Allure (11 page)

‘Except the boots. Take everything else off.’

She looks at me, throws me a half smile and does exactly what I ask, and I watch as she slowly becomes naked in front of me.

‘Where would you like me?’ she asks, all big green eyes and mock innocence.

‘Stretched out, head in my lap, legs as far apart as you can get them.’

She lies back, her head in my lap, and all I can do is look at her. She’s driving me crazy and I love every fucking, confusing second.

I reach down and trail a hand over her tits, all the time my eyes locked with hers because I want to see her face when I do this. I want to watch her expression change; when I can’t have her anymore I want to remember her, like this.

My hand touches her stomach, moving lower until I’m once more sinking into her warm wet heaven, my fingers gently stroking her, my eyes still locked with hers and I feel my stomach give an unexpected jolt.

She bites down on her lip as I push my fingers inside her, her hips jerking upwards slightly, and I fall deeper into her, and she grips me tight and it’s all I can do not to cry out loud with frustration and fear and all the crappy, unfair shit I’m feeling right now. But I stay calm and keep thrusting my fingers gently in and out of her, all the time watching her beautiful face, and when she comes I swear I’ve never felt anything like it before. She’s gripping me like a fucking vice; she’s spilling out over my fingers she’s so wet, and I lean over to kiss her, and I never want to go back home. Take it all, take every last fucking thing I own and burn the lot, I don’t care anymore.

I want this woman.

I need this woman.

I only wish I didn’t…

Kira

He’s not as good as me at this. Role playing is my forte, I’m one of the best. But he kept slipping in and out of character, and I know, at times, he had to be the “real” Neal – he was seeing a bone fide client, after all. But when we were alone, he needed to stay in character. And he didn’t always manage that. And that’s when things felt different; when something in the air changed and I knew I needed to push it back to where we were supposed to be.

‘Do you really need these?’ I ask, taking off his glasses and slipping them onto my nose. They’re way too big for me, of course, and they keep slipping back down, but I look at him over the rim as he opens the door of his hotel suite and stands aside to let me through. He’s smirking, and I know we’re not done yet. We’ve had the best day, but the night is only beginning.

‘Yeah, actually, I do really need them. They’re not just a fancy fashion accessory.’

I stand in front of him, still peeking over the rim of the glasses, biting down on my lip. ‘Do they look better on me?’

He takes them off me and puts them back on, still smirking. ‘What looks better on you, Ms Blu, is absolutely nothing.’ He pulls me closer, kissing me slowly and I fall against him. My body’s tired from the countless fucks it’s had today, but it isn’t ready to give in just yet. I’m a pro. I’ve got stamina. It’s kind of necessary in my job. Some days.

‘Have I done good today, Mr Cannon?’

He smiles, and then briefly looks up at the ceiling as though he’s seriously contemplating that question. Yeah. He’s learning to commit more to this now. Maybe we’re about to do some overtime.

He shrugs. ‘You did OK.’

I gasp in mock shock and step back from him, slamming my hand against my chest. ‘
OK
?’ Then I dip my eyes and look to the ground before slowly raising my gaze, moving closer to him. ‘What did I do wrong, Mr Cannon?’ I pull at his tie, winding it around my fingers as I look up into his incredible blue eyes. ‘Was I a really bad girl?’

He drops a hand to my bottom and squeezes it tight, and I can tell he’s gritting his teeth, and it turns me on like crazy! ‘Bend over,’ he growls, and my stomach dives down so low I can’t catch my breath.

I do as he says, and I know what’s coming, and it fills me with an excitement I’ve never felt before. Because we’re pushing them now, those boundaries. We’re pushing them. But it’s necessary. I’m about to get my punishment.

I grab on to the window-sill and look out over the river and the city below us; at everyone getting on with their lives while I’m about to be fucked hard and fast in a place I haven’t let anyone near since… Nobody’s been there. In a long time. And nobody’s ever paid for it because it isn’t on my profile as something I’m willing to do. But I want Neal to go there. He’s about to become my exception.

I keep my eyes on everything going on below us as he slides my skirt right up around my waist, his hands on my bottom, touching it, stroking it, running his fingers over it until I can take no more. I want him, now.

He slides a hand between my legs and spreads them a little wider, and as I hear him rip open the condom packet I reach behind me and take it from him, throwing it down. He doesn’t need it. Not where he’s going. I’m breaking so many rules here, I know, but I want him to come inside me, so much it’s killing me. I want to feel him come, inside me. And that can happen, this way.

He gets the message, and I regain my grip on the window-sill, breathing in deep as I prepare to take him. But he’s not rushing this. He reaches around to touch me first, his fingers gently stroking my clit but I feel his cock pressing against me and I ache for him to do it, now. To go there, and take me in a way I have never been taken before – not like this. Not under these circumstances.

‘Fuck me, Mr Cannon,’ I breathe, keeping my eyes wide open, because I want to see the real world carrying on in front of me while he’s fucking me from behind.

My fingers cling even tighter on to the window-sill as he slowly begins to enter me, and it’s painful at first, but he’s careful, he’s gentle and it’s beautiful. And even though my knuckles are turning white I’m gripping the sill so tightly, I want him to continue. I want his cock inside me while his fingers fuck my pussy and I want to come so hard my cries could crack glass.

He’s over halfway in now, and I’m so grateful he’s taking his time. Most men would just ram it in there and not give a thought for me, but he’s considerate and gentle and the more he pushes into me, the more relaxed I become. Anal sex was never something I ever wanted to add to my profile. After what happened to me before – before I began living this fucked-up life of mine – it was never something I wanted to relive. But Neal is making this a beautiful, almost cathartic experience.

His hand slides around to touch my clit again, and I moan quietly, finally closing my eyes, but only briefly. Watching the world go by as he fucks me is something of a turn-on. A major turn-on. And when he slides his fingers inside me I almost scream out loud with relief. He’s inside me, totally, and as I push back against him I realise he’s fully in there now. I can feel him, every inch of him, and it’s so incredibly hot I can’t even think straight.

Neal Cannon.

My one big mistake?

Or the man who came to save me. From the one thing I didn’t think I needed saving from…

Neal

I didn’t think this day could get any freaking better but, Jesus, I’m fucking her ass and I’ve got my fingers in her pussy and I’m coming, really coming inside her. She’s let me go bareback, this once, because of where I’m fucking her, and it feels amazing! I haven’t fucked without a condom in I don’t know how long. You just don’t risk it, when you spend your life sleeping with escorts. They’re all clean and tested and healthy, I know that. I don’t use agencies or girls who aren’t, but nonetheless, you just don’t risk it.

But this – this is pushing me over the edge. And she’s crying out loud, and bucking back against me, her tight fucking ass gripping me hard, squeezing every last drop out of me and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before. She’s got me. I’m done. But she’s about to come, too, I can feel her pussy tense around my fingers so I keep my cock where it is, and thrust a little harder, moving my other hand down to rub her clit until she cries out even louder, shuddering against me and, man, this is the best fucking feeling! She’s backing up against my balls and I swear to God my cock’s still hard.

But it’s over now. She’s finished, but her breathing’s still fast and heavy as she hangs her head. And I kinda want to look at her now. That was good, don’t get me wrong. That was freaking amazing. But I like looking at her, when we fuck.

I slowly pull out of her and she stands up straight, yanking her skirt back down over her hips and thighs before she turns around.

Her eyes meet mine, and nobody says anything. The message is loud and clear.

We’ve just crossed a line.

And I’m not sure either of us wants to go back now.

Thirteen

Neal

I’m awake before her this morning, for a change. And it’s nice, to wake up and still have her lying next to me.

I glance quickly at the clock on the nightstand and notice that it’s still ridiculously early – 4.55am. And it’s odd, for me to be awake at what I still consider to be the middle of the night. But then again, I’ve got a lot on my mind. These past few days have been exhausting; their intensity brutal, and I’m not the same man I was when I arrived here less than four days ago. Kira Blu – whoever she is – she changed me. And I can’t breathe without her now.

I reach out and gently stroke a strand of hair from her closed eyes. Her breathing is quiet, her breaths shallow and I wonder if she’s dreaming about yesterday. We did so much yesterday; fucked so many times I’m not sure I can make her go there today. But then again, I know I can’t get through the day without being inside her.

She sighs quietly and falls onto her back, and I’m glad when she turns her head to face me, except, she’s still asleep, but that’s good. It means I get more time to just look at her. Time to know that everything I’m feeling, it’s real and it hurts and it’s exciting. It’s real. And I can’t kid myself any longer.

I can hear birds outside signalling the impending arrival of a new day and I wonder what this one’s gonna bring. And for the first time in a long time I feel a lack of control that’s truly terrifying.

She lets out another sigh and my stomach tangles into a knot so tight it renders me breathless. I reach out and stroke another strand of hair from her eyes, leaning over to ever-so-gently kiss her forehead.

She thinks I don’t hear her cry in the night, but I do. She lies in my arms and I hold her tight and she thinks I’m asleep, but I hear her; feel her tears on my skin and it breaks my fucking heart. She’s too beautiful to cry. I want to get inside her head and find out why she’s so sad, so broken. I’m broken, too, so I recognise the signs. Two fucked-up people who belong together. We know that now.

We belong.

Together.

Kira

‘Hey, gorgeous.’

His smile is the first thing I see this morning, and I can’t stop myself smiling back at him. ‘Hey, handsome.’

He rests a hand against my cheek and pulls me to him, his mouth touching mine and I close my eyes as he kisses me awake. It’s the only way I want to be woken up now. His kisses are like fuel to me, I need them to get me through the day.

‘Are you OK?’ he asks, his hand still there on my cheek, his big blue eyes staring deep into mine.

I know why he’s asking me that; asking me if I’m OK. Last night we really did stop fighting. Last night we knew we couldn’t do it anymore. That first night together changed everything, but last night was the first time we realised just how much it had changed
us
.

‘I’m fine,’ I whisper as his arm snakes around my waist and pulls me against him. His skin is warm and soft, his body hard and taut and I know things have changed, because I don’t want him to fuck me. Not right now. I don’t want sex, I just want him to hold me. I want to spend all day in his arms, in this bed, doing whatever it is we have to do to get this crazy situation straight in our heads.

‘Kira, I… last night… You know what happened, don’t you?’

I nod, and keep looking into those eyes of his because they’re mesmerising. He’s pulling me under and I don’t want to escape. Not anymore. Last night I realised I was capable of feeling something real again, after years of not wanting to feel anything at all. But I’m still scared.

‘I’ve cancelled today’s appointments,’ he says, his mouth almost touching mine as he speaks. ‘Do the same, Kira. Please.’

He wants to stay here, too. He knows we need this time.

‘I just want to be with you today,’ he whispers, his hand resting on my hip, and now I want to feel him inside me. I need it, that feeling, like a junkie needs a fix. I need him. Inside me.

‘I’m not going anywhere.’ I smile, kissing him quickly before disentangling myself from his arms. ‘Except the bathroom. I really need to pee.’

‘Can I watch?’ He grins at me, and I consider letting him. ‘Oh, you’re actually thinking about it, huh?’ he laughs, and I smile again.

‘I charge extra for watersports, Mr Cannon.’

He props himself up on his elbows, and he’s still grinning, still so impossibly handsome it’s painful. ‘So, you’d make me pay for that privilege, then?’

I climb back on the bed and straddle him, leaning in to almost kiss him, but not quite. ‘I didn’t say that. I just said I charge extra.’

‘You do it, though?’ he asks, a smile still playing at the corners of his beautiful mouth. ‘Watersports, I mean.’

‘I thought you’d read my profile, handsome?’

‘I must’ve missed that bit,’ he murmurs, his mouth almost touching mine and my stomach does a full three-sixty degree somersault. At this point in time, I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long, long time. But I also know it’s a temporary happiness. He’s still going to leave here, and when he does, everything will go back to normal. Except, I’m not sure it can. Not now.

‘Maybe later, huh?’ I smile, kiss him quickly, and climb off him, going into the bathroom.

With the door closed behind me I let the mask slip for a few seconds. It’s hard, keeping Kira Blu on her game constantly. Usually she only has to come out to play for a few hours at a time and when she’s done I can put her away and go back to being me. But it’s Kira Blu that Neal wants to be with. So I have to keep her here.

When I go back into the bedroom he’s sitting up, reading a book, but the second he sees me he puts it down and takes off his glasses, laying them down on the bedside table.

‘Leave them on.’

I pick his glasses up and smile as I straddle him again, sliding them back onto his nose.

‘I find them kind of hot.’

He grins and holds on to my hips, kissing me quickly, and I melt inside.

‘So, I’m assuming you usually wear contacts, huh?’

‘Sometimes vanity wins, baby.’

I run my fingers through his hair and mess it up. I like him all ruffled and untidy sometimes. It’s another side to him; different to the well-dressed man I’d first met. A man who can be anyone he wants to be, and a woman who is whoever she needs to be, depending on what her paying client wants.

‘What’re you thinking about, Kira?’

His voice is quiet and soft and I take a second to let his accent wash over me. The American art dealer and the northern-English escort. We shouldn’t fit, but we do, somehow.

‘Nothing. I’m not thinking about anything.’

We’re supposed to be talking today, and yet, the sun is barely in the sky and I’m already shutting him out.

‘What made you do this, baby?’ he whispers, as though there should be a reason why I let men take me out, for money. Why I let them fuck me, for even more money. And there is, of course there’s a reason why I want to laud my power over them; a reason why I need to do that.

I look down, watching as his hand takes mine, his thumb running lightly over my knuckles. ‘It’s something I have to do.’ Present tense. Because that life is still the life I’ll be living once he’s gone.

I raise my head to look at him. He’s frowning, and I know he has no idea what I mean by that, but I really don’t want to talk about it.

‘What made you want to live this life for all this time, Kira?’

I climb off him. I don’t want to get into this, and I think he knows that now.

‘Kira, baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’

He follows me across the room, taking the dress from my hand as I attempt to put it on.

‘I’m sorry. I’m running before I can walk here, but we don’t have that much time, do we? And I want to
know
you, Kira. I want to know who you are.’

He doesn’t. He really doesn’t.
I
don’t even know who I am. Not anymore.

I lean back against the wall, and I suddenly feel defeated. We both know how we feel about each other now, we’ve faced up to that, but what difference does it make? He isn’t staying here. We don’t have a future. Facing up to our feelings doesn’t change the situation.

‘It’s more than physical now, Kira. You know that, don’t you?’

He moves closer to me, taking my hand and squeezing it gently. The heat of his body as it touches mine sends my pulse racing, and I feel dizzy.

‘None of this is real,’ I whisper, and I think I said words out loud that I meant to keep in my head. But I’m right. None of what’s happening here is real.

‘What I feel for
you
is real.’

My mouth’s dry and my skin’s prickling because his lips are almost touching mine now. And I just want to fall into him and never let him go and that scares me so much I feel tears start to burn the back of my eyes. ‘No, Neal, it isn’t. It isn’t. We’ve created a beautiful fairytale, but that’s all it is. A fairytale.’

And I want to live that fairytale, I really do, but I live in the real world, and it’s a world that’s harsh and brutal and fucking unfair. It’s nothing like this.

He shakes his head and I can’t stop the tears from falling. I never wanted to cry in front of him, but these tears won’t stop coming. I haven’t cried like this in years. I thought I was past that stage. I’ve cried enough, I thought I was done, but I’m crying now because I’ve opened those doors and allowed those feelings back in, and
he
made me do that. And I’ve done such a good job of keeping those feelings at bay for so long that I don’t know if I can handle them anymore.

‘Jesus, Kira…’

He pulls me against him and I hold him tight, and his arms around me is the best feeling in the world. And the most terrifying.

I want him to make love to me. I don’t want to talk, or tell him why I’m crying, I don’t want that. I just want him to hold me, and make love to me. And he can read me so well, it’s like he’s tuned into me, and I let him take the lead because I’m tired, of always being the one in control.

He pushes me gently back against the wall, kissing me slowly, and I close my eyes; the tears are still falling but I don’t care now.

I wrap my legs around him as he lifts me up, and the moment he pushes into me I feel a calm descend. A brand new day is beginning, and right now mine is filled with both peace and confusion and a man who’s caused me to expose myself to everything I’ve been scared of for so many years. And I can deal with it, when he’s with me. But when he isn’t, what do I do then?

He’s inside me, again, and I don’t think I’ll ever tire of feeling him there. Over four days he’s been inside me more than any other man ever has – this mysterious stranger with the soft Texan accent and the bright blue eyes. He’s inside me, and not just in the physical sense. He’s taken over every cell, invaded my brain, crawled under my skin; every beat my heart makes – every breath I take, it’s all for him.

I don’t know what it is I’m feeling. I don’t know, exactly, how can I?

I just know I need this man.

I need him.

And still the tears keep falling…