Allure (20 page)

I look down at the photo again, and I still feel sick and empty and all those things I’ve been feeling since I left her world and came back to mine. But there’s something else there now.

‘We had this one, crazy night – the night before I left her, to come back here. And when I say crazy I mean… It was pretty full-on, y’know? Real full-on… I watched her do things,
made
her do things… man, it was fucking insane! And she did all of those things because she wanted to, not because it was part of her job; because some guy was paying her to do them.’

‘You were that guy, Neal.’

‘I wasn’t paying her, Barry. I stopped paying her days before I left her. I stopped being a client and started to become something else, something more…’

‘Did she stop working?’

I shake my head and look away because everything sounds so fucked-up. But nobody else was there. Nobody else was fucking there.

‘Then you never really stopped being a client, bro. You were just getting it for free… Look, I think we need another drink. You wanna go get them? Give you a few minutes to get your head straight, huh?’

I raise my gaze to meet my brother’s, and I give him a weak smile. I’m too tired to summon up anything else, and I don’t think I need to get my head straight, but he’s right on one score – we do need another drink. ‘Yeah, OK.’ I slide my phone back into my pocket and head over to the bar. It’s crowded, and I’m not really in the mood to be around people but I’m making an effort, for Barry’s sake. Let him think I’m getting there, that I’m at least thinking of moving on. And I am. Just possibly not in the way he wants me to.

‘I haven’t seen you in here for a while.’

I turn to see a woman standing beside me. She’s pretty, I suppose, with shoulder-length dark hair and big brown eyes, but she isn’t Kira. Kira is beautiful and different; she’s so fucking different. ‘I’m sorry, I… Have we met before?’

She smiles, and it makes her look even prettier. I’m not so dead inside that I don’t see that. ‘I come in here a lot. I see you around, and, I guess I… I wanted to come and say hi. I’m Helen. I work at the Renton Gallery, do you know it?’

‘I know it, yes. I’m an art dealer, so I’m familiar with most of the galleries around here. I’m Neal. Neal Cannon.’

‘Well, it’s good to meet you, Neal Cannon. An art dealer, huh? I’m surprised I haven’t seen you in the gallery before.’

‘I haven’t been to that particular one for a while now. And anyway, my brother and I kinda share the load. We run our business together, so, it isn’t always me who’s out and about.’

She takes a sip of her drink, and the way she looks at me… I know what’s happening here. I’ve worked it out, and I’m not happy.

‘Do you
know
my brother?’ I ask, narrowing my eyes slightly. I can read people pretty well, some of the time, and I’m reading her.

‘He comes in here a lot, too… ‘

She stops suddenly, and she knows I’m on to her now; on to both of them.

 
‘Look, Neal… I really do like you, so when Barry asked me to…’

‘I’m not on the lookout for a relationship, sweetheart, OK? So whatever Barry told you, forget it.’

‘Neal, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have agreed to this, but I…’

‘Like I said, darlin’, I’m not looking for anything, alright?’ I take the whiskeys and head back up to Barry, slamming his down in front of him. ‘I don’t appreciate what you just did there.’

‘What did I…?’

The look I give him wipes the mock-innocent expression from his face in an instant.

‘I’ve known Helen for ages, OK? And she’s always had this massive crush on you so…’

‘So you thought you’d interfere, huh? Do a bit of matchmaking.’

‘I’m trying to pull you back to fucking reality, bro, because right now you’re still living in some fucking bubble that’s already burst for your pretty escort. You need to start living a life that’s real, before you become some kind of weird recluse…’

I down my drink in one mouthful and stand up. I’m outta here. There’s somewhere else I need to be.

‘Come on, Neal. Where are you going?’

‘I’m going home, I’m booking a flight and I’m gonna start living that real life you’re so keen for me to start living, OK?’

‘Neal…’

‘I need her, Barry. I need to see her, because I can’t go on like this. My head’s a mess and I’m spending every fucking day with my stomach in knots and I can’t go on like that. I can’t do it. She kicked all that out of me, do you understand? When I was with her I felt alive, and you know I haven’t felt that way for so fucking long.’

‘This is crazy, Neal.’

‘No, what’s crazy is that I’m here, without her, and I’m feeling all those things I felt when Lisa died. And I don’t want to feel like that anymore, Barry. I don’t. So I need to see her. Because she
is
real. She’s very real. And what I feel for her, that’s real, too.’

‘And if you find her? And she doesn’t feel the same? What if she doesn’t want you, huh?’

‘Then I’ll know, won’t I? I’ll know.’

Twenty-One

Kira

‘It
is
safe to go home now, Joey. Only, when you came to see me you said you were only staying the weekend and, it’s Tuesday now. Haven’t you got somewhere else you need to be?’

‘I think Bam-Bams will survive without me for one more day, angel.’

I look at him, then I look at Benni, who just shrugs.

‘You feeling OK? Only, it isn’t like you to miss more than a day without throwing yourself into the limelight. That stage is your second home, that’s what you keep telling me, anyway.’

He takes a sip of his coffee and I don’t miss the look he gives Benni.

‘Oh, no. Hang on. Listen, guys, I don’t need babysitting, OK? And you two – you’re making way more out of this than it needs to be.’

Joey raises an eyebrow, and I know I’m not going to get anywhere. If he wants to stay, he’ll stay. And I’ve missed him, if I’m honest. He’s my best friend, and I guess I ran when I probably should have stayed and talked it out with him.

‘He just wants to spend one more day with his girl.’ Benni smiles and hands me a slice of toast. ‘So eat that, and go put some make-up on. We’re taking you shopping.’

‘Christ, I’ve got it in stereo now,’ I sigh, taking a big bite of toast. ‘And how do you know I don’t have appointments booked in for today?’

Joey throws me a wide-eyed look and shrugs, as though I’ve just said the stupidest thing ever. ‘We checked your calendar.’

Yeah. Of course they did. ‘I’ve got a couple booked in for later.’

‘Five-thirty tonight, angel, I know. And another at half past eight. And I’m guessing the former, at least, will more than likely be another Mr Businessman popping in for a quick one before he runs home to his poor, unsuspecting wife.’

‘Joey…’ Benni throws him a death-stare, but I know what Joey’s doing.

‘It’s OK, Benni. Really.’

‘No, Kira, it isn’t. She needs to do what she needs to do, Joey, alright? You can’t live her life for her.’

‘She’s running, Benni. And she’s making mistakes, and I…’

‘I
am
here, you know?’

‘Yes, I know you’re here, because you don’t want to be at home, and you’re kidding yourself if you think being here for a few days is going to change anything.’

I give him a confused look, and then I smile, and I know it irritates him. Yeah, I’m running, because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t need Neal Cannon, and he doesn’t need me. Together we’d be toxic; bad for each other. But it doesn’t stop me from missing him. I miss the sex and the early mornings lying in bed and talking; I miss his hot, hard body. But I don’t need him.

‘I just wanted a bit of time away to get my head together, Joey.’

‘And? Is it together yet? Hmm?’

I smile again, clutching my mug of tea. ‘Yeah. Almost.’

He raises a questioning eyebrow, and I shrug.

‘What?’

‘Dear Lord, she’s going to be the oldest escort in town.’

‘Joey…’

‘I don’t want her to do this forever, Benni.’

‘I think it’s Kira’s decision, don’t you?’

I lean back against the counter and watch them talking about me. I can’t be bothered to join in now. But then I figure I should jump in before they start arguing with each other. I don’t want that to happen.

‘Look, I’m coming home tomorrow, alright? And if you’d looked at my profile hard enough whilst you were checking my calendar you’d have seen that. It’s right up there in big black letters.’

‘Tomorrow?’ Joey’s expression is one of relief now. Which makes
me
relieved, too. I can do without the aggro.

‘Tomorrow. And then we get back to normal, OK?’

He comes over to me and kisses me quickly, squeezing my waist. ‘Thank you. Now go get your face on and let’s go shopping. If you really want to remain playing every man’s fantasy it won’t do any harm to update your wardrobe. And I could do with a new pair of heels myself.’

I smile, put my tea down and give both him and Benni a double hug. My life is slowly getting back to the way I like it. I feel happy again. I’m back in control. Kira Blu is all I need to survive, and she’s back now.

She’s back.

*

I’d needed that day out with Benni and Joey. It felt like a turning point for me, like things were finally back to how they should be and now Neal feels like nothing more than a blip that happened because I was weak and let my guard down. I know what happens when I let my guard down. And I won’t let it happen again.

My five-thirty client was, as Joey had predicted, a smartly-dressed man in a suit who’d arrived with his briefcase and an armful of papers for an hour’s worth of costume-play. I’d assumed the role of his secretary, he’d ordered me to take down more than just notes, and, to be honest, it was fun. He was a quiet man, and he didn’t talk all that much but once he got into the role-playing game he seemed to come alive more, so he got my best sexy secretary with a filthy edge. And even though it
did
bring back memories of that crazy day when I’d posed as Neal’s assistant in our own real-life role-playing game, those memories didn’t hurt as much as I’d thought they might. I can handle them now. In fact, if anything, having those memories helped me give my client the best experience I could, and he went away a very happy man. Back to his wife? His girlfriend? His fiancée? I don’t know. I don’t ask. I still have to keep that side of things out of it. I
do
feel guilty, but I can’t let that get in the way, or I can’t do this anymore. And I want to do this. Joey may think it’s time I walked away now, but this is the life I want. I thought, at one point, when Neal was here, that it wasn’t, that I wanted out; wanted more than this. But I don’t. I really don’t. I’m fine in this world I created for myself. This is where I feel safe; in control.

I’m getting ready for my final client here in
Manchester
. The tour’s been good. A lot of new faces have come to see me, and even one or two from back home who said they couldn’t be without me for over a week. Sometimes that makes me sad, that some of these men rely on me not only for sex, but for company, too, but again I have to not let that get in the way. I have to blank so much shit out in order to do this, but I manage it.

I look in the mirror and quickly add another coat of mascara before I step back and smile at my reflection. I cried a lot, after I left Neal that morning a little over a week ago. I didn’t tell Joey, couldn’t let him know or he’d have pushed me into doing something I think is wrong. But I cried, a lot. Now, though, I feel like the old me. The real me. I feel safe with the barriers up and my façade back in place. I guess I’m just not ready to be free yet. This is who I need to be, for a little while longer.

I run my fingers through my hair and shake it out before heading into the bedroom. A shorter-than-short sheer white slip-dress is laid out on the bed and I slide it on over the tiny white knickers I’m wearing. I’m naked underneath, bar for those knickers. I’ll open that door and the man outside will see almost everything he’s paying for, but that’s what I do – I get their cocks hard before they’ve even had a chance to step over the threshold.

I just have time to slip into the silver and white sky-scraper heels that finish off the outfit before the doorbell rings. One more look in the full-length mirror, another smile to let myself know that I’m ready for this, then I head off to greet my last
Manchester
client.

I feel almost excited as I go to open the door. I’m looking forward to going home, getting back to
Newcastle
and seeing the girls; everyone at Bam-Bams. I’ve been away little more than a few days but only now am I beginning to realise how much I’ve missed everyone. I spent so much time, in my first couple of days here, missing Neal that I forgot to miss those who really matter. Those who are still here.

I slowly open the door, fixing the friendly, welcoming smile on my face because this client is a new one. I want him to feel comfortable from the second he sees me.

‘Hey, beautiful.’

I don’t know what to do. I don’t. I really don’t know what to do.

‘You can block my phone, Kira. You can change your number, tell the agency not to put me through but the one thing you still have on your profile, darlin’, is an email booking system. And that email you got, from the man who wants you naked and wet and up against the wall – that was from me. I’m him.’

I shake my head, because I can’t believe he’s standing there. I can’t. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’

‘Yeah.’ He walks into the apartment and kicks the door shut behind him, his arm sliding around my waist, pulling me against him in an action so quick I don’t have time to protest. ‘I should.’

‘Neal…’ Saying his name out loud makes it real, and suddenly everything I thought was over comes crashing back to remind me it was never that. It was never over.

‘No more, Kira. Y’hear me, baby? No more.’

I melt in his arms, like the weak rag doll I am but I have no choice. He’s back. And I was stupid and naive to think he wouldn’t be.

He pulls the slip-dress over my head and lifts me up on to the sideboard, dragging my knickers down with one rough yank, his mouth on my neck, his hands pushing my legs apart and I don’t fight it; I should, but I don’t. I can’t. I want this, I want
him
. The smell of his cologne, the feel of his hands on my skin, it’s all too familiar, and I let the memories flood over me because they can’t hurt now. He’s back. He’s here.

My beautiful American man is back.

And my world has once more been turned on its head.

Neal

It feels like I’ve just been given the biggest shot of morphine. The second I’m inside her a calm takes over I can’t begin to explain, it’s like I’ve come home. She’s pulling me in with those crazy-strong muscles and I’m sinking deeper into her with every thrust and I know I was right to come here. She’s the drug I can’t do without, an obsession I need to feed. And I was right, to come here.

She leans back, her hands palm-down behind her, her beautiful tits pushed right out and that sends me plunging even deeper inside her, and I can’t stop myself from crying out in frustration and pleasure and a multitude of other emotions I’ve never allowed myself to feel in over six years. But they’re flooding out of me now as I fuck this woman and know she’s all I want.

She thrusts her hips toward me and I push back, holding on to her as the climax builds but I’m not ready yet. It’s too soon. I don’t want it to be over. So I pull out, and she gets it. She knows we’re not done.

‘It’s good to have you back, Mr Cannon.’

She smiles and slides down from the sideboard, her fingers burying themselves in my hair as she kisses me long and slow and she is killing me. She’s fucking killing me.

‘You came all the way over here so I can play at being your own private whore again, huh?’

I smile too, enjoying the game. I got my girl back, and yeah, if that’s how we’re gonna play this then that’s fine by me. ‘And we ain’t finished playing yet, darlin’.’ I notch up the Texan accent somewhat and she laughs, the dirtiest sound that comes from the pit of her stomach and my cock needs to be back inside her, now. Right now.

I turn her around and push her up against the wall, pulling her ass back towards me as I ram my cock back inside her, feeding off her moans, needing to hear her cries. And when I reach around and find her clit, rubbing it hard as I thrust into her, it takes just seconds before I’m coming so fast I can’t catch my breath. And then she comes, too, and I hold her tight against me as we move together, her fingers gripping mine until the waves end and everything starts to slow down.

Reality’s about to hit.

And I’m not scared anymore.

Kira

I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the wall as my breathing gradually begins to slow down. He’s still inside me and I don’t want him to pull out, not yet. I’ve got tight hold of his hand and I’m not letting go. I can feel him behind me, feel his breath on my shoulder, his clothed body up against my naked one. And I still can’t believe he’s here, that he came back.

‘You didn’t stick to our plan, Mr Cannon,’ I breathe, biting down on my lip as he pushes my hair back off my neck and kisses it, so lightly I shiver, and grip his fingers – and his cock – even tighter. And he laughs, that low-down dirty laugh that sends another shiver coursing through me.

‘I think you’ll find I did, Ms Blu. I guess I just knew what I wanted a lot quicker than you did.’

He finally pulls out of me and I turn around, running a hand along the back of his neck as I push him down for a kiss – a slow, deep kiss that I feel from the very depths of my soul. ‘You think I want you?’ I murmur, my mouth resting against his. I don’t want to pull it away.

‘I
know
you do.’