave me a look of concern.

“I’ll help you get stuff together. To get it ready for sale. I’ve got Jacob’s contacts for selling the cattle, and you could either auction the equipment or include it with the land. You’d probably get more with an auction, though.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate that because, quite frankly, I haven’t the faintest idea what to do.”

For a minute or two, we sat in a companionable silence. Both grieving.

David finally looked over at me. “Do you know what you’re going to do?” he asked. “If we sell the ranch, they might need a foreman. I’m not sure what to do in the meantime, though, after the cattle are gone.
Not sure how to keep you on.”

“I have a plan B,” I said softly.

Sage

I have a plan B…

I sat in Conall’s pickup wondering what he’d meant by that. I’d been about to step into the waiting room when his words hit me, and I froze solid. I couldn’t take another step. I couldn’t breathe. My heart stopped and my vision clouded. I’d turned on my heel and made a beeline for the supply closet, closing the door behind me to gather my wits.

Was he going to leave again?
It was my first thought. My only thought, really, since that moment.

Logically, I knew it would be different this time.
Somewhat. He knew about Mattie. And everything in me told me he’d be responsible and take care of her.

But his job was gone. His home would be sold out from under him. And to truly be responsible, he’d have to have both of those.

And what about me?

He hadn’t said a word about his plan B to me. He sounded so certain when he spoke of it.
Almost as though it was already in place. He’d been quiet since we left the hospital, and, honestly, with the horrible night we’d had, I didn’t want to push him. Jacob was going to leave a huge hole in Conall’s life. He really didn’t need me freaking out all of a sudden. He had enough on his plate.

So I sat there in the passenger seat of Conall’s pickup while he stopped at a gas station convenience store on the way back to my apartment.

“Need anything?” he asked as he got out of the truck.

I shook my head and he went inside. I couldn
’t talk. I could barely breathe. All I could do was sit there and think of
plan B
.

And, truly, I was freaking the fuck out. But I was also doing everything I could to hold it together… for Conall.

A piece of paper on the dashboard of the pickup caught my attention. I tried really hard not to see it. Not to see what it said. But it was like I couldn’t look away. Like I couldn’t stop my hand for reaching for it. Like I couldn’t stop my eyes from reading the words. I didn’t have the strength to
not
read what it said.

It was from the Army.

It explained that, with the current period of forced reductions, retention was being tightly managed. While Conall, with five years of service, was considered an ‘initial-term’ soldier, his performance had been exemplary. He had three months from his discharge to contact retention officials about assignment opportunities.

The letter was outlining his options for reenlistment.

Conall’s words from the hospital waiting room began to reverberate through my head. Over and over like a skip in a CD.

I have a plan B…

Oh God. He was reenlisting.

He
was
leaving.

I slipped the letter back up on the dash as I saw him heading back out to the pickup with a gallon of milk. He’d remembered that we’d run out that morning. Everything that had happened in the last few hours, and he remembered when I hadn’t, knowing Mattie would need it for breakfast. A pang ripped through my heart.
What would I do without him?
I’d come to rely on him. To need him. To feel whole… with him.

I tried to calm my breathing and think rationally. He’d made good money in the Army. He’d risen to the rank of sergeant. He was a strong leader, an honest and dedicated man, and they’d asked for him to come back.

With a sickening roil of my stomach, I realized this was what he was talking about.

This was plan B.

Conall

The next few days were sort of a blurry haze. Jacob’s funeral was a swirl of black dresses and tearful expressions. Sage came with me, although I was a pallbearer, so I sat in a different area. Looking out over the sea of mourners, her face in the crowd, her presence alone gave me strength and comfort.